But for the sake of trying, here goes.
Ezra’s been on my mind a lot, lately. Why, I don’t know, except that the more you lose, the more you realize you don’t have much left.
But at the same time, I’m … am I dumb to go back there? It was hard enough to make a decision the first time, but if after a year he couldn’t even trust me enough to talk about whatever he had going on … and anyway, practically the first thing he did was email me and say it was all a sign, and we weren’t meant to be together, and I do have SOME dignity. I don’t want to be an option for him just because now he doesn’t have any others.
I’m glad he made it out, obviously. It’s not about that.
I think a lot about who made it out, who didn’t. Sometimes I just remember some random person, like the lady who came to fix our habitation recyc the week before it all happened. I can see her face, but I don’t remember if I knew her name.
I wonder if she made it out, if she’s somewhere on board, or if she died. And then I don’t know why I’m wondering something like that, or why I feel so bad about not knowing. Survivor Guilt, according to the Counseling Circle Of Hastily Downloaded Wisdom.
I guess an experience like this is supposed to mess you up.
ByteMe: u there?
ByteMe: ping
ByteMe: ping
ByteMe: PING COME ON COME ON
CitB: fuck me, i’m here, what?????i was trying to find Copernicus survivor lists for you, that takes concentration u know
ByteMe: told you i don’t want them. forget that. ping the Alexander
CitB: how can u not want to know?
ByteMe: PING THE ALEXANDER
CitB: ok
ByteMe: u doing it?
CitB: trying
ByteMe: well?
CitB: still trying did u miss ur meds or what?? whats the rush??
ByteMe: well?
CitB: i can’t
ByteMe: I KNOW
CitB: ??
ByteMe: comms are down
CitB: system check?
ByteMe: no they all blinked out simultaneous. when they’re running a check u see them cascade out. Alexander’s main engines are still offline too. i was watching for court martial results when comms were cut
CitB: checking on ur boyfriend
ByteMe: this again?
CitB: don’t deny the flame still burns. ur heart leaps at the mention of his name. u know this is love, sent by forces above …
ByteMe: r u quoting song lyrics now?
CitB: i do not have a lot of rl experience with romance
ByteMe: listen, i’m doing this because it’s our best chance of finding out wtf happened to the Copernicus. we don’t have anyone else on the ground.
CitB: mmm hmmmm
ByteMe: can we please keep our mind on the job at hand?
CitB: I don’t know, can we?
ByteMe: Byron, they cut the ship link. Just like they did with Copernicus.
CitB: ok, ok. i don’t like it either. i have news though
CitB: there are def Copernicus survivors on the Alexander. i found signs about an hour ago. The Cyclones are only landing in bays 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6. see what’s missing?
ByteMe: omgnumbers
ByteMe: wait, wait, I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS.
CitB: …
ByteMe: o, the thinking, it HURTS.
CitB: ok fine, point taken
ByteMe: wait … is it the number … 4?
CitB: all RIGHT I’m sorry
CitB: point is, we found our Copernicus shuttles
ByteMe: so the survivors are still locked down
ByteMe: shouldn’t they be debriefing, working out wtf happened?
CitB: i’m just one guy, patience, grasshopper
ByteMe: i want to know y they isolated us by cutting comms. R we next?
CitB: careful going after that sort of gen. thats hardcore. they find u doing that they burn u right out
ByteMe: ur scared
CitB: no, smart. dangerous times
COMMAND TRANSMISSION SENT 07/21/75 09:06
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: NARROW FREQUENCY BROADCAST, SHORT BURST
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
[NO RESPONSE]
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: AUXILIARY FREQUENCY
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
[NO RESPONSE]
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: MAYDAY FREQUENCY
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
ALEXANDER HAILS HYPATIA: MAYDAY FREQUENCY
Auto-response: Your message has been received and quarantined. Your message will be processed. Over.
HYPATIA: Alexander, this is Hypatia. What the fuck do you mean our message has been quarantined? This is Captain Chau. Get me Torrence on the line. Over.
ALEXANDER: Your message has been received and quarantined. Your message will be processed. Over.
HYPATIA: That right? Well process this: you flex your tiniest gun turret, look like you’re even reaching to scratch an itch, I’m going to raise so much noise the Lincoln and every ally she has in the ‘verse will know where to find you.
ALEXANDER: Hypatia, this is Colonel Myles. Go secure. Repeat, go secure. Over.
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: COMMANDER’S SECURE FREQUENCY
HYPATIA: Lia, what the fuck?
ALEXANDER: Sit tight, Ann. Comms are down while we do some work on AIDAN, and we could live without gossip flying back and forth between the ships. You should see the stats on broadcast frequency the last couple of days. Your people and ours have been busy. Loose lips …
HYPATIA: Look, I said exactly what you told me to say, I said it was the Lincoln that took out the Copernicus. Pretty soon someone’s going to have to start answering some questions for me, though. Anyone with eyes can see your main engines are offline and you’re reaccelerating on secondaries. Has this work you’re doing taken AIDAN offline completely? Get your main drives back up!
