Light in the Shadows
Page 24
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“Thanks, Doc,” I said sincerely, realizing we were at the end of our session. I picked up my journal and headed for the door. Dr. Todd followed me out. He clasped my shoulder, a first for him.
“I’m proud of you, Clay.” And the validation was something I needed so desperately that I could have cried with the relief of it. I nodded my head and tucked my journal under my arm as I headed back to my room, feeling like things were clicking into place. Just the way they should be.
Chapter Seven
-Maggie-
I sat on the cold ground stretching out my legs, bending low over my knees until I could touch my skin with my nose. Maybe I was weird but I loved to feel the burn in the back of my calves and thighs as my muscles were pulled taut. The late March afternoon was uncharacteristically cold. I could see my air puffing out in front of my lips as I tried to loosen up my body for track practice.
“Hey, Mags!” I looked up to see Daniel and the rest of the soccer team heading into the gym for their conditioning. I gave my friend a distracted wave as I got to my feet. I leaned down between my legs, resting my palms flat on the track surface and counted to ten before raising my arms up over my head.
“Need any help?” Jake stopped in front of me, giving his signature flirty grin. I cocked an eyebrow but didn’t respond. “I can get you to stretch muscles you didn’t even know you had,” he teased and I snorted.
“Please save your witty charm for someone it will actually work on.” I shot him a pointed look and reached down to get my water bottle. Jake laughed. He was never put off by my abrasive attitude. I wasn’t sure if that was comforting or just really obnoxious.
Jake came up beside me and took the bottle out of my hand and put it to his lips, taking a drink. He really had a problem with personal boundaries. Eating my food, drinking from my bottle, it was a habit I needed to break. Before I started breaking other things. Like his knee caps. “You wound me, Maggie,” Jake teased, clutching his shirt over his heart.
I didn’t bother to say anything, knowing that if I encouraged him he’d never stop and I had to start my training. There were some days I enjoyed the playful banter but today wasn’t one of them. I’d been in a horrible mood since last week.
Well, since Clay’s out of the blue phone call to be exact. I still couldn’t believe he had actually called me after all this time. Though wasn’t that what I was hoping would happen when I gave Ruby the present? Didn’t I want that to illicit a response from him in some way?
Whatever my subconscious reasons, I had still been pissed by his attempt at casual. I had found it extremely insulting that he could call me after months. After everything we had been through together and ask me how I was doing! If he had been within smacking distance I would have done just that. My rage switch had been flipped and the only thing I wanted to do was hurt him. To wound him as deeply as he had wounded me.
Clay had always made me act irrationally.
So I had been bitchy and dismissive. And after I had hung up the phone I felt horrible all over again. I spent the rest of the night beating myself up for not trying to have a conversation with him. I had missed out on the opportunity to talk to him, to see how he was doing. How many times had I moaned about the fact that I just wanted to know he was okay?
But in those five minutes we had been on the phone, my pride had gotten the better of me and I had ruined my chance to restart a dialogue. To try and repair some of what had been broken.
It was too late now, though. Because I was damn sure Clay wouldn’t bother calling me again. I mean why would he?
I was such a jerk.
“My mom called me a few minutes ago and told me I got my early admission letter from the University of Virginia. It was thick,” Jake was saying. I pulled myself out of my Clay obsession. Okay, I needed to come up with a friendly and supportive response here. But I was feeling anything but friendly or supportive. Maggie “bitch face” Young was out to play and I didn’t see her taking a nap anytime soon.
“That’s great, Jake,” I said, cringing at how fake I sounded. Jake didn’t seem to notice anything off about me. He just smiled and nodded. His good mood was sort of infectious. And I found myself smiling a bit more naturally this time.
“Have you heard back from JMU yet?” he asked me as I finished up my stretching. I had applied to James Madison University for early admission and then a handful of other in state colleges as backup. JMU had a great track team and I was really hoping to get a sport scholarship.
But I hadn’t heard back from them yet and I wouldn’t be getting news from the other schools until sometime in April. I knew I should be a bit more anxious about the whole thing. But I just couldn’t summon up the energy to care. Sure I played the part with my parents, engaging in endless discussions about SATs and campus tours. But the truth was my enthusiasm was sorely lacking. It didn’t change the fact that I had a big decision to make in a few months.
It was just hard to talk about a future without the one thing I wanted most.
“Not yet,” I said shortly, looking over my shoulder at Coach Kline, who was starting to round up the track team for a quick pow-wow before practice. “I’ve gotta go, Jake. Otherwise, Coach will make me run laps.” I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and straightened my track pants.
