“That’s an interesting point. Maybe we should explore that.”
“Do you want to f**k me, Adam?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“Just answer!”
“Yes?”
“Then may I suggest that you consider employing a new strategy? Like treating me with respect, and eventually, maybe even asking me out on a f**king date?!” It’s amazing what anger can do to help one overcome fear of rejection.
“Would you agree to go out on a date with me if I asked you?”
“If you promised to genuinely make an effort to treat me with respect!”
“So does this mean I make you feel something?” he asked merrily.
“Yes! Enraged!” I narrowed my eyes and glowered at him.
“You’re really adorable when you’re all worked up like this, you know.”
“Bunny rabbits are adorable! I am passionate!”
“See, I do make you feel something besides rage,” he pointed out with a satisfied smile. “We have chemistry.”
“So does an H bomb.”
“Look, I realize this is crazy.” He laughed. “Really I do, trust me, but what the hell. Adler, do you want to go on a date with me?”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “But we should start with the socializing together at O’Malley’s on Friday.”
“Pre-date socialization. I’m down with that. And if we manage that without bloodshed, you want to have an actual date on Saturday?”
“Well, um, there’s this author party thing on Saturday night at that club, Inferno. Fiery Ladies and Red Hot Books? Inferno? Get it?” I looked at the ceiling. “Anyway, I’m supposed to go as Lilah Alden. I was thinking about having some fun with it, since I’m an erotic novelist. I was, you know, going to dress kind of sexy and …”
“Hell, yes! I want to go.” My gaze flew back to him.
“You do? Oh. Uh, okay.” This conversation was so surreal that I felt like I was on the verge of having an out-of-body experience.
“See, we’re getting along better already. You should have asked me if I wanted to f**k you a long time ago.”
“Are you trying to make me kill you?” I glared at him for a moment, but as he stood there smiling at me, suddenly I couldn’t help it; slowly, I smiled too.
“Goodnight Adler, make sure you dream about me. Your fans are probably looking forward to a sequel,” he said, turning and heading back toward the stairs.
“Goodnight Roth,” I called after him. “Try not to wake the neighbors when you holler my name in your sleep.”
I watched him disappear down the steps and went over to the window to surreptitiously watch him get into his car and drive away. Then, and only then, I allowed myself to freak out a little because, oh my God, Adam and I – Adam and I – were going to go on a date! It was so weird but it was so … stirring.
Monday when I got home from work. I saw the new neighbor coming out of his apartment. To my surprise, he made eye contact with me and smiled.
“Hi there, Dan McGuire, 404. Nice to meet you,” he said, approaching me. I shook his outstretched hand and smiled back.
“Lily Adler, 401. Likewise,” I answered pleasantly.
“Hey, have you had problems with the lock on the front door?”
“Yeah, it sticks and you have to jiggle the key. I’ve been telling the landlord about it. This is a rough neighborhood and we shouldn’t have to stand out on the street like that at night.”
“Well, at least you have some friends in law enforcement. That guy you were with the other night’s a prosecutor, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is. Do you know him?” I wondered, uncomfortably, if he had also met Adam in a professional capacity, like Mr. Viagra on the first floor.
“No, I heard you mention it the other night, and I think I may have seen him in the criminal courts building. I’ve been there on job related stuff.” He smiled. “Well, see you around.”
“Right.” I nodded and he walked past, whistling as he headed for the stairs. Before I could get the deadbolts open on my door, Herb poked his head out of his apartment.
“Hey, there, Lily! How was your day?” he asked with a big smile.
“Fine, Herb. How was yours?” I inquired politely and mentally prepared myself for the Philadelphia mass transit update.
“Oh, it was a rough one!” He sighed, shaking his head. “There was a breakdown on the R5 Malvern line and passengers had to disembark by jumping off the back of the train. It was a pretty windy day, and there were some very unhappy female passengers in skirts, I’ll tell you.”
“Sorry to hear it. Hey, that new guy in 404 seems nice.” I was hoping that maybe Herb would befriend him and strike up conversations with him more often.
“Oh, Dan McGuire? He seems nice, but I think he’s a little odd.” Herb gave me a conspiratorial look. “Do you know anything about him?”
“Odd?” He was kidding, right? “Um, no. I’ve never met him before. He just introduced himself now.”
“Did I hear him say that your friend from the other night was a lawyer?”
“Adam? Yeah, he’s an assistant district attorney.” Just in case Herb might have a crush on me, I thought it a convenient time to cool it. “He and I actually decided to go on a date after all.”
“Oh really? Well, that’s great! Has he recognized any criminals in our building?” he asked, sounding nervous. I didn’t want to upset him over a geriatric booty caller, so I decided not to mention Mr. Davis and his Viagra joyride.
“No. He was just here to see me and no … no criminals.” I smiled.
“Phew! Well, that’s good to know. I don’t know if you were aware, but there’s a lot of crime in this area, even supposedly some Mafioso types,” he said in a whisper, like he were sharing a big secret that that there were mobsters in South Philly.
“Oh, well. I’m careful. I just mind my own business, you know.”
“Good plan. You can never go wrong minding your own business.” I was surprised to hear the shadow of an almost menacing tone in his voice. Clearly, I needed to eat something before my brain stopped working.
“Uh, well, I’m going to go in now. I haven’t had anything to eat since noon and …”
“Oh go ahead! We’ll chat soon.” With that he ducked back inside and shut his door. At least he was friendly. It could be worse. I could live one floor down with Vixen, Donna and the Sopranos.
