“Jade Smith.” That name was burned into my being, specifically where all the bad things were stored.
“I saw a scared, sad little girl who closed her eyes and wished with everything inside her to be far, far away from her little world.” Jaxon traced a finger around my jawline, eyeing my face benevolently. “I felt something hurt in my chest every time I saw that short haired girl pass the hallway as quiet as a ghost with her eyes on her feet. I just wanted her to stop hurting. I always knew deep inside I wanted you, but couldn’t make the connection because I was a stupid thief who wanted desperately to be the coolest badass around.”
“You achieved all that.”
“And none of it made me anywhere near as happy as this: you, me, here in this bed.”
I kissed his finger when it neared my mouth to trace my lips. Then I brought my hand down again, feeling the hardness of his abdomen before I successfully managed to sear his arousal with my hand. The second I did, he leaned his mouth into me and kissed me fiercely as he moved over top of me.
Jaxon was dynamite in the sack. He was too good, learning my body as if it was a text book. He knew not to go rough on my nipples, and that the slightest suck and light flicker of my sex made me wetter. Kissing was as essential to him as our joining, as if he were re-establishing our bond with the language of our mouths. While he flicked his fingers over the folds of my cleft, he trailed wet kisses down my body, tasting every inch of me.
When I couldn’t take any more, he climbed back over me. Kissing me, he wrapped both hands around my thighs and slid right in, panting hesitantly in my mouth until he was all the way in. He stilled and rested his sweaty forehead against mine. “This never gets old,” he moaned. “I can do this forever with you.”
“I wish you would,” I said against his lips, breathing just as hard as the fullness of him took over my senses.
“You’d get too tired.”
“No way. Well…” Yeah, Jaxon could last for bloody hours. I knew that for a fact because we tried, and I couldn’t keep up with him.
His body shook with quiet laughter as I went crimson at the awful truth. “Shut up, Jaxon.”
He brushed his lips against mine, licked the corners of my mouth, and stared into my eyes with reverent love that hung thick in the air around us. I knew this Jaxon very well. The intimate, loving Jaxon that could tell me he loved me by the way he looked at me. Sometimes he’d be lost in me for ages, gazing as if he’d seen me for the first time in his life. This was the humble Jaxon that made my heart beat violently against my chest, made my body weak and limp in his arms, had me scorching hot under his penetrating stare. All was perfect in these moments, and nothing existed outside of this bed; it was just us.
He rocked into me, watching me closely as I writhed in pleasure. He thrust into me at an even pace, not too slow, and not too fast. He cried out with me, tightening his grip on my thighs. I felt his hot breaths on my face and the sweat on his chest.
I gasped as the peak hidden behind the corner was fast approaching, and gripped Jaxon tighter around the hips with every thrust, feverishly sucking his lower lip. Oh, fuck! I dug my nails deep into him and cried out as I was hit with that mind numbing tidal wave of pure bliss. He followed with his own release, slamming into me hard before stilling. I felt the pulsing of his erection buried deep inside of me explode, and he shook in his release, clutching me as if I was going to disappear right from under him.
“Perfect,” he reiterated against my neck. “See? You’re perfect, Sara. Fucking perfect.”
“As are you.” I smiled out into the darkness, content with life and this beautiful man.
“No,” he shook his head and looked down at me. Serious gaze and soft eyes, he said, “I don’t deserve you, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy. You have no idea what you’ve done to me. I’m wrapped around your pretty little finger. You’re carrying my heart, babe. It’s in your hand; it’s yours. I don’t want it back either. The love of my life was always there, standing in front of me. You. You’re it for me, Tiny. I’m yours. Always will be.”
“You sure about that?” I teased with a smile, never wanting to admit the bit of seriousness in that question.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I shrugged. “Maybe you’ll get tired of me, and tired of my body.”
He chuckled. “You have no idea how impossible that is.”
“Why?”
“You’re my ultimate.”
“In what way?”
