Jake Understood
Page 45

A few of the residents played instruments, so as was tradition at this yearly shindig, the slightly off-key Christmas music started to ring out in the opposite corner of the room. Joe, a middle-aged man, belted out the harmonica while Charleen, a girl in her twenties, played the electric keyboard. Junior, a guy in his thirties, who was somewhat hearing-impaired, played the guitar.
Ivy’s eyes focused on Junior’s hands as he worked the strings. Although she was once a talented guitarist, she refused to play anymore, and that made me extremely sad for her. Her Gibson always sat unused in the corner of her bedroom as if it were a phantom from a previous life. Anytime I suggested that she try playing, Ivy would become irate.
She continued to quietly watch her housemates perform. Listening to the slow melody, I’d almost nodded off before my eyes wandered downward. Ivy’s fingers were starting to move to the rhythm of the music as she stayed transfixed on Junior’s guitar. She was playing in the air and positioning her fingers exactly where they would go if she were actually performing along with them. It was the first time she’d ever done anything like that.
A smile spread across my face, and a warmness filled my heart on this otherwise cold and depressing night. It gave me a little bit of hope for her at a time when almost all of it had been depleted. When my eyes started to sting, I got up to throw away my plate as a distraction.
Ivy’s social worker, Gina, came up behind me. “Merry Christmas, Jake.”
“Same to you, Gina.”
Gina was older and had been a licensed social worker for many years. Her black hair was pulled back tightly into a bun, and she was wearing a fugly Christmas sweater with pom poms and tiny bells hanging off of it.
She straightened her glasses. “Miss Ivy girl seems okay tonight.”
I looked over at Ivy who was still strumming her fingers in the air. “Yeah. We’ve had worse Christmases. That’s for sure.”
A knot formed in my stomach. There had been something I’d wanted to discuss with Gina for a long time, but I wasn’t going to bring it up tonight. She must have sensed it by the look on my face when she asked, “Do you have something on your mind?”
I hesitated then said, “There is something weighing on me, actually.” I looked around and lowered my voice. “Do you…have a second to talk?”
Gina nodded and followed me into the empty adjacent kitchen.
I didn’t quite know where to start. Gina was a kind person and very intuitive, so once I started spilling, she practically spoke for me.
“You know my intention is never to leave Ivy, right? I’ll never abandon her.”
Knowingly, she gave me a sympathetic smile. “You’ve met someone.”
I swallowed, surprised that she knew exactly where this was going. “Yes.”
“That was bound to happen, Jake. I understand.”
“I never intended it to happen, though. I never wanted this complication, never wanted to hurt Ivy. I’ve done everything in my power to prevent it over the years, but—”
“It happens, Jake. You don’t have to explain it. Does this woman know about your situation?”
A deep breath escaped me. “That’s the thing. I’m planning to tell her about Ivy after the New Year, and I don’t know how she’s going to take it. So, this could be a non-issue if she decides she can’t handle it at all. But if she accepts it…”
“If things get serious, you’re going to need my help once you communicate everything to Ivy.”
“Yes. I mean, not right away, but I need you to help me figure out what my rights are if Ivy and I were ever to...” I choked on the words.
Gina finished my sentence. “Divorce.”
“Yeah. It’s not something I want if it means losing my ability to care for her, but I just need to know my options legally. I want to make sure I can still make decisions for her. I’m her only family.”
Gina placed her hand on my shoulder, and the bells on her sweater jingled. “Don’t worry. Let’s just take this one step at a time. We’ll have to handle it very delicately, of course. But for what it’s worth, I’ve known you for several years now, seen all that you’ve sacrificed. You’re an amazing human being, and you deserve to have love in your life. Don’t beat yourself up over this. We’ll figure it out. You’ve been wonderful to Ivy, and she is very lucky to have you.”
“Thank you, Gina. Thank you for understanding.”
Someone called her attention back to the party, and she looked behind her shoulder. “We’ll talk more after the holidays. In the meantime, I’ll start researching the paperwork end of things for you.” She slipped away before I could thank her again.
Leaning against the counter with my arms crossed, I felt overwhelmed. The reality of the situation was really starting to hit me now that I’d spoken aloud about it with someone. I could see Ivy in the next room, still playing along in her head to the music. This time, the lone teardrop I’d been fighting earlier fell freely down my cheek.
***
Wrapping paper flew everywhere. I couldn’t crumple and discard it fast enough before more was thrown my way. The twins had recently discovered the truth about Santa Claus so were opening all of their gifts on Christmas Eve instead of the following morning.
It was now 9 p.m., and I’d returned from Ivy’s a couple of hours earlier. The tree in my sister’s living room was nearly as high as the ceiling. The bright multi-colored lights lit up the room as the flames from the fireplace crackled. Pandora radio was playing in the background. My mother and Max were cuddled together on one couch as Allison and Cedric lazily sat sipping their wine on the sofa across from them. I definitely felt like the odd man out, missing Nina something crazy.