What I thought was, if Ty knew they were playing with me and I didn’t tell him, he’d lose his mind. He would, of course, lose his mind that they were playing with me but he’d lose his mind more if he knew I’d endured it, didn’t tell him and contacted Officer Frank, a man in a Carnal PD uniform I did not know but I did know I couldn’t trust.
Ty knew I could take care of myself, he knew I knew the score and he knew I had his back. He wouldn’t like it if this continued happening but he’d deal. If I kept something from him, he might not.
This, I wouldn’t know until hours later and events that led to heartbreak, was a very bad decision.
At the time, I just nodded because I was beginning to shake and I needed to get home.
“I have perishables in the car,” I told him softly.
He nodded. Then he said, “Sorry, Lexie. Really sorry.” He tapped both hands on the edge of my window and finished, “Drive safe.”
Then he lifted his hands in front of him, stepped back and moved away from my car.
I tossed the stuff in my hand to the passenger seat, put my car in gear and carefully checked all my mirrors before I pulled out, terrified, in my state, that I’d not pay attention and get hurt or hurt my baby so I paid acute attention to my every move. And I did this until my baby was in the garage and the garage door was falling behind her.
Home. Safe.
I sucked in breath.
Then I grabbed my purse, got out and flew up the steps.
“Yo, baby doll,” Julius greeted from his place camped out in front of the television.
“Uh… hey, Julius,” I muttered distractedly, moving directly to the island, putting my purse on it and, with trembling hands, digging for my phone.
“Hey, Lexie, you okay?” Julius asked and I had my phone in my hand and my thumb was finding Ty.
“Uh… uh…” I put my phone to my ear because I’d dialed Ty and my eyes went to him to see he’d made it to the kitchen. When he saw my face he stopped dead. “Kinda… no.”
“Mama,” Ty said in my ear and I dropped my head and looked at my hand holding onto the edge of the island.
“Uh, hey, honey.”
Silence then, “What?”
God, he could hear it in my voice.
“I got… um,” I swallowed. “I got pulled over on the way home.”
Now I got total silence on the phone.
Silence on the phone but in the kitchen a big, angry man rumbled, “Fuckin’ shit.”
When what I got over the phone lengthened, I whispered, “Ty?”
“Please tell me you were speeding.”
“No.” I was still whispering.
“Fuckin’ with you?”
“Crabtree,” I confirmed. “Until another cop stopped, named Frank and he –”
Ty didn’t let me finish. He bit off, “Right.”
“Honey, I –”
“Later, babe.”
“Ty, I –”
“Later, babe.”
Then he was gone.
Shit.
Shit, shit, f**king shit!
I dropped my phone hand and looked at Julius.
Then I whispered, “I shouldn’t have told him.”
Julius shook his head. “My woman got pulled over by some dirty, cracker cop who was f**kin’ with her, makin’ her look like you do right now, which means you’re feelin’ exactly what you look like you’re feelin’ right now, or worse, just so he could f**k with me, she didn’t tell me, I’d lose my f**kin’ mind.”
I nodded. This was good.
Then I asked, “Is he gonna lose his mind anyway?”
Julius held my eyes. Then he said, “Don’t know, baby doll. But do know, he does, he won’t lose it at you.”
“He’s got a lot to lose if he loses it with someone else,” I reminded him quietly, my voice trembling.
“He does, Lexie, but he’s a man and it’s his decision to lose it to make a point about someone f**kin’ with his woman. You just gotta let him make his decision then you gotta roll with it.”
It was then my whole body was trembling and it wasn’t the only thing. There was wet trembling at my eyes.
Then I was engulfed in a bear hug, Julius’s arms tight around me, Julius’s answers weighing on me.
I still didn’t know if I did the right thing.
I would find out later, after I pulled myself together, after Julius helped me bring up the groceries and put them away and after I’d calmed down over a beer that I didn’t.
Not at all.
* * * * *
Ty hit the backdoor and my eyes were already there because I’d heard the Cruiser pull in under the house.
I felt hope. He was home. Not in a jail cell with some dirty cop calling his parole officer to tell him to start the paperwork to send my man back to California.
I thought this was good.
The expression on his face said I was wrong.
I felt my face pale then I felt my breath stick in my throat when his eyes found me and his powerful arm slammed the door so hard the glass shook and it was a miracle it didn’t shatter.
Instantly, Julius saw it, felt it or both and he stepped toward Ty and whispered, “Walk.”
Ty didn’t take his eyes off me. His long legs took him to the island opposite me; he stopped and put his hands on top of it in a way that stated clearly he wanted to use his hands for something else.
The minute his hands hit counter, he announced, “Went to Tate.”
I nodded because I thought that was good. Tate was better than losing his mind on Rowdy Crabtree.
Even so, I was confused because he looked beyond pissed. He looked enraged.
“Went to Tate,” he repeated.
“Okay,” I replied.
Suddenly he leaned forward in a way that made me lean back even though the island was between us and he barked, “Went to Tate, Lexie!”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Told me,” he went on and I shook my head, still confused.
“Told you what?”
“Told me you played me.”
My breath stuck in my throat.
Oh God.
Oh God.
“What?” I pushed through the breath clogging my throat.
“Couldn’t believe it, not you,” he replied.
“Ty –”
“Not you,” he repeated.