“Every way.” He was telling me the truth. I was his everything. His ultimate. But my own insecurities got the better of me, and my thoughts twisted daggers into my heart at the reminder of Lucinda. You’re his ultimate today, Sara, but what about tomorrow? He might leave you broken hearted one day, unexpectedly. Don’t depend on him or his words.
*****
I wished I wasn’t so fucked up, that I could go back in time and have avoided Lucinda that day at all costs. I was so happy before our talk. I wasn’t filled with doubt, with the frightening possibility that someone I loved and cherished had the ability to deceive me, abandon me; that never crossed my mind until she said those words. My heart had somehow hardened, fending off potential pain with anger I couldn’t justify.
I scolded myself relentlessly for holding myself back because I could see it was affecting my relationship. I was more reserved and in constant need of reassurance. Yet I couldn’t open up to Jaxon and tell him about my talk with his mother. He would have called her up and given her an earful and I didn’t want to betray her trust. But then I was betraying him too by not being open and honest. Fuck, how did I get myself caught in the middle? They both meant so much to me, and to have them at odds with one another by opening my mouth was the last thing I wanted. They had a great relationship, after all, and I didn’t want to be the reason for any falling-out.
I swallowed it down and plodded through the year. Exams were a bitch because I could hardly concentrate. I was caught up with my own insecurities, and my lack of sleep for having picked up more shifts at the bar was starting to hit me hard. I became a stress-ball, spending as much time at the library whenever I had any free time. I couldn’t afford to lose my scholarship on top of everything else.
I saw Jaxon less and less. It got to the point he would show up at the bar during my shifts, still in his messy work clothes, watching me contentedly while he sipped a few beers with Trevon.
Even filthy, he was irresistible, and every girl in the bar knew it. Of course there were times he would shower before showing up, and when that happened, they literally flocked to him like flies to a bulb, and I had to laugh at the way he brushed each and every one of them off, bluntly telling them he was taken.
Some of these girls were beautiful. Not in the fake sense either, but totally real and beautiful, and incredibly nice. When they’d hear he was taken they didn’t try and pursue, but rather took it like champs, wishing him the best.
Still. I hated it. My mind darkened and I’d wonder if he brushed them off because I was in the same room as him. He used to be such a player, flirting up a storm even if he had no intention of going further. This was before us, but just how did someone change in the blink of an eye? My mind answered. They don’t, Sara. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and Jaxon has always come off as the overnighter change.
Then one night, my worst fears came true during my shift. It was a Friday night, and the bar was packed. I was running like mad, serving drinks, taking orders, chatting with regulars who knew me well.
“Holy shit,” I heard a familiar voice exclaim. “Sara!”
I spun around and came face to chest with a really tall guy. I blinked up at his face and smiled wide. “Doug!”
Doug Mackenzie, holy shit. If it hadn’t been for that unchanging face, I wouldn’t have known who he was. He was huge now, same height: six foot five and rolling in muscle. I snickered to myself, remembering the awkward and lanky boy two years ago, and couldn’t wait to tell Jaxon when I got home.
“How are you?” I asked, noticing Lexi stop dead in her tracks to check him out.
“Great, yeah, just moved to Winthrop two weekends ago.”
“That’s great. What’re doing with yourself lately?”
“Got my fitness training certificate. Officially a training instructor, and best place to do that would be in the city, right?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. A lot of fat people here.”
He laughed. “Yeah, there are. How about you?”
“Yeah, good.”
“Is this your full time job?”
“No, I’m studying at UW. Law. Will be done second year in the next couple months.”
“Holy shit. That’s awesome.” He smiled genuinely at me, his brown eyes twinkling on his tanned face. “You still hanging around Jaxon Barlow? I remember how inseparable you guys used to be.”
“Inseparable? I wouldn’t say that.”
“I would, and so would everyone else. I was crushed when he took you to Prom.”
I snorted. “What a load of shit, you never showed me any interest!”
He gave me a confused look. “Yeah, I did. I was all over you.”
