Kiss the Dead
Chapter Forty-One

I COULDN'T SEE Dev when I first pushed the curtains apart, but I felt him like a brush of heat across my face, which meant his emotions were strong enough that he wasn't shielding well. The golden tigers were masters of control - they'd had to be to hide from the Harlequin for centuries - but now he was leaking through all that practiced control. I followed that hint of energy to find him sitting beside the fireplace, back against the wall, muscular arms hugging his knees to that nice chest, his head bowed over them so that all I could see was the fall of his blond hair with its highlights and lowlights, from nearly white to a deep yellow. The hair was straight and just long enough to spill around his face and hide it completely while he cried. He was inches taller than Nicky, not quite as broad through the shoulders, but he was still a big guy, and yet he'd tucked himself up so tight that he had been completely hidden behind one of the big chairs that bookended the faux stone fireplace. He was wearing a white T-shirt and pale blue jeans, no shoes, so that he was all pale colors to offset the reds and gold of the new living room.
The guards melted away as I crossed the room toward him. It was my problem now. Oh, hell, it had always been my problem. Because of Asher's jealousy, no one else but me was dating Dev, so it was just him and me. I said a quick prayer for wisdom because I didn't know what to say, but I'd learned that it's not really what you say sometimes, it's that you're willing to say something, anything, that you're just there.
I walked over to him and touched the silk of his hair. He took in a ragged breath, loud and painful, and raised his face. I had a moment to see that handsome face tear streaked, his eyes with their amber brown circle around the pupil and the outer edge of rich, pale blue, blinking up at me, and then he grabbed me around the thighs, those strong arms pulling me in against his body, knees opening up so he wrapped as much of himself around me as he could. When he was sitting down, his face still came above my belly button, almost to my sternum. I suddenly felt small.
I stroked his hair and murmured, "It's all right, Dev. It's all right."
He shook his head, rubbing his face against my shirt. He managed to gasp in a breathy voice, thick with tears, "It's not all right. It can't be. It won't be."
"Asher's only going away for a month, then he'll be back."
He pressed his cheek against my stomach. "I love him, Anita, I really do."
"That's great, Dev."
"I've never been in love before."
I bent over him and hugged him back, because the first time can hurt like hell. "It's wonderful and awful, isn't it?" I said.
He turned his head, and I stood back up so we could look at each other. "Yes, because he's wonderful and awful."
I nodded. "Yeah, that's about right - wonderful and awful is very Asher."
"If he heard you say that, he'd assume you meant the scars."
I petted the side of Dev's face, tracing the edge of his profile. "I've offered to try to fix the scars. He won't let me."
"He's afraid."
"I know, I'd have to cut enough flesh away to make a new wound and see if I can heal it with sexual energy. If it doesn't work, then we don't do anything else."
"I think he's afraid to be perfect again."
"Why?" I asked.
He shrugged those big shoulders, arms tightening around my legs, so that my knees had to bend into his chest, so that I would have fallen except he was there to catch me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shoulders, and his face was suddenly peering at me through my breasts. He snuggled his face so that I could see his whole face framed by my breasts.
I laughed. "I'm here to comfort you."
He rubbed his face against my breasts. "This is comforting."
I gave him narrow eyes. "Is this your way of saying you don't want to talk about this?"
He nuzzled his face against one breast until he found the nipple, then rubbed his lips over it until he felt my body react to his touch. "No, it's me saying that I haven't gotten to touch breasts in a long time, and I miss girls. I do love him, Anita, I really do, but if he wants me to give up everyone but him, loving him isn't enough." He went back to that light caress of lips across my nipple.
The pulse in my neck was jumping, my body beginning to react to him. "Love doesn't conquer all," I said.
"Was it stupid to think it would?" he asked.
"No, not stupid; for some people one person is enough," I said, "but you..." He rubbed his face harder against my breast. "... You are the most truly bisexual person I've ever met." He licked my nipple through the thin T-shirt material, one long swipe of tongue. My voice was breathy as I said, "You really don't have a preference for boy or girl, you just like the person." He opened his mouth wide and put as much of my breast into his mouth as would fit. My pulse was making it hard to talk. "Someone like you isn't going to be happy without both." His teeth pressed down, slowly, more pressure than anything. "I take it you don't want to talk anymore." My voice sounded strained.
He shook his head with my breast still in his mouth.
"Bedroom?" I asked.
He shook his head again, shaking my breast a little more firmly. It made me have to close my eyes for a minute.
"Here?"
He nodded, biting down on my breast, and letting a slow growl trickle out from between his lips. The growl vibrated across my breast.
"God, Dev," I breathed.
He grinned with my breast still in his mouth. His eyes filled with a mix of mischief, sex, and just him. Dev was short for Devil, and in that moment he earned his nickname. I shivered and he worried my breast with his teeth until I cried out his name.