4 weeks later …
My new normal was better than my old normal had ever been.
There was still an adjustment here and there and the fear that something was going to happen to Dom while at he was work never really went away, but I trusted him to take care of himself as best he could and I trusted him to take care of the love we had between us by making smart choices and being extra careful. Still there was a night he was late coming over and when he showed up, he had a vicious-looking black eye, a cut on his cheek and a gash that was taped shut on his forehead. He brushed it off as a tussle with a suspect that got out of hand but the wounds, as superficial as they were, still sent me into full-on flight mode and I’d had a momentary freak-out, which meant I shut down and pulled away from him … well, I tried to. Because we were in this together, Dom came after me, bugged me, pulled at me until I came out of my safe place behind the fear and he refused to let me wallow in the mire of worry and doubt.
I’d managed to smooth things over with his family and he was right, they loved me because he loved me, even if Ari did watch me with eagle eyes to make sure I watched my step with her brother. They were a tight-knit unit and there were no words to describe how warm and right it felt to be embraced by the people that loved the same man I did. I in turn took Dom home to my folks and spent the entire visit giving my mother warning looks as she kept dropping hints about a future wedding and the possibility of grandchildren. Dom took it all in his stride and with good humor. When he mentioned his sisters, I could see the wheels spin in my mom’s head as she told him to bring them by for a visit over the holidays. I knew instantly that she was thinking that Austin was still single and if this particular Voss could settle down one of her boys, maybe another Voss could work miracles and give her other boy a reason to return home. With her fiery personality and dark good looks, Ari was right up my younger brother’s alley, but I didn’t tell Dom that because he was fiercely protective of his siblings and I doubted he wanted my playboy of a brother around either of the girls.
Dom was also making an effort to get to know the new people in Royal’s life and had gone out of his way to make peace with Asa. The cop and the reformed criminal would never be best friends, but he had stopped glaring at the golden-haired southerner every time he walked into the room. I had also asked him to go with me to say a proper good-bye to Remy and felt my heart fill up with even more love for him when he readily agreed.
On a cold and snowy day, Dom and I drove to the small cemetery in the mountains where the first man I loved was laid to rest. I never got to grieve properly, never had the chance to share the pain of saying good-bye with the people who understood just how deeply the loss went, so I asked Rule and Shaw to meet us there as well as Rome and Cora. The six of us gathered around the snow-dusted grave and bid farewell to the young man who had in some way or another had a hand in bringing us all together. I had lost a boyfriend when he passed, but gained so many experiences and a plethora of amazing people because of him. I considered all of them Remy’s last gift to me. His way of showing me that even though he couldn’t love me the way I needed, the way I deserved, he had loved me in his own way.
Dom put his arm around me when I started to tear up as Rule bent down and tapped his knuckles on the top of the tombstone and rasped out, “Your boy done good, Rem. We all did pretty damn good and it’s a fucking shame you aren’t here to see it. We miss you.”
There was some sniffling from the girls as Rome and Dom cleared their throats, which was pretty much the male equivalent of sniffling and that made me smile. It was the good-bye I needed all along and the good-bye Remy deserved from me. I was getting ready to tell the Archer boys and their woman how much I appreciated them doing this for me when Cora suddenly let out a little shriek that sounded extra sharp in the quiet of the cemetery. Rome looked down at her with a frown that made his scarred face look even fiercer than it normally did.
“What’s wrong?” The tiny blonde put a hand on her very big belly and blinked wide eyes up at the giant former soldier.
“Umm … don’t panic but I think we need to go … now!” She was always a bossy little thing but in this circumstance everyone jumped to do her bidding.
A moment that was somber and heavy was suddenly filled with giddy excitement and chaotic joy. It was almost like there was some divine intervention, some guiding hand that decided the time to be sad was over, life was moving on, families were growing and everyone was exactly where they were supposed to be. Remy might not be there in the flesh to witness it but there was something in the air, a little tingle at the back of my neck that reminded me those that we loved lived on in all of us.
It was a rush back down the mountain to get Cora to the hospital before the newest Archer made his appearance, and Zowen Phillip Archer turned out to be as much a tiny replica of his big, badass father as any newborn could be. Barely hours later and everyone was happy and safe, resting comfortably and well loved.
Soon after the visit Dom and I settled into each other’s lives with very little hitch or hiccups. There were still new things about one another that we were discovering now that the distance and hesitation I had built between us was gone, but for the most part the time we spent together felt fated, it felt comfortable and well-worn. When we were together it was like love wrapped around us in a cozy blanket and for all his talk about working for it and appreciating the results of conquering something that was hard, being in love with each other was easy and really no struggle at all.
After my freak-out over his face when he was hurt I noticed Dom’s attitude about his job started to change a little. For the first few weeks when he went back, he left for every shift from either my house or his apartment with a loose smile and some pep in his step. After the incident which left him slightly roughed up and me practically inconsolable I noticed that he was leaving for his shifts with more trepidation and far less enthusiasm. I questioned him about it one night while we were getting ready for bed and he brushed me off saying that he was just having some trouble finding his groove with a new partner. I didn’t believe it was that simple but as he had wanted his badge and his job back so badly, I couldn’t figure out what could be bothering him, since he had gotten everything he wanted … including me.
I let it drop for the time being but as the days went on, the more and more dissatisfied he got. He was withdrawn and sullen. He was quiet and moody. He was acting an awful lot like I did when I first realized I was falling for him, so I called him on it and was promptly shut down again.