Jake nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got to get into the weight room. But before I go…” his voice trailed off and he seemed suddenly interested in his shoes. I looked at him impatiently.
“I’m proud of you, Clay.” And the validation was something I needed so desperately that I could have cried with the relief of it. I nodded my head and tucked my journal under my arm as I headed back to my room, feeling like things were clicking into place. Just the way they should be.
Chapter Seven
-Maggie-
I sat on the cold ground stretching out my legs, bending low over my knees until I could touch my skin with my nose. Maybe I was weird but I loved to feel the burn in the back of my calves and thighs as my muscles were pulled taut. The late March afternoon was uncharacteristically cold. I could see my air puffing out in front of my lips as I tried to loosen up my body for track practice.
“Hey, Mags!” I looked up to see Daniel and the rest of the soccer team heading into the gym for their conditioning. I gave my friend a distracted wave as I got to my feet. I leaned down between my legs, resting my palms flat on the track surface and counted to ten before raising my arms up over my head.
“Need any help?” Jake stopped in front of me, giving his signature flirty grin. I cocked an eyebrow but didn’t respond. “I can get you to stretch muscles you didn’t even know you had,” he teased and I snorted.
“Please save your witty charm for someone it will actually work on.” I shot him a pointed look and reached down to get my water bottle. Jake laughed. He was never put off by my abrasive attitude. I wasn’t sure if that was comforting or just really obnoxious.
Jake came up beside me and took the bottle out of my hand and put it to his lips, taking a drink. He really had a problem with personal boundaries. Eating my food, drinking from my bottle, it was a habit I needed to break. Before I started breaking other things. Like his knee caps. “You wound me, Maggie,” Jake teased, clutching his shirt over his heart.
I didn’t bother to say anything, knowing that if I encouraged him he’d never stop and I had to start my training. There were some days I enjoyed the playful banter but today wasn’t one of them. I’d been in a horrible mood since last week.
Well, since Clay’s out of the blue phone call to be exact. I still couldn’t believe he had actually called me after all this time. Though wasn’t that what I was hoping would happen when I gave Ruby the present? Didn’t I want that to illicit a response from him in some way?
Whatever my subconscious reasons, I had still been pissed by his attempt at casual. I had found it extremely insulting that he could call me after months. After everything we had been through together and ask me how I was doing! If he had been within smacking distance I would have done just that. My rage switch had been flipped and the only thing I wanted to do was hurt him. To wound him as deeply as he had wounded me.
Clay had always made me act irrationally.
So I had been bitchy and dismissive. And after I had hung up the phone I felt horrible all over again. I spent the rest of the night beating myself up for not trying to have a conversation with him. I had missed out on the opportunity to talk to him, to see how he was doing. How many times had I moaned about the fact that I just wanted to know he was okay?
But in those five minutes we had been on the phone, my pride had gotten the better of me and I had ruined my chance to restart a dialogue. To try and repair some of what had been broken.
It was too late now, though. Because I was damn sure Clay wouldn’t bother calling me again. I mean why would he?
I was such a jerk.
“My mom called me a few minutes ago and told me I got my early admission letter from the University of Virginia. It was thick,” Jake was saying. I pulled myself out of my Clay obsession. Okay, I needed to come up with a friendly and supportive response here. But I was feeling anything but friendly or supportive. Maggie “bitch face” Young was out to play and I didn’t see her taking a nap anytime soon.
“That’s great, Jake,” I said, cringing at how fake I sounded. Jake didn’t seem to notice anything off about me. He just smiled and nodded. His good mood was sort of infectious. And I found myself smiling a bit more naturally this time.
“Have you heard back from JMU yet?” he asked me as I finished up my stretching. I had applied to James Madison University for early admission and then a handful of other in state colleges as backup. JMU had a great track team and I was really hoping to get a sport scholarship.
But I hadn’t heard back from them yet and I wouldn’t be getting news from the other schools until sometime in April. I knew I should be a bit more anxious about the whole thing. But I just couldn’t summon up the energy to care. Sure I played the part with my parents, engaging in endless discussions about SATs and campus tours. But the truth was my enthusiasm was sorely lacking. It didn’t change the fact that I had a big decision to make in a few months.
It was just hard to talk about a future without the one thing I wanted most.
“Not yet,” I said shortly, looking over my shoulder at Coach Kline, who was starting to round up the track team for a quick pow-wow before practice. “I’ve gotta go, Jake. Otherwise, Coach will make me run laps.” I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and straightened my track pants.
Jake nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got to get into the weight room. But before I go…” his voice trailed off and he seemed suddenly interested in his shoes. I looked at him impatiently.
