Kushiel's Mercy
Page 54

Blessed Elua, please let her live.
At least it was downhill. We entered the streets of New Carthage. There were no Aragonians abroad at this hour, only Astegal’s patrols. I strode past them, acknowledging their curious greetings with curt nods. I was a veiled Amazigh bent on some unspeakable errand.
I was a ghost.
An aching ghost.
I carried Sidonie. I carried my guilt—our guilt. The murdered guards. My slain wife, Dorelei. Our lost son. All of it. I carried all of it, tired and terrified. I kept going. I thought about the night that Phèdre, Joscelin, and I had rowed to Kapporeth. Joscelin, his bleeding hands on the oars. We had both known failure once. In Skaldia, he’d surrendered to despair. In Vralia, so had I.
Not there.
Not here.
I prayed to Blessed Elua and his Companions, making every step a word in my litany. And as I neared the harbor, with the night sky dimming, I felt the burden on my right shoulder stir feebly. I hurried my steps, hurried to the wharf.
“Hey!” I shouted at Captain Deimos’ ship. “Lend a hand!”
Kratos hustled down the plank, blessed Kratos, his blunt-featured face suffused with alarm. He eased the carpet from my shoulder, carried it in both arms aboard the ship. I followed. Deimos was waiting, watchful, arms folded. On the deck of his ship, Kratos and I unrolled the carpet with reverent hands. I knelt beside it, anxious.
A very tousled Sidonie blinked sleepily at me. “Imriel?”
My eyes stung. “Yes, love.”
She blinked again, touching my veiled face. “Look at you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to drink, but Bodeshmun was suspicious. I had to do it. Are we aboard the ship? Why aren’t we fleeing?”
I nodded at Captain Deimos. “Tell him.”
Deimos leaned over her. “Your highness?”
Her eyes flashed. “Name of Elua, go!”
Fifty
Ptolemy Solon had chosen well in Captain Deimos. He was in truth a man of his word, and he knew a royal command when he heard one. By the time I escorted Sidonie down to the ship’s hold, where we’d both be out of sight until we passed the harbor patrol, the oars were out and the ship was moving.
Safe at last, at least for the moment, we held one another for a long, long time.
“How’s your back?” I murmured at length.
“I don’t know. It hurts.” She gazed up at me. “How’s your head?”
I laughed. “Fine. I’d nearly forgotten about it. Let me send Kratos to fetch my things. I brought salve and clean bandages.”
Sidonie glanced around the hold and wrinkled her nose. “It can wait until we’ve cleared the harbor. I daresay it’s cleaner above-deck. Imriel . . .” She hesitated, almost afraid to ask. “Did you get the talisman?”
“Yes.” I fished the piece of lacquered leather out of my purse and showed it to her.
She perched on a water barrel, studying it. “Such an insignificant scrap of a thing,” she mused. “’Tis hard to believe it’s the key for undoing a spell that put the entire City of Elua under its sway.”
“Like as not it’s far more complicated and disgusting than it looks,” I observed. “Hide tanned from the skin of a stillborn babe or somewhat. At any rate, according to Solon, it’s the word of binding that matters. Can you read it?”
“Elua, I hope so. I can speak more than a little, but I can’t read much. I was only just beginning to learn the Punic alphabet.” Her lips moved as she studied the Punic script. “Emmen . . . emmenghanom. Emmenghanom.” Sidonie looked up in triumph. “It means beholden.”
I cupped her face and kissed her. “Gods be thanked that you’re not one to suffer tedium in idleness, love. I told Bodeshmun you’d know.”
“Is he dead?” she asked.
I nodded. “Very.”
There was somewhat adamant in her expression. “Tell me how. Tell me everything.”
I told her all that had transpired. When I told her how Bodeshmun had died and what I’d said to him at the end, she smiled with grim satisfaction. “Good. How did you know what he was going to do?”
“He killed a young Aragonian lord the same way.” I kept forgetting there were gaps in her knowledge. “In front of an entire hall full of people.”
Sidonie shuddered. “Elua! No wonder they hated me so, thinking I’d betrayed Aragonia to subject them to that.”
“You didn’t,” I said.
