CHAPTER 1
I woke to throbbing pain throughout my body, a pounding headache, and the sound of my name. It was faint, but growing in intensity as it moved toward me.
My eyes opened, and I looked around, seeing the door of what I recognized as a hospital room.
“Lila! Lila!” Nathan’s voice cried out. It was a frantic, panicked tone I had never heard before.
“Lila!”
“Mr. Thorne! You need to return to your room!” was screeched at him by who I assumed was a nurse.
“Lila!”
“Don’t pull that out,” another voice scolded.
“Lila!” he wailed, and it sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
It was clear he was ignoring the nurses as his search for me continued; they were threatening to call security.
“Lila!” he called out again, desperation flooding his tone. He was louder, only one room away.
My chest tightened, and my heart began beating at a furious pace.
Seconds later, his hands appeared on the doorway, bracing himself while his eyes searched for me.
I gasped when I took in his appearance; he was wearing nothing but a hospital gown. One tube hung from his wrist, hanging down on the ground.
His expression was what had me in shock and my heart wrenching. Tears streamed down his pink cheeks; his eyes were wide and frantic, a look of despair overpowering all other emotions.
As soon as his eyes met mine, his body relaxed, and his face morphed into one of relief and joy.
“Lila!” he cried out once more, stumbling toward me.
He reached out and grasped onto the sides of my face, his forehead leaning onto my bandaged one.
“Oh, thank God. Thank God, you’re alive.”
Warm tears landed on my cheeks as he continued mumbling. I stared at him in stunned silence. This was not the Nathan I knew. The mask was gone, and for the first time I was seeing the true Nathan without any inhibitions. He was raw and lay bare before me.
He was stunning. More beautiful than usual in his agony.
I didn’t move, I didn’t speak, I lay there stunned. He was crying.
Nathan was crying.
One of his tears dropped, sliding down to my lips. My tongue peeked out to lick it away, and my taste buds danced, registering the salty evidence, proving I wasn’t imagining it.
“Nathan, what’s going on?” My voice was thick, my throat dry, and I began to wonder how long I’d been out.
He pulled back from me to look into my eyes. “You don’t remember?”
I shook my head and immediately stopped when I found how much it hurt. My vision spun, and my eyes were having trouble tracking.
“You were in a very bad accident…” he trailed off, and his eyes moved from mine, looking over my whole body.
I could tell I was hurt – the throbbing and shooting pain when I tried to move was proof enough without the excruciating breaths. His expression told me I was as bad off as I felt. His fingers ran over my gauze covered arm. I realized my whole arm was wrapped when he pressed his fingers to mine. He moved back up to my head, inspecting the bandage and gauze that was wound around it. With light strokes he ran the back of his fingers against my cheek, and even that hurt. I was certain I didn’t want to see a mirror at that moment.
He stayed clear of my leg, which was good as I might have punched him if he touched it because it hurt so much already.
“I’m so sorry. This wouldn’t have happened if I…”
His being there, his pain, made me angry. His apology even more so. “If you what? Hadn’t left me? Broken me? Left me a shell of the paper thin person I already was before you? If that’s even possible.”
“All of those. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
My jaw clenched, another thing I found painful, as annoyance took over. “You didn’t do this physical damage to me. What you did was far worse.”
“Please, Lila, please!” he begged in a whisper.
My chest felt like he was stabbing me with a knife, and in an angry fit I lashed out. “Please, what?”
“Please, I’ll tell you everything, anything you want to know if you… Can we start over? I need you so much.”
My tone was harsh. “Why? Why did you leave me if you were going to beg for me back?”
“I’m so sorry I did this to you, to us. I was trying to protect you, and myself.”
“Protect you from what exactly? What did you need protection from?”
“From losing you the same way I lost…my wife,” he admitted, his eyes screwed tight.
I swallowed hard, absorbing his words. There was a twinge in my chest that had nothing to do with my injuries and everything to do with him. My anger subsided for a brief moment, but bounced back.
“And what were you protecting me from?”
“From the Marconi family.” His eyes were boring into mine, beseeching me to understand.
My eyes widened. The Marconi family was well-known for their criminal connections. Their reach was mostly the northeast part of the country.
I was hesitant with my next question as I wondered what he’d been involved with in the past. It left me wishing I’d read those articles about Nathan instead of closing them down. “Why would you need to protect me from the Marconis?”
He sniffed and another tear slid down his cheek. “Because if they found out about you, they would kill you like they did her.”
I stared at him, slack-jawed. He’d mentioned his condo wasn’t in his name. It was evident to me now it was part of his hiding. “Why did they want to hurt her?”
“They were trying to kill me.”
“Oh.” My lips pressed into a thin, taut line. My head was pounding, and as much as I was happy he was opening up, I just wanted him to go.
“I can’t let that happen to you.”
“So you let me go? Were you ever going to ask me what I wanted? Were you ever going to tell me and let me decide for myself to risk my life to stay with you or cut all ties? Do you feel anything for me?” I needed some answers right then, though I wondered if they would be enough.
“I feel so much for you. I tried to stop it. I knew it could happen with you—I sensed it from the beginning. The pull I feel to you is so strong. I tried to will myself not to develop these feelings for you, but you just won’t f**king be denied!”
“I don’t understand what the f**k you’re saying,” I grumbled.
