Should I? I asked, my discomfort bloating like a corpse in the sun.
And then suddenly I did remembersomething.
Lydia I whispered, and she nodded, obviously pleased, while Tods focus shifted between us. You were here when I And youdid something. You helped me.
I tried, she admitted, and her small smile faltered.
And now youre Farrahs roommate?
Yeah. The staff thinks theyre doing us a favor. The residents think its a joke. You know, the two mute girls sharing a room She shrugged and sank onto her bed staring up at us.
Because Farrah only talks to real people, and you You didnt talk either, when I was here. Or had she? My memory of Lydia was fuzzy, but her voice wasnt unfamiliar. And the confusion I couldnt quite see past made me worry that I might not be done with Lakeside after all.
Lydia shrugged. I dont say much to the staff because when I do talk, they tend to extend my stay. But youre not staff.
Maybe she can help us. With Farrah, Tod suggested, and Lydias eyes widened in interest.
We need to know about her babys father, I said, wishing I could sit, but unwilling to let go of Tods hand. I didnt want to be seen by the next aide to walk down the hall. Do you know who he is?
Lydia shook her head. She talks to someone at night sometimes. Someone I cant see or hear. Im assuming its him, based on the things she says. Lydia glanced at the floor, cheeks flushed, and I realized shed gotten quite an earful from the side of the conversation she could hear. At first, I thought she was talking to him just now, but obviously I was wrong. Unless you? She glanced at Tod, and he shook his head once, sharply. I almost laughed.
If youve never seen or heard him, how do you know hes really there? Tod asked, and Lydia frowned up at him.
I know, because she talks to him like she was talking to you guys, and youre really here. Lydia turned to me. How did you do that, anyway? Youre a bean sidhe, right? But bean sidhes cantbe invisible.
She knew what I was. Shed probably known before I had, back when I was still a Lakeside resident. Why did it always seem like everyone else knew more about me than I did?
Im a reaper, Tod said, and Lydias eyes went round with the first sign of fear Id seen from her. Dont worry, he added before she could freak out too badly. Im off the clock.
Lydia nodded hesitantly, like she didnt quite believe him, and I got the feeling shed liked him better when shecouldnt see him.
Does anyone else ever visit Farrah? I asked, drawing her attention away from the reaper. Anyone other people can see?
Her dad came once, but her moms dead, and I get the impression her family doesnt want anyone to know where she is. Or how sane she isnt. Not that I blame them.
This is so messed up! I glanced back at Farrah and that ache in my heart flared to life again. If everyone else could see who shes talking to, they wouldnt think shes crazy!
Oh, she is crazy. Lydia folded her legs beneath herself on the bed. She just doesnt hear voices. And that babys killing her. She rubbed both hands over her face, and I realized she was almost as pale as Farrah, the hollows beneath her eyes and cheekbones almost as dark. Ive taken what I can, but if I keep that up, the kidll just kill us both.
What did you take from her? Tod asked, and Lydia turned to me instead of answering.
Do you remember?
No. But I was starting to. You took something from me, too. Pain, I said, struggling to pull the buried, fuzzy memory to the surface of my mind. I needed to wail for another patient, and it hurt all the way down My free hand found my throat, and I could almost feel the echo of that old agony, so much worse back then, when I hadnt understood it and couldnt control it. You took the pain, and that helped me hold it in. And if Id screamed again, they would never have released me. You got me out of here
I just did what I could, Lydia insisted. But theres not much more I can do for Farrah. She sighed, and the pain in that sound was beyond the physical. Maybe I shouldnt have done anything. She would have lost the baby if I hadnt helped in the beginning, but at least she would have lived. Now its too late for both of them.
12
Shes going to die? My voice was barely a whisper, and I couldnt stop staring at Farrah, who still flipped pages in her book as if we werent even there. Shed tuned us out as soon as we started talking to Lydiaevidently we were now unreal by association. Are you sure? I asked, and Lydia nodded.
Tod glanced at Farrah. Why do they keep her here, if shes so sick?
They dont, Lydia said. They take her over to Memorial when she gets too weak, but all the doctors can do is feed her. The tests all come back negative. They have no idea whats wrong with her. But some of the older nurses say shes just lost the will to live. Theyre kind of right.
