Mitch walked into the bedroom with me mid-rearrange and mid-sniffle.
And this was when Mitch finally tore away the last hints of my cocoon at the same time he managed the heretofore impossible task of convincing me I was at least an Eight.
He unwittingly started on this mission when he heard the sniffle, walked to me, straightened me away from a drawer, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
Then he dipped his head and locked his eyes with my brimming with wet ones.
He studied the wet then he spoke quietly.
“Kids need stability. The stability necessity pushed us to is them having two homes that are across a breezeway. So our play is, the stability Bud and Billie are gonna keep havin’ is home is here and my place. Circumstances mean you’re in my bed, they’re in theirs in the second bedroom and I’ll deal with decent beds for them soon as I have a chance. Most of the time, though, I’m in your bed so they’re in theirs here. I moved some of my shit in here. I want you to double up on what you and the kids need and move some of your shit to my place. Wherever they are and you are, home will just be home, not runnin’ back and forth to get shampoo and clean t-shirts.” His arms gave me a squeeze, his face dipped closer and his voice dipped lower. “My thinkin’ is, they should ride this right along with us, baby, they’re used to an us that’s together and I don’t think we should shake that up now seein’ as there’s a physical reason to be apart. They’re comfortable both places and we’ll go all out to keep them that way. Bud is clued into what’s goin’ on with you and me and Billie doesn’t care as long as the people she loves are happy. It’s all good.” His eyes held mine, his arms tightened and he asked gently, “You with me?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Baby,” his arms gave me another squeeze, “this is a big decision to make for those kids. You sayin’ ‘yeah’ means you’re expecting to stay in my life so I’ll be stayin’ in theirs. You can suggest another play and, this soon with what we got, I swear, I’ll be cool with that. I’m tellin’ you what I think but askin’ you if you’re with me and I’m not expecting a quick ‘yeah’.”
“Mitch, honey,” I gave him a squeeze back, “the answer is…yeah.”
“Sweetheart –”
I pressed closer, he stopped talking, I slid my hand to curl around the side of his neck and I whispered, “Kids need stability, sure, but it’s not the where that needs to be stable it’s the who. I know that. I lived in the same trailer all my life and it wasn’t a healthy place to be. They lived in the same place with Bill all their lives and that wasn’t a healthy place to be either. I don’t think they care where they sleep as long as you and I are there and since you and I will be there then the answer to the play you’re suggesting is yeah.”
He held my eyes then slowly closed his, drew in a deep breath, let it out and opened them again. It was then I realized my answer was both important and the one Mitch wanted to hear. The former, I knew and the latter meant everything to me.
And, incidentally, that was the first time I felt my soul sigh and it felt freaking great.
As I was experiencing just how great that felt, Mitch went on, “Right, then, you’re cool with that, we’ll talk about the rest.”
Oh boy.
I was pretty happy right then, happier than I’d been my whole life. I wasn’t sure about “the rest”.
Then Mitch gave me the rest.
“I talked to the office and they got two three bedroom units opening up. One in August, one in September. My lease is up in November. They told me yours is up next January. They also told me, we move into a unit in this complex and give them plenty of advance notice, they’ll waive the penalty for jumping one of our leases.”
We move?
We move?
I was nowhere near coping with that when Mitch kept talking.
“I’m not thinking that’s our play.”
I didn’t know if that was a relief or a disappointment.
I didn’t get the time to decide, Mitch wasn’t done.
“It’s a buyer’s market,” he announced. I sucked in breath at these words and he kept speaking, “I’ve been considering finding a place. The time has come for me to quit pissin’ away my money on rent and I’ve had enough for a down payment for awhile. The kids already need to move to a different school, it’d be good they made a move, any move, those moves are permanent ones. I’m thinkin’ about buyin’ a place and I’ll want your input ‘cause, come January, all stays this good, you, Bud and Billie will be movin’ in it with me. We find someplace, we get them in a school close to it.”
My chest was moving rapidly and this was because I was near to hyperventilating.
Mitch continued, “Not big on Bud and Billie sharin’ a room for another six months but they’re used to it, they’re both still kids and, one way or another, on the horizon they’ll have their own space.”
I was hearing him but I was stuck on what he said earlier.
“You want us to move in with you?”
“Yeah.”
“You want us to move in with you.” I repeated but not in question form this time.
His brows drew together and he repeated too, “Yeah.”
“But…uh…Mitch,” I started. “We’ve been together just over a month.”
“I look like a man who doesn’t know what he wants?” Mitch asked and I blinked.
No, he not only didn’t look like that kind of man, he didn’t act like that kind of man and this was because he wasn’t that kind of man.
“No,” I whispered.
“Okay, then do I look like a man who wouldn’t recognize he’s got what he wants when he finds it?”
Ohmigod!
My chest started burning and I forced out another, “No.”
Mitch held my eyes and drew in a short breath.
Then he said, “I’m not talkin’ about tomorrow. I’m talkin’ about January. I was already thinkin’, come November, it was time for me to make a move. That wasn’t about you but now you and those kids are in my life, it’s become about you so you’ll need to be in on this. Shit goes down between us that’s not good, which, baby,” he gave me another squeeze, “is not gonna happen, then you all still have your place. But if it doesn’t, six months from now or before, if we’re ready, you either jump your lease or give it up and we keep on keepin’ on but in a house we own where we got privacy and those kids do too.”
