Let Me Love You
Page 46
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“Well…” MacKenzie starts to say.
“Alexis Kamryn was born at seven eleven. She’s the smaller one, only five pounds two ounces.” Mason reaches up to wipe another tear away. All the girls squeal. “Caleb Anthony was born at seven twenty and weighs five pounds eight ounces.”
MacKenzie is first to throw herself in her brother’s arms, congratulating him, and then the rest of us follow suit. After a few minutes Mason says to follow him and we do, anxious to get our first glimpse at the new beautiful babies being given a bath in the nursery. They’re both screaming, probably wishing that they could go back in where they came out.
We’re all standing around oooh’ing and aaah’ing and I find myself separated, just slightly away from the group. I have my hands planted on the railing in front of the window as a few tears slide down my face. She has my life, a perfectly f**king gorgeous life. I want that so badly.
Why can’t I have it?
Someone nudges me with their shoulder and I sigh, a smile graces my lips, tender, but there. I don’t even need to look to see who it is because I can smell the dirt and grass mixed with the clean scent that Cooper carries about himself. My body knows he’s close and has me leaning towards him, wanting just a touch, if only brief.
“You okay?” He asks, staring at his niece and nephew. The sound of his voice sends my pulse racing.
“They’re perfect.” I respond because I don’t want to answer his question. I’m not okay.
Cooper mumbles what seems like, ‘so are you’, but I can’t be certain. We stand there for a while lost in our own thoughts but not looking at each other. A few of us at a time stop in and check on Hailey and congratulate her and then, when we’ve all had our turns we each go our separate ways.
Why can’t I have that?
Because I can’t seem to even follow his lead. I could change it right now if I want to. I don’t though. Something is holding me here, living this life because I’m afraid of that other one. I wish I could just let go as easily as he did.
If I ever want that life, I have to live by the saying that’s bared on my soul and inhale the future, whatever it may be. If I want a future with Cooper, what’s stopping me?
Cooper catches me in the lobby of the hospital on my way out.
“Jay,” Cooper jogs over to me. “You didn’t answer me up there.”
I c**k my head to the side, he’s kidding me right? “No Coop, I’m not okay. Do you expect me to be?” My anger slips, I’ve held back for too long. “I’m jealous of my best friends and my brother; they have what I want and can’t have. So, now you know. I’m not okay.” I turn and walk away.
I really hope Eli’s plan works because if it doesn’t I don’t know what I’m going to do.
22
Being home and in my own bed is the greatest feeling in the world. Well, not the greatest, but it’s pretty f**king good. Despite my best efforts to ignore it, my elbow continued to constantly ache out on the road. In the end, the coaches noticed and made me go have it checked out. Turned out to be a bruise on the bone and some swelling, nothing serious but it hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m glad we have this two week break before the season starts so I can rest it.
Wednesday evening I decide to take my bike out for a ride. The weather is perfect, not too cold, not too hot. It’s probably not the best idea with my elbow pain but I think I can handle it. I need the speed, the adrenaline rush, the wind whipping around me to clear my head.
I know that I want Jaylinn back, I don’t want to be apart from her any longer but I’m not sure how to prove it to her; or even how I go about telling her that. Plus I broke my promise about not telling anyone what happened to her. When she finds that out, it might well and truly be the last inning for us.
I grab the keys to my family’s shore house out in Seaside, figuring I could make a stop there and rest for a little while. It’s a nice long ride, about an hour away, plenty of open roads. More importantly than that, if I get down there and my elbow is too sore to drive back, I won’t be stranded. I could always stay at Fierce but I need quiet to clear my head and I’ll never get that there.
I decide to call Hunter and see if he wants to take a ride with me.
He answers on the first ring. “Hey.”
“I’m taking the bike out, want to go for a ride?”
Hunter moves the phone away from his mouth and yells at Ryder to stop screaming. “Sorry about that. When are you heading out?”
“Now.”
“Ah, sorry man. CC’s at the grocery store and I’m here with the kids.” Hunter clears his throat. “Maybe next time though.”
“Yeah sure. Talk to you later.” I end the call and stuff my phone in my pocket.
I walk into the garage and grab my helmet off the shelf, then reach for my jacket which hangs up over by the door. I place the helmet on the seat of the bike and slide into my black and grey riding jacket. Before I retrieve my helmet a memory of how excited Jaylinn was when she gave it to me comes to mind. I use my finger to trace over the number five that’s custom painted on the top of it. I grab the hem of my shirt and wipe away the finger prints that are all over the flaming baseballs on each side.
If I can just talk to her, like we used to, maybe I can make her see where I’m coming from, and where I’m at now.
Pushing the memories aside I open the garage door and back my bike out. I close the garage door and then slip my helmet on before starting up my bike. Something about the vibrations of the bike settles calms me enough to get my wits about me. It’s the noise that gets me, the steady rhythm that allows nothing but that noise.
As I pull out of my development, something urges me to drive past Jaylinn’s house just to see if she’s there. What would that hurt, right?
I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, this isn’t me. I’ve never fought against something so hard in my life and yet here I am, practically stalking this girl just for a glimpse.
A few turns later and I’m riding down Jaylinn’s street, what surprises me the most is to see Eli’s f**king truck sitting in her driveway. Eli. As in my friend Eli.
I stop about a block away and pull off my helmet. A few minutes later Jaylinn and Eli walk out of her house laughing about something.
My blood swooshes in my ears and my heart is beating in overdrive. How could they do this to me? Eli isn’t like that; he’d never go after something that’s mine. Or would he? She isn’t mine though, I let her go. I watched her walk away from me. I shake my head trying to clear those thoughts out. I want her. She should be with me, not anyone else.
