Kiss Me Like This
Page 66
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But Smith never looked away from Serena. “Is it really, Serena?”
She swallowed hard. “No.” Sean ran a thumb lightly across her palm, and his touch helped keep her grounded. “I love books. I love to read them, and maybe one day I’ll write them, or teach about them, or help people find information in them. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to make a career out of books yet, but I’m hoping to find out. That’s why I enrolled in Stanford this year, which I love. And even though I don’t know if they’re going to agree to let me go beyond this first probationary quarter to make me a permanent student, I can’t leave in the middle of the quarter.” But that wasn’t the full truth. “I don’t want to leave school, not now, or after the quarter ends. I’m so sorry—I know this will probably cause all sorts of problems for you both and it’s why I was going to do the movie anyway, because I don’t want to disappoint you. But I don’t want to be an actress.”
“Of course you do!” Genevieve exploded. “This is what you’ve been working for your entire life!”
Serena knew she needed to say no again, but if it had been hard to bail on Smith Sullivan’s movie, it was a thousand times harder to finally make it clear to her mother that she was never, ever going back to modeling or acting. In an instant, her palms were sweating, her heart was racing, and her breath was coming way too fast.
“Serena.”
Sean’s voice was soft, but firm enough that she had to snap out of her growing panic at least long enough to turn to face him. When she looked into his eyes, she saw not only love, but a reminder of the love he’d come from. “All of the answers are there inside your head, your body, your heart,” his mother had written to him. “And I promise you that your choices will always be supported by the people who love you exactly as you are: Strong. Smart. Talented. Uniquely, perfectly you.”
“You’re right,” she finally said to her mother. “Up until two months ago, this was exactly what I’d worked toward. But I was wrong to keep going when I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted. I don’t want to act or model. Not ever again.”
Valentina and Smith both stood up. “We’ll leave the three of you alone for a few minutes,” Smith said. As they walked past Serena, Valentina mouthed, “You’re doing great,” and gave her a thumbs-up.
Serena already knew the Sullivans were nice people, but after pulling out of their movie at the last minute, anyone would have been mad. Instead, they were being completely supportive of her in ways she’d never expected anyone to be. At least, not until Sean and Abi had shown her what true friendship, and love, was all about.
“Look at what you’ve done! Do you know how hard it’s going to be to get them to sign you on again once you come to your senses?”
Finally, Serena snapped. “I have come to my senses!” God, she didn’t want it to be like this, didn’t want to stand here yelling at her mother in a movie star’s living room. But before she could get a grip and somehow try to fix everything that was breaking more by the second, Genevieve turned on Sean.
“This is all your fault!” Her mother was practically breathing fire. “She was never headstrong like this, never would have dared yell at me until you appeared.”
“If Serena wanted to go back to modeling, I’d support her.” Sean held her close with an arm around her waist, his voice raw with emotion he wasn’t trying to hold back. “If she wanted to be an actress, I’d support her. But if you’d listen to what she’s been saying to you, you’d know that she doesn’t want either of those things.”
“How dare you speak to me about my daughter as if you know her better than I do!”
Serena knew how hard Sean had been working to let her speak for herself when he wanted so badly to protect her. So now, even though she knew he wouldn’t be able to get through to her mother, she let him say what he needed to say.
“I love your daughter exactly as she is,” Sean said. “And so should you.”
It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard anyone say. So beautiful that it gave her the final strength she needed to finish what she needed to say, too.
“I know you’ve only ever wanted the best for me.” She made herself look her mother in the eye, made herself stand strong and steady. “And I know you think that teaching me your beliefs about men and love was a way to protect me from getting hurt. But I’m not a little girl anymore.” When her mother didn’t leap straight down her throat, Serena hoped—prayed—that she was finally getting through. “Mom, please can’t we—”
“You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Brought me here to shame me in front of Smith Sullivan to try to teach me a lesson.”
“I would never do that to you.” She instinctively reached out for her mother, but Genevieve pulled back.
“Some day,” Serena said in a choked voice, “I hope you’ll forgive me. Not just for walking away from this movie and my modeling career...but for having to give up your own dreams for me. I tried so long to give them back to you any way I could. But now it’s time for me to live my own dreams.” Sean’s arms surrounded her as though he was trying to take away her pain. “I love you, Mom. I always have and always will, and one day I hope you’ll believe it’s true.”
Her mother was staring at her in a way that Serena had never seen before. A way that scared her. It was over. Her mother hated her...and Serena was going to break into a million pieces, right here in the middle of the living room. She buried her face in Sean’s chest, felt his hand stroke her hair.
“I don’t understand.”
The ringing in her ears was so loud that Serena thought it had to be her stupidly boundless well of hope that was making her hear things. But then she heard it again.
“I don’t understand.”
As if in slow motion, Serena lifted her face from Sean’s chest and turned to look at her mother. “Mom?” The short word broke in her tear-clogged throat, one syllable becoming two.
Her mother was crying, too, now. And saying, “I don’t understand,” again and again until the words all ran together. IdontunderstandIdontunderstandIdontunderstand.
Serena had to go to her. And when she did, she realized Sean was right beside her, helping her mother sit down. Finding a box of tissues. Being Serena’s rock through absolutely everything.