“They didn’t know that. And I didn’t give them any reason to think otherwise.” She gazed into the distance, and I knew she was thinking of things she’d rather not remember. I kept my silence, waiting until her gaze returned to me. The familiar spark leapt between us. Sidonie took my hand and kissed it. “Thank you. I’m sorry for what you had to do.”
“And I for what you endured,” I said.
“Ah, well, my end of it was easy.” A little of her humor returned. “After all, I slept through most of it.”
“So I noticed.” I kissed her.
She returned my kiss. “Do you know, I even love you covered in . . . Imriel, what are you covered in?”
I rubbed at my face with one flowing sleeve. “Pork grease and ashes.” I glanced down at my Amazigh robe. The dark indigo hid the stains, but the second guard had bled freely on me. “And a fair amount of blood.”
“Ashes and blood.” Sidonie traced a line down my face. “I pray this is the last of it.”
“I too,” I murmured.
“My lord?” Kratos poked his head into the hold. “We’re well under way; it’s safe now.” He cleared his throat. “Captain Deimos wants a word with you.”
We emerged from the hold to find the sails full and the ship moving briskly. The Cytheran sailors went about their business, casting curious glances at us, or more accurately, at Sidonie. Deimos was pacing the foredeck, his hands clasped behind his back. He fetched up before us, offering Sidonie a bow.
“Your highness,” he said briefly. “Welcome. I am Deimos Stanakides, in the service of his eminence Ptolemy Solon, the Governor of Cythera. I presume you are Sidonie de la Courcel?”
“I am.” She inclined her head. “Well met, my lord captain. On behalf of Terre d’Ange, I extend our most profound gratitude to you and to Ptolemy Solon. The service you have rendered us today will never be forgotten.”
Deimos smiled tightly. “Save your gratitude. We’re not safe yet. And I’m not satisfied.” He fixed his intent gaze on me. “Solon doesn’t suffer fools, Leander Maignard. Why did the princess call you Imriel?”
I sighed.
“Because it’s my name,” I said simply. I unbuckled my sword-belt and let it fall. Dragged the Amazigh robes over my head. “Do you require proof of my words, my lord? Ptolemy Solon himself wrought this semblance with his magics, all the better to undo what Carthage has done.” I pried off Leander’s boots and stood barefooted on the deck. Undid the laces of Leander’s shirt and hauled it off me. Once again, I’d worn my own breeches. “There. See and believe.”
Deimos paled.
An excited murmur ran around the ship.
I bowed. “Imriel de la Courcel, my lord. Well met.”
“Her ladyship’s son,” Deimos whispered.
“For better or for worse, yes,” I said dryly.
He glanced at Sidonie. “And you . . . ?”
“Love him?” she suggested. “Yes, very much so. As much as I love my country and wish to save it from the same foul magics that bound me.” Her hand reached for mine, our fingers entwining. “My lord captain, I implore you. Make haste for Marsilikos. Lives beyond our own hang in the balance.”
Captain Deimos licked his lips. “I’ll do my best.”
Once Deimos was convinced, all seemed well. We sailed northward, hugging the Aragonian coast. Three days passed without incident.
Sidonie and I shared the master cabin. The first thing I did was scour myself with soap and fresh water, washing the guise of grease and ashes from my skin. The second was to inspect the wound I’d inflicted on her.
“Is it bad?” She craned her neck, trying to see.
“It’s not good.” The patch of raw flesh between her shoulder blades was red and angry, weeping clear liquid. I bathed it with unwatered wine, making her hiss between clenched teeth. I swabbed it with the salve Kratos had bought, bound it with clean bandages. “You need a proper chirurgeon.”
“Marsilikos,” Sidonie said. “I’ll live.”
I nodded. “You will.”
I made love to her at her insistence. Careful, always careful. Elua knows, it wasn’t that I didn’t want her, but I feared hurting her worse. I’d injured her badly a-purpose, and I never wanted to do it again. But she knew us better than I did. Knew what she needed, knew what I needed.
Her.
Us.
Kratos was enchanted by her. It made me laugh. He’d grown tolerably fond of Leander and some of that had passed on to me, mixed with a measure of newfound respect; but Sidonie enthralled him.