“Alexis Kamryn was born at seven eleven. She’s the smaller one, only five pounds two ounces.” Mason reaches up to wipe another tear away. All the girls squeal. “Caleb Anthony was born at seven twenty and weighs five pounds eight ounces.”
MacKenzie is first to throw herself in her brother’s arms, congratulating him, and then the rest of us follow suit. After a few minutes Mason says to follow him and we do, anxious to get our first glimpse at the new beautiful babies being given a bath in the nursery. They’re both screaming, probably wishing that they could go back in where they came out.
We’re all standing around oooh’ing and aaah’ing and I find myself separated, just slightly away from the group. I have my hands planted on the railing in front of the window as a few tears slide down my face. She has my life, a perfectly f**king gorgeous life. I want that so badly.
Why can’t I have it?
Someone nudges me with their shoulder and I sigh, a smile graces my lips, tender, but there. I don’t even need to look to see who it is because I can smell the dirt and grass mixed with the clean scent that Cooper carries about himself. My body knows he’s close and has me leaning towards him, wanting just a touch, if only brief.
“You okay?” He asks, staring at his niece and nephew. The sound of his voice sends my pulse racing.
“They’re perfect.” I respond because I don’t want to answer his question. I’m not okay.
Cooper mumbles what seems like, ‘so are you’, but I can’t be certain. We stand there for a while lost in our own thoughts but not looking at each other. A few of us at a time stop in and check on Hailey and congratulate her and then, when we’ve all had our turns we each go our separate ways.
Why can’t I have that?
Because I can’t seem to even follow his lead. I could change it right now if I want to. I don’t though. Something is holding me here, living this life because I’m afraid of that other one. I wish I could just let go as easily as he did.
If I ever want that life, I have to live by the saying that’s bared on my soul and inhale the future, whatever it may be. If I want a future with Cooper, what’s stopping me?
Cooper catches me in the lobby of the hospital on my way out.
“Jay,” Cooper jogs over to me. “You didn’t answer me up there.”
I c**k my head to the side, he’s kidding me right? “No Coop, I’m not okay. Do you expect me to be?” My anger slips, I’ve held back for too long. “I’m jealous of my best friends and my brother; they have what I want and can’t have. So, now you know. I’m not okay.” I turn and walk away.
I really hope Eli’s plan works because if it doesn’t I don’t know what I’m going to do.
22
Being home and in my own bed is the greatest feeling in the world. Well, not the greatest, but it’s pretty f**king good. Despite my best efforts to ignore it, my elbow continued to constantly ache out on the road. In the end, the coaches noticed and made me go have it checked out. Turned out to be a bruise on the bone and some swelling, nothing serious but it hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m glad we have this two week break before the season starts so I can rest it.
Wednesday evening I decide to take my bike out for a ride. The weather is perfect, not too cold, not too hot. It’s probably not the best idea with my elbow pain but I think I can handle it. I need the speed, the adrenaline rush, the wind whipping around me to clear my head.
I know that I want Jaylinn back, I don’t want to be apart from her any longer but I’m not sure how to prove it to her; or even how I go about telling her that. Plus I broke my promise about not telling anyone what happened to her. When she finds that out, it might well and truly be the last inning for us.
I grab the keys to my family’s shore house out in Seaside, figuring I could make a stop there and rest for a little while. It’s a nice long ride, about an hour away, plenty of open roads. More importantly than that, if I get down there and my elbow is too sore to drive back, I won’t be stranded. I could always stay at Fierce but I need quiet to clear my head and I’ll never get that there.
I decide to call Hunter and see if he wants to take a ride with me.
He answers on the first ring. “Hey.”
“I’m taking the bike out, want to go for a ride?”
Hunter moves the phone away from his mouth and yells at Ryder to stop screaming. “Sorry about that. When are you heading out?”
“Now.”
“Ah, sorry man. CC’s at the grocery store and I’m here with the kids.” Hunter clears his throat. “Maybe next time though.”
“Yeah sure. Talk to you later.” I end the call and stuff my phone in my pocket.
I walk into the garage and grab my helmet off the shelf, then reach for my jacket which hangs up over by the door. I place the helmet on the seat of the bike and slide into my black and grey riding jacket. Before I retrieve my helmet a memory of how excited Jaylinn was when she gave it to me comes to mind. I use my finger to trace over the number five that’s custom painted on the top of it. I grab the hem of my shirt and wipe away the finger prints that are all over the flaming baseballs on each side.
If I can just talk to her, like we used to, maybe I can make her see where I’m coming from, and where I’m at now.
Pushing the memories aside I open the garage door and back my bike out. I close the garage door and then slip my helmet on before starting up my bike. Something about the vibrations of the bike settles calms me enough to get my wits about me. It’s the noise that gets me, the steady rhythm that allows nothing but that noise.
As I pull out of my development, something urges me to drive past Jaylinn’s house just to see if she’s there. What would that hurt, right?
I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, this isn’t me. I’ve never fought against something so hard in my life and yet here I am, practically stalking this girl just for a glimpse.
A few turns later and I’m riding down Jaylinn’s street, what surprises me the most is to see Eli’s f**king truck sitting in her driveway. Eli. As in my friend Eli.
I stop about a block away and pull off my helmet. A few minutes later Jaylinn and Eli walk out of her house laughing about something.
My blood swooshes in my ears and my heart is beating in overdrive. How could they do this to me? Eli isn’t like that; he’d never go after something that’s mine. Or would he? She isn’t mine though, I let her go. I watched her walk away from me. I shake my head trying to clear those thoughts out. I want her. She should be with me, not anyone else.