“Do you want to f**k me, Adam?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“Just answer!”
“Yes?”
“Then may I suggest that you consider employing a new strategy? Like treating me with respect, and eventually, maybe even asking me out on a f**king date?!” It’s amazing what anger can do to help one overcome fear of rejection.
“Would you agree to go out on a date with me if I asked you?”
“If you promised to genuinely make an effort to treat me with respect!”
“So does this mean I make you feel something?” he asked merrily.
“Yes! Enraged!” I narrowed my eyes and glowered at him.
“You’re really adorable when you’re all worked up like this, you know.”
“Bunny rabbits are adorable! I am passionate!”
“See, I do make you feel something besides rage,” he pointed out with a satisfied smile. “We have chemistry.”
“So does an H bomb.”
“Look, I realize this is crazy.” He laughed. “Really I do, trust me, but what the hell. Adler, do you want to go on a date with me?”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “But we should start with the socializing together at O’Malley’s on Friday.”
“Pre-date socialization. I’m down with that. And if we manage that without bloodshed, you want to have an actual date on Saturday?”
“Well, um, there’s this author party thing on Saturday night at that club, Inferno. Fiery Ladies and Red Hot Books? Inferno? Get it?” I looked at the ceiling. “Anyway, I’m supposed to go as Lilah Alden. I was thinking about having some fun with it, since I’m an erotic novelist. I was, you know, going to dress kind of sexy and …”
“Hell, yes! I want to go.” My gaze flew back to him.
“You do? Oh. Uh, okay.” This conversation was so surreal that I felt like I was on the verge of having an out-of-body experience.
“See, we’re getting along better already. You should have asked me if I wanted to f**k you a long time ago.”
“Are you trying to make me kill you?” I glared at him for a moment, but as he stood there smiling at me, suddenly I couldn’t help it; slowly, I smiled too.
“Goodnight Adler, make sure you dream about me. Your fans are probably looking forward to a sequel,” he said, turning and heading back toward the stairs.
“Goodnight Roth,” I called after him. “Try not to wake the neighbors when you holler my name in your sleep.”
I watched him disappear down the steps and went over to the window to surreptitiously watch him get into his car and drive away. Then, and only then, I allowed myself to freak out a little because, oh my God, Adam and I – Adam and I – were going to go on a date! It was so weird but it was so … stirring.
Monday when I got home from work. I saw the new neighbor coming out of his apartment. To my surprise, he made eye contact with me and smiled.
“Hi there, Dan McGuire, 404. Nice to meet you,” he said, approaching me. I shook his outstretched hand and smiled back.
“Lily Adler, 401. Likewise,” I answered pleasantly.
“Hey, have you had problems with the lock on the front door?”
“Yeah, it sticks and you have to jiggle the key. I’ve been telling the landlord about it. This is a rough neighborhood and we shouldn’t have to stand out on the street like that at night.”
“Well, at least you have some friends in law enforcement. That guy you were with the other night’s a prosecutor, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is. Do you know him?” I wondered, uncomfortably, if he had also met Adam in a professional capacity, like Mr. Viagra on the first floor.
“No, I heard you mention it the other night, and I think I may have seen him in the criminal courts building. I’ve been there on job related stuff.” He smiled. “Well, see you around.”
“Right.” I nodded and he walked past, whistling as he headed for the stairs. Before I could get the deadbolts open on my door, Herb poked his head out of his apartment.
“Hey, there, Lily! How was your day?” he asked with a big smile.
“Fine, Herb. How was yours?” I inquired politely and mentally prepared myself for the Philadelphia mass transit update.
“Oh, it was a rough one!” He sighed, shaking his head. “There was a breakdown on the R5 Malvern line and passengers had to disembark by jumping off the back of the train. It was a pretty windy day, and there were some very unhappy female passengers in skirts, I’ll tell you.”
“Sorry to hear it. Hey, that new guy in 404 seems nice.” I was hoping that maybe Herb would befriend him and strike up conversations with him more often.
“Oh, Dan McGuire? He seems nice, but I think he’s a little odd.” Herb gave me a conspiratorial look. “Do you know anything about him?”
“Odd?” He was kidding, right? “Um, no. I’ve never met him before. He just introduced himself now.”
“Did I hear him say that your friend from the other night was a lawyer?”
“Adam? Yeah, he’s an assistant district attorney.” Just in case Herb might have a crush on me, I thought it a convenient time to cool it. “He and I actually decided to go on a date after all.”
“Oh really? Well, that’s great! Has he recognized any criminals in our building?” he asked, sounding nervous. I didn’t want to upset him over a geriatric booty caller, so I decided not to mention Mr. Davis and his Viagra joyride.
“No. He was just here to see me and no … no criminals.” I smiled.
“Phew! Well, that’s good to know. I don’t know if you were aware, but there’s a lot of crime in this area, even supposedly some Mafioso types,” he said in a whisper, like he were sharing a big secret that that there were mobsters in South Philly.
“Oh, well. I’m careful. I just mind my own business, you know.”
“Good plan. You can never go wrong minding your own business.” I was surprised to hear the shadow of an almost menacing tone in his voice. Clearly, I needed to eat something before my brain stopped working.
“Uh, well, I’m going to go in now. I haven’t had anything to eat since noon and …”
“Oh go ahead! We’ll chat soon.” With that he ducked back inside and shut his door. At least he was friendly. It could be worse. I could live one floor down with Vixen, Donna and the Sopranos.
