Knights' Sinner
Page 55
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“Serenity, this is our baby...”
“My baby!” I cry, shaking. “You don’t want this. You don’t want me. You walked away, Jackson. I told you I loved you, and you walked away. You can’t just come back now and try to help me. What’s the point?”
His eyes flicker with emotion, and I notice everyone else leave the bathroom. Jackson stares at me for a long moment, and I expect him to tell me that he can’t change it, but I’m still going to the doctor anyway. Instead, he says something that has my world stopping, and all the breath leaving my lungs.
“You think I don’t love you?” he rasps. “You think I don’t fucking care? I care, Serenity. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life, and you frighten the fuck out of me. You could change your mind at any moment, deciding I’m not good enough, or too old, and then where will I be? If you think I am pulling away, because I don’t care, then you’re fucking wrong. I care about you, more than I care to admit.”
I shake, and reach out, gripping his shirt. “Have you seen the life I lived, Jackson? Have you seen how it went for me? Do you have any idea how much I adore you? I don’t care how old you are. I don’t want to leave you, because you’re the only good thing I have left. Don’t pull away from me,” I plead. “I need you.”
“Baby,” he murmurs, gripping me and hurling me up and into his chest. He wraps his big arms around me, and nestles his face into my hair. “You are the reason I fuckin’ breathe.”
I shudder as he stands, lifting me up off the floor. When my feet are steady on the ground, he looks down at me, those beautiful green eyes blazing. “And because of that, you’re goin’ to the doctor whether you like it or not.”
I don’t argue.
I don’t need to.
He’s said everything I need to hear.
~*~
SERENITY
“You said she got beaten walking home?” the nurse says, rubbing a salt water solution over a wound on my head.
“Yeah,” Jackson grunts. “That’s what I said.”
The nurse gives him a suspicious look. He’s not wearing his colors right now, because he’s trying to stay un-noticed, but she’s still jumping to conclusions in her own head.
“I don’t beat her!” he snaps, and her eyes widen.
Men, they never help themselves. Now she likely thinks he beats me because of his aggressive outburst. I close my eyes and sigh.
“Can you tell me where the pain has been?” the nurse says, and I open my eyes to see her glaring at Jackson still, even though she directed the question at me.
“I can’t pin point one area, but it’s down low.”
“Ok, well, we’ll do an ultrasound to see how far along you are, and if baby has a heartbeat.”
Jackson’s eyes widen, and I feel my body tremble. Another lady comes in a moment later with a machine, and a long probe. I stare at the probe and rasp, “What’s that for?”
“At this early stage, we have to use a vaginal insert to see the baby.”
A what?
Oh hell no.
All I can say, is it’s one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life, but then she shows us the screen, and quickly, I forget about it. Everything else seems to blur. I can’t smell the awful clean hospital, or hear the beeping of the machines, or see Jackson’s face. No, I can only see that screen. My entire world stops spinning for a moment.
“There we are, see that tiny little bean?”
A tiny blob of white, in a dark circle - that’s all I can see. Somewhere deep down I know that’s life; our life.
“T-t-that’s my baby?”
“It sure is, and look at that, a steady heartbeat.”
She points to the screen again, and I see the tiny pulsing of a tiny heartbeat. It looks bigger than the baby, but it’s there. I make a strangled sound, and press my hand to my mouth. Jackson just sits, his eyes transfixed on the screen, his hands curled into fists.
“You’re about six weeks along, congratulations. Everything looks fine. The small bit of bleeding could be normal for this early in the pregnancy, or it could be because of the damage your body has received. For now though, baby looks healthy and ok.”
My baby is ok?
I feel Jackson’s hand touch my shoulder, but I don’t acknowledge it. I can’t breathe. That tiny little bubble on the screen...is mine? Mine? All mine? I can love, and adore, and spoil, and cherish it how I want? How I need? How it needs? My body begins to shake all over. Jackson steps up beside me, running his fingers through my hair.
“You need to take it easy for a few weeks, just to be sure,” the nurse says.
I nod, “O-ok.”
“Once the doctor has checked you out, you can go.”
We both thank her, and when she’s gone, Jackson turns to me, taking my face in his hands and leaning down so he’s looking deep into my eyes.
“I fucked up before; I didn’t tell you what I should have. I let fear rule what I should have let my heart rule. I won’t lose another child for half of its life, and I won’t lose a woman I love out of petty, ridiculous fears.”
“W-w-what are you saying?” I whisper.