Ezra’s been on my mind a lot, lately. Why, I don’t know, except that the more you lose, the more you realize you don’t have much left.
But at the same time, I’m … am I dumb to go back there? It was hard enough to make a decision the first time, but if after a year he couldn’t even trust me enough to talk about whatever he had going on … and anyway, practically the first thing he did was email me and say it was all a sign, and we weren’t meant to be together, and I do have SOME dignity. I don’t want to be an option for him just because now he doesn’t have any others.
I’m glad he made it out, obviously. It’s not about that.
I think a lot about who made it out, who didn’t. Sometimes I just remember some random person, like the lady who came to fix our habitation recyc the week before it all happened. I can see her face, but I don’t remember if I knew her name.
I wonder if she made it out, if she’s somewhere on board, or if she died. And then I don’t know why I’m wondering something like that, or why I feel so bad about not knowing. Survivor Guilt, according to the Counseling Circle Of Hastily Downloaded Wisdom.
I guess an experience like this is supposed to mess you up.
ByteMe: u there?
ByteMe: ping
ByteMe: ping
ByteMe: PING COME ON COME ON
CitB: fuck me, i’m here, what?????i was trying to find Copernicus survivor lists for you, that takes concentration u know
ByteMe: told you i don’t want them. forget that. ping the Alexander
CitB: how can u not want to know?
ByteMe: PING THE ALEXANDER
CitB: ok
ByteMe: u doing it?
CitB: trying
ByteMe: well?
CitB: still trying did u miss ur meds or what?? whats the rush??
ByteMe: well?
CitB: i can’t
ByteMe: I KNOW
CitB: ??
ByteMe: comms are down
CitB: system check?
ByteMe: no they all blinked out simultaneous. when they’re running a check u see them cascade out. Alexander’s main engines are still offline too. i was watching for court martial results when comms were cut
CitB: checking on ur boyfriend
ByteMe: this again?
CitB: don’t deny the flame still burns. ur heart leaps at the mention of his name. u know this is love, sent by forces above …
ByteMe: r u quoting song lyrics now?
CitB: i do not have a lot of rl experience with romance
ByteMe: listen, i’m doing this because it’s our best chance of finding out wtf happened to the Copernicus. we don’t have anyone else on the ground.
CitB: mmm hmmmm
ByteMe: can we please keep our mind on the job at hand?
CitB: I don’t know, can we?
ByteMe: Byron, they cut the ship link. Just like they did with Copernicus.
CitB: ok, ok. i don’t like it either. i have news though
CitB: there are def Copernicus survivors on the Alexander. i found signs about an hour ago. The Cyclones are only landing in bays 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6. see what’s missing?
ByteMe: omgnumbers
ByteMe: wait, wait, I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS.
CitB: …
ByteMe: o, the thinking, it HURTS.
CitB: ok fine, point taken
ByteMe: wait … is it the number … 4?
CitB: all RIGHT I’m sorry
CitB: point is, we found our Copernicus shuttles
ByteMe: so the survivors are still locked down
ByteMe: shouldn’t they be debriefing, working out wtf happened?
CitB: i’m just one guy, patience, grasshopper
ByteMe: i want to know y they isolated us by cutting comms. R we next?
CitB: careful going after that sort of gen. thats hardcore. they find u doing that they burn u right out
ByteMe: ur scared
CitB: no, smart. dangerous times
COMMAND TRANSMISSION SENT 07/21/75 09:06
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: NARROW FREQUENCY BROADCAST, SHORT BURST
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
[NO RESPONSE]
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: AUXILIARY FREQUENCY
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
[NO RESPONSE]
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: MAYDAY FREQUENCY
Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, this is Hypatia, Hypatia, Hypatia. Do you copy? Over.
ALEXANDER HAILS HYPATIA: MAYDAY FREQUENCY
Auto-response: Your message has been received and quarantined. Your message will be processed. Over.
HYPATIA: Alexander, this is Hypatia. What the fuck do you mean our message has been quarantined? This is Captain Chau. Get me Torrence on the line. Over.
ALEXANDER: Your message has been received and quarantined. Your message will be processed. Over.
HYPATIA: That right? Well process this: you flex your tiniest gun turret, look like you’re even reaching to scratch an itch, I’m going to raise so much noise the Lincoln and every ally she has in the ‘verse will know where to find you.
ALEXANDER: Hypatia, this is Colonel Myles. Go secure. Repeat, go secure. Over.
HYPATIA HAILS ALEXANDER: COMMANDER’S SECURE FREQUENCY
HYPATIA: Lia, what the fuck?
ALEXANDER: Sit tight, Ann. Comms are down while we do some work on AIDAN, and we could live without gossip flying back and forth between the ships. You should see the stats on broadcast frequency the last couple of days. Your people and ours have been busy. Loose lips …
HYPATIA: Look, I said exactly what you told me to say, I said it was the Lincoln that took out the Copernicus. Pretty soon someone’s going to have to start answering some questions for me, though. Anyone with eyes can see your main engines are offline and you’re reaccelerating on secondaries. Has this work you’re doing taken AIDAN offline completely? Get your main drives back up!
