They played cards. Ben patiently taught Erin canasta and she laughed as she screwed it up over and over.
This had been part of Todd’s life for as long as he could remember. Either they would go to the park and watch, or later, after they got the boat, they came out. It had been etched into his memories and now she was there too.
Erin, his love, snuggled into him as she sat on the ground at his feet, her body resting in the cradle of his thighs. She rested her head on his leg as he played with the tips of her hair.
He caught his mother looking at him with a grin several times. He was sure she’d already started making a quilt for new babies in her head. That thought led him to the look on Erin’s face earlier at his parents’ house, looking at the baby pictures on the wall. He wondered if she’d ever be able to get past what had to be such deep grief.
He’d always wanted children. With Sheila it had been the idea he liked, but he supposed deep down he’d known they wouldn’t last. But he wanted them with Erin. Wanted to see her with their child in her arms, wanted to hear her sing lullabies, wanted that laughter only children can make when you blow raspberries on their bellies.
When the first colors exploded into the sky, they all settled in and watched. There was nothing like the Fourth over Lake Union. He’d been in Boston, had loved hearing the Boston Pops playing along with the fireworks show, but Sheila’s family was different than his own. This was what he was made of, where he was meant to be.
He wanted Erin with him forever. Wanted her to be part of all his new memories.
18
Erin stretched, walking up the front steps to his doorway. She let herself in, knowing he’d be downstairs, most likely with Cope. It was afternoon and while she was off for the day, he still had work until six.
She dropped some food off in the fridge and then took her overnight bag into the bedroom. The place had her stamp on it, she noticed. Her clothes hung in his closet, her toiletries took up space in his bathroom. It made her smile.
It was the end of July and she needed to talk to him about the tour dates. She’d pretty much decided to do the two dates in Washington, at the Gorge. The venue was spectacular, outdoors overlooking the Columbia River. The sound was amazing and she had a sentimental attachment to the venue because it was the first hometown show they’d done back when they were Mud Bay and they had their first big CD.
She wanted Todd to work with the label on security though. Only he could make her feel totally safe in public like that again. And there was the matter of Madison Square Garden. A hella fabulous venue, prestigious, and to be honest, she knew Adrian wanted her there not just to share it with him, but because it would make for a really special show and MSG was a place where they’d always pulled out all the stops before.
But it was New York City. NYC was big and loud and chaotic. She wasn’t sure she had it in her to do it. Talking it over with Todd would help her figure things out. He’d be honest with her, she knew that.
“I thought I heard someone up here.”
She turned and caught sight of him in the doorway, leaning as he ate her up with his gaze.
“I was just dropping off some clean clothes and putting dinner in the fridge. I made enough for Ben and Cope, by the way.” She walked straight into his arms and really came home, laying her head over his heart, listening to the reassuring beat.
He kissed the top of her head and they walked into the kitchen. “I came up for a soda. Cope’s out on a call, but since you’re coming over, I’m sure he’ll be here. Ben’s downstairs; he stopped by to drop off some stuff.”
“Okay. I need to talk to you about something, but it can wait until you’re done for the day.”
He tipped her chin with his finger. “What is it? I’ve always got time for you.”
She told him then. Told him about the invitation to play the shows, told him about her excitement and her fears. Told him about why she wanted to do the Washington shows and the MSG show but also why it scared her. He just listened, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Of course I’ll consult with the label about your security. I’ll speak with Adrian and we can get it written into the rider for the shows at the specific venues. In fact, I’d feel far more comfortable being in charge of your personal security. We have personal security—bodyguards—we contract with, but between Ben and I, we can be your personal detail and Cope can handle the logistics.”
He kissed her softly. “As for the other stuff? I’ll be by your side the whole time. I’d love to see you play, be it just the two shows here or the shows here and in New York. It’s up to you. I respect your decision either way.”
“What do you think? I know you respect my decision, but I’m asking your opinion.”
“I think you’ll kick yourself if you don’t play the MSG gig.” He shrugged. “I know you, honey. I hear the way your voice changes when you talk about it. You’re scared, yeah, but you’re excited. Wistful. I say do it. We’ll be your personal detail. We’ll work with the label, get things set up. I’m sure Jeremy would want to do whatever he needed to in order to keep you safe.”
She tried not to smile, but the way he said Jeremy’s name was cute. “I don’t love him, you know. I love you.”
“Of course you do.” He raised a brow. “But he has something with you that I want very much. He’s lived with you; he’s had a child with you. It’s hard not to resent him just a bit. And I’m sure he has some swank house in Holmby Hills and shit and wears three-thousand-dollar suits.”
