I saw him glance at a photo of my father and Heather on their wedding day. Their arms were wrapped around each other and their faces were ecstatic. I wished I’d been there that day. I wished I’d let go of whatever anger I’d been holding onto. I’d wasted so much time. At least there was no more anger left now. I realized suddenly that I’d forgiven both of them a long time ago. They’d found each other and fell in love and it had nothing to do with me. I should have said that. Now it was too late.
Except it wasn’t. Because there was Colin. Perhaps that’s why they’d chosen me as his guardian. Maybe it was my father’s way of saying that he knew I wouldn’t hold a grudge, and that he had more faith in me than I’d ever guessed. They had to have known somehow, Chris and Heather. They’d been confident I’d step into this role if it was ever necessary. I’d never squander that faith.
“Maybe we can go catch a drink sometime,” I said to Kevin. “Someplace other than Sheen’s.”
He grinned. “You got it.”
I finished wrapping up the antique plate. It would be put away. But the pictures would all stay. Colin would be able to see his parents and maybe feel as if they were watching over him somehow.
“You think we have enough bubble wrap?” I asked.
Kevin looked around. “I can run out and get more if necessary.”
The baby monitor had been left on the couch and it crackled to life as Colin woke up in his crib and started babbling. I knew he’d probably entertain himself for a few minutes before demanding some attention so I wrapped up a few more valuables in the meantime.
When five minutes had passed and he wasn’t howling to be picked up I wondered if he’d dropped back to sleep so I went upstairs to check. I could see into the master bedroom where Eleanor Doyle was folding clothes with marvelous efficiency and placing them in organized piles on the bed. She didn’t notice me as I passed by and went straight to Colin’s room. I was a little surprised by what I found there.
Jane had picked up Colin and was rocking him in the chair beside the window. Jane rarely picked up the baby and whenever she did she seemed eager to put him down again as quickly as possible. She was showing him something on her phone, a cartoon maybe. I didn’t know how much Colin was getting out of it but he appeared to be interested.
“Everything okay?” I asked and Colin’s face immediately turned to the sound of my voice. He bounced with excitement in Jane’s lap.
“He woke up,” Jane said, lowering the phone. “I just came in to see him. I hope it’s okay.”
I leaned against the changing table. “Of course it’s okay. You’re his aunt.”
She cupped Colin’s head in her palm and regarded him thoughtfully. “I remember you when you were this age, Nash.” She looked over at me. “It’s hard to believe now. You’re taller than your father was.”
I gestured to the phone. “What were you guys looking at?”
“Oh! I found a video I’d taken at the hospital the day Colin was born so I was showing him. Here.” She held the phone out to me. “You really should watch it too.”
The video was only a few minutes long and I started it from the beginning. They were in the hospital, probably mere hours after Colin’s birth. Heather looked tired but radiant as she cuddled her new bundle of joy. She was staring down at the baby when my father appeared. He knelt by the bed, peered into the blue blanket that swaddled his newborn son and gave his wife a soft kiss. She smiled at him, then returned her loving gaze to the baby.
“Hey Jane, what do you think of your new nephew?” my father asked.
“He’s beautiful,” Jane’s voice said from behind the camera.
“Just like his brother,” my dad said. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms with a happy grin plastered across the face. “Can’t believe I’m a new dad again at forty-five.”
“Old timer,” Heather teased with a laugh.
“But you want to know something?” he said. “I’ve learned to treasure every moment, something I didn’t know how to do when Nash was born.”
“Did you call him?” Heather asked. “Did you call Nash?”
“I called him, told him he’s finally got a brother. He sounded happy.” My dad looked thoughtful, hopeful. “I’m thinking he might come for a visit.”
Colin made a noise and Heather soothed him while my father stared at them.
“Two sons,” he said, sounding a little awed. “Two perfect boys who are my pride and joy.” He then looked straight at the camera. “I still can’t believe my luck.”
“Colin.” Heather sang the name as she rocked the baby back and forth. “Colin, did you know you have a big brother? And he’s going to love you.” She kissed the sleeping face in her arms. “I promise he’s going to love you.”