She swallowed hard. “No.” Sean ran a thumb lightly across her palm, and his touch helped keep her grounded. “I love books. I love to read them, and maybe one day I’ll write them, or teach about them, or help people find information in them. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to make a career out of books yet, but I’m hoping to find out. That’s why I enrolled in Stanford this year, which I love. And even though I don’t know if they’re going to agree to let me go beyond this first probationary quarter to make me a permanent student, I can’t leave in the middle of the quarter.” But that wasn’t the full truth. “I don’t want to leave school, not now, or after the quarter ends. I’m so sorry—I know this will probably cause all sorts of problems for you both and it’s why I was going to do the movie anyway, because I don’t want to disappoint you. But I don’t want to be an actress.”
“Of course you do!” Genevieve exploded. “This is what you’ve been working for your entire life!”
Serena knew she needed to say no again, but if it had been hard to bail on Smith Sullivan’s movie, it was a thousand times harder to finally make it clear to her mother that she was never, ever going back to modeling or acting. In an instant, her palms were sweating, her heart was racing, and her breath was coming way too fast.
“Serena.”
Sean’s voice was soft, but firm enough that she had to snap out of her growing panic at least long enough to turn to face him. When she looked into his eyes, she saw not only love, but a reminder of the love he’d come from. “All of the answers are there inside your head, your body, your heart,” his mother had written to him. “And I promise you that your choices will always be supported by the people who love you exactly as you are: Strong. Smart. Talented. Uniquely, perfectly you.”
“You’re right,” she finally said to her mother. “Up until two months ago, this was exactly what I’d worked toward. But I was wrong to keep going when I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted. I don’t want to act or model. Not ever again.”
Valentina and Smith both stood up. “We’ll leave the three of you alone for a few minutes,” Smith said. As they walked past Serena, Valentina mouthed, “You’re doing great,” and gave her a thumbs-up.
Serena already knew the Sullivans were nice people, but after pulling out of their movie at the last minute, anyone would have been mad. Instead, they were being completely supportive of her in ways she’d never expected anyone to be. At least, not until Sean and Abi had shown her what true friendship, and love, was all about.
“Look at what you’ve done! Do you know how hard it’s going to be to get them to sign you on again once you come to your senses?”
Finally, Serena snapped. “I have come to my senses!” God, she didn’t want it to be like this, didn’t want to stand here yelling at her mother in a movie star’s living room. But before she could get a grip and somehow try to fix everything that was breaking more by the second, Genevieve turned on Sean.
“This is all your fault!” Her mother was practically breathing fire. “She was never headstrong like this, never would have dared yell at me until you appeared.”
“If Serena wanted to go back to modeling, I’d support her.” Sean held her close with an arm around her waist, his voice raw with emotion he wasn’t trying to hold back. “If she wanted to be an actress, I’d support her. But if you’d listen to what she’s been saying to you, you’d know that she doesn’t want either of those things.”
“How dare you speak to me about my daughter as if you know her better than I do!”
Serena knew how hard Sean had been working to let her speak for herself when he wanted so badly to protect her. So now, even though she knew he wouldn’t be able to get through to her mother, she let him say what he needed to say.
“I love your daughter exactly as she is,” Sean said. “And so should you.”
It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard anyone say. So beautiful that it gave her the final strength she needed to finish what she needed to say, too.
“I know you’ve only ever wanted the best for me.” She made herself look her mother in the eye, made herself stand strong and steady. “And I know you think that teaching me your beliefs about men and love was a way to protect me from getting hurt. But I’m not a little girl anymore.” When her mother didn’t leap straight down her throat, Serena hoped—prayed—that she was finally getting through. “Mom, please can’t we—”
“You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Brought me here to shame me in front of Smith Sullivan to try to teach me a lesson.”
“I would never do that to you.” She instinctively reached out for her mother, but Genevieve pulled back.
“Some day,” Serena said in a choked voice, “I hope you’ll forgive me. Not just for walking away from this movie and my modeling career...but for having to give up your own dreams for me. I tried so long to give them back to you any way I could. But now it’s time for me to live my own dreams.” Sean’s arms surrounded her as though he was trying to take away her pain. “I love you, Mom. I always have and always will, and one day I hope you’ll believe it’s true.”
Her mother was staring at her in a way that Serena had never seen before. A way that scared her. It was over. Her mother hated her...and Serena was going to break into a million pieces, right here in the middle of the living room. She buried her face in Sean’s chest, felt his hand stroke her hair.
“I don’t understand.”
The ringing in her ears was so loud that Serena thought it had to be her stupidly boundless well of hope that was making her hear things. But then she heard it again.
“I don’t understand.”
As if in slow motion, Serena lifted her face from Sean’s chest and turned to look at her mother. “Mom?” The short word broke in her tear-clogged throat, one syllable becoming two.
Her mother was crying, too, now. And saying, “I don’t understand,” again and again until the words all ran together. IdontunderstandIdontunderstandIdontunderstand.
Serena had to go to her. And when she did, she realized Sean was right beside her, helping her mother sit down. Finding a box of tissues. Being Serena’s rock through absolutely everything.