This had been part of Todd’s life for as long as he could remember. Either they would go to the park and watch, or later, after they got the boat, they came out. It had been etched into his memories and now she was there too.
Erin, his love, snuggled into him as she sat on the ground at his feet, her body resting in the cradle of his thighs. She rested her head on his leg as he played with the tips of her hair.
He caught his mother looking at him with a grin several times. He was sure she’d already started making a quilt for new babies in her head. That thought led him to the look on Erin’s face earlier at his parents’ house, looking at the baby pictures on the wall. He wondered if she’d ever be able to get past what had to be such deep grief.
He’d always wanted children. With Sheila it had been the idea he liked, but he supposed deep down he’d known they wouldn’t last. But he wanted them with Erin. Wanted to see her with their child in her arms, wanted to hear her sing lullabies, wanted that laughter only children can make when you blow raspberries on their bellies.
When the first colors exploded into the sky, they all settled in and watched. There was nothing like the Fourth over Lake Union. He’d been in Boston, had loved hearing the Boston Pops playing along with the fireworks show, but Sheila’s family was different than his own. This was what he was made of, where he was meant to be.
He wanted Erin with him forever. Wanted her to be part of all his new memories.
18
Erin stretched, walking up the front steps to his doorway. She let herself in, knowing he’d be downstairs, most likely with Cope. It was afternoon and while she was off for the day, he still had work until six.
She dropped some food off in the fridge and then took her overnight bag into the bedroom. The place had her stamp on it, she noticed. Her clothes hung in his closet, her toiletries took up space in his bathroom. It made her smile.
It was the end of July and she needed to talk to him about the tour dates. She’d pretty much decided to do the two dates in Washington, at the Gorge. The venue was spectacular, outdoors overlooking the Columbia River. The sound was amazing and she had a sentimental attachment to the venue because it was the first hometown show they’d done back when they were Mud Bay and they had their first big CD.
She wanted Todd to work with the label on security though. Only he could make her feel totally safe in public like that again. And there was the matter of Madison Square Garden. A hella fabulous venue, prestigious, and to be honest, she knew Adrian wanted her there not just to share it with him, but because it would make for a really special show and MSG was a place where they’d always pulled out all the stops before.
But it was New York City. NYC was big and loud and chaotic. She wasn’t sure she had it in her to do it. Talking it over with Todd would help her figure things out. He’d be honest with her, she knew that.
“I thought I heard someone up here.”
She turned and caught sight of him in the doorway, leaning as he ate her up with his gaze.
“I was just dropping off some clean clothes and putting dinner in the fridge. I made enough for Ben and Cope, by the way.” She walked straight into his arms and really came home, laying her head over his heart, listening to the reassuring beat.
He kissed the top of her head and they walked into the kitchen. “I came up for a soda. Cope’s out on a call, but since you’re coming over, I’m sure he’ll be here. Ben’s downstairs; he stopped by to drop off some stuff.”
“Okay. I need to talk to you about something, but it can wait until you’re done for the day.”
He tipped her chin with his finger. “What is it? I’ve always got time for you.”
She told him then. Told him about the invitation to play the shows, told him about her excitement and her fears. Told him about why she wanted to do the Washington shows and the MSG show but also why it scared her. He just listened, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Of course I’ll consult with the label about your security. I’ll speak with Adrian and we can get it written into the rider for the shows at the specific venues. In fact, I’d feel far more comfortable being in charge of your personal security. We have personal security—bodyguards—we contract with, but between Ben and I, we can be your personal detail and Cope can handle the logistics.”
He kissed her softly. “As for the other stuff? I’ll be by your side the whole time. I’d love to see you play, be it just the two shows here or the shows here and in New York. It’s up to you. I respect your decision either way.”
“What do you think? I know you respect my decision, but I’m asking your opinion.”
“I think you’ll kick yourself if you don’t play the MSG gig.” He shrugged. “I know you, honey. I hear the way your voice changes when you talk about it. You’re scared, yeah, but you’re excited. Wistful. I say do it. We’ll be your personal detail. We’ll work with the label, get things set up. I’m sure Jeremy would want to do whatever he needed to in order to keep you safe.”
She tried not to smile, but the way he said Jeremy’s name was cute. “I don’t love him, you know. I love you.”
“Of course you do.” He raised a brow. “But he has something with you that I want very much. He’s lived with you; he’s had a child with you. It’s hard not to resent him just a bit. And I’m sure he has some swank house in Holmby Hills and shit and wears three-thousand-dollar suits.”
