But this Erin was his too. Guilt and despair, grief and loss. It was so much to deal with, just watching her at times like these. But she needed that from them. Needed them to be her anchor in the storm she attempted to live through.
She had no idea, really, the depth of her own strength and resolve. He’d tell her, as he tried to do from time to time.
He’d give her the words when she’d hear them best. Because that’s what she so often did with him and Todd. Because he loved her—he hoped with the depth and commitment she deserved.
Todd lay out next to him on the blanket, his gaze on Erin. He’d reached out and taken Ben’s hand, their fingers loosely entwined.
Something had shifted between them. Todd was most often the fixer. He guarded them all with an intensity Ben found comforting and sexy all at once. But that day it had been Ben who was the fixer. Even though he’d shared his discomfort at his place at times in their family, it was Todd who’d needed him to lean on.
A new step. Three decades of friendship, years of an intimate, romantic relationship, and he still learned things about himself as well as Todd and Erin.
Erin would get through that day. She’d wake up the next and go on. Because it was who she was. And they’d help her through it.
* * *
Erin played and sang until the sun had begun to set. After the last, haunting lines—The price was too high. Living without you leaves me . . . broken—she looked up, pulling her sunglasses off, and there was nothing Todd could do to stop himself from moving to her to take her into his arms and hold her while she cried.
Ben followed, holding them both, the strength of his arms around them soothing.
Finally, Erin sniffled and pulled back. “I’m sorry.”
“For aching at the loss of your baby? Do you really, truly believe either of us would expect you to apologize for that?” Ben shook his head, a sad smile on his face. “We love you. There are no apologies for this.”
“I wish . . . I don’t know what I wish, I guess.” She put her guitar down, her muscles still trembling from the emotion of the day. “I only know I’m glad you’re both here.”
Ben moved to her other side. Both men leaned in, holding their bodies against hers with enough pressure she knew they were there, enough to let her know they weren’t going anywhere either.
The tendrils of what the three of them shared dug into her belly.
“There’s nowhere else Todd and I would ever be. Don’t you know that by now?”
Todd agreed with a hmmm, the rumble of it against her skin.
“Yeah, I know that. I’m thankful for it every single day.”
Todd took her hand in his. “How about we go back to the bure and sit in the hot tub under the stars? Or would you like to sleep? Swim?”
That sounded really good. She was spent.
“Yes, that’s lovely. I’d like that.”
Ben stood and gave her a hand up. He and Todd packed up all their stuff and they walked back to their bure.
Chapter Eight
“Go take a shower. I’ve ordered dinner, something light,” Todd said as she came out of the bathroom.
Ben poked his head in from their lanai. “I just turned the hot tub on.”
She stood there, her hands at her sides, and looked at them both. Her big, braw men who’d softened and gentled around her. Who looked at her with so much love.
Her bottom lip wobbled and Todd’s smile fell away as he moved to her, gathering her into his arms.
“I’m all right.” She said it through a voice thick with tears though, and he knew it. “Really. I’m just strung out.”
Todd set her back and looked into her face. “You’re exhausted.”
“I didn’t do anything today.”
“Sweetheart.” He shook his head. “You grieved today. That takes a lot out of you. You’re emotionally exhausted. Do you want my help in the shower?” A glimmer of a smile, and suddenly she felt so much better. Just that the smile was still there. She was more than her grief.
And that was all right, wasn’t it?
She decided it was.
“I promise to keep my hands to myself if you’re worried.” It was a tease and she blew out a breath.
“But he’ll be thinking dirty things,” Ben called out from the lanai.
She laughed, really and truly.
Todd snorted. “He’s got my number.”
She tiptoed up to kiss his chin. “You’re not that mysterious when it comes to sex.”
“A man knows what he likes. And you’re it. But I mean it, you need to fortify yourself. Rest. Relaxation and definitely a meal.”
“I’m sandy.” Despite the teasing, she knew he had no intentions of making any moves. He would, when the time was right. That was also what she knew about him. He was a physical man. One who often showed affection in a physical way.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
She grabbed a towel and went in to take a quick shower.
And when she came out her dinner was waiting and their lanai had been lit with dozens of candles.
She paused at the doorway, and that flood of love for them just burst through her. This had been for her. All of it. The trip, the way they let her process that whole day, even though she knew they’d had a hard time holding back.
