Kiss Me Like This
Page 19
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“Who cares what everybody thinks?”
Sean’s voice echoed in her head as she began to cut the rubbery piece of chicken on her plate. And he was right—coming to Stanford had been a step in the right direction, but she needed to stop worrying and truly start living her life and following her dreams.
At the same time, after all the years she’d spent trying to be perfect for agents and photographers and fashion designers and her mother, she wasn’t foolish enough to think that she could just shake off the weight of everyone’s expectations in one night. Change—real change—took time. Maybe, she thought for the first time, she needed to give herself some room, some space, a little leeway, to make those changes. Not all at once, perhaps, but as she felt ready to tackle them one at a time.
By the time she got back to her room, Abi was sitting with her feet up on her desk, slicking on a layer of bright blue nail polish. “Hey, I’m glad you’re back earlier than usual! Guess you didn’t get my text about grabbing dinner together tonight?”
Serena shook her head. “Sorry, my phone is buried somewhere at the bottom of my bag and I didn’t hear it going off.” She’d left it there on purpose because she wasn’t yet ready to deal with listening to her mother’s message. Or messages, as the case probably was all these hours later. “Is something wrong?”
Abi put down the nail polish and turned to face Serena with a clearly concerned look on her face. “I was kind of worried about you.”
“You were?”
“I know we haven’t gotten to know each other that well yet—” Abi looked a little uncertain. “—but when I saw those pictures of you and your walking orgasm of a boyfriend online today, I realized I should have thought more about how hard it must be for you to deal with that kind of stuff all the time. It’s just that I’ve never known anyone famous like you before. I guess I’ve kind of been afraid to say the wrong thing.”
Serena was floored by what Abi had just said. Plus, she knew she was doing a terrible job of trying to hide her flushed cheeks at her roommate’s “walking orgasm” comment. Especially when the vision of Sean kissing her came so suddenly—and so clearly—that she didn’t have a prayer of containing her reaction to it.
“Sean and I, we’re just friends,” she tried to clarified.
But Abi reminded her, “I saw you two kissing at the frat party. It was hot. And FYI, I have no problem if he wants to stay the night with you in here.”
“Don’t worry,” she told Abi, “he won’t be staying over here.” In fact, she was sure her roommate would be shocked if she knew just how far they were from sleeping together, considering she wouldn’t even let him kiss her again.
Feeling awkward, she said, “I know it’s not the easiest thing in the world rooming with me. And you haven’t said anything even remotely wrong to me.”
“But I might have thought it…because I kind of hated you at first for being so much prettier than me,” Abi admitted.
“I’m not prettier than you,” Serena said earnestly. She’d never be the all-American beauty that her roommate was. “And you’re so much fun. Everybody likes you.”
Abi smiled at her, obviously thrilled by the compliments. But then she asked again, “Are you okay? You know, about that story that came out today?”
Serena had risked being open with Sean and so far he’d proven to be a really amazing guy. What if Abi turned out to be just as great? Could the two of them become friends? Real friends instead of just roommates who did their best to stay out of each other’s way?
Taking a deep breath, Serena admitted, “Showing up in those pictures with Sean...well, it wasn’t the best thing that ever happened.”
“Why, was he mad that you guys had been outed?”
“No.” He’d only been worried about her, and how she’d react to the story and pictures. He hadn’t, she now realized, seemed to give one thought to how the article would impact him. “I think it’s more that if Sean and I were starting something, we would both want it to be just between us.”
But Abi was shaking her head. “I know it’s on a larger scale because you’re famous, but even if you weren’t, it would still be a really big deal if people thought you were dating him. Sean Morrison is pretty much the hottest thing at Stanford, so people would still be talking, probably as much as they are now.”
Serena hadn’t thought about it that way. And, surprisingly, it made her feel better rather than worse about everything. “Thanks, that helps actually.”
“No problem. And, hey, anytime you want to talk or hang out, even if you seem way too into your classes,” Abi said with a grin, “I’m around. Who knows, maybe I should even tag along with you to the library so my parents don’t end up killing me over my grades.”
“I’d love that,” Serena said, meaning it wholeheartedly.
But though Serena really wanted to end the day on this high note, she still had one more thing to deal with. The hardest thing of all...
CHAPTER NINE
Serena knew her mother’s routine down to the tiniest detail. By eight p.m., if they weren’t at an industry event, Genevieve would have poured herself a glass of wine. By eight thirty, the bottle would be half empty and she’d take the rest of it with her to the bathtub, where she’d relax and finish her final glasses. By nine fifteen she’d be beneath the covers snoring with her eye mask on and her earplugs in. Serena was always supposed to be asleep by nine, too, so that she didn’t wake up for early calls with dark circles under her eyes. But once she got old enough to realize that her mother never stirred once she passed out from the combination of alcohol and hot bath, she’d only pretend to go to sleep before staying up reading under the covers. Or, as the case had been this past fall, filling out college applications.
Grabbing her phone, she left her room and headed down the hall to find a private spot outside in the middle of the deserted parking lot to listen to her mother’s message and then finally call her back.
But when she finally looked at the screen, she was surprised to see a text from Sean. She smiled as she ran her fingertip over the screen, wishing she could actually touch him by doing so.
HOW’D YOUR MEETING GO?
She knew he’d been worried about her when he’d left her with Professor Fairworth, probably because she’d clearly been freaked out about being alone with him in his small office. Thankfully, it looked like it had been another situation she’d read wrong.