And this was when Mitch finally tore away the last hints of my cocoon at the same time he managed the heretofore impossible task of convincing me I was at least an Eight.
He unwittingly started on this mission when he heard the sniffle, walked to me, straightened me away from a drawer, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
Then he dipped his head and locked his eyes with my brimming with wet ones.
He studied the wet then he spoke quietly.
“Kids need stability. The stability necessity pushed us to is them having two homes that are across a breezeway. So our play is, the stability Bud and Billie are gonna keep havin’ is home is here and my place. Circumstances mean you’re in my bed, they’re in theirs in the second bedroom and I’ll deal with decent beds for them soon as I have a chance. Most of the time, though, I’m in your bed so they’re in theirs here. I moved some of my shit in here. I want you to double up on what you and the kids need and move some of your shit to my place. Wherever they are and you are, home will just be home, not runnin’ back and forth to get shampoo and clean t-shirts.” His arms gave me a squeeze, his face dipped closer and his voice dipped lower. “My thinkin’ is, they should ride this right along with us, baby, they’re used to an us that’s together and I don’t think we should shake that up now seein’ as there’s a physical reason to be apart. They’re comfortable both places and we’ll go all out to keep them that way. Bud is clued into what’s goin’ on with you and me and Billie doesn’t care as long as the people she loves are happy. It’s all good.” His eyes held mine, his arms tightened and he asked gently, “You with me?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Baby,” his arms gave me another squeeze, “this is a big decision to make for those kids. You sayin’ ‘yeah’ means you’re expecting to stay in my life so I’ll be stayin’ in theirs. You can suggest another play and, this soon with what we got, I swear, I’ll be cool with that. I’m tellin’ you what I think but askin’ you if you’re with me and I’m not expecting a quick ‘yeah’.”
“Mitch, honey,” I gave him a squeeze back, “the answer is…yeah.”
“Sweetheart –”
I pressed closer, he stopped talking, I slid my hand to curl around the side of his neck and I whispered, “Kids need stability, sure, but it’s not the where that needs to be stable it’s the who. I know that. I lived in the same trailer all my life and it wasn’t a healthy place to be. They lived in the same place with Bill all their lives and that wasn’t a healthy place to be either. I don’t think they care where they sleep as long as you and I are there and since you and I will be there then the answer to the play you’re suggesting is yeah.”
He held my eyes then slowly closed his, drew in a deep breath, let it out and opened them again. It was then I realized my answer was both important and the one Mitch wanted to hear. The former, I knew and the latter meant everything to me.
And, incidentally, that was the first time I felt my soul sigh and it felt freaking great.
As I was experiencing just how great that felt, Mitch went on, “Right, then, you’re cool with that, we’ll talk about the rest.”
Oh boy.
I was pretty happy right then, happier than I’d been my whole life. I wasn’t sure about “the rest”.
Then Mitch gave me the rest.
“I talked to the office and they got two three bedroom units opening up. One in August, one in September. My lease is up in November. They told me yours is up next January. They also told me, we move into a unit in this complex and give them plenty of advance notice, they’ll waive the penalty for jumping one of our leases.”
We move?
We move?
I was nowhere near coping with that when Mitch kept talking.
“I’m not thinking that’s our play.”
I didn’t know if that was a relief or a disappointment.
I didn’t get the time to decide, Mitch wasn’t done.
“It’s a buyer’s market,” he announced. I sucked in breath at these words and he kept speaking, “I’ve been considering finding a place. The time has come for me to quit pissin’ away my money on rent and I’ve had enough for a down payment for awhile. The kids already need to move to a different school, it’d be good they made a move, any move, those moves are permanent ones. I’m thinkin’ about buyin’ a place and I’ll want your input ‘cause, come January, all stays this good, you, Bud and Billie will be movin’ in it with me. We find someplace, we get them in a school close to it.”
My chest was moving rapidly and this was because I was near to hyperventilating.
Mitch continued, “Not big on Bud and Billie sharin’ a room for another six months but they’re used to it, they’re both still kids and, one way or another, on the horizon they’ll have their own space.”
I was hearing him but I was stuck on what he said earlier.
“You want us to move in with you?”
“Yeah.”
“You want us to move in with you.” I repeated but not in question form this time.
His brows drew together and he repeated too, “Yeah.”
“But…uh…Mitch,” I started. “We’ve been together just over a month.”
“I look like a man who doesn’t know what he wants?” Mitch asked and I blinked.
No, he not only didn’t look like that kind of man, he didn’t act like that kind of man and this was because he wasn’t that kind of man.
“No,” I whispered.
“Okay, then do I look like a man who wouldn’t recognize he’s got what he wants when he finds it?”
Ohmigod!
My chest started burning and I forced out another, “No.”
Mitch held my eyes and drew in a short breath.
Then he said, “I’m not talkin’ about tomorrow. I’m talkin’ about January. I was already thinkin’, come November, it was time for me to make a move. That wasn’t about you but now you and those kids are in my life, it’s become about you so you’ll need to be in on this. Shit goes down between us that’s not good, which, baby,” he gave me another squeeze, “is not gonna happen, then you all still have your place. But if it doesn’t, six months from now or before, if we’re ready, you either jump your lease or give it up and we keep on keepin’ on but in a house we own where we got privacy and those kids do too.”
