He shakes his head, his eyes on my mouth.
I lick my lips.
He does the same.
A tapping on the window interrupts us. Josh winds down the window. “We’re done. I’ll meet you at your house?” Robby asks.
“Yup!” Josh says, louder than normal.
Robby’s eyes drop to Josh’s hand on my leg. “I’d take Tommy but his seat’s not in my truck.”
Josh’s fingers press down on my leg when I try to move away from him. “It’s cool. Can you just um… put him in his seat? I can’t really get out right now.”
What? I think. But Robby says it out loud. Then after a beat, he laughs. “Oh!”
Oh what?
“Sure,” Robby says.
What’s funny?
As soon as Robby’s gone, Josh squirms in his seat, his hand on his lap covering himself.
Oh! “Oh!”
Josh shakes his head.
I stare out the windshield.
Kim puts Tommy in his seat. “See you guys there,” she says, smiling and waving just outside Josh’s window.
He gives her a two finger wave.
I blink.
He drives home.
I don’t speak.
Neither does he.
Not until we get home and he switches off the engine. I turn to Tommy. And then I laugh.
“What?” Josh follows my gaze. “He fell asleep!”
My grandmother takes Tommy into the house and tells us he can stay with her overnight so we can unload the sand and prepare everything for him for the next day.
Josh talks with Robby and Kim while they work. I try not to listen. At some point, Robby leaves for a short time. When he returns, he’s carrying a case of beers. Josh gathers some lawn chairs and sets them up around the sandpit. I place the last of the dump trucks in the middle of the sandpit and stand up, brushing the sand off my hands. I tap Josh on the shoulder just as he sets down the third and last chair. He turns to me and sits down on it.
I wave good night.
His brow bunches and he reaches for my hand. “Where are you going?”
I point to my house.
“Why?”
I don’t really know why he’s asking me questions when he knows I won’t answer him. So I just stare him down, waiting for his next move.
His next move is to smirk, which just confuses me more. Then he grips my hand tighter, the other on my waist, and pulls me down and onto his lap.
My eyes widen but he just keeps the smirk in place. He raises his hand not on my hip and the next second he catches a beer. He uncaps it and passes it to me, then repeats the process.
“Wait,” Robby says, “You’re legal right, Becca?”
Josh scoffs. “I’m not even legal.” Then he runs his nose across my shoulder until his mouth is next to my ear. “Just relax, Becca. I got you.”
I relax. I could blame it on the beer, but I don’t think that’s all it is. It’s Josh, too.
They talk a lot of shit. A lot of funny as hell shit. Mainly about Josh as a kid. I can tell they’re trying to embarrass him and it works. They don’t talk directly to me, but they also don’t make me feel like an outsider. I smile a lot. And I laugh. They’re silent laughs, but still, they’re there. They talk about Tommy and his cute and crazy antics. Kim mentions something about being replaced and how she’s jealous that I’m his new best friend. She doesn’t say it with malice though, and for some reason that makes me trust her. Just a little.
“Did you get any skating in yesterday?” Robby asks.
Josh shrugs. “A little.”
“Street or park?”
He points his thumb to where the trucks are parked. “Driveway.”
“Really?” Robby says. “I let you take half the day off and you fuck around in the driveway?”
Josh smirks and taps my leg. “I got distracted.”
Without even knowing I’ve done it, I raise my hand. All eyes snap to me. I clear my throat. “He tried to teach me but I suck.”
I’m met with silence and confused stares and I instantly wonder if they’re just as freaked out about my voice as I am. My gaze drops and Josh’s hand moves from my leg to my stomach, pulling me closer to him.
Robby’s the first to speak. “Becca, you know I’m the one who bought him his first skateboard when he was seven?”
I shake my head, looking up at him through my lashes.
“I’m just saying,” Robby adds, “If anyone should be teaching you to skate, it should be me.”
His wife smacks him on the back of the head. To me she says, “Have you seen Josh skate, Becca? Like, actually, skate?”
I open my mouth but the words catch in my throat and I hesitate. Josh—he must sense that because he kisses me, right under my ear. Then he pulls away and with a single finger under my chin, he makes me face him. He’s smiling, his dark eyes twinkling under the moonlight, and there’s something about the way he looks at me that completely confuses me—like he’s proud and accepting of me, just as I am, and I want to give him a reason to see me in that way.