I woke to throbbing pain throughout my body, a pounding headache, and the sound of my name. It was faint, but growing in intensity as it moved toward me.
My eyes opened, and I looked around, seeing the door of what I recognized as a hospital room.
“Lila! Lila!” Nathan’s voice cried out. It was a frantic, panicked tone I had never heard before.
“Lila!”
“Mr. Thorne! You need to return to your room!” was screeched at him by who I assumed was a nurse.
“Lila!”
“Don’t pull that out,” another voice scolded.
“Lila!” he wailed, and it sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
It was clear he was ignoring the nurses as his search for me continued; they were threatening to call security.
“Lila!” he called out again, desperation flooding his tone. He was louder, only one room away.
My chest tightened, and my heart began beating at a furious pace.
Seconds later, his hands appeared on the doorway, bracing himself while his eyes searched for me.
I gasped when I took in his appearance; he was wearing nothing but a hospital gown. One tube hung from his wrist, hanging down on the ground.
His expression was what had me in shock and my heart wrenching. Tears streamed down his pink cheeks; his eyes were wide and frantic, a look of despair overpowering all other emotions.
As soon as his eyes met mine, his body relaxed, and his face morphed into one of relief and joy.
“Lila!” he cried out once more, stumbling toward me.
He reached out and grasped onto the sides of my face, his forehead leaning onto my bandaged one.
“Oh, thank God. Thank God, you’re alive.”
Warm tears landed on my cheeks as he continued mumbling. I stared at him in stunned silence. This was not the Nathan I knew. The mask was gone, and for the first time I was seeing the true Nathan without any inhibitions. He was raw and lay bare before me.
He was stunning. More beautiful than usual in his agony.
I didn’t move, I didn’t speak, I lay there stunned. He was crying.
Nathan was crying.
One of his tears dropped, sliding down to my lips. My tongue peeked out to lick it away, and my taste buds danced, registering the salty evidence, proving I wasn’t imagining it.
“Nathan, what’s going on?” My voice was thick, my throat dry, and I began to wonder how long I’d been out.
He pulled back from me to look into my eyes. “You don’t remember?”
I shook my head and immediately stopped when I found how much it hurt. My vision spun, and my eyes were having trouble tracking.
“You were in a very bad accident…” he trailed off, and his eyes moved from mine, looking over my whole body.
I could tell I was hurt – the throbbing and shooting pain when I tried to move was proof enough without the excruciating breaths. His expression told me I was as bad off as I felt. His fingers ran over my gauze covered arm. I realized my whole arm was wrapped when he pressed his fingers to mine. He moved back up to my head, inspecting the bandage and gauze that was wound around it. With light strokes he ran the back of his fingers against my cheek, and even that hurt. I was certain I didn’t want to see a mirror at that moment.
He stayed clear of my leg, which was good as I might have punched him if he touched it because it hurt so much already.
“I’m so sorry. This wouldn’t have happened if I…”
His being there, his pain, made me angry. His apology even more so. “If you what? Hadn’t left me? Broken me? Left me a shell of the paper thin person I already was before you? If that’s even possible.”
“All of those. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
My jaw clenched, another thing I found painful, as annoyance took over. “You didn’t do this physical damage to me. What you did was far worse.”
“Please, Lila, please!” he begged in a whisper.
My chest felt like he was stabbing me with a knife, and in an angry fit I lashed out. “Please, what?”
“Please, I’ll tell you everything, anything you want to know if you… Can we start over? I need you so much.”
My tone was harsh. “Why? Why did you leave me if you were going to beg for me back?”
“I’m so sorry I did this to you, to us. I was trying to protect you, and myself.”
“Protect you from what exactly? What did you need protection from?”
“From losing you the same way I lost…my wife,” he admitted, his eyes screwed tight.
I swallowed hard, absorbing his words. There was a twinge in my chest that had nothing to do with my injuries and everything to do with him. My anger subsided for a brief moment, but bounced back.
“And what were you protecting me from?”
“From the Marconi family.” His eyes were boring into mine, beseeching me to understand.
My eyes widened. The Marconi family was well-known for their criminal connections. Their reach was mostly the northeast part of the country.
I was hesitant with my next question as I wondered what he’d been involved with in the past. It left me wishing I’d read those articles about Nathan instead of closing them down. “Why would you need to protect me from the Marconis?”
He sniffed and another tear slid down his cheek. “Because if they found out about you, they would kill you like they did her.”
I stared at him, slack-jawed. He’d mentioned his condo wasn’t in his name. It was evident to me now it was part of his hiding. “Why did they want to hurt her?”
“They were trying to kill me.”
“Oh.” My lips pressed into a thin, taut line. My head was pounding, and as much as I was happy he was opening up, I just wanted him to go.
“I can’t let that happen to you.”
“So you let me go? Were you ever going to ask me what I wanted? Were you ever going to tell me and let me decide for myself to risk my life to stay with you or cut all ties? Do you feel anything for me?” I needed some answers right then, though I wondered if they would be enough.
“I feel so much for you. I tried to stop it. I knew it could happen with you—I sensed it from the beginning. The pull I feel to you is so strong. I tried to will myself not to develop these feelings for you, but you just won’t f**king be denied!”
“I don’t understand what the f**k you’re saying,” I grumbled.