“No way. I waited for you to ask me to Prom and you didn’t. No one did, actually. That’s why Jaxon took me.” I flushed at embarrassingly admitting that no one batted me an eye.
He burst out laughing. “That’s because Jaxon threatened to beat the living shit out of anyone who came within a foot of you with intentions to take you out.”
I froze and stared wide eyed at him as my jaw dropped. “What?”
“Yeah, he did. He was stronger than me. Bet now he isn’t, right? Please tell me he’s turned into some hobo.”
“He’s my boyfriend.” The words came out quiet. I looked away as I tried to come to grips with this revelation. “Look, I gotta get back to work. Are you at a table?”
“Yeah, my boys are waiting in the back over there.” He motioned to a table where three large guys sat, staring at us. When they saw us look their way, they hooted, cheering Doug on. Idiots were making the wrong assumptions.
“I’ll be with you shortly.” I took off before he could respond and found a quiet corner in the kitchen, pretending to refill the straw and napkin containers.
I was angry. No. Livid. How could he? He was damn well aware how much being ignored before Prom had made me feel. What the fuck? This was one of those moments I was glad he wasn’t here and instead at home with Trevon. There would have been a scene along the lines of me kicking his ass. He lied to me!
I grabbed my cell phone from my purse in the back room and talked myself into writing a snide message. It was childish and I knew I’d regret it later on, but I was so angry at being lied to.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. As I swiped my finger across the screen, I saw an unread message in my inbox from a private number. When I opened the message, I nearly dropped the phone.
It read: So much for a faithful boyfriend. Jaxon isn’t as he seems, huh? Below the text was a blurry photo of Jaxon. Kissing a girl.
It was a side view, and the girl was tall, thin with red long hair, and her fists bunched in the collar of Jaxon’s shirt. Despite the blurriness, I knew it was him as clear as day. I could easily make out the chin length hair and the clothes he’d bought only a couple months ago – the black rocker shirt and deep blue denim jeans.
Tears fell from my eyes. I was breathing wildly and shaking. My teeth shuddered against one another as I stared in shock at my unfaithful boyfriend. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the image.
“Sara, where you at, bitch? We’re drowning in customers and—” Lexi stopped talking for a moment. Then she came at my side and held my arm. “Why are you crying? What the fuck happened?”
I didn’t have to answer her. She followed my gaze and gasped, tearing the phone from my hands to get a better look. “What the fuck? Is that Jaxon?” When I didn’t respond, her anger mirrored mine. “Do you want me to fuck that boy up, Sara? I’ll do it. I’ll do it now if you want me to!”
“What’s going on? We’re super busy,” said Tracey, coming in to join us. She appeared stressed, her blonde hair not in its usual immaculate condition. “I need you guys. I’m barely getting around as it is.”
“I’ll take over for Sara. Give me two seconds, Trace.” Turning to me, Lexi stroked my back. “If shit goes downhill, you can come and stay with me, alright? Go home and tear that guy a new asshole.”
“I can’t believe this,” I bit out through my chattering teeth. “He cheated on me, Lexi. He cheated!”
“Girl, I know what it’s like. Trevon was all promiscuous and shit in the beginning. Kissing girls had been the least of my worries. Jaxon’s still young–”
“He cheated!” Now it was fury pushing me out of my pitiful state. I grabbed my purse and shrugged on my coat. “That fucker! That stupid fucker!” I was too engrossed in my own anger to thank her for looking after my shift. It was going to be a tough few hours for Tracey and Lexi without me there. But they were damn good friends like that, and I’d intended on repaying them.
I was glad I took the car to work that day. I didn’t have class on Fridays, so when that fucker came home from work I was still kicking around and took the car.
I don’t even know how I got to the apartment. I could hardly concentrate let alone formulate a thought without feeling like my body was going to explode amidst the ocean of anger I was drowning in. My chest was tight and breathing was a mission. Thank God it was hardly a five minute drive away or else I’d never have made it home.