It’s as if he’s kicked off the ground, and now it’s up to me to push.
I tear my gaze away from him and look at Kim. “Just around in the driveway,” I whisper.
Kim raises her eyebrows at Josh.
I turn to him. “Am I missing something?”
“Nope,” Josh says quickly.
“Is there more?” I ask.
“Nope,” Josh repeats.
“But it—”
“Shh!”
“I just—”
He presses his lips to mine, cutting me off. I smell the beer on his breath, and when he opens his mouth and runs his tongue across my lips, I taste it. His hand tightens on my waist, the other going to the back of my neck holding me to him. And I forget everything else and get lost in his kiss. In him. He moans into my mouth, his hips lifting slightly and now my hands are in his hair and I’m dizzy. So dizzy.
“We’re gonna go,” Robby says and my eyes snap open and then shut tight when reality hits. For a moment, I’d forgotten we had an audience. I hide my face in Josh’s neck while he mumbles something incoherent. It sounds like he and Robby high five right before Robby chuckles and says, “It’s cool. Don’t stand up.”
Josh squirms beneath me.
And then I understand why.
We hold our positions, not a single word spoken, until we hear Robby’s truck roar away. Josh chuckles lightly, his breaths shifting the hair on top of my head. “You want to come up and watch a movie or something?” he drawls.
He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just helps me to stand, takes my hand and leads me up to his apartment. And I let him. The entire time my heart hammers furiously in my chest, but not at all from the reasons I’ve been accustomed to.
There is no fear.
No anxiety.
No shame.
Just excitement.
We sit on the couch with the TV on mute. He looks at me. I look at him. A slow smile builds on his beautiful face and I find myself doing the same. “So,” he says. “So,” I whisper.
And his smile gets wider.
“Is Robby your brother?”
Turning his entire body to face me, he shakes his head, one arm going on to the back of the couch, the other on my leg. “He’s my uncle. My dad’s stepbrother.”
I lick my lips.
He does the same.
A tapping on the window interrupts us. Josh winds down the window. “We’re done. I’ll meet you at your house?” Robby asks.
“Yup!” Josh says, louder than normal.
Robby’s eyes drop to Josh’s hand on my leg. “I’d take Tommy but his seat’s not in my truck.”
Josh’s fingers press down on my leg when I try to move away from him. “It’s cool. Can you just um… put him in his seat? I can’t really get out right now.”
What? I think. But Robby says it out loud. Then after a beat, he laughs. “Oh!”
Oh what?
“Sure,” Robby says.
What’s funny?
As soon as Robby’s gone, Josh squirms in his seat, his hand on his lap covering himself.
Oh! “Oh!”
Josh shakes his head.
I stare out the windshield.
Kim puts Tommy in his seat. “See you guys there,” she says, smiling and waving just outside Josh’s window.
He gives her a two finger wave.
I blink.
He drives home.
I don’t speak.
Neither does he.
Not until we get home and he switches off the engine. I turn to Tommy. And then I laugh.
“What?” Josh follows my gaze. “He fell asleep!”
My grandmother takes Tommy into the house and tells us he can stay with her overnight so we can unload the sand and prepare everything for him for the next day.
Josh talks with Robby and Kim while they work. I try not to listen. At some point, Robby leaves for a short time. When he returns, he’s carrying a case of beers. Josh gathers some lawn chairs and sets them up around the sandpit. I place the last of the dump trucks in the middle of the sandpit and stand up, brushing the sand off my hands. I tap Josh on the shoulder just as he sets down the third and last chair. He turns to me and sits down on it.
I wave good night.
His brow bunches and he reaches for my hand. “Where are you going?”
I point to my house.
“Why?”
I don’t really know why he’s asking me questions when he knows I won’t answer him. So I just stare him down, waiting for his next move.
His next move is to smirk, which just confuses me more. Then he grips my hand tighter, the other on my waist, and pulls me down and onto his lap.
My eyes widen but he just keeps the smirk in place. He raises his hand not on my hip and the next second he catches a beer. He uncaps it and passes it to me, then repeats the process.