“Ty,” I whispered, I’d started trembling again, knowing this was bad, very bad, the worst and he moved, his long legs taking him to the stairs and I watched, still confused but also terrified. So terrified all I could do was stare at the stairs and not move.
Ty knew I could take care of myself, he knew I knew the score and he knew I had his back. He wouldn’t like it if this continued happening but he’d deal. If I kept something from him, he might not.
This, I wouldn’t know until hours later and events that led to heartbreak, was a very bad decision.
At the time, I just nodded because I was beginning to shake and I needed to get home.
“I have perishables in the car,” I told him softly.
He nodded. Then he said, “Sorry, Lexie. Really sorry.” He tapped both hands on the edge of my window and finished, “Drive safe.”
Then he lifted his hands in front of him, stepped back and moved away from my car.
I tossed the stuff in my hand to the passenger seat, put my car in gear and carefully checked all my mirrors before I pulled out, terrified, in my state, that I’d not pay attention and get hurt or hurt my baby so I paid acute attention to my every move. And I did this until my baby was in the garage and the garage door was falling behind her.
Home. Safe.
I sucked in breath.
Then I grabbed my purse, got out and flew up the steps.
“Yo, baby doll,” Julius greeted from his place camped out in front of the television.
“Uh… hey, Julius,” I muttered distractedly, moving directly to the island, putting my purse on it and, with trembling hands, digging for my phone.
“Hey, Lexie, you okay?” Julius asked and I had my phone in my hand and my thumb was finding Ty.
“Uh… uh…” I put my phone to my ear because I’d dialed Ty and my eyes went to him to see he’d made it to the kitchen. When he saw my face he stopped dead. “Kinda… no.”
“Mama,” Ty said in my ear and I dropped my head and looked at my hand holding onto the edge of the island.
“Uh, hey, honey.”
Silence then, “What?”
God, he could hear it in my voice.
“I got… um,” I swallowed. “I got pulled over on the way home.”
Now I got total silence on the phone.
Silence on the phone but in the kitchen a big, angry man rumbled, “Fuckin’ shit.”
When what I got over the phone lengthened, I whispered, “Ty?”
“Please tell me you were speeding.”
“No.” I was still whispering.
“Fuckin’ with you?”
“Crabtree,” I confirmed. “Until another cop stopped, named Frank and he –”
Ty didn’t let me finish. He bit off, “Right.”
“Honey, I –”
“Later, babe.”
“Ty, I –”
“Later, babe.”
Then he was gone.
Shit.
Shit, shit, f**king shit!
I dropped my phone hand and looked at Julius.
Then I whispered, “I shouldn’t have told him.”
Julius shook his head. “My woman got pulled over by some dirty, cracker cop who was f**kin’ with her, makin’ her look like you do right now, which means you’re feelin’ exactly what you look like you’re feelin’ right now, or worse, just so he could f**k with me, she didn’t tell me, I’d lose my f**kin’ mind.”
I nodded. This was good.
Then I asked, “Is he gonna lose his mind anyway?”
Julius held my eyes. Then he said, “Don’t know, baby doll. But do know, he does, he won’t lose it at you.”
“He’s got a lot to lose if he loses it with someone else,” I reminded him quietly, my voice trembling.
“He does, Lexie, but he’s a man and it’s his decision to lose it to make a point about someone f**kin’ with his woman. You just gotta let him make his decision then you gotta roll with it.”
It was then my whole body was trembling and it wasn’t the only thing. There was wet trembling at my eyes.
Then I was engulfed in a bear hug, Julius’s arms tight around me, Julius’s answers weighing on me.
I still didn’t know if I did the right thing.
I would find out later, after I pulled myself together, after Julius helped me bring up the groceries and put them away and after I’d calmed down over a beer that I didn’t.
Not at all.
* * * * *
Ty hit the backdoor and my eyes were already there because I’d heard the Cruiser pull in under the house.
I felt hope. He was home. Not in a jail cell with some dirty cop calling his parole officer to tell him to start the paperwork to send my man back to California.
I thought this was good.
The expression on his face said I was wrong.
I felt my face pale then I felt my breath stick in my throat when his eyes found me and his powerful arm slammed the door so hard the glass shook and it was a miracle it didn’t shatter.
Instantly, Julius saw it, felt it or both and he stepped toward Ty and whispered, “Walk.”
Ty didn’t take his eyes off me. His long legs took him to the island opposite me; he stopped and put his hands on top of it in a way that stated clearly he wanted to use his hands for something else.
The minute his hands hit counter, he announced, “Went to Tate.”
I nodded because I thought that was good. Tate was better than losing his mind on Rowdy Crabtree.
Even so, I was confused because he looked beyond pissed. He looked enraged.
“Went to Tate,” he repeated.
“Okay,” I replied.
Suddenly he leaned forward in a way that made me lean back even though the island was between us and he barked, “Went to Tate, Lexie!”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Told me,” he went on and I shook my head, still confused.
“Told you what?”
“Told me you played me.”
My breath stuck in my throat.
Oh God.
Oh God.
“What?” I pushed through the breath clogging my throat.
“Couldn’t believe it, not you,” he replied.
“Ty –”
“Not you,” he repeated.
“Ty,” I whispered, I’d started trembling again, knowing this was bad, very bad, the worst and he moved, his long legs taking him to the stairs and I watched, still confused but also terrified. So terrified all I could do was stare at the stairs and not move.
