“Would you listen to me?! Someone was in my apartment. I never shut the drapes when I go out and I don’t put my fan on in November because it makes me cold!”
“Okay, calm down! Was anything missing?”
“No, I don’t think so. I don’t have many valuables but my laptop was still here and so were my iPod and my TV. I don’t have enough cash to keep cash around and I don’t have any really good jewelry.”
“Stop. You’re going to make me cry,” he broke in. “The laptop would have been worth something. You’re saying someone broke in just to close your curtains and turn on your fan?”
“I don’t know! Maybe they broke in to try on my high heels or fondle my underwear!”
“Okay, you need to get the locks changed. I don’t know if you can get anyone out there at this time on a Saturday but you’ll be spending the night with your boy anyway.”
“It’s a first date. I mean, I’m not sure …”
“Oh come on! Who do you think you’re talking to here? You two aren’t are going to the Junior Prom. You’re getting laid, honey, and I suspect, very well. I hope you remembered all my advice. If not, there’s still time to moisturize.”
“Although there is a distinct possibility that we might spend the night together, I’m not moving in with him, so as of tomorrow morning, I need to have a plan. Is changing the locks enough? Can’t people pick locks?”
“Well, why don’t you ask the prosecutor who you’ll be riding tonight? He would know more about lock picking and panty fondling than me.”
“Because I don’t think he would believe me. He would think I’m nuts or histrionic. He sees me as a confident, sexy and desirable woman now. I don’t want him to see me as some wacked out drama mama.”
“What is wrong with you? Just explain to him what you explained to me.”
“And you yourself are convinced that I’m not imagining things?”
“Well ….”
“See! I’m going to find a locksmith who works Sundays. Can you please come over here so I’m not completely alone? I would come there but I need to get ready to go out later.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll be over in a little bit. Keep the phone close by until I get there.”
“So, I can call for help?”
“That too, but I may need you to order take-out.”
“Somebody is getting a Bed, Bath & Beyond gift card for Hanukkah,” Bruce said, looking around like Couturier at K-Mart.
“What’s wrong with it?” I looked around defensively.
“What’s wrong with it? Honey, just because you got it at a garage sale doesn’t make it shabby chic.”
“Oh cut it out! What is it with you turning into a walking g*y stereotype lately?”
“I’m not turning into a stereotype! I was always a stereotype. I just hid it before.”
“Great, if my intruder comes back you can just bitch at him until he’s suicidal.”
“Don’t you have go get trampy or something?”
“I have time yet. He’s not coming until nine-thirty.”
“Nine-thirty? Jesus. I hope you have cable.”
Chapter Eleven
Bruce bought us pizza. Although I didn’t actually have cable, he lucked out, because I was willing to watch both Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with him. Afterward, there was a Saturday Night Live Prime Time special to keep him amused and I went off to take my shower. I went the whole nine yards with getting ready. I went with the assumption that Adam would be getting me naked, a thought which was still making me a little dizzy with anticipation.
I had been assembling my “Lilah-look” for a while. I had found a black lace cocktail dress in a clearance sale last year at the end of the season. It was hot. It was cut about three inches above my knee and it had long sleeves and a V-neck front. The best part, though, was that it had a cut-out back. The thought of Adam’s fingers on my bare skin gave me chills. The bra was built into the dress, but I been saving some pretty black lace panties to wear with it, along with some good black thigh-high stockings with a seam up the back. I had also found a pair of black suede pumps with five-inch heels at an outlet store.
These were the nicest clothes I owned. Lilah had style. It took nearly two hours, but the end result almost stunned me. I felt like a sexy Cinderella. The woman staring back at me from the mirror had big loose waves in her hair, black smoky eyes, dark red lips. You know, I cleaned up pretty nicely. I went out to the living room and when Bruce saw me the expression on his face said it all. I must have looked good; I had finally impressed Le Bruce.
“Lily! You look fabulous!”
“Really? Thanks!”
“Oh! My little girl is all grown up!”
“Bruce, you’re three months younger than I am.”
“Just remember, darling, don’t let him rip the dress! The stockings, the panties, ok, but not the dress. Now, are you all nice and waxed?”
“Bruce!”
“Did you put a dab of perfume behind your knees, between your boobs, and on your wrists, neck, and elbows?”
“Elbows?”
“Get it!”
Fifteen minutes later, even Papa Bruce was satisfied. Adam called to tell me he was parking and my nerves immediately kicked in. Bruce planned to go down and let Adam in on his way out, and I would do my best to seem calm, cool, and collected when he came up to get me. Before he left, Bruce managed to give his first useful talk ever.
“Listen, Lily, I’m not kidding when I say you look amazing. Tonight you are the adventurous woman who wrote those hot, sexy, stories, and the man who is coming to take you out, wants you. You are powerful tonight, my dear, do not forget that.”
“Wow. Thanks, Bruce!”
“And don’t get drunk this time.”
“Goodbye, Bruce.”
He left and I willed myself to believe everything he had just told me. When I heard Adam knock on the door a minute later, it was my inner-Lilah who went over to answer with a swing in her hips and bounce in her step. I yanked the door open with my best confident, sexy smile.
He had his overcoat on, but I could see how fine he looked. He was all scrubbed and closely shaved and he smelled amazing. We just stared silently at each other for a few seconds.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said finally, and the expression on his face told me he meant it.