“I saw a scared, sad little girl who closed her eyes and wished with everything inside her to be far, far away from her little world.” Jaxon traced a finger around my jawline, eyeing my face benevolently. “I felt something hurt in my chest every time I saw that short haired girl pass the hallway as quiet as a ghost with her eyes on her feet. I just wanted her to stop hurting. I always knew deep inside I wanted you, but couldn’t make the connection because I was a stupid thief who wanted desperately to be the coolest badass around.”
“You achieved all that.”
“And none of it made me anywhere near as happy as this: you, me, here in this bed.”
I kissed his finger when it neared my mouth to trace my lips. Then I brought my hand down again, feeling the hardness of his abdomen before I successfully managed to sear his arousal with my hand. The second I did, he leaned his mouth into me and kissed me fiercely as he moved over top of me.
Jaxon was dynamite in the sack. He was too good, learning my body as if it was a text book. He knew not to go rough on my nipples, and that the slightest suck and light flicker of my sex made me wetter. Kissing was as essential to him as our joining, as if he were re-establishing our bond with the language of our mouths. While he flicked his fingers over the folds of my cleft, he trailed wet kisses down my body, tasting every inch of me.
When I couldn’t take any more, he climbed back over me. Kissing me, he wrapped both hands around my thighs and slid right in, panting hesitantly in my mouth until he was all the way in. He stilled and rested his sweaty forehead against mine. “This never gets old,” he moaned. “I can do this forever with you.”
“I wish you would,” I said against his lips, breathing just as hard as the fullness of him took over my senses.
“You’d get too tired.”
“No way. Well…” Yeah, Jaxon could last for bloody hours. I knew that for a fact because we tried, and I couldn’t keep up with him.
His body shook with quiet laughter as I went crimson at the awful truth. “Shut up, Jaxon.”
He brushed his lips against mine, licked the corners of my mouth, and stared into my eyes with reverent love that hung thick in the air around us. I knew this Jaxon very well. The intimate, loving Jaxon that could tell me he loved me by the way he looked at me. Sometimes he’d be lost in me for ages, gazing as if he’d seen me for the first time in his life. This was the humble Jaxon that made my heart beat violently against my chest, made my body weak and limp in his arms, had me scorching hot under his penetrating stare. All was perfect in these moments, and nothing existed outside of this bed; it was just us.
He rocked into me, watching me closely as I writhed in pleasure. He thrust into me at an even pace, not too slow, and not too fast. He cried out with me, tightening his grip on my thighs. I felt his hot breaths on my face and the sweat on his chest.
I gasped as the peak hidden behind the corner was fast approaching, and gripped Jaxon tighter around the hips with every thrust, feverishly sucking his lower lip. Oh, fuck! I dug my nails deep into him and cried out as I was hit with that mind numbing tidal wave of pure bliss. He followed with his own release, slamming into me hard before stilling. I felt the pulsing of his erection buried deep inside of me explode, and he shook in his release, clutching me as if I was going to disappear right from under him.
“Perfect,” he reiterated against my neck. “See? You’re perfect, Sara. Fucking perfect.”
“As are you.” I smiled out into the darkness, content with life and this beautiful man.
“No,” he shook his head and looked down at me. Serious gaze and soft eyes, he said, “I don’t deserve you, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy. You have no idea what you’ve done to me. I’m wrapped around your pretty little finger. You’re carrying my heart, babe. It’s in your hand; it’s yours. I don’t want it back either. The love of my life was always there, standing in front of me. You. You’re it for me, Tiny. I’m yours. Always will be.”
“You sure about that?” I teased with a smile, never wanting to admit the bit of seriousness in that question.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I shrugged. “Maybe you’ll get tired of me, and tired of my body.”
He chuckled. “You have no idea how impossible that is.”
“Why?”
“You’re my ultimate.”
“In what way?”
