Ben had deposited her in the car and traded off with Todd, rushing back to say good-bye to his family.
Brody stood at the car door, kissing her forehead. He looked up at Todd. “You call me if you need anything. Anything, do you understand?”
Todd nodded. “Of course. I’m just going to get her home and tuck her into bed. Get some Xanax into her and go from there. We’ll get hold of her therapist too.”
“We have to go down there and testify.” Adrian grabbed his arm. “Adele was special. This man took that. He has to pay.”
Todd blinked back tears as he nodded. “I know.”
Ben came out and got into the car, moving to her immediately. Todd nodded at Erin’s brothers. “I’ll talk to you both tomorrow.”
In the car on the way home she resisted when they tried to get her out of her wet clothes. Todd just turned the heater up and Ben held her tight. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t cry. She just rested in his arms and that alarmed him.
When they got home, she pushed away once they got inside. “I need to be by myself.”
“Tough.” Todd shook his head, frustrated. “You don’t live by yourself. We come with the deal now.”
“You don’t get every part of me.” She went upstairs and they followed.
In short, jerky movements she pulled her wet clothes off. Like an automaton, she went into the bathroom, turned on the taps to run a bath.
“Take something, damn it.” Ben held out a pill and a glass of water.
“I won’t.”
Her spine straightened and Ben felt a bit better at the sight. If they had to make her mad, so be it. Anything was better than despondent.
“Don’t be stubborn, Erin. Just take it. You’ll feel better.”
She got into the bath, and slid all the way under for so long Ben began to lean to yank her out when she surfaced.
“I’m not taking anything like that again. I can’t think straight when I take the pills. I need to think straight.”
“Do you? Right now?” Todd knelt next to the tub and squirted soap on the loofah and began to pass it over her back. “You can’t just give yourself a f**king break for one day?”
“What do you know about it?”
Ben pulled his clothes off and got in with her. She groaned in frustration.
“You boys are smart. You know what I want to be alone means! But you’re still here.”
“We’re not going anywhere. You’re hurting and we love you. Let us in.” Ben took her hand, kissing her fingers.
“And you’re right. I don’t know about it. I can’t unless you share,” Todd said.
“Some things hurt coming out.”
Ben heaved a sigh. He ached for her.
“I know they do, gorgeous. But once they’re out, they can’t poison you anymore.”
“I don’t want pills. I lived in a narcotic haze for nearly a year after Adele was killed. I’d go to the trial and relive that day over and over. Like a twisted version of Groundhog Day. And I’d come home, take pills, wash them down with booze and pass out. I could not deal. But I went every day because I wanted Charles Cabot to have to see me. The pills ate me up, the booze ate me up, the rage that my baby was murdered and left to bleed out on the street ate me up.” Her voice shook and her eyes held fire. “I’ll never do that again. I have to be aware. I have to because he can’t get out. It can’t happen.”
Todd met Ben’s eyes over her shoulder and tears shimmered there.
“Nothing will ever happen to you. We won’t allow that. You have to know that. This building is safe. We’ll escort you to work every day if we have to. He can’t touch you.” Ben needed her to understand.
She shot up, sending water sloshing over the edges of the tub. “It’s not that!” she screamed. “I don’t care about that. I wish he had killed me instead.”
Todd shook his head hard. “No. Damn it, no. Don’t go down this path, Erin.”
“He can’t be out and living a life when Adele is in a coffin. I can’t bear it. She was everything. Beautiful and loving and she did nothing wrong. She was light and love and he stole that. He dirtied it and ruined it.” Her face crumpled and Ben stood to gather her to him. “He got twenty-seven years and it’s only been four. She’ll never see another birthday and he might be getting out.”
“Let’s get you out of the water and into some pajamas. We’ll get the fire going and lie in bed. Okay?” Ben picked her up and she clung to him. Todd wrapped her in a towel, and they headed into the bedroom, where Todd turned on the fireplace.
Erin sighed when Ben put her down. She grabbed the towel and dried off, hung it up before rustling to find panties and her pajamas. They’d been right about that one thing. She wanted the comfort of flannel and hoped it would chase away the chill that had settled back into her bones.
“I’m getting some mulled cider and making plates.” Todd looked back at her and narrowed his gaze. “You, in bed.”
“Bossy,” she muttered, but did it and felt some comfort at the scent surrounding her. Their scent.
Ben sat across from her. He’d put on snug black boxer briefs and she couldn’t help but feel that zing that existed between them.
“Erin, I understand and respect that you want to remain clear-headed here.” He paused and she knew he was being very careful with his words.
