“Kian,” I whispered. I was beginning not to think.
His thumb rubbed back and forth over my cheek. “When we were leaving, one of their friends arrived. They said you were here with that guy you’d said wasn’t your boyfriend.”
“Jake? What?”
“I snuck back in. I had to try.”
“But…” My mind was muddled. What was he talking about?
I couldn’t help myself. I touched a hand to his chest. He sucked in his breath, and I felt his heart lurch to my touch.
“If you want me gone, I’ll go.”
As he spoke, I felt his heart racing like mine.
He moved his mouth, so he was whispering right into my ear, his lips grazing my ear, “Change your mind. Please change your mind, Jo. I’m showing all my cards here. I have no shame. We’re connected, no matter how much distance or fake names are between us. That day in your bedroom put our lives together, and we have no say about it. I’ve always regretted that you saw what I did, but if I were put in the same situation again, if I saw him doing what he was doing to you, I’d do it all over again.”
I closed my eyes. He was saying the words I’d wondered about.
He kept whispering, “We don’t know each other, not really, but I just know how I feel right now.”
The last of my strength gave way. I leaned into him, sinking against his body, and Kian adjusted. He was now holding me in place. He was holding all of me.
His hand left my lips and curved around the back of my neck. “I understand why you’re scared. I’m scared for you, but I would never do anything to hurt you.”
My hand curled into a fist, resting on his chest.
“You don’t understand. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you. Since Edmund, every time I saw you in the courtroom, all I’ve known is that I have to protect you.”
Oh God.
He was saying everything I wanted to hear. Everything.
A small voice whispered in the back of my mind, But…
With Kian came the threat of being exposed. Even though every fiber of me wanted to agree to whatever he wanted, to go with him, to get to know him, somewhere in me was an inkling of strength that pulled me away. I had to cling to that last little bit of reservation and make it stronger. Doing that, I felt it spread inside me, and I looked up.
I saw into him and said, “I can’t, Kian. I…just…can’t.”
This was the second time I was saying good-bye.
My jaw hardened. I whispered, cupping his face as he was holding mine, “I want to, you know I do, but I can’t. Please, please don’t push this.”
I knew then, if he found me again, I wouldn’t have the strength to turn him away again. I would succumb.
I left the closet, but I had to admit that I wanted him to try again.
“You’re a dick,” Felicia greeted me as I headed inside our suite.
Her bags were packed and by the door, and she was glaring at me with hate in her eyes.
I walked by her and drawled as I flicked my coat off in my bedroom, “And you’re supposed to be on a plane right now.”
“Oh, I will be. You made sure of that, didn’t you?” She sneered at me. “You had Daddy call and make an appointment for me, you ass.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I postponed my flight till later. I wanted to make sure I was here to deliver my message in person. You were supposed to be back an hour ago.” She moved closer, her eyes taking on a dangerous glint. When she was close, too close for my liking, she whispered as her eyes narrowed to slits, “I know you had Ethan sent home. I know you’re having me sent home. And you know that I’ll be back. I will get you back, brother mine.”
A threat from her would’ve scared me when I was a boy, but I wasn’t a boy any longer. I reached up to grab her wrist. She gasped, but I only pushed her away.
“Go. Home. Whether you believe me or not, you need help. You’re a drunk, and I’m sick of being a part of it. I don’t give a damn if you’re sleeping with Ethan, but I do give a damn if you’re sleeping with my lawyer. So, yes, sister mine, he’s been let off my case. Go home. Fuck him sideways, for all I care, because I don’t care who you have in your bed just as long as that person is not in a position to screw me, too.”
“You’re sick, Kian.”
“No.” I shook my head, stepping away from her.
I saw the pain in her now. It clung to the heart inside of her, and I knew some of that was from me, from what I’d put the family through, but I knew some of it was just her, things I had no idea about.
“Go home, Felicia. Get better. Be happy with Ethan if he’s the one for you.”
Misery cut through her. It flashed over her eyes before she looked away. As she did, the door opened and shut. Laura headed inside, her eyebrows bunched together. Seeing the sight of Felicia and the wine bottle dangling from her fingers, Laura stopped and cast me a quizzical look.
I stepped farther away from my sister. “What is it?”
Laura cut her eyes to Felicia again.
My sister harrumphed, but it lacked the usual fire she had. “Oh, please. Anything you have to ask him, you can do it in front of me. Unlike your publicist ass, I know all the dirt on my brother, and trust me, he ain’t the saint that everyone thinks he is.”
“I went to prison for killing a man.”
She rolled her eyes, taking a long drag from the wine bottle and wiped the back of her hand over her mouth. “And even with all the gory details, you’re still loved. If only they knew the shit I knew about you”—she waved her hand at me, the wine bottle tipping back and forth from the loose motion—“they’d view you in a whole different light, Kian.”
“You have no reason to hate me, Felicia.”
“Please. Your words might be pretty, but I saw the crime-scene pictures.” She raised her chin, daring me.
For what, I wasn’t sure.
Laura sighed. “Not to interrupt your sister’s adoring fest here, but I came to ask if there’s anything I should know about since you went back into the club and sent our car home. You were in there alone.”
Felicia burst out laughing, pretending to hit her leg in an exaggerated motion. “You’re just now figuring out that he takes off on his own? Kian’s been disappearing at all hours of the night lately.”