“Every way.” He was telling me the truth. I was his everything. His ultimate. But my own insecurities got the better of me, and my thoughts twisted daggers into my heart at the reminder of Lucinda. You’re his ultimate today, Sara, but what about tomorrow? He might leave you broken hearted one day, unexpectedly. Don’t depend on him or his words.
*****
I wished I wasn’t so fucked up, that I could go back in time and have avoided Lucinda that day at all costs. I was so happy before our talk. I wasn’t filled with doubt, with the frightening possibility that someone I loved and cherished had the ability to deceive me, abandon me; that never crossed my mind until she said those words. My heart had somehow hardened, fending off potential pain with anger I couldn’t justify.
I scolded myself relentlessly for holding myself back because I could see it was affecting my relationship. I was more reserved and in constant need of reassurance. Yet I couldn’t open up to Jaxon and tell him about my talk with his mother. He would have called her up and given her an earful and I didn’t want to betray her trust. But then I was betraying him too by not being open and honest. Fuck, how did I get myself caught in the middle? They both meant so much to me, and to have them at odds with one another by opening my mouth was the last thing I wanted. They had a great relationship, after all, and I didn’t want to be the reason for any falling-out.
I swallowed it down and plodded through the year. Exams were a bitch because I could hardly concentrate. I was caught up with my own insecurities, and my lack of sleep for having picked up more shifts at the bar was starting to hit me hard. I became a stress-ball, spending as much time at the library whenever I had any free time. I couldn’t afford to lose my scholarship on top of everything else.
I saw Jaxon less and less. It got to the point he would show up at the bar during my shifts, still in his messy work clothes, watching me contentedly while he sipped a few beers with Trevon.
Even filthy, he was irresistible, and every girl in the bar knew it. Of course there were times he would shower before showing up, and when that happened, they literally flocked to him like flies to a bulb, and I had to laugh at the way he brushed each and every one of them off, bluntly telling them he was taken.
Some of these girls were beautiful. Not in the fake sense either, but totally real and beautiful, and incredibly nice. When they’d hear he was taken they didn’t try and pursue, but rather took it like champs, wishing him the best.
Still. I hated it. My mind darkened and I’d wonder if he brushed them off because I was in the same room as him. He used to be such a player, flirting up a storm even if he had no intention of going further. This was before us, but just how did someone change in the blink of an eye? My mind answered. They don’t, Sara. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and Jaxon has always come off as the overnighter change.
Then one night, my worst fears came true during my shift. It was a Friday night, and the bar was packed. I was running like mad, serving drinks, taking orders, chatting with regulars who knew me well.
“Holy shit,” I heard a familiar voice exclaim. “Sara!”
I spun around and came face to chest with a really tall guy. I blinked up at his face and smiled wide. “Doug!”
Doug Mackenzie, holy shit. If it hadn’t been for that unchanging face, I wouldn’t have known who he was. He was huge now, same height: six foot five and rolling in muscle. I snickered to myself, remembering the awkward and lanky boy two years ago, and couldn’t wait to tell Jaxon when I got home.
“How are you?” I asked, noticing Lexi stop dead in her tracks to check him out.
“Great, yeah, just moved to Winthrop two weekends ago.”
“That’s great. What’re doing with yourself lately?”
“Got my fitness training certificate. Officially a training instructor, and best place to do that would be in the city, right?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. A lot of fat people here.”
He laughed. “Yeah, there are. How about you?”
“Yeah, good.”
“Is this your full time job?”
“No, I’m studying at UW. Law. Will be done second year in the next couple months.”
“Holy shit. That’s awesome.” He smiled genuinely at me, his brown eyes twinkling on his tanned face. “You still hanging around Jaxon Barlow? I remember how inseparable you guys used to be.”
“Inseparable? I wouldn’t say that.”
“I would, and so would everyone else. I was crushed when he took you to Prom.”
I snorted. “What a load of shit, you never showed me any interest!”
He gave me a confused look. “Yeah, I did. I was all over you.”