“Imagine!” Kratos marveled. “Here I was thinking my best years were behind me, prepared to die a broken-down useless slave, and instead I helped rescue a princess who’s as brave as she is beautiful.”
Sidonie smiled at him with genuine warmth. “And you’re as gallant as you are clever, messire. Imriel told me you were the one conceived the plan to get Astegal’s ring. For that alone, I’m forever in your debt.”
He turned red. “It was an honor, my lady.”
“You never spoke that nicely to Leander Maignard,” I observed to Sidonie. “In fact, you teased him rather mercilessly.”
She gave me a sidelong glance. “Well, not at the end. But you must admit, that pomade made a rather absurd first impression.”
I laughed. “Oh, I know. I’ve not forgotten the stench of it.”
Mostly, during those first days, Sidonie and I spent long hours talking—or at least I did. She wanted to know everything, wanted all the gaps in her knowledge filled. And she wanted to know about Cythera and my mother and Ptolemy Solon. I talked myself dry, exploring feelings I hadn’t had time to consider. I told her what it had been like believing myself Leander, and about the way he’d changed. About the things that had affected him: her, the Aragonian boy in the slave-market. Sidonie listened gravely, although she didn’t try to hide her amusement when I told her about Sunjata.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” she asked, eyes dancing.
“Leander did,” I said wryly. “Which is a passing odd memory to hold.”
At that, Sidonie looked away. “Yes, I know.”
“Love.” I took her hand lightly. “You can speak of it. Believe me, there’s nothing you could say that I couldn’t bear to hear.”
“I know.” Her fingers stirred in mine. “One day I will. Not yet.”
“Let it take as long as it takes.” I stroked her fingers. “I didn’t speak of what the Mahrkagir did to me for months, and then only to Phèdre. After that, it was years before I spoke of it again. Just don’t close me out.”
Sidonie squeezed my hand. “I won’t. But it’s not the same.”
“No,” I said. “I know. It’s awful in a different way. I was there, I saw. And I have the misfortune of having escorted Astegal to Jasmine House, where his performance appeared to be received with considerable satisfaction by not one, but two adepts. So if you think you’re going to shock and horrify me, don’t.”
Her mouth quirked. “There’s a question most men would have asked by now.”
“Ah.” I took her chin in my hand, turning her reluctant face toward mine. “Do you want me to ask it?”
“No.” Tears stood in her eyes. “I’m afraid you wouldn’t believe me.”
“When you said what?” I asked gently. “That you never felt the very gods themselves were attendant on your love-making with Astegal? That you never experienced his feelings as surely as your own, as though you were one person in separate skins? That it wasn’t intimate and glorious and terrifying all at once?”
She smiled through her tears. “Well, yes.”
I shook my head. “Sidonie, if I didn’t know that without having to ask, I might as well go back to Carthage and take up with Sunjata.”
That made her laugh and the moment passed. It was all right, I thought. Sidonie had borne the first blow of knowledge with amazing resilience, but she’d warned me it might not last. It was good that we’d begun to speak of it.
In time, she would heal.
And I knew a thing or two about dealing with the burden of unwarranted guilt. As long as we were together, we could survive anything.
Thus was my positive state of mind on the fourth day of our journey, when our luck changed.
It was Captain Deimos who summoned us to the aft deck of the ship and pointed toward the south. I shaded my eyes and squinted, making out the distant form of a war-ship riding the choppy grey waters behind us.
“We’re being pursued,” he said grimly. “And they’re fast.”
Fifty-One
“You’re sure?” Sidonie asked, her voice strained.
Deimos gave a curt nod. “Fairly. The captain Astegal left in charge of the harbor reserve is no fool. I doubt it took him long to realize he granted us passage on the very day the princess and Leander Maignard vanished.”
“What can we do?” I asked.
He took a deep breath. “You’ve three choices. We can try to outrace them long enough to put ashore at the next port, but I reckon we’re only a couple of leagues south of Amílcar, and it’s blockaded. We can take to open water and pray they’re not foolhardy enough to follow. Or we can surrender.”