Brody stood at the car door, kissing her forehead. He looked up at Todd. “You call me if you need anything. Anything, do you understand?”
Todd nodded. “Of course. I’m just going to get her home and tuck her into bed. Get some Xanax into her and go from there. We’ll get hold of her therapist too.”
“We have to go down there and testify.” Adrian grabbed his arm. “Adele was special. This man took that. He has to pay.”
Todd blinked back tears as he nodded. “I know.”
Ben came out and got into the car, moving to her immediately. Todd nodded at Erin’s brothers. “I’ll talk to you both tomorrow.”
In the car on the way home she resisted when they tried to get her out of her wet clothes. Todd just turned the heater up and Ben held her tight. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t cry. She just rested in his arms and that alarmed him.
When they got home, she pushed away once they got inside. “I need to be by myself.”
“Tough.” Todd shook his head, frustrated. “You don’t live by yourself. We come with the deal now.”
“You don’t get every part of me.” She went upstairs and they followed.
In short, jerky movements she pulled her wet clothes off. Like an automaton, she went into the bathroom, turned on the taps to run a bath.
“Take something, damn it.” Ben held out a pill and a glass of water.
“I won’t.”
Her spine straightened and Ben felt a bit better at the sight. If they had to make her mad, so be it. Anything was better than despondent.
“Don’t be stubborn, Erin. Just take it. You’ll feel better.”
She got into the bath, and slid all the way under for so long Ben began to lean to yank her out when she surfaced.
“I’m not taking anything like that again. I can’t think straight when I take the pills. I need to think straight.”
“Do you? Right now?” Todd knelt next to the tub and squirted soap on the loofah and began to pass it over her back. “You can’t just give yourself a f**king break for one day?”
“What do you know about it?”
Ben pulled his clothes off and got in with her. She groaned in frustration.
“You boys are smart. You know what I want to be alone means! But you’re still here.”
“We’re not going anywhere. You’re hurting and we love you. Let us in.” Ben took her hand, kissing her fingers.
“And you’re right. I don’t know about it. I can’t unless you share,” Todd said.
“Some things hurt coming out.”
Ben heaved a sigh. He ached for her.
“I know they do, gorgeous. But once they’re out, they can’t poison you anymore.”
“I don’t want pills. I lived in a narcotic haze for nearly a year after Adele was killed. I’d go to the trial and relive that day over and over. Like a twisted version of Groundhog Day. And I’d come home, take pills, wash them down with booze and pass out. I could not deal. But I went every day because I wanted Charles Cabot to have to see me. The pills ate me up, the booze ate me up, the rage that my baby was murdered and left to bleed out on the street ate me up.” Her voice shook and her eyes held fire. “I’ll never do that again. I have to be aware. I have to because he can’t get out. It can’t happen.”
Todd met Ben’s eyes over her shoulder and tears shimmered there.
“Nothing will ever happen to you. We won’t allow that. You have to know that. This building is safe. We’ll escort you to work every day if we have to. He can’t touch you.” Ben needed her to understand.
She shot up, sending water sloshing over the edges of the tub. “It’s not that!” she screamed. “I don’t care about that. I wish he had killed me instead.”
Todd shook his head hard. “No. Damn it, no. Don’t go down this path, Erin.”
“He can’t be out and living a life when Adele is in a coffin. I can’t bear it. She was everything. Beautiful and loving and she did nothing wrong. She was light and love and he stole that. He dirtied it and ruined it.” Her face crumpled and Ben stood to gather her to him. “He got twenty-seven years and it’s only been four. She’ll never see another birthday and he might be getting out.”
“Let’s get you out of the water and into some pajamas. We’ll get the fire going and lie in bed. Okay?” Ben picked her up and she clung to him. Todd wrapped her in a towel, and they headed into the bedroom, where Todd turned on the fireplace.
Erin sighed when Ben put her down. She grabbed the towel and dried off, hung it up before rustling to find panties and her pajamas. They’d been right about that one thing. She wanted the comfort of flannel and hoped it would chase away the chill that had settled back into her bones.
“I’m getting some mulled cider and making plates.” Todd looked back at her and narrowed his gaze. “You, in bed.”
“Bossy,” she muttered, but did it and felt some comfort at the scent surrounding her. Their scent.
Ben sat across from her. He’d put on snug black boxer briefs and she couldn’t help but feel that zing that existed between them.
“Erin, I understand and respect that you want to remain clear-headed here.” He paused and she knew he was being very careful with his words.