“I’m saying I love you, Serenity. It may not be right, and it may not be logical, but it’s real and it’s mine. I won’t let you go, and I won’t let my child grow up without me. So, you best get used to me being around, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“My baby!” I cry, shaking. “You don’t want this. You don’t want me. You walked away, Jackson. I told you I loved you, and you walked away. You can’t just come back now and try to help me. What’s the point?”
His eyes flicker with emotion, and I notice everyone else leave the bathroom. Jackson stares at me for a long moment, and I expect him to tell me that he can’t change it, but I’m still going to the doctor anyway. Instead, he says something that has my world stopping, and all the breath leaving my lungs.
“You think I don’t love you?” he rasps. “You think I don’t fucking care? I care, Serenity. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life, and you frighten the fuck out of me. You could change your mind at any moment, deciding I’m not good enough, or too old, and then where will I be? If you think I am pulling away, because I don’t care, then you’re fucking wrong. I care about you, more than I care to admit.”
I shake, and reach out, gripping his shirt. “Have you seen the life I lived, Jackson? Have you seen how it went for me? Do you have any idea how much I adore you? I don’t care how old you are. I don’t want to leave you, because you’re the only good thing I have left. Don’t pull away from me,” I plead. “I need you.”
“Baby,” he murmurs, gripping me and hurling me up and into his chest. He wraps his big arms around me, and nestles his face into my hair. “You are the reason I fuckin’ breathe.”
I shudder as he stands, lifting me up off the floor. When my feet are steady on the ground, he looks down at me, those beautiful green eyes blazing. “And because of that, you’re goin’ to the doctor whether you like it or not.”
I don’t argue.
I don’t need to.
He’s said everything I need to hear.
~*~
SERENITY
“You said she got beaten walking home?” the nurse says, rubbing a salt water solution over a wound on my head.
“Yeah,” Jackson grunts. “That’s what I said.”
The nurse gives him a suspicious look. He’s not wearing his colors right now, because he’s trying to stay un-noticed, but she’s still jumping to conclusions in her own head.
“I don’t beat her!” he snaps, and her eyes widen.
Men, they never help themselves. Now she likely thinks he beats me because of his aggressive outburst. I close my eyes and sigh.
“Can you tell me where the pain has been?” the nurse says, and I open my eyes to see her glaring at Jackson still, even though she directed the question at me.
“I can’t pin point one area, but it’s down low.”
“Ok, well, we’ll do an ultrasound to see how far along you are, and if baby has a heartbeat.”
Jackson’s eyes widen, and I feel my body tremble. Another lady comes in a moment later with a machine, and a long probe. I stare at the probe and rasp, “What’s that for?”
“At this early stage, we have to use a vaginal insert to see the baby.”
A what?
Oh hell no.
All I can say, is it’s one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life, but then she shows us the screen, and quickly, I forget about it. Everything else seems to blur. I can’t smell the awful clean hospital, or hear the beeping of the machines, or see Jackson’s face. No, I can only see that screen. My entire world stops spinning for a moment.
“There we are, see that tiny little bean?”
A tiny blob of white, in a dark circle - that’s all I can see. Somewhere deep down I know that’s life; our life.
“T-t-that’s my baby?”
“It sure is, and look at that, a steady heartbeat.”
She points to the screen again, and I see the tiny pulsing of a tiny heartbeat. It looks bigger than the baby, but it’s there. I make a strangled sound, and press my hand to my mouth. Jackson just sits, his eyes transfixed on the screen, his hands curled into fists.
“You’re about six weeks along, congratulations. Everything looks fine. The small bit of bleeding could be normal for this early in the pregnancy, or it could be because of the damage your body has received. For now though, baby looks healthy and ok.”
My baby is ok?
I feel Jackson’s hand touch my shoulder, but I don’t acknowledge it. I can’t breathe. That tiny little bubble on the screen...is mine? Mine? All mine? I can love, and adore, and spoil, and cherish it how I want? How I need? How it needs? My body begins to shake all over. Jackson steps up beside me, running his fingers through my hair.
“You need to take it easy for a few weeks, just to be sure,” the nurse says.
I nod, “O-ok.”
“Once the doctor has checked you out, you can go.”
We both thank her, and when she’s gone, Jackson turns to me, taking my face in his hands and leaning down so he’s looking deep into my eyes.
“I fucked up before; I didn’t tell you what I should have. I let fear rule what I should have let my heart rule. I won’t lose another child for half of its life, and I won’t lose a woman I love out of petty, ridiculous fears.”
“W-w-what are you saying?” I whisper.
“I’m saying I love you, Serenity. It may not be right, and it may not be logical, but it’s real and it’s mine. I won’t let you go, and I won’t let my child grow up without me. So, you best get used to me being around, because I’m not going anywhere.”
