Her struggle with OCD had been lifelong, and hers hadn’t been a typical case at all. Doctors had never been able to get a handle on it, not only because her symptoms and behavior had been all over the place, but because she couldn’t take any of the common medications used to treat it. Hell, she couldn’t take any medications at all. Even before the pregnancy, she’d always had bizarre reactions to even mild over-the-counter meds, like aspirin.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Think of a way to get out of here.
Inhale. Exhale.
Cell phone! Standing, she shoved her hands into her pants pockets. Nothing. It must have fallen out of her pocket when Thanatos picked her up like a caveman hauling off his kill to his lair.
Inhale. Exhale.
He’d also gotten the one weapon she could have used against him when he knocked the dagger out of her hand.
Inhale. Exhale.
What she wouldn’t give for that bit of parchment on her nightstand.
The door opened, and there was no more inhaling or exhaling. Her breath jammed in her lungs as Thanatos strode into the room, his expression stormy, his body taut as a bowstring.
“You have some explaining to do.” His voice was like rolling thunder.
As he slammed the door shut in Ares’s face, she played nonchalant, when really, inside she was preparing for a possible EF-5 tornado.
“How about you start with the explanations?” she countered. “Like, how did you find me? Aegis Headquarters has always been kept secret, even from you guys.”
He must have been grinding his teeth together something fierce, because the muscles in his jaws were leaping. “I sensed something that led me there.” His eyes flicked down to her belly. “It was him.”
She frowned. “You don’t know it’s a boy.”
“You called him Ponyboy. But even if you hadn’t, I knew. I can feel him.”
Okay, she did not like that Thanatos had a stronger connection to her baby than she did. She’d read to the baby at night, played music for him, told him about the wonders—and dangers—of the world he was going to grow up in. How could Thanatos know the baby for five minutes and feel him?
On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing. If he could sense the child’s life force, maybe he’d let them live. The baby gave her another one of those killer kicks, and she sucked air. Like earlier in the cell, Than moved forward, but this time, he stopped shy of touching her.
“It was just a kick,” she muttered. “I think he might have hooves instead of feet.”
His voice was as sharp as a stang blade. “Don’t even joke about that.”
“I wasn’t.” Well, she sort of wasn’t. She hoped the kid wouldn’t have hooves, but given that Thanatos’s mother was a demon, and Regan’s father had been … not a demon, exactly, but… yeah. Who knew what kinds of things could go wonky in the little colt’s DNA?
Thanatos stepped back, his boot hitting the floor like a thunderclap. “Why did you do it? And don’t lie to me, Regan. Ares told me you intended to seduce me in order to get pregnant. Why? And why not be upfront about it when you first came to me?”
Damn Ares. This whole thing had gotten so messed up and out of hand. “Because we found evidence that suggested that a child born of a Horseman and an Aegi could stop the Apocalypse, and it indicated that you couldn’t know about the baby.”
Thanatos narrowed his eyes until they were slits. “What kind of evidence?”
“The manufactured kind,” she admitted. “We learned later that your scumbag brother planted it. Now we know he did it so we’d be fooled into thinking we needed to get you in bed, and he’d get what he wanted, which was for your Seal to be broken.”
All kinds of curses fell from Than’s mouth, some in languages she didn’t know. “You are so damned lucky we were wrong about what would break my Seal.” Cursing again, he dragged his hand through his hair. “But do you realize that you actually created my agimortus? You know that, right? You’re aware that when a person is an agimortus, their death is what breaks a Seal,” he said, and yes, she was aware of that. “So Pestilence failed to break my Seal by getting me laid, but he now has a real way to do it.”
She wished he’d take off his armor. He was intimidating enough without it, but with it he was even larger, a sturdy wall of warrior with no vulnerabilities.
“We know that. But we’re hoping Pestilence isn’t aware that this child exists.” A sick feeling rose up in her stomach when she thought about what had happened at headquarters. “But somehow, your vampires knew. One of them tried to kill me and the baby tonight.”
Thanatos scoffed. “Impossible. None of my vampires would endanger a child they knew was mine.”
“One did.”
“Like I said, impossible.”
Stubborn jackass. “Has it occurred to you that not all of your servants are loyal? One did give me the drugged wine.”
“That was a doppelgänger. My vampires are loyal.”
She stared upward, hating that she was going to give him ammo for his my vampires are loyal thing. “There were two daywalkers. One of them saved me from the other. He said he was going to take me to you.”