My father sat on the edge of the bed and placed an arm around his wife and son. The camera continued to watch the family for another thirty seconds but they didn’t seem to be aware of it.
Chris Ryan hadn’t been perfect. Nobody was. But as I watched the last few seconds of the video I realized I could learn from his triumphs. And his mistakes. That’s the best any of us can do.
“I promise he’s going to love you.”
And I did. I loved that baby so damn much it hurt. He’d grow up with the pain of losing his parents before he knew them. I’d do anything I could to help him navigate the strange and sometimes excruciating realities that challenged us in this life. Because it could also be wonderful. And loving other people was what made it worthwhile.
“Oh, Nash,” Jane said when the video finished playing and I was wiping at my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
My aunt looked distressed, on the verge of tears now herself.
“No, it’s okay,” I said, swiping at the last of the sudden tears. I handed her the phone back. “Thank you for showing me that. Actually if you could send it to me that would be great. Colin will want to see it someday.”
“Of course.”
Colin shifted in her arms and she started to look a little flustered so I reached out to take him.
“It’s a really good thing you’re doing,” Jane said and stood up. “Staying here, raising him in this house. You’re giving him the life Chris and Heather wanted for him. I knew you would. You’re the only one who could have.”
“Thanks, Jane,” I said as Colin tried to grab my left ear.
My aunt’s smile now turned a little devilish. “I knew you’d love her too. I knew it when I saw you together.”
“Who?” I asked even though I knew damn well who.
“Kathleen.”
I didn’t answer. I bounced Colin and he squealed with delight.
“You do, don’t you?” Jane pressed. “You do love her.”
Eleanor Doyle suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Are there more boxes?” she asked. “I’m going to need at least three more for the clothes alone.”
“There are some more downstairs,” I said, glad for the chance to escape Jane’s scrutiny. “Follow me.”
Before I left the room I looked over my shoulder and Jane gave me a knowing smirk. There was an easy answer to her question but I wasn’t ready to disclose my feelings for Kat until I actually talked to Kat first. I owed her that and anyway I might be barking up the wrong tree. Kat might be happy keeping things just the way they were and I wasn’t excited for everyone to witness a savage blow to my pride. And to my heart.
Except it wasn’t. Because there was Colin. Perhaps that’s why they’d chosen me as his guardian. Maybe it was my father’s way of saying that he knew I wouldn’t hold a grudge, and that he had more faith in me than I’d ever guessed. They had to have known somehow, Chris and Heather. They’d been confident I’d step into this role if it was ever necessary. I’d never squander that faith.
“Maybe we can go catch a drink sometime,” I said to Kevin. “Someplace other than Sheen’s.”
He grinned. “You got it.”
I finished wrapping up the antique plate. It would be put away. But the pictures would all stay. Colin would be able to see his parents and maybe feel as if they were watching over him somehow.
“You think we have enough bubble wrap?” I asked.
Kevin looked around. “I can run out and get more if necessary.”
The baby monitor had been left on the couch and it crackled to life as Colin woke up in his crib and started babbling. I knew he’d probably entertain himself for a few minutes before demanding some attention so I wrapped up a few more valuables in the meantime.
When five minutes had passed and he wasn’t howling to be picked up I wondered if he’d dropped back to sleep so I went upstairs to check. I could see into the master bedroom where Eleanor Doyle was folding clothes with marvelous efficiency and placing them in organized piles on the bed. She didn’t notice me as I passed by and went straight to Colin’s room. I was a little surprised by what I found there.
Jane had picked up Colin and was rocking him in the chair beside the window. Jane rarely picked up the baby and whenever she did she seemed eager to put him down again as quickly as possible. She was showing him something on her phone, a cartoon maybe. I didn’t know how much Colin was getting out of it but he appeared to be interested.
“Everything okay?” I asked and Colin’s face immediately turned to the sound of my voice. He bounced with excitement in Jane’s lap.
“He woke up,” Jane said, lowering the phone. “I just came in to see him. I hope it’s okay.”