And then suddenly I did remembersomething.
Lydia I whispered, and she nodded, obviously pleased, while Tods focus shifted between us. You were here when I And youdid something. You helped me.
I tried, she admitted, and her small smile faltered.
And now youre Farrahs roommate?
Yeah. The staff thinks theyre doing us a favor. The residents think its a joke. You know, the two mute girls sharing a room She shrugged and sank onto her bed staring up at us.
Because Farrah only talks to real people, and you You didnt talk either, when I was here. Or had she? My memory of Lydia was fuzzy, but her voice wasnt unfamiliar. And the confusion I couldnt quite see past made me worry that I might not be done with Lakeside after all.
Lydia shrugged. I dont say much to the staff because when I do talk, they tend to extend my stay. But youre not staff.
Maybe she can help us. With Farrah, Tod suggested, and Lydias eyes widened in interest.
We need to know about her babys father, I said, wishing I could sit, but unwilling to let go of Tods hand. I didnt want to be seen by the next aide to walk down the hall. Do you know who he is?
Lydia shook her head. She talks to someone at night sometimes. Someone I cant see or hear. Im assuming its him, based on the things she says. Lydia glanced at the floor, cheeks flushed, and I realized shed gotten quite an earful from the side of the conversation she could hear. At first, I thought she was talking to him just now, but obviously I was wrong. Unless you? She glanced at Tod, and he shook his head once, sharply. I almost laughed.
If youve never seen or heard him, how do you know hes really there? Tod asked, and Lydia frowned up at him.
I know, because she talks to him like she was talking to you guys, and youre really here. Lydia turned to me. How did you do that, anyway? Youre a bean sidhe, right? But bean sidhes cantbe invisible.
She knew what I was. Shed probably known before I had, back when I was still a Lakeside resident. Why did it always seem like everyone else knew more about me than I did?
Im a reaper, Tod said, and Lydias eyes went round with the first sign of fear Id seen from her. Dont worry, he added before she could freak out too badly. Im off the clock.
Lydia nodded hesitantly, like she didnt quite believe him, and I got the feeling shed liked him better when shecouldnt see him.
Does anyone else ever visit Farrah? I asked, drawing her attention away from the reaper. Anyone other people can see?
Her dad came once, but her moms dead, and I get the impression her family doesnt want anyone to know where she is. Or how sane she isnt. Not that I blame them.
This is so messed up! I glanced back at Farrah and that ache in my heart flared to life again. If everyone else could see who shes talking to, they wouldnt think shes crazy!
Oh, she is crazy. Lydia folded her legs beneath herself on the bed. She just doesnt hear voices. And that babys killing her. She rubbed both hands over her face, and I realized she was almost as pale as Farrah, the hollows beneath her eyes and cheekbones almost as dark. Ive taken what I can, but if I keep that up, the kidll just kill us both.
What did you take from her? Tod asked, and Lydia turned to me instead of answering.
Do you remember?
No. But I was starting to. You took something from me, too. Pain, I said, struggling to pull the buried, fuzzy memory to the surface of my mind. I needed to wail for another patient, and it hurt all the way down My free hand found my throat, and I could almost feel the echo of that old agony, so much worse back then, when I hadnt understood it and couldnt control it. You took the pain, and that helped me hold it in. And if Id screamed again, they would never have released me. You got me out of here
I just did what I could, Lydia insisted. But theres not much more I can do for Farrah. She sighed, and the pain in that sound was beyond the physical. Maybe I shouldnt have done anything. She would have lost the baby if I hadnt helped in the beginning, but at least she would have lived. Now its too late for both of them.
12
Shes going to die? My voice was barely a whisper, and I couldnt stop staring at Farrah, who still flipped pages in her book as if we werent even there. Shed tuned us out as soon as we started talking to Lydiaevidently we were now unreal by association. Are you sure? I asked, and Lydia nodded.
Tod glanced at Farrah. Why do they keep her here, if shes so sick?
They dont, Lydia said. They take her over to Memorial when she gets too weak, but all the doctors can do is feed her. The tests all come back negative. They have no idea whats wrong with her. But some of the older nurses say shes just lost the will to live. Theyre kind of right.