Than smirked. “See?” Then his smirk fell away, replaced by a hard, grim line. “What were my vampires doing there?”
Crap. She’d walked right into this. “The Aegis captured them,” she muttered.
“They what?” She took an involuntary step back at Than’s shout. “You told The Aegis about my daywalkers?” He pinned her in place with a gaze as piercing as an arrow. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, given your history of betrayal. You Aegi just can’t stop looking for ways to f**k with us, can you?”
There was no arguing with that, because he was right. She wished she could change so much of what had happened, but the best she could do was protect the innocent life that had come as a result of The Aegis’s machinations.
A fist pounded on the door and she jumped. Ares didn’t wait for an invitation. He shoved open the door, and once he was inside the room became impossibly small. She hadn’t seen either Limos or him since Limos’s wedding night … all communication with the Horsemen had been through Kynan, and she had no idea how he felt about her. Oh, she knew he was on board with making sure the baby was safe, but he might very well hate her as much as Thanatos did.
“Is everything okay?”
“Obviously,” Thanatos snapped, “I haven’t killed her, so yeah, everything’s okay. You don’t have to hover.”
Please hover …Regan casually shifted toward Ares. Maybe he’d get her out of here and back to headquarters. Although if Thanatos could sense the baby, he could find her wherever she went. She needed some sort of ward.
Thanatos’s gaze zeroed in on her like a hawk’s, and although he didn’t move to block her, she got the impression that he was ready to spring if Ares tried to snatch her.
“We have to keep Regan safe.” Ares held his hand out to Regan. “Now, let me take her back to The Aegis.”
She started to move toward him, but Thanatos put himself between her and Ares. “She stays here.”
“Not an option,” Ares growled. “There’s a reason you live out here in the middle of nowhere. Humans aren’t safe around you.”
“I would never kill my own child,” Than said. “How can you think that?”
“I don’t think you would,” Ares said softly. “Not intentionally. But sometimes after you go to a scene of death, you return home still in a murderous rage. Do you remember how we had to get Cara away from you once?”
“This is different. Cara isn’t my child.” Thanatos hit the wall with his fist. “If the situation were reversed, if Cara was pregnant with your son, would you let her out of your sight? Would you let her go somewhere where she could be vulnerable to Pestilence?”
“Never,” Ares admitted. “But there’s no danger that I would accidentally kill her.”
“Thanatos,” Regan said, “The Aegis has protected me for almost nine months. They can handle another couple of weeks. Even with tonight’s breach, I’m safer there than here with your vampires.”
“I’ll get to the bottom of that. My vampires won’t touch you again.”
She snorted. “Just let me go back. You said you can sense the baby, so I’ll never be out of your reach.”
“I’m not stupid, Aegi. You’ll use Aegis magic or some shit to ward yourself so I can’t sense my son.”
She hoped the guilty heat in her cheeks didn’t show. “That’s silly.”
“Than,” Ares said, “let me take her. It’s best that you don’t get attached to the child.”
“Why not?”
Oh, God, Regan did not want to do this. Not while he was so worked up.
“Why not?” he repeated, this time making his question sound like a threat.
“Because I’m not keeping it.” Taking a deep, bracing breath, Regan stepped forward. “Someone else is going to raise this baby.”
Unfuckingbelievable.
Thanatos stared at Regan and Ares in disbelief. He wasn’t even sure he could find his voice. So instead of talking, he jammed his hands through his hair and paced. The awful tension was winding up to a fever pitch inside him, part anger, part global violence and death, part sexual need. If the way Ares was clenching and unclenching his hands was any indication, he was feeling the tension too. Battles must be on the rise somewhere.
Sure enough, as Than stalked around, trying to keep his head on his shoulders, Ares wheeled toward the door. “I have to go. I’ll send Limos.”
“I don’t need a babysitter.”
“We’ll talk about this when I get back.”
“Fuck that,” Than bit out. “Why are you siding with Regan over me?”
Ares slammed his fist into the doorjamb, but he didn’t turn back to Than. “Believe it or not, brother, we’re doing all of this for you. What would you do if something happens to that baby, either because of you, or because it was vulnerable to Pestilence? I know what it’s like to lose a child, and I swear by all that’s unholy, I’ll prevent the same from happening to you. You and that baby are our priority, and until Regan gives birth, she’s part of that deal.” Ares stalked out of the room, leaving him alone with Regan.
“Listen to me, Thanatos—”
“Tell me, who is this someone else you want to raise my son?” A long silence stretched, and the temper Ares was talking about cracked wide open. “Who?”