My new normal was better than my old normal had ever been.
There was still an adjustment here and there and the fear that something was going to happen to Dom while at he was work never really went away, but I trusted him to take care of himself as best he could and I trusted him to take care of the love we had between us by making smart choices and being extra careful. Still there was a night he was late coming over and when he showed up, he had a vicious-looking black eye, a cut on his cheek and a gash that was taped shut on his forehead. He brushed it off as a tussle with a suspect that got out of hand but the wounds, as superficial as they were, still sent me into full-on flight mode and I’d had a momentary freak-out, which meant I shut down and pulled away from him … well, I tried to. Because we were in this together, Dom came after me, bugged me, pulled at me until I came out of my safe place behind the fear and he refused to let me wallow in the mire of worry and doubt.
I’d managed to smooth things over with his family and he was right, they loved me because he loved me, even if Ari did watch me with eagle eyes to make sure I watched my step with her brother. They were a tight-knit unit and there were no words to describe how warm and right it felt to be embraced by the people that loved the same man I did. I in turn took Dom home to my folks and spent the entire visit giving my mother warning looks as she kept dropping hints about a future wedding and the possibility of grandchildren. Dom took it all in his stride and with good humor. When he mentioned his sisters, I could see the wheels spin in my mom’s head as she told him to bring them by for a visit over the holidays. I knew instantly that she was thinking that Austin was still single and if this particular Voss could settle down one of her boys, maybe another Voss could work miracles and give her other boy a reason to return home. With her fiery personality and dark good looks, Ari was right up my younger brother’s alley, but I didn’t tell Dom that because he was fiercely protective of his siblings and I doubted he wanted my playboy of a brother around either of the girls.
Dom was also making an effort to get to know the new people in Royal’s life and had gone out of his way to make peace with Asa. The cop and the reformed criminal would never be best friends, but he had stopped glaring at the golden-haired southerner every time he walked into the room. I had also asked him to go with me to say a proper good-bye to Remy and felt my heart fill up with even more love for him when he readily agreed.
On a cold and snowy day, Dom and I drove to the small cemetery in the mountains where the first man I loved was laid to rest. I never got to grieve properly, never had the chance to share the pain of saying good-bye with the people who understood just how deeply the loss went, so I asked Rule and Shaw to meet us there as well as Rome and Cora. The six of us gathered around the snow-dusted grave and bid farewell to the young man who had in some way or another had a hand in bringing us all together. I had lost a boyfriend when he passed, but gained so many experiences and a plethora of amazing people because of him. I considered all of them Remy’s last gift to me. His way of showing me that even though he couldn’t love me the way I needed, the way I deserved, he had loved me in his own way.
Dom put his arm around me when I started to tear up as Rule bent down and tapped his knuckles on the top of the tombstone and rasped out, “Your boy done good, Rem. We all did pretty damn good and it’s a fucking shame you aren’t here to see it. We miss you.”
There was some sniffling from the girls as Rome and Dom cleared their throats, which was pretty much the male equivalent of sniffling and that made me smile. It was the good-bye I needed all along and the good-bye Remy deserved from me. I was getting ready to tell the Archer boys and their woman how much I appreciated them doing this for me when Cora suddenly let out a little shriek that sounded extra sharp in the quiet of the cemetery. Rome looked down at her with a frown that made his scarred face look even fiercer than it normally did.
“What’s wrong?” The tiny blonde put a hand on her very big belly and blinked wide eyes up at the giant former soldier.
“Umm … don’t panic but I think we need to go … now!” She was always a bossy little thing but in this circumstance everyone jumped to do her bidding.
A moment that was somber and heavy was suddenly filled with giddy excitement and chaotic joy. It was almost like there was some divine intervention, some guiding hand that decided the time to be sad was over, life was moving on, families were growing and everyone was exactly where they were supposed to be. Remy might not be there in the flesh to witness it but there was something in the air, a little tingle at the back of my neck that reminded me those that we loved lived on in all of us.
It was a rush back down the mountain to get Cora to the hospital before the newest Archer made his appearance, and Zowen Phillip Archer turned out to be as much a tiny replica of his big, badass father as any newborn could be. Barely hours later and everyone was happy and safe, resting comfortably and well loved.
Soon after the visit Dom and I settled into each other’s lives with very little hitch or hiccups. There were still new things about one another that we were discovering now that the distance and hesitation I had built between us was gone, but for the most part the time we spent together felt fated, it felt comfortable and well-worn. When we were together it was like love wrapped around us in a cozy blanket and for all his talk about working for it and appreciating the results of conquering something that was hard, being in love with each other was easy and really no struggle at all.
After my freak-out over his face when he was hurt I noticed Dom’s attitude about his job started to change a little. For the first few weeks when he went back, he left for every shift from either my house or his apartment with a loose smile and some pep in his step. After the incident which left him slightly roughed up and me practically inconsolable I noticed that he was leaving for his shifts with more trepidation and far less enthusiasm. I questioned him about it one night while we were getting ready for bed and he brushed me off saying that he was just having some trouble finding his groove with a new partner. I didn’t believe it was that simple but as he had wanted his badge and his job back so badly, I couldn’t figure out what could be bothering him, since he had gotten everything he wanted … including me.
I let it drop for the time being but as the days went on, the more and more dissatisfied he got. He was withdrawn and sullen. He was quiet and moody. He was acting an awful lot like I did when I first realized I was falling for him, so I called him on it and was promptly shut down again.