“Come on and sit. We’ll eat and then soak. That work for you?” Ben pulled the chair out for her to sit, and she did. He bent to kiss her shoulder and joined them, across from Todd.
She had no idea, really, the depth of her own strength and resolve. He’d tell her, as he tried to do from time to time.
He’d give her the words when she’d hear them best. Because that’s what she so often did with him and Todd. Because he loved her—he hoped with the depth and commitment she deserved.
Todd lay out next to him on the blanket, his gaze on Erin. He’d reached out and taken Ben’s hand, their fingers loosely entwined.
Something had shifted between them. Todd was most often the fixer. He guarded them all with an intensity Ben found comforting and sexy all at once. But that day it had been Ben who was the fixer. Even though he’d shared his discomfort at his place at times in their family, it was Todd who’d needed him to lean on.
A new step. Three decades of friendship, years of an intimate, romantic relationship, and he still learned things about himself as well as Todd and Erin.
Erin would get through that day. She’d wake up the next and go on. Because it was who she was. And they’d help her through it.
* * *
Erin played and sang until the sun had begun to set. After the last, haunting lines—The price was too high. Living without you leaves me . . . broken—she looked up, pulling her sunglasses off, and there was nothing Todd could do to stop himself from moving to her to take her into his arms and hold her while she cried.
Ben followed, holding them both, the strength of his arms around them soothing.
Finally, Erin sniffled and pulled back. “I’m sorry.”
“For aching at the loss of your baby? Do you really, truly believe either of us would expect you to apologize for that?” Ben shook his head, a sad smile on his face. “We love you. There are no apologies for this.”
“I wish . . . I don’t know what I wish, I guess.” She put her guitar down, her muscles still trembling from the emotion of the day. “I only know I’m glad you’re both here.”
Ben moved to her other side. Both men leaned in, holding their bodies against hers with enough pressure she knew they were there, enough to let her know they weren’t going anywhere either.
The tendrils of what the three of them shared dug into her belly.
“There’s nowhere else Todd and I would ever be. Don’t you know that by now?”
Todd agreed with a hmmm, the rumble of it against her skin.
“Yeah, I know that. I’m thankful for it every single day.”
Todd took her hand in his. “How about we go back to the bure and sit in the hot tub under the stars? Or would you like to sleep? Swim?”
That sounded really good. She was spent.
“Yes, that’s lovely. I’d like that.”
Ben stood and gave her a hand up. He and Todd packed up all their stuff and they walked back to their bure.
Chapter Eight
“Go take a shower. I’ve ordered dinner, something light,” Todd said as she came out of the bathroom.
Ben poked his head in from their lanai. “I just turned the hot tub on.”
She stood there, her hands at her sides, and looked at them both. Her big, braw men who’d softened and gentled around her. Who looked at her with so much love.
Her bottom lip wobbled and Todd’s smile fell away as he moved to her, gathering her into his arms.
“I’m all right.” She said it through a voice thick with tears though, and he knew it. “Really. I’m just strung out.”
Todd set her back and looked into her face. “You’re exhausted.”
“I didn’t do anything today.”
“Sweetheart.” He shook his head. “You grieved today. That takes a lot out of you. You’re emotionally exhausted. Do you want my help in the shower?” A glimmer of a smile, and suddenly she felt so much better. Just that the smile was still there. She was more than her grief.
And that was all right, wasn’t it?
She decided it was.
“I promise to keep my hands to myself if you’re worried.” It was a tease and she blew out a breath.
“But he’ll be thinking dirty things,” Ben called out from the lanai.
She laughed, really and truly.
Todd snorted. “He’s got my number.”
She tiptoed up to kiss his chin. “You’re not that mysterious when it comes to sex.”
“A man knows what he likes. And you’re it. But I mean it, you need to fortify yourself. Rest. Relaxation and definitely a meal.”
“I’m sandy.” Despite the teasing, she knew he had no intentions of making any moves. He would, when the time was right. That was also what she knew about him. He was a physical man. One who often showed affection in a physical way.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
She grabbed a towel and went in to take a quick shower.
And when she came out her dinner was waiting and their lanai had been lit with dozens of candles.
She paused at the doorway, and that flood of love for them just burst through her. This had been for her. All of it. The trip, the way they let her process that whole day, even though she knew they’d had a hard time holding back.
“Come on and sit. We’ll eat and then soak. That work for you?” Ben pulled the chair out for her to sit, and she did. He bent to kiss her shoulder and joined them, across from Todd.