“There’s no need to shout,” she snapped.
He sauntered toward her, and although her eyes flashed with fear, she stood her ground, even as he came up against her so her swollen belly touched his. “You are carrying my son. You can’t expect me to sit idly by while you throw him away like garbage after you’re through with your scheming.”
“How dare you assume that I’m throwing this baby away!”
“What else am I to assume? Do you want this child?”
Her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. “I’m not mother material.”
“That’s not an answer. Let me put it another way. When you set out to seduce me, did you want this baby?”
She hesitated, glancing away before meeting his gaze. “No.”
Her answer widened the fissure in his temper. No child, intentionally conceived, should be unwanted. “So the child is nothing but a tool for The Aegis. A pawn. And you’re nothing but a brood mare.”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“Then soften it for me.”
She took a step back, and he moved with her, keeping the pressure on. “I volunteered to save the world.”
“You volunteered to play whore for your colleagues,” he growled, taking a perverse pleasure in her gasp of outrage. “So here’s the deal. You will remain here until you give birth, and then you’ll leave the child with me while I decide your fate.”
“Go. To. Hell.” She doled out the words like rare Neethul throwing stars, each barbed and edged with acid.
“You took my seed through trickery. You won’t take my child, too.” He got down in her face. “Was it your idea? Or when The Aegis came up with the proposal, were you so desperate for a c**k that you jumped at the chance to f**k me? How many men have you f**ked for your job? How often has The Aegis whored you out?”
She slapped him so hard he took a step back. “How dare you?”
“How dare I?” He snared her wrists and flattened her against the wall, although he tempered his strength, unwilling to jostle her. “Are you really going to play the self-righteous, wounded party? You stole from me, Regan. You stole my virginity, and you stole my seed. You and your colleagues plotted to take this innocent baby, conceived as a means to an end, and dump him when his usefulness was over.”
“That’s not true,” she ground out. “That means to an end makes him the most important person on the planet, even if it’s not in the way we expected.”
“He’s important because if he dies, my Seal breaks. But in the Aegis’s eyes, that’s the only reason he’s important. He was always intended to be a tool, and now he’s also a plan gone wrong.”
“Things might have gone wrong, but we’ll make it right. I promise you. He’ll have a mother and father who will love him, Thanatos. I’m giving him to Kynan and Gem. They’ll keep him safe from Pestilence and give him the home and life and family I can’t.”
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Think of a way to get out of here.
Inhale. Exhale.
Cell phone! Standing, she shoved her hands into her pants pockets. Nothing. It must have fallen out of her pocket when Thanatos picked her up like a caveman hauling off his kill to his lair.
Inhale. Exhale.
He’d also gotten the one weapon she could have used against him when he knocked the dagger out of her hand.
Inhale. Exhale.
What she wouldn’t give for that bit of parchment on her nightstand.
The door opened, and there was no more inhaling or exhaling. Her breath jammed in her lungs as Thanatos strode into the room, his expression stormy, his body taut as a bowstring.
“You have some explaining to do.” His voice was like rolling thunder.
As he slammed the door shut in Ares’s face, she played nonchalant, when really, inside she was preparing for a possible EF-5 tornado.
“How about you start with the explanations?” she countered. “Like, how did you find me? Aegis Headquarters has always been kept secret, even from you guys.”
He must have been grinding his teeth together something fierce, because the muscles in his jaws were leaping. “I sensed something that led me there.” His eyes flicked down to her belly. “It was him.”
She frowned. “You don’t know it’s a boy.”
“You called him Ponyboy. But even if you hadn’t, I knew. I can feel him.”
Okay, she did not like that Thanatos had a stronger connection to her baby than she did. She’d read to the baby at night, played music for him, told him about the wonders—and dangers—of the world he was going to grow up in. How could Thanatos know the baby for five minutes and feel him?
On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing. If he could sense the child’s life force, maybe he’d let them live. The baby gave her another one of those killer kicks, and she sucked air. Like earlier in the cell, Than moved forward, but this time, he stopped shy of touching her.
“It was just a kick,” she muttered. “I think he might have hooves instead of feet.”
His voice was as sharp as a stang blade. “Don’t even joke about that.”
“I wasn’t.” Well, she sort of wasn’t. She hoped the kid wouldn’t have hooves, but given that Thanatos’s mother was a demon, and Regan’s father had been … not a demon, exactly, but… yeah. Who knew what kinds of things could go wonky in the little colt’s DNA?
