Light in the Shadows
Page 84
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Maria joined us then, a drink and a box of milk duds in her hands. “I thought you didn’t eat junk food, Maria,” I commented. Maria smiled sheepishly.
“Ah, well you know. When in Rome,” she said. Maggie came out of the bathroom and Daniel headed back to our group, without saying another word to Kylie. Rachel was right not to worry about Daniel, that dude was so whipped, if I wasn’t in the same boat with Maggie, I’d give him shit about it.
After the movie, I drove Maggie and Maria back to my house. Ruby was home so we sat with her and watched TV for a while. Maggie’s frostiness thawed a bit once she was around my aunt. Ruby seemed more like her old self. She talked about things at the shop and even pulled out her Tarot cards to give Maria a reading.
When it was time for Maggie to leave, I left Maria with Ruby and walked her out to her car. Maria had called out a goodbye but didn’t say anything else. “Mags, I’m so sorry about Maria this evening. I know that had to be hard for you,” I said once we got to her car.
“Well a day in Disney World it wasn’t, but that’s not your fault. I just don’t like leaving, knowing she’ll be under the same roof as you all night. She could try to crawl into your bed while you’re sleeping or something,” she teased, but I could tell she was barely containing her jealousy.
I pulled her into my arms. “If she does that shit, I’ll kick her ass out. Friend or not. There’s only one girl allowed in my bed,” I kissed her deeply, feeling instant relief as she parted her lips and let my tongue slide into her mouth. My hand snaked up her back and tangled in her hair.
“Sorry if I wasn’t Miss Molly Sunshine. I guess I could have tried harder to be nice,” Maggie said after breaking away. I hugged her tightly to my chest.
“You were perfect, you always are,” I assured her and she snorted.
“And you are ridiculous. But thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Maggie gave me another kiss and I waited until her car disappeared before I returned to the house.
Ruby had gone up to bed and Maria was thumbing through a magazine. “Girlfriend gone?” she asked without looking up.
“Yeah, Maggie left. And I’m going to tell you right now, Maria, you’re behavior tonight was really f**king shitty. I don’t care what reasons you had, you don’t come to my home, my town, around my friends and act like a bitch. This person I see right now, she isn’t the Maria I became friends with at Grayson’s,” I told her feeling myself get angry.
Maria dropped the magazine on the table. “I know. But being who I was at Grayson’s doesn’t work for me out here. Who I am now doesn’t get hurt. She makes her own rules. It’s the only way I can survive,” she admitted softly, her face more open and vulnerable than it had been since she had arrived.
I sat down beside her on the couch. “Yeah, but at least you were being honest with yourself while you were at Grayson’s. This whole I’m-a-bitch-don’t-fuck-with-me act will only leave you miserable and alone. I should know. I’ve spent way too much time pushing people away,” I said, seeing way too much of myself in the girl who sat beside me.
Her brokenness covered by rough defiance was entirely too familiar. “And you need to get back on your medication,” I told her sternly and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling.
“Jeesh, Clay, you’re not my parent. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be giving a shit about anything I do.” Maria tried to hide the tears in her eyes by looking away.
“We really are a f**ked up pair, you and me. Way too many Mommy and Daddy issues and way too much self-loathing. You’re heading into a bad place. I can see it; I’ve been there enough times myself,” I hated to see my friend like this and it was unfortunately triggering something else in me.
A reminder of how much I had screwed up in my own life. Of the person I still was deep down. And I felt the all too familiar pain in my gut. Maria didn’t respond. I don’t know if it was because I had made her think about her behavior or whether she had just shut down.
“I’m tired, I’m going to bed. I have to get up and leave early. So I’ll see you in the morning,” Maria said abruptly, getting to her feet.
And I was left in the wake of it all, feeling like I had come face to face with a person who was more like me than I wanted to admit.
Chapter Twenty-Two
-Clay-
Maria left the following morning without saying goodbye. There wasn’t a phone call, a note, nothing. I sent her a text, just to make sure she had gotten back to Alexandria safely, but she had never responded. A week later and I still hadn’t heard from her. I thought about reaching out but had decided not to.
Shaemus agreed that I needed to leave it alone. When I brought up Maria’s whacked out visit during our next session he said it was best to let it go. We had processed how I had been triggered by Maria’s erratic behavior and it had called into question my own mental stability. The truth was I had seen way too much of myself in Maria Cruz. It was like looking into one of those messed up mirrors in a fun house. This warped distorted view of who I was.
School started to ramp up toward graduation and I felt like I was hurtling through space toward some unknown destination. I was no closer to knowing what the f**k I was going to do with my life than I ever was. Maggie and her friends were excited about college. Daniel had gotten accept to VCU and Rachel would be going to the University of Richmond. They’d be less than fifteen minutes apart.
“Ah, well you know. When in Rome,” she said. Maggie came out of the bathroom and Daniel headed back to our group, without saying another word to Kylie. Rachel was right not to worry about Daniel, that dude was so whipped, if I wasn’t in the same boat with Maggie, I’d give him shit about it.
After the movie, I drove Maggie and Maria back to my house. Ruby was home so we sat with her and watched TV for a while. Maggie’s frostiness thawed a bit once she was around my aunt. Ruby seemed more like her old self. She talked about things at the shop and even pulled out her Tarot cards to give Maria a reading.
When it was time for Maggie to leave, I left Maria with Ruby and walked her out to her car. Maria had called out a goodbye but didn’t say anything else. “Mags, I’m so sorry about Maria this evening. I know that had to be hard for you,” I said once we got to her car.
“Well a day in Disney World it wasn’t, but that’s not your fault. I just don’t like leaving, knowing she’ll be under the same roof as you all night. She could try to crawl into your bed while you’re sleeping or something,” she teased, but I could tell she was barely containing her jealousy.
I pulled her into my arms. “If she does that shit, I’ll kick her ass out. Friend or not. There’s only one girl allowed in my bed,” I kissed her deeply, feeling instant relief as she parted her lips and let my tongue slide into her mouth. My hand snaked up her back and tangled in her hair.
“Sorry if I wasn’t Miss Molly Sunshine. I guess I could have tried harder to be nice,” Maggie said after breaking away. I hugged her tightly to my chest.
“You were perfect, you always are,” I assured her and she snorted.
“And you are ridiculous. But thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Maggie gave me another kiss and I waited until her car disappeared before I returned to the house.
Ruby had gone up to bed and Maria was thumbing through a magazine. “Girlfriend gone?” she asked without looking up.
“Yeah, Maggie left. And I’m going to tell you right now, Maria, you’re behavior tonight was really f**king shitty. I don’t care what reasons you had, you don’t come to my home, my town, around my friends and act like a bitch. This person I see right now, she isn’t the Maria I became friends with at Grayson’s,” I told her feeling myself get angry.
Maria dropped the magazine on the table. “I know. But being who I was at Grayson’s doesn’t work for me out here. Who I am now doesn’t get hurt. She makes her own rules. It’s the only way I can survive,” she admitted softly, her face more open and vulnerable than it had been since she had arrived.
I sat down beside her on the couch. “Yeah, but at least you were being honest with yourself while you were at Grayson’s. This whole I’m-a-bitch-don’t-fuck-with-me act will only leave you miserable and alone. I should know. I’ve spent way too much time pushing people away,” I said, seeing way too much of myself in the girl who sat beside me.
Her brokenness covered by rough defiance was entirely too familiar. “And you need to get back on your medication