Sean’s voice echoed in her head as she began to cut the rubbery piece of chicken on her plate. And he was right—coming to Stanford had been a step in the right direction, but she needed to stop worrying and truly start living her life and following her dreams.
At the same time, after all the years she’d spent trying to be perfect for agents and photographers and fashion designers and her mother, she wasn’t foolish enough to think that she could just shake off the weight of everyone’s expectations in one night. Change—real change—took time. Maybe, she thought for the first time, she needed to give herself some room, some space, a little leeway, to make those changes. Not all at once, perhaps, but as she felt ready to tackle them one at a time.
By the time she got back to her room, Abi was sitting with her feet up on her desk, slicking on a layer of bright blue nail polish. “Hey, I’m glad you’re back earlier than usual! Guess you didn’t get my text about grabbing dinner together tonight?”
Serena shook her head. “Sorry, my phone is buried somewhere at the bottom of my bag and I didn’t hear it going off.” She’d left it there on purpose because she wasn’t yet ready to deal with listening to her mother’s message. Or messages, as the case probably was all these hours later. “Is something wrong?”
Abi put down the nail polish and turned to face Serena with a clearly concerned look on her face. “I was kind of worried about you.”
“You were?”
“I know we haven’t gotten to know each other that well yet—” Abi looked a little uncertain. “—but when I saw those pictures of you and your walking orgasm of a boyfriend online today, I realized I should have thought more about how hard it must be for you to deal with that kind of stuff all the time. It’s just that I’ve never known anyone famous like you before. I guess I’ve kind of been afraid to say the wrong thing.”
Serena was floored by what Abi had just said. Plus, she knew she was doing a terrible job of trying to hide her flushed cheeks at her roommate’s “walking orgasm” comment. Especially when the vision of Sean kissing her came so suddenly—and so clearly—that she didn’t have a prayer of containing her reaction to it.
“Sean and I, we’re just friends,” she tried to clarified.
But Abi reminded her, “I saw you two kissing at the frat party. It was hot. And FYI, I have no problem if he wants to stay the night with you in here.”
“Don’t worry,” she told Abi, “he won’t be staying over here.” In fact, she was sure her roommate would be shocked if she knew just how far they were from sleeping together, considering she wouldn’t even let him kiss her again.
Feeling awkward, she said, “I know it’s not the easiest thing in the world rooming with me. And you haven’t said anything even remotely wrong to me.”
“But I might have thought it…because I kind of hated you at first for being so much prettier than me,” Abi admitted.
“I’m not prettier than you,” Serena said earnestly. She’d never be the all-American beauty that her roommate was. “And you’re so much fun. Everybody likes you.”
Abi smiled at her, obviously thrilled by the compliments. But then she asked again, “Are you okay? You know, about that story that came out today?”
Serena had risked being open with Sean and so far he’d proven to be a really amazing guy. What if Abi turned out to be just as great? Could the two of them become friends? Real friends instead of just roommates who did their best to stay out of each other’s way?
Taking a deep breath, Serena admitted, “Showing up in those pictures with Sean...well, it wasn’t the best thing that ever happened.”
“Why, was he mad that you guys had been outed?”
“No.” He’d only been worried about her, and how she’d react to the story and pictures. He hadn’t, she now realized, seemed to give one thought to how the article would impact him. “I think it’s more that if Sean and I were starting something, we would both want it to be just between us.”
But Abi was shaking her head. “I know it’s on a larger scale because you’re famous, but even if you weren’t, it would still be a really big deal if people thought you were dating him. Sean Morrison is pretty much the hottest thing at Stanford, so people would still be talking, probably as much as they are now.”
Serena hadn’t thought about it that way. And, surprisingly, it made her feel better rather than worse about everything. “Thanks, that helps actually.”
“No problem. And, hey, anytime you want to talk or hang out, even if you seem way too into your classes,” Abi said with a grin, “I’m around. Who knows, maybe I should even tag along with you to the library so my parents don’t end up killing me over my grades.”
“I’d love that,” Serena said, meaning it wholeheartedly.
But though Serena really wanted to end the day on this high note, she still had one more thing to deal with. The hardest thing of all...
CHAPTER NINE
Serena knew her mother’s routine down to the tiniest detail. By eight p.m., if they weren’t at an industry event, Genevieve would have poured herself a glass of wine. By eight thirty, the bottle would be half empty and she’d take the rest of it with her to the bathtub, where she’d relax and finish her final glasses. By nine fifteen she’d be beneath the covers snoring with her eye mask on and her earplugs in. Serena was always supposed to be asleep by nine, too, so that she didn’t wake up for early calls with dark circles under her eyes. But once she got old enough to realize that her mother never stirred once she passed out from the combination of alcohol and hot bath, she’d only pretend to go to sleep before staying up reading under the covers. Or, as the case had been this past fall, filling out college applications.
Grabbing her phone, she left her room and headed down the hall to find a private spot outside in the middle of the deserted parking lot to listen to her mother’s message and then finally call her back.
But when she finally looked at the screen, she was surprised to see a text from Sean. She smiled as she ran her fingertip over the screen, wishing she could actually touch him by doing so.
HOW’D YOUR MEETING GO?
She knew he’d been worried about her when he’d left her with Professor Fairworth, probably because she’d clearly been freaked out about being alone with him in his small office. Thankfully, it looked like it had been another situation she’d read wrong.