Thanatos stepped back, his boot hitting the floor like a thunderclap. “Why did you do it? And don’t lie to me, Regan. Ares told me you intended to seduce me in order to get pregnant. Why? And why not be upfront about it when you first came to me?”
Damn Ares. This whole thing had gotten so messed up and out of hand. “Because we found evidence that suggested that a child born of a Horseman and an Aegi could stop the Apocalypse, and it indicated that you couldn’t know about the baby.”
Thanatos narrowed his eyes until they were slits. “What kind of evidence?”
“The manufactured kind,” she admitted. “We learned later that your scumbag brother planted it. Now we know he did it so we’d be fooled into thinking we needed to get you in bed, and he’d get what he wanted, which was for your Seal to be broken.”
All kinds of curses fell from Than’s mouth, some in languages she didn’t know. “You are so damned lucky we were wrong about what would break my Seal.” Cursing again, he dragged his hand through his hair. “But do you realize that you actually created my agimortus? You know that, right? You’re aware that when a person is an agimortus, their death is what breaks a Seal,” he said, and yes, she was aware of that. “So Pestilence failed to break my Seal by getting me laid, but he now has a real way to do it.”
She wished he’d take off his armor. He was intimidating enough without it, but with it he was even larger, a sturdy wall of warrior with no vulnerabilities.
“We know that. But we’re hoping Pestilence isn’t aware that this child exists.” A sick feeling rose up in her stomach when she thought about what had happened at headquarters. “But somehow, your vampires knew. One of them tried to kill me and the baby tonight.”
Thanatos scoffed. “Impossible. None of my vampires would endanger a child they knew was mine.”
“One did.”
“Like I said, impossible.”
Stubborn jackass. “Has it occurred to you that not all of your servants are loyal? One did give me the drugged wine.”
“That was a doppelgänger. My vampires are loyal.”
She stared upward, hating that she was going to give him ammo for his my vampires are loyal thing. “There were two daywalkers. One of them saved me from the other. He said he was going to take me to you.”
Than smirked. “See?” Then his smirk fell away, replaced by a hard, grim line. “What were my vampires doing there?”
Crap. She’d walked right into this. “The Aegis captured them,” she muttered.
“They what?” She took an involuntary step back at Than’s shout. “You told The Aegis about my daywalkers?” He pinned her in place with a gaze as piercing as an arrow. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, given your history of betrayal. You Aegi just can’t stop looking for ways to f**k with us, can you?”
There was no arguing with that, because he was right. She wished she could change so much of what had happened, but the best she could do was protect the innocent life that had come as a result of The Aegis’s machinations.
A fist pounded on the door and she jumped. Ares didn’t wait for an invitation. He shoved open the door, and once he was inside the room became impossibly small. She hadn’t seen either Limos or him since Limos’s wedding night … all communication with the Horsemen had been through Kynan, and she had no idea how he felt about her. Oh, she knew he was on board with making sure the baby was safe, but he might very well hate her as much as Thanatos did.
“Is everything okay?”
“Obviously,” Thanatos snapped, “I haven’t killed her, so yeah, everything’s okay. You don’t have to hover.”
Please hover …Regan casually shifted toward Ares. Maybe he’d get her out of here and back to headquarters. Although if Thanatos could sense the baby, he could find her wherever she went. She needed some sort of ward.
Thanatos’s gaze zeroed in on her like a hawk’s, and although he didn’t move to block her, she got the impression that he was ready to spring if Ares tried to snatch her.
“We have to keep Regan safe.” Ares held his hand out to Regan. “Now, let me take her back to The Aegis.”
She started to move toward him, but Thanatos put himself between her and Ares. “She stays here.”
“Not an option,” Ares growled. “There’s a reason you live out here in the middle of nowhere. Humans aren’t safe around you.”
“I would never kill my own child,” Than said. “How can you think that?”
“I don’t think you would,” Ares said softly. “Not intentionally. But sometimes after you go to a scene of death, you return home still in a murderous rage. Do you remember how we had to get Cara away from you once?”
“This is different. Cara isn’t my child.” Thanatos hit the wall with his fist. “If the situation were reversed, if Cara was pregnant with your son, would you let her out of your sight? Would you let her go somewhere where she could be vulnerable to Pestilence?”
“Never,” Ares admitted. “But there’s no danger that I would accidentally kill her.”
“Thanatos,” Regan said, “The Aegis has protected me for almost nine months. They can handle another couple of weeks. Even with tonight’s breach, I’m safer there than here with your vampires.”
