If You Were Mine
Page 53
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Maybe that was why she knew she could tell him anything; because he wouldn’t let her take anything too seriously, would always find a way to show her the joyful side of life.
“You mean like this?”
He tickled her ribcage until she was giggling as the water splashed down on both of them and made everything too slick for her to get away from his teasing fingertips.
And when laughter inevitably turned to passion and he pressed her back against the wall, she welcomed the chance to clear her mind of anything but the sweet ache of taking him inside her yet one more time, letting him fill up all her empty spaces with his heat, his kisses.
And his love.
* * *
Good thing Sullivan Autos was a well-oiled machine, because if it were a choice between hanging out under the engine of a car or spending time with Heather—naked or not—Zach would happily blow off every future day at the office. He was in the bedroom pulling on a T-shirt when he heard Heather speaking to Cuddles.
“Uh-oh, did you find another yummy shoe?”
He walked into the living room just as she picked up a slobbery hunk of brown leather.
She gave him a crooked, very cute smile. “I suppose we’ve been a little lax with training her the past few days.”
“I’ve got this,” he said as he grabbed a tiny chew toy from the floor and held it out for the puppy, who immediately latched onto it with her sharp little teeth. Cuddles shook it with her tiny mouth, her fur flying around her face, and he told her what a good girl she was.
Heather leaned back against the counter. “It used to really annoy me how good you were with her. The fact that she so easily accepted that you were the boss.”
He grinned at her. “I liked annoying you.”
She laughed. “Liked? Don’t you mean you still like it?” Her laughter fell away as she asked, “You’re not going to give her back, are you?”
He gave the other side of the chew toy to Atlas so he could take over. “She’s not my dog.”
Heather made a face. “I know your niece-to-be will probably be disappointed, but she only had her a couple of days. It’s incredible the way the two of you have bonded.” She pinned him with a serious look. “Cuddles is your dog, Zach.”
As he washed his hands at the kitchen sink, he reflected on the fact that two weeks ago he’d been a bachelor with nothing bigger to worry about than where he was going to drink his next beer.
“Two weeks. I was going to watch her, keep her fed, take her on a few walks, and then hand her back.” He figured he should have felt grumpier about it, and made himself say, “This wasn’t how it was supposed to work out.”
“Things don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to.”
He knew that firsthand. His father dying so young shouldn’t have been in the cards for his family. But it had happened anyway.
Heather looked really serious. The same way she’d looked in the shower when he’d thought she was regretting loving him.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said softly.
His gut twisted. She wasn’t going to leave, was she? She hadn’t decided it was a big mistake after all?
But when she held out a hand for him to take, he gave silent thanks. If she’d been planning to tell him she’d changed her mind about the two of them, she would have kept her distance.
He pulled her closer before threading his hands into her hair and leaning his forehead against hers. “You can tell me anything.”
“I lied to you,” she whispered before lifting her eyes to meet his. “I didn’t get the scars on my arms in an accident. I made them myself. With razor blades.”
Just the thought of anything hurting Heather tore up Zach’s insides. But knowing she’d done it herself? “Why would you hurt yourself like that?”
“After I found out about my father, I was still keeping it together in school, pretending with my mother, but every time he came home from a trip I found myself locked in my room. Almost like I was trying to bleed out the pain. Trying to control something. And to find a way to distract myself from all the anger.”
Zach had to reach for her hands, had to press kisses to the soft skin of her pulse, along the tendons and muscles on her forearms. He’d heard about kids cutting themselves, but he’d never known anyone who did it.
At least, he’d thought he didn’t.
“You don’t have any new scars, do you?”
“No.” She shook her head, almost smiling at him as she said, “I’m sure you would have found them by now if I did. There was a guidance counselor at school who could tell something was wrong. We all had to take one of those vocation tests and she suggested I should try working with animals. So instead of going home to cut myself that day when my father was coming home from a trip, I went to the local animal shelter.”
“That’s why you do so much for them,” he said in a low voice as he now realized what she’d been through. And how brave she’d been to come out on the other side so strong. Braver than he’d ever been. “Those dogs and cats in that shelter helped you the way you’ve always helped them, didn’t they?”
Finally, a tear fell. The first he’d ever seen her cry.
“I never trusted anyone with the truth about my scars before. I never thought I could.” Her mouth wobbled at the corners as she tried to smile. And failed. “Until you.” She shook her head, half laughing as she said, “I still can’t believe it ended up being you.”
“Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.”
“I don’t know why I’m still crying,” she said as her tears fell one after the other. “Especially when telling you has made me feel so much better, so much lighter than I’ve been in a long, long time.”
He wished he could come clean about his own demons, wished he had half the guts Heather did. But after twenty-three years of holding the darkness deep inside, he just didn’t see how sharing his fears would do anything but upset her. He also knew there was nothing he could say to take away her scars, or to change the man her father was.
Fortunately, he had a couple of backup reinforcements that came naturally equipped to comfort the woman he loved.
“Cuddles, Atlas, come!”
Three pounds of fur and bone and teeth flew into his arms. He handed the puppy to Heather while Atlas leaned his big head on her thighs. Zach put his arms around her and the two dogs to let her tears fall on all of them.