“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Okay, calm down! Was anything missing?”
“No, I don’t think so. I don’t have many valuables but my laptop was still here and so were my iPod and my TV. I don’t have enough cash to keep cash around and I don’t have any really good jewelry.”
“Stop. You’re going to make me cry,” he broke in. “The laptop would have been worth something. You’re saying someone broke in just to close your curtains and turn on your fan?”
“I don’t know! Maybe they broke in to try on my high heels or fondle my underwear!”
“Okay, you need to get the locks changed. I don’t know if you can get anyone out there at this time on a Saturday but you’ll be spending the night with your boy anyway.”
“It’s a first date. I mean, I’m not sure …”
“Oh come on! Who do you think you’re talking to here? You two aren’t are going to the Junior Prom. You’re getting laid, honey, and I suspect, very well. I hope you remembered all my advice. If not, there’s still time to moisturize.”
“Although there is a distinct possibility that we might spend the night together, I’m not moving in with him, so as of tomorrow morning, I need to have a plan. Is changing the locks enough? Can’t people pick locks?”
“Well, why don’t you ask the prosecutor who you’ll be riding tonight? He would know more about lock picking and panty fondling than me.”
“Because I don’t think he would believe me. He would think I’m nuts or histrionic. He sees me as a confident, sexy and desirable woman now. I don’t want him to see me as some wacked out drama mama.”
“What is wrong with you? Just explain to him what you explained to me.”
“And you yourself are convinced that I’m not imagining things?”
“Well ….”
“See! I’m going to find a locksmith who works Sundays. Can you please come over here so I’m not completely alone? I would come there but I need to get ready to go out later.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll be over in a little bit. Keep the phone close by until I get there.”
“So, I can call for help?”
“That too, but I may need you to order take-out.”
“Somebody is getting a Bed, Bath & Beyond gift card for Hanukkah,” Bruce said, looking around like Couturier at K-Mart.
“What’s wrong with it?” I looked around defensively.
“What’s wrong with it? Honey, just because you got it at a garage sale doesn’t make it shabby chic.”
“Oh cut it out! What is it with you turning into a walking g*y stereotype lately?”
“I’m not turning into a stereotype! I was always a stereotype. I just hid it before.”
“Great, if my intruder comes back you can just bitch at him until he’s suicidal.”
“Don’t you have go get trampy or something?”
“I have time yet. He’s not coming until nine-thirty.”
“Nine-thirty? Jesus. I hope you have cable.”
Chapter Eleven
Bruce bought us pizza. Although I didn’t actually have cable, he lucked out, because I was willing to watch both Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune with him. Afterward, there was a Saturday Night Live Prime Time special to keep him amused and I went off to take my shower. I went the whole nine yards with getting ready. I went with the assumption that Adam would be getting me naked, a thought which was still making me a little dizzy with anticipation.
I had been assembling my “Lilah-look” for a while. I had found a black lace cocktail dress in a clearance sale last year at the end of the season. It was hot. It was cut about three inches above my knee and it had long sleeves and a V-neck front. The best part, though, was that it had a cut-out back. The thought of Adam’s fingers on my bare skin gave me chills. The bra was built into the dress, but I been saving some pretty black lace panties to wear with it, along with some good black thigh-high stockings with a seam up the back. I had also found a pair of black suede pumps with five-inch heels at an outlet store.
These were the nicest clothes I owned. Lilah had style. It took nearly two hours, but the end result almost stunned me. I felt like a sexy Cinderella. The woman staring back at me from the mirror had big loose waves in her hair, black smoky eyes, dark red lips. You know, I cleaned up pretty nicely. I went out to the living room and when Bruce saw me the expression on his face said it all. I must have looked good; I had finally impressed Le Bruce.
“Lily! You look fabulous!”
“Really? Thanks!”
“Oh! My little girl is all grown up!”
“Bruce, you’re three months younger than I am.”
“Just remember, darling, don’t let him rip the dress! The stockings, the panties, ok, but not the dress. Now, are you all nice and waxed?”
“Bruce!”
“Did you put a dab of perfume behind your knees, between your boobs, and on your wrists, neck, and elbows?”
“Elbows?”
“Get it!”
Fifteen minutes later, even Papa Bruce was satisfied. Adam called to tell me he was parking and my nerves immediately kicked in. Bruce planned to go down and let Adam in on his way out, and I would do my best to seem calm, cool, and collected when he came up to get me. Before he left, Bruce managed to give his first useful talk ever.
“Listen, Lily, I’m not kidding when I say you look amazing. Tonight you are the adventurous woman who wrote those hot, sexy, stories, and the man who is coming to take you out, wants you. You are powerful tonight, my dear, do not forget that.”
“Wow. Thanks, Bruce!”
“And don’t get drunk this time.”
“Goodbye, Bruce.”
He left and I willed myself to believe everything he had just told me. When I heard Adam knock on the door a minute later, it was my inner-Lilah who went over to answer with a swing in her hips and bounce in her step. I yanked the door open with my best confident, sexy smile.
He had his overcoat on, but I could see how fine he looked. He was all scrubbed and closely shaved and he smelled amazing. We just stared silently at each other for a few seconds.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said finally, and the expression on his face told me he meant it.
“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”