I leaned against the changing table. “Of course it’s okay. You’re his aunt.”
She cupped Colin’s head in her palm and regarded him thoughtfully. “I remember you when you were this age, Nash.” She looked over at me. “It’s hard to believe now. You’re taller than your father was.”
I gestured to the phone. “What were you guys looking at?”
“Oh! I found a video I’d taken at the hospital the day Colin was born so I was showing him. Here.” She held the phone out to me. “You really should watch it too.”
The video was only a few minutes long and I started it from the beginning. They were in the hospital, probably mere hours after Colin’s birth. Heather looked tired but radiant as she cuddled her new bundle of joy. She was staring down at the baby when my father appeared. He knelt by the bed, peered into the blue blanket that swaddled his newborn son and gave his wife a soft kiss. She smiled at him, then returned her loving gaze to the baby.
“Hey Jane, what do you think of your new nephew?” my father asked.
“He’s beautiful,” Jane’s voice said from behind the camera.
“Just like his brother,” my dad said. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms with a happy grin plastered across the face. “Can’t believe I’m a new dad again at forty-five.”
“Old timer,” Heather teased with a laugh.
“But you want to know something?” he said. “I’ve learned to treasure every moment, something I didn’t know how to do when Nash was born.”
“Did you call him?” Heather asked. “Did you call Nash?”
“I called him, told him he’s finally got a brother. He sounded happy.” My dad looked thoughtful, hopeful. “I’m thinking he might come for a visit.”
Colin made a noise and Heather soothed him while my father stared at them.
“Two sons,” he said, sounding a little awed. “Two perfect boys who are my pride and joy.” He then looked straight at the camera. “I still can’t believe my luck.”
“Colin.” Heather sang the name as she rocked the baby back and forth. “Colin, did you know you have a big brother? And he’s going to love you.” She kissed the sleeping face in her arms. “I promise he’s going to love you.”
My father sat on the edge of the bed and placed an arm around his wife and son. The camera continued to watch the family for another thirty seconds but they didn’t seem to be aware of it.
Chris Ryan hadn’t been perfect. Nobody was. But as I watched the last few seconds of the video I realized I could learn from his triumphs. And his mistakes. That’s the best any of us can do.
“I promise he’s going to love you.”
And I did. I loved that baby so damn much it hurt. He’d grow up with the pain of losing his parents before he knew them. I’d do anything I could to help him navigate the strange and sometimes excruciating realities that challenged us in this life. Because it could also be wonderful. And loving other people was what made it worthwhile.
“Oh, Nash,” Jane said when the video finished playing and I was wiping at my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
My aunt looked distressed, on the verge of tears now herself.
“No, it’s okay,” I said, swiping at the last of the sudden tears. I handed her the phone back. “Thank you for showing me that. Actually if you could send it to me that would be great. Colin will want to see it someday.”
“Of course.”
Colin shifted in her arms and she started to look a little flustered so I reached out to take him.
“It’s a really good thing you’re doing,” Jane said and stood up. “Staying here, raising him in this house. You’re giving him the life Chris and Heather wanted for him. I knew you would. You’re the only one who could have.”
“Thanks, Jane,” I said as Colin tried to grab my left ear.
My aunt’s smile now turned a little devilish. “I knew you’d love her too. I knew it when I saw you together.”
“Who?” I asked even though I knew damn well who.
“Kathleen.”
I didn’t answer. I bounced Colin and he squealed with delight.
“You do, don’t you?” Jane pressed. “You do love her.”
Eleanor Doyle suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Are there more boxes?” she asked. “I’m going to need at least three more for the clothes alone.”
“There are some more downstairs,” I said, glad for the chance to escape Jane’s scrutiny. “Follow me.”
Before I left the room I looked over my shoulder and Jane gave me a knowing smirk. There was an easy answer to her question but I wasn’t ready to disclose my feelings for Kat until I actually talked to Kat first. I owed her that and anyway I might be barking up the wrong tree. Kat might be happy keeping things just the way they were and I wasn’t excited for everyone to witness a savage blow to my pride. And to my heart.
