I did this so I could admit, “If that’s true, then why am I scared to death of what’s to come?”
“’Cause it might get ugly. ‘Cause any change in life is scary. ‘Cause you avoid risk like the plague and this is a big one that’s gonna have a long-lasting effect on three lives. And ‘cause you’re not stupid.”
My eyes went back to his and I remarked, “Don’t sugarcoat it, Mitch. Give it to me straight.”
He chuckled and his fingers curled deeper into my neck before he said, “You’re gonna be all right, Mara, and they’re gonna be all right which is why you’re doin’ this in the first place. You gotta believe in that.”
“Right,” I muttered, my eyes sliding away again.
I got a squeeze at the neck and my eyes went back.
“Right,” he whispered.
He was looking at me with his serious, firm face but his eyes were warm and it hit me that it wasn’t the same friendly neighbor warmth but something deeper. Something more important. Almost like he respected me. Like he was proud of me.
My breath caught then the warmth in his gaze shifted to something else. His fingers pressed into my neck bringing my face closer to his as his moved closer to mine and that was when we both heard Billie yell, “Sillies! What are you doing? It’s time for burritos!”
Mitch closed his eyes slowly as his fingers flexed into my neck.
I pulled free quickly, jumped off the bench, told myself I was being silly and rounded the bench to get myself and my soon to be legal charges (hopefully) some food.
I didn’t make it to the door without Mitch catching my hand. It was silly to let him keep hold of it as we walked in, walked up the ramp, by the hostess station and to our table but I let him keep hold of it. First because his hold was strong and firm and it would take some effort to get my hand away. And second, and most important, because I’d just made a life-altering decision that was going to have a long-lasting effect on three lives, it scared the living daylights out of me and I needed a strong hand to hold onto.
* * * * *
It happened after the three course meal Mitch bought us.
It was after Billy had melted toward Mitch and they were thumb wrestling across the table. Billy was laughing which was something I hadn’t seen in a good long while. And Mitch was smiling at him like he knew it was something the boy didn’t do often and he liked it a lot that he was doing it now.
Mitch and I were side by side on a booth bench, the kids sat across from us on seats while we were eating. But now that we were done, Billie had left her seat to crawl in close to me, wrap herself around me, play with my ponytail and whisper girlie stuff to me.
It was at this time, after Mitch had asked for the bill and we were waiting for it, that the elderly woman walked to our table.
Mitch’s head turned and tipped back to look at her and when his did, so did Billy’s. I twisted my neck to look at her as well and Billie pressed deep to look around me so she could see her too.
But the woman only had eyes for me.
“Sorry to disturb you but I just wanted to say, you have the most beautiful family I’ve ever seen.” My heart stopped, she smiled big, touched Billy’s hair, a Billy who was staring up at her with his mouth wide open and then she looked back at me. “Kids are usually grouchy, everyone’s always snappy, fighting, loud, kids racing around. It’s nice to see a polite, happy, beautiful family for once.” She nodded to me and finished, “Keep up the good work.”
“Uh…” I mumbled.
“Thanks.” Mitch’s deep voice sounded.
She smiled at Mitch then Billie then Billy. She nodded to me again, turned and walked away.
I blinked repeatedly at her departing back.
“She was nice!” Billie declared exuberantly and my head turned to look at her smiling face.
“Yeah, baby, a very nice lady.”
“I’ve never been part of a beautiful family,” Billie stated.
I stared at her, my heart wrenched, my head turned again and I caught Mitch’s eyes just as his arm wrapped around my shoulders. He pulled me into his side and since Billie was in my arms she came with me.
Mitch leaned into us both so his face was close to Billie’s before he advised, “Live it up, gorgeous.”
“Yippee!” Billie cried.
“Hush, honey, that’s a little loud,” I whispered to her.
“I can’t live it up quiet,” she whispered loudly and logically back to me.
“She’s got you there, sweetheart,” Mitch murmured, gave my shoulders a squeeze and then turned to the waitress who was there with our bill.
I scooted a bit away and sucked in breath. Then I let it out. For the next few minutes I allowed myself to pretend this table with Billy, Billie and Mitch was me and my beautiful family. Something I never had. Something I always wanted. Something that wasn’t for the likes of me.
Then we left the restaurant to go deal with Bill.
Chapter Six
Butterflies and Flowers
My alarm went off. I opened my eyes and saw it was an hour and a half earlier than it was normally set to go off. I blinked at it and then I remembered.
I reached out a hand to turn it off and rolled carefully.
Billie was dead asleep next to me, sprawled out on my bed, the fingers of her right hand clutching a new, little, fluffy pink teddy bear. She was sprawled yet she was so small she didn’t take up much of the bed. And she was also apparently oblivious to alarm clocks.
I moved into her, kissed her forehead then exited the bed and went to my bathroom, yesterday evening playing out in my head.
Suffice it to say things at Bill’s did not go well. In fact, they went worse than I could have imagined because things at Bill’s were worse than I ever imagined.
This was not because I lost it or Bill lost it when I shared with him that I intended to get custody of his kids. Though he did lose it but not because I told him I intended to take his kids from him.
This was because Mitch lost it. I knew I didn’t want him to know about Bill, Billy and Billie and how all that reflected on me and him losing it only proved I was very, very right.
Even so, this had been surprising. I didn’t know Mitch very well but I’d seen him get angry. I’d heard him get angry. And he could be a jerk when he was angry.
Then again, I didn’t know just how bad things were at Bill’s.
And they were bad.
You see when we walked into Bill’s, he was on the couch and he was high as a kite. His eyes were glassy, his body limp and his limbs not in his control. There was an open bottle of half-drunk vodka next to some drug paraphernalia on the dirty, cluttered coffee table in front of him.