“I’ll get to the bottom of that. My vampires won’t touch you again.”
She snorted. “Just let me go back. You said you can sense the baby, so I’ll never be out of your reach.”
“I’m not stupid, Aegi. You’ll use Aegis magic or some shit to ward yourself so I can’t sense my son.”
She hoped the guilty heat in her cheeks didn’t show. “That’s silly.”
“Than,” Ares said, “let me take her. It’s best that you don’t get attached to the child.”
“Why not?”
Oh, God, Regan did not want to do this. Not while he was so worked up.
“Why not?” he repeated, this time making his question sound like a threat.
“Because I’m not keeping it.” Taking a deep, bracing breath, Regan stepped forward. “Someone else is going to raise this baby.”
Unfuckingbelievable.
Thanatos stared at Regan and Ares in disbelief. He wasn’t even sure he could find his voice. So instead of talking, he jammed his hands through his hair and paced. The awful tension was winding up to a fever pitch inside him, part anger, part global violence and death, part sexual need. If the way Ares was clenching and unclenching his hands was any indication, he was feeling the tension too. Battles must be on the rise somewhere.
Sure enough, as Than stalked around, trying to keep his head on his shoulders, Ares wheeled toward the door. “I have to go. I’ll send Limos.”
“I don’t need a babysitter.”
“We’ll talk about this when I get back.”
“Fuck that,” Than bit out. “Why are you siding with Regan over me?”
Ares slammed his fist into the doorjamb, but he didn’t turn back to Than. “Believe it or not, brother, we’re doing all of this for you. What would you do if something happens to that baby, either because of you, or because it was vulnerable to Pestilence? I know what it’s like to lose a child, and I swear by all that’s unholy, I’ll prevent the same from happening to you. You and that baby are our priority, and until Regan gives birth, she’s part of that deal.” Ares stalked out of the room, leaving him alone with Regan.
“Listen to me, Thanatos—”
“Tell me, who is this someone else you want to raise my son?” A long silence stretched, and the temper Ares was talking about cracked wide open. “Who?”
“There’s no need to shout,” she snapped.
He sauntered toward her, and although her eyes flashed with fear, she stood her ground, even as he came up against her so her swollen belly touched his. “You are carrying my son. You can’t expect me to sit idly by while you throw him away like garbage after you’re through with your scheming.”
“How dare you assume that I’m throwing this baby away!”
“What else am I to assume? Do you want this child?”
Her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. “I’m not mother material.”
“That’s not an answer. Let me put it another way. When you set out to seduce me, did you want this baby?”
She hesitated, glancing away before meeting his gaze. “No.”
Her answer widened the fissure in his temper. No child, intentionally conceived, should be unwanted. “So the child is nothing but a tool for The Aegis. A pawn. And you’re nothing but a brood mare.”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“Then soften it for me.”
She took a step back, and he moved with her, keeping the pressure on. “I volunteered to save the world.”
“You volunteered to play whore for your colleagues,” he growled, taking a perverse pleasure in her gasp of outrage. “So here’s the deal. You will remain here until you give birth, and then you’ll leave the child with me while I decide your fate.”
“Go. To. Hell.” She doled out the words like rare Neethul throwing stars, each barbed and edged with acid.
“You took my seed through trickery. You won’t take my child, too.” He got down in her face. “Was it your idea? Or when The Aegis came up with the proposal, were you so desperate for a c**k that you jumped at the chance to f**k me? How many men have you f**ked for your job? How often has The Aegis whored you out?”
She slapped him so hard he took a step back. “How dare you?”
“How dare I?” He snared her wrists and flattened her against the wall, although he tempered his strength, unwilling to jostle her. “Are you really going to play the self-righteous, wounded party? You stole from me, Regan. You stole my virginity, and you stole my seed. You and your colleagues plotted to take this innocent baby, conceived as a means to an end, and dump him when his usefulness was over.”
“That’s not true,” she ground out. “That means to an end makes him the most important person on the planet, even if it’s not in the way we expected.”
“He’s important because if he dies, my Seal breaks. But in the Aegis’s eyes, that’s the only reason he’s important. He was always intended to be a tool, and now he’s also a plan gone wrong.”
“Things might have gone wrong, but we’ll make it right. I promise you. He’ll have a mother and father who will love him, Thanatos. I’m giving him to Kynan and Gem. They’ll keep him safe from Pestilence and give him the home and life and family I can’t.”