“Wait,” Robby says, “You’re legal right, Becca?”
Josh scoffs. “I’m not even legal.” Then he runs his nose across my shoulder until his mouth is next to my ear. “Just relax, Becca. I got you.”
I relax. I could blame it on the beer, but I don’t think that’s all it is. It’s Josh, too.
They talk a lot of shit. A lot of funny as hell shit. Mainly about Josh as a kid. I can tell they’re trying to embarrass him and it works. They don’t talk directly to me, but they also don’t make me feel like an outsider. I smile a lot. And I laugh. They’re silent laughs, but still, they’re there. They talk about Tommy and his cute and crazy antics. Kim mentions something about being replaced and how she’s jealous that I’m his new best friend. She doesn’t say it with malice though, and for some reason that makes me trust her. Just a little.
“Did you get any skating in yesterday?” Robby asks.
Josh shrugs. “A little.”
“Street or park?”
He points his thumb to where the trucks are parked. “Driveway.”
“Really?” Robby says. “I let you take half the day off and you fuck around in the driveway?”
Josh smirks and taps my leg. “I got distracted.”
Without even knowing I’ve done it, I raise my hand. All eyes snap to me. I clear my throat. “He tried to teach me but I suck.”
I’m met with silence and confused stares and I instantly wonder if they’re just as freaked out about my voice as I am. My gaze drops and Josh’s hand moves from my leg to my stomach, pulling me closer to him.
Robby’s the first to speak. “Becca, you know I’m the one who bought him his first skateboard when he was seven?”
I shake my head, looking up at him through my lashes.
“I’m just saying,” Robby adds, “If anyone should be teaching you to skate, it should be me.”
His wife smacks him on the back of the head. To me she says, “Have you seen Josh skate, Becca? Like, actually, skate?”
I open my mouth but the words catch in my throat and I hesitate. Josh—he must sense that because he kisses me, right under my ear. Then he pulls away and with a single finger under my chin, he makes me face him. He’s smiling, his dark eyes twinkling under the moonlight, and there’s something about the way he looks at me that completely confuses me—like he’s proud and accepting of me, just as I am, and I want to give him a reason to see me in that way.
It’s as if he’s kicked off the ground, and now it’s up to me to push.
I tear my gaze away from him and look at Kim. “Just around in the driveway,” I whisper.
Kim raises her eyebrows at Josh.
I turn to him. “Am I missing something?”
“Nope,” Josh says quickly.
“Is there more?” I ask.
“Nope,” Josh repeats.
“But it—”
“Shh!”
“I just—”
He presses his lips to mine, cutting me off. I smell the beer on his breath, and when he opens his mouth and runs his tongue across my lips, I taste it. His hand tightens on my waist, the other going to the back of my neck holding me to him. And I forget everything else and get lost in his kiss. In him. He moans into my mouth, his hips lifting slightly and now my hands are in his hair and I’m dizzy. So dizzy.
“We’re gonna go,” Robby says and my eyes snap open and then shut tight when reality hits. For a moment, I’d forgotten we had an audience. I hide my face in Josh’s neck while he mumbles something incoherent. It sounds like he and Robby high five right before Robby chuckles and says, “It’s cool. Don’t stand up.”
Josh squirms beneath me.
And then I understand why.
We hold our positions, not a single word spoken, until we hear Robby’s truck roar away. Josh chuckles lightly, his breaths shifting the hair on top of my head. “You want to come up and watch a movie or something?” he drawls.
He doesn’t wait for me to answer, just helps me to stand, takes my hand and leads me up to his apartment. And I let him. The entire time my heart hammers furiously in my chest, but not at all from the reasons I’ve been accustomed to.
There is no fear.
No anxiety.
No shame.
Just excitement.
We sit on the couch with the TV on mute. He looks at me. I look at him. A slow smile builds on his beautiful face and I find myself doing the same. “So,” he says. “So,” I whisper.
And his smile gets wider.
“Is Robby your brother?”
Turning his entire body to face me, he shakes his head, one arm going on to the back of the couch, the other on my leg. “He’s my uncle. My dad’s stepbrother.”