His thumb rubbed back and forth over my cheek. “When we were leaving, one of their friends arrived. They said you were here with that guy you’d said wasn’t your boyfriend.”
“Jake? What?”
“I snuck back in. I had to try.”
“But…” My mind was muddled. What was he talking about?
I couldn’t help myself. I touched a hand to his chest. He sucked in his breath, and I felt his heart lurch to my touch.
“If you want me gone, I’ll go.”
As he spoke, I felt his heart racing like mine.
He moved his mouth, so he was whispering right into my ear, his lips grazing my ear, “Change your mind. Please change your mind, Jo. I’m showing all my cards here. I have no shame. We’re connected, no matter how much distance or fake names are between us. That day in your bedroom put our lives together, and we have no say about it. I’ve always regretted that you saw what I did, but if I were put in the same situation again, if I saw him doing what he was doing to you, I’d do it all over again.”
I closed my eyes. He was saying the words I’d wondered about.
He kept whispering, “We don’t know each other, not really, but I just know how I feel right now.”
The last of my strength gave way. I leaned into him, sinking against his body, and Kian adjusted. He was now holding me in place. He was holding all of me.
His hand left my lips and curved around the back of my neck. “I understand why you’re scared. I’m scared for you, but I would never do anything to hurt you.”
My hand curled into a fist, resting on his chest.
“You don’t understand. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you. Since Edmund, every time I saw you in the courtroom, all I’ve known is that I have to protect you.”
Oh God.
He was saying everything I wanted to hear. Everything.
A small voice whispered in the back of my mind, But…
With Kian came the threat of being exposed. Even though every fiber of me wanted to agree to whatever he wanted, to go with him, to get to know him, somewhere in me was an inkling of strength that pulled me away. I had to cling to that last little bit of reservation and make it stronger. Doing that, I felt it spread inside me, and I looked up.
I saw into him and said, “I can’t, Kian. I…just…can’t.”
This was the second time I was saying good-bye.
My jaw hardened. I whispered, cupping his face as he was holding mine, “I want to, you know I do, but I can’t. Please, please don’t push this.”
I knew then, if he found me again, I wouldn’t have the strength to turn him away again. I would succumb.
I left the closet, but I had to admit that I wanted him to try again.
“You’re a dick,” Felicia greeted me as I headed inside our suite.
Her bags were packed and by the door, and she was glaring at me with hate in her eyes.
I walked by her and drawled as I flicked my coat off in my bedroom, “And you’re supposed to be on a plane right now.”
“Oh, I will be. You made sure of that, didn’t you?” She sneered at me. “You had Daddy call and make an appointment for me, you ass.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I postponed my flight till later. I wanted to make sure I was here to deliver my message in person. You were supposed to be back an hour ago.” She moved closer, her eyes taking on a dangerous glint. When she was close, too close for my liking, she whispered as her eyes narrowed to slits, “I know you had Ethan sent home. I know you’re having me sent home. And you know that I’ll be back. I will get you back, brother mine.”
A threat from her would’ve scared me when I was a boy, but I wasn’t a boy any longer. I reached up to grab her wrist. She gasped, but I only pushed her away.
“Go. Home. Whether you believe me or not, you need help. You’re a drunk, and I’m sick of being a part of it. I don’t give a damn if you’re sleeping with Ethan, but I do give a damn if you’re sleeping with my lawyer. So, yes, sister mine, he’s been let off my case. Go home. Fuck him sideways, for all I care, because I don’t care who you have in your bed just as long as that person is not in a position to screw me, too.”
“You’re sick, Kian.”
“No.” I shook my head, stepping away from her.
I saw the pain in her now. It clung to the heart inside of her, and I knew some of that was from me, from what I’d put the family through, but I knew some of it was just her, things I had no idea about.
“Go home, Felicia. Get better. Be happy with Ethan if he’s the one for you.”
Misery cut through her. It flashed over her eyes before she looked away. As she did, the door opened and shut. Laura headed inside, her eyebrows bunched together. Seeing the sight of Felicia and the wine bottle dangling from her fingers, Laura stopped and cast me a quizzical look.
I stepped farther away from my sister. “What is it?”
Laura cut her eyes to Felicia again.
My sister harrumphed, but it lacked the usual fire she had. “Oh, please. Anything you have to ask him, you can do it in front of me. Unlike your publicist ass, I know all the dirt on my brother, and trust me, he ain’t the saint that everyone thinks he is.”
“I went to prison for killing a man.”
She rolled her eyes, taking a long drag from the wine bottle and wiped the back of her hand over her mouth. “And even with all the gory details, you’re still loved. If only they knew the shit I knew about you”—she waved her hand at me, the wine bottle tipping back and forth from the loose motion—“they’d view you in a whole different light, Kian.”
“You have no reason to hate me, Felicia.”
“Please. Your words might be pretty, but I saw the crime-scene pictures.” She raised her chin, daring me.
For what, I wasn’t sure.
Laura sighed. “Not to interrupt your sister’s adoring fest here, but I came to ask if there’s anything I should know about since you went back into the club and sent our car home. You were in there alone.”
Felicia burst out laughing, pretending to hit her leg in an exaggerated motion. “You’re just now figuring out that he takes off on his own? Kian’s been disappearing at all hours of the night lately.”