“No way. I waited for you to ask me to Prom and you didn’t. No one did, actually. That’s why Jaxon took me.” I flushed at embarrassingly admitting that no one batted me an eye.
He burst out laughing. “That’s because Jaxon threatened to beat the living shit out of anyone who came within a foot of you with intentions to take you out.”
I froze and stared wide eyed at him as my jaw dropped. “What?”
“Yeah, he did. He was stronger than me. Bet now he isn’t, right? Please tell me he’s turned into some hobo.”
“He’s my boyfriend.” The words came out quiet. I looked away as I tried to come to grips with this revelation. “Look, I gotta get back to work. Are you at a table?”
“Yeah, my boys are waiting in the back over there.” He motioned to a table where three large guys sat, staring at us. When they saw us look their way, they hooted, cheering Doug on. Idiots were making the wrong assumptions.
“I’ll be with you shortly.” I took off before he could respond and found a quiet corner in the kitchen, pretending to refill the straw and napkin containers.
I was angry. No. Livid. How could he? He was damn well aware how much being ignored before Prom had made me feel. What the fuck? This was one of those moments I was glad he wasn’t here and instead at home with Trevon. There would have been a scene along the lines of me kicking his ass. He lied to me!
I grabbed my cell phone from my purse in the back room and talked myself into writing a snide message. It was childish and I knew I’d regret it later on, but I was so angry at being lied to.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. As I swiped my finger across the screen, I saw an unread message in my inbox from a private number. When I opened the message, I nearly dropped the phone.
It read: So much for a faithful boyfriend. Jaxon isn’t as he seems, huh? Below the text was a blurry photo of Jaxon. Kissing a girl.
It was a side view, and the girl was tall, thin with red long hair, and her fists bunched in the collar of Jaxon’s shirt. Despite the blurriness, I knew it was him as clear as day. I could easily make out the chin length hair and the clothes he’d bought only a couple months ago – the black rocker shirt and deep blue denim jeans.
Tears fell from my eyes. I was breathing wildly and shaking. My teeth shuddered against one another as I stared in shock at my unfaithful boyfriend. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the image.
“Sara, where you at, bitch? We’re drowning in customers and—” Lexi stopped talking for a moment. Then she came at my side and held my arm. “Why are you crying? What the fuck happened?”
I didn’t have to answer her. She followed my gaze and gasped, tearing the phone from my hands to get a better look. “What the fuck? Is that Jaxon?” When I didn’t respond, her anger mirrored mine. “Do you want me to fuck that boy up, Sara? I’ll do it. I’ll do it now if you want me to!”
“What’s going on? We’re super busy,” said Tracey, coming in to join us. She appeared stressed, her blonde hair not in its usual immaculate condition. “I need you guys. I’m barely getting around as it is.”
“I’ll take over for Sara. Give me two seconds, Trace.” Turning to me, Lexi stroked my back. “If shit goes downhill, you can come and stay with me, alright? Go home and tear that guy a new asshole.”
“I can’t believe this,” I bit out through my chattering teeth. “He cheated on me, Lexi. He cheated!”
“Girl, I know what it’s like. Trevon was all promiscuous and shit in the beginning. Kissing girls had been the least of my worries. Jaxon’s still young–”
“He cheated!” Now it was fury pushing me out of my pitiful state. I grabbed my purse and shrugged on my coat. “That fucker! That stupid fucker!” I was too engrossed in my own anger to thank her for looking after my shift. It was going to be a tough few hours for Tracey and Lexi without me there. But they were damn good friends like that, and I’d intended on repaying them.
I was glad I took the car to work that day. I didn’t have class on Fridays, so when that fucker came home from work I was still kicking around and took the car.
I don’t even know how I got to the apartment. I could hardly concentrate let alone formulate a thought without feeling like my body was going to explode amidst the ocean of anger I was drowning in. My chest was tight and breathing was a mission. Thank God it was hardly a five minute drive away or else I’d never have made it home.