“You mean like this?”
He tickled her ribcage until she was giggling as the water splashed down on both of them and made everything too slick for her to get away from his teasing fingertips.
And when laughter inevitably turned to passion and he pressed her back against the wall, she welcomed the chance to clear her mind of anything but the sweet ache of taking him inside her yet one more time, letting him fill up all her empty spaces with his heat, his kisses.
And his love.
* * *
Good thing Sullivan Autos was a well-oiled machine, because if it were a choice between hanging out under the engine of a car or spending time with Heather—naked or not—Zach would happily blow off every future day at the office. He was in the bedroom pulling on a T-shirt when he heard Heather speaking to Cuddles.
“Uh-oh, did you find another yummy shoe?”
He walked into the living room just as she picked up a slobbery hunk of brown leather.
She gave him a crooked, very cute smile. “I suppose we’ve been a little lax with training her the past few days.”
“I’ve got this,” he said as he grabbed a tiny chew toy from the floor and held it out for the puppy, who immediately latched onto it with her sharp little teeth. Cuddles shook it with her tiny mouth, her fur flying around her face, and he told her what a good girl she was.
Heather leaned back against the counter. “It used to really annoy me how good you were with her. The fact that she so easily accepted that you were the boss.”
He grinned at her. “I liked annoying you.”
She laughed. “Liked? Don’t you mean you still like it?” Her laughter fell away as she asked, “You’re not going to give her back, are you?”
He gave the other side of the chew toy to Atlas so he could take over. “She’s not my dog.”
Heather made a face. “I know your niece-to-be will probably be disappointed, but she only had her a couple of days. It’s incredible the way the two of you have bonded.” She pinned him with a serious look. “Cuddles is your dog, Zach.”
As he washed his hands at the kitchen sink, he reflected on the fact that two weeks ago he’d been a bachelor with nothing bigger to worry about than where he was going to drink his next beer.
“Two weeks. I was going to watch her, keep her fed, take her on a few walks, and then hand her back.” He figured he should have felt grumpier about it, and made himself say, “This wasn’t how it was supposed to work out.”
“Things don’t always work out the way they’re supposed to.”
He knew that firsthand. His father dying so young shouldn’t have been in the cards for his family. But it had happened anyway.
Heather looked really serious. The same way she’d looked in the shower when he’d thought she was regretting loving him.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said softly.
His gut twisted. She wasn’t going to leave, was she? She hadn’t decided it was a big mistake after all?
But when she held out a hand for him to take, he gave silent thanks. If she’d been planning to tell him she’d changed her mind about the two of them, she would have kept her distance.
He pulled her closer before threading his hands into her hair and leaning his forehead against hers. “You can tell me anything.”
“I lied to you,” she whispered before lifting her eyes to meet his. “I didn’t get the scars on my arms in an accident. I made them myself. With razor blades.”
Just the thought of anything hurting Heather tore up Zach’s insides. But knowing she’d done it herself? “Why would you hurt yourself like that?”
“After I found out about my father, I was still keeping it together in school, pretending with my mother, but every time he came home from a trip I found myself locked in my room. Almost like I was trying to bleed out the pain. Trying to control something. And to find a way to distract myself from all the anger.”
Zach had to reach for her hands, had to press kisses to the soft skin of her pulse, along the tendons and muscles on her forearms. He’d heard about kids cutting themselves, but he’d never known anyone who did it.
At least, he’d thought he didn’t.
“You don’t have any new scars, do you?”
“No.” She shook her head, almost smiling at him as she said, “I’m sure you would have found them by now if I did. There was a guidance counselor at school who could tell something was wrong. We all had to take one of those vocation tests and she suggested I should try working with animals. So instead of going home to cut myself that day when my father was coming home from a trip, I went to the local animal shelter.”
“That’s why you do so much for them,” he said in a low voice as he now realized what she’d been through. And how brave she’d been to come out on the other side so strong. Braver than he’d ever been. “Those dogs and cats in that shelter helped you the way you’ve always helped them, didn’t they?”
Finally, a tear fell. The first he’d ever seen her cry.
“I never trusted anyone with the truth about my scars before. I never thought I could.” Her mouth wobbled at the corners as she tried to smile. And failed. “Until you.” She shook her head, half laughing as she said, “I still can’t believe it ended up being you.”
“Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.”
“I don’t know why I’m still crying,” she said as her tears fell one after the other. “Especially when telling you has made me feel so much better, so much lighter than I’ve been in a long, long time.”
He wished he could come clean about his own demons, wished he had half the guts Heather did. But after twenty-three years of holding the darkness deep inside, he just didn’t see how sharing his fears would do anything but upset her. He also knew there was nothing he could say to take away her scars, or to change the man her father was.
Fortunately, he had a couple of backup reinforcements that came naturally equipped to comfort the woman he loved.
“Cuddles, Atlas, come!”
Three pounds of fur and bone and teeth flew into his arms. He handed the puppy to Heather while Atlas leaned his big head on her thighs. Zach put his arms around her and the two dogs to let her tears fall on all of them.