“’Cause it might get ugly. ‘Cause any change in life is scary. ‘Cause you avoid risk like the plague and this is a big one that’s gonna have a long-lasting effect on three lives. And ‘cause you’re not stupid.”
My eyes went back to his and I remarked, “Don’t sugarcoat it, Mitch. Give it to me straight.”
He chuckled and his fingers curled deeper into my neck before he said, “You’re gonna be all right, Mara, and they’re gonna be all right which is why you’re doin’ this in the first place. You gotta believe in that.”
“Right,” I muttered, my eyes sliding away again.
I got a squeeze at the neck and my eyes went back.
“Right,” he whispered.
He was looking at me with his serious, firm face but his eyes were warm and it hit me that it wasn’t the same friendly neighbor warmth but something deeper. Something more important. Almost like he respected me. Like he was proud of me.
My breath caught then the warmth in his gaze shifted to something else. His fingers pressed into my neck bringing my face closer to his as his moved closer to mine and that was when we both heard Billie yell, “Sillies! What are you doing? It’s time for burritos!”
Mitch closed his eyes slowly as his fingers flexed into my neck.
I pulled free quickly, jumped off the bench, told myself I was being silly and rounded the bench to get myself and my soon to be legal charges (hopefully) some food.
I didn’t make it to the door without Mitch catching my hand. It was silly to let him keep hold of it as we walked in, walked up the ramp, by the hostess station and to our table but I let him keep hold of it. First because his hold was strong and firm and it would take some effort to get my hand away. And second, and most important, because I’d just made a life-altering decision that was going to have a long-lasting effect on three lives, it scared the living daylights out of me and I needed a strong hand to hold onto.
* * * * *
It happened after the three course meal Mitch bought us.
It was after Billy had melted toward Mitch and they were thumb wrestling across the table. Billy was laughing which was something I hadn’t seen in a good long while. And Mitch was smiling at him like he knew it was something the boy didn’t do often and he liked it a lot that he was doing it now.
Mitch and I were side by side on a booth bench, the kids sat across from us on seats while we were eating. But now that we were done, Billie had left her seat to crawl in close to me, wrap herself around me, play with my ponytail and whisper girlie stuff to me.
It was at this time, after Mitch had asked for the bill and we were waiting for it, that the elderly woman walked to our table.
Mitch’s head turned and tipped back to look at her and when his did, so did Billy’s. I twisted my neck to look at her as well and Billie pressed deep to look around me so she could see her too.
But the woman only had eyes for me.
“Sorry to disturb you but I just wanted to say, you have the most beautiful family I’ve ever seen.” My heart stopped, she smiled big, touched Billy’s hair, a Billy who was staring up at her with his mouth wide open and then she looked back at me. “Kids are usually grouchy, everyone’s always snappy, fighting, loud, kids racing around. It’s nice to see a polite, happy, beautiful family for once.” She nodded to me and finished, “Keep up the good work.”
“Uh…” I mumbled.
“Thanks.” Mitch’s deep voice sounded.
She smiled at Mitch then Billie then Billy. She nodded to me again, turned and walked away.
I blinked repeatedly at her departing back.
“She was nice!” Billie declared exuberantly and my head turned to look at her smiling face.
“Yeah, baby, a very nice lady.”
“I’ve never been part of a beautiful family,” Billie stated.
I stared at her, my heart wrenched, my head turned again and I caught Mitch’s eyes just as his arm wrapped around my shoulders. He pulled me into his side and since Billie was in my arms she came with me.
Mitch leaned into us both so his face was close to Billie’s before he advised, “Live it up, gorgeous.”
“Yippee!” Billie cried.
“Hush, honey, that’s a little loud,” I whispered to her.
“I can’t live it up quiet,” she whispered loudly and logically back to me.
“She’s got you there, sweetheart,” Mitch murmured, gave my shoulders a squeeze and then turned to the waitress who was there with our bill.
I scooted a bit away and sucked in breath. Then I let it out. For the next few minutes I allowed myself to pretend this table with Billy, Billie and Mitch was me and my beautiful family. Something I never had. Something I always wanted. Something that wasn’t for the likes of me.
Then we left the restaurant to go deal with Bill.
Chapter Six
Butterflies and Flowers
My alarm went off. I opened my eyes and saw it was an hour and a half earlier than it was normally set to go off. I blinked at it and then I remembered.
I reached out a hand to turn it off and rolled carefully.
Billie was dead asleep next to me, sprawled out on my bed, the fingers of her right hand clutching a new, little, fluffy pink teddy bear. She was sprawled yet she was so small she didn’t take up much of the bed. And she was also apparently oblivious to alarm clocks.
I moved into her, kissed her forehead then exited the bed and went to my bathroom, yesterday evening playing out in my head.
Suffice it to say things at Bill’s did not go well. In fact, they went worse than I could have imagined because things at Bill’s were worse than I ever imagined.
This was not because I lost it or Bill lost it when I shared with him that I intended to get custody of his kids. Though he did lose it but not because I told him I intended to take his kids from him.
This was because Mitch lost it. I knew I didn’t want him to know about Bill, Billy and Billie and how all that reflected on me and him losing it only proved I was very, very right.
Even so, this had been surprising. I didn’t know Mitch very well but I’d seen him get angry. I’d heard him get angry. And he could be a jerk when he was angry.
Then again, I didn’t know just how bad things were at Bill’s.
And they were bad.
You see when we walked into Bill’s, he was on the couch and he was high as a kite. His eyes were glassy, his body limp and his limbs not in his control. There was an open bottle of half-drunk vodka next to some drug paraphernalia on the dirty, cluttered coffee table in front of him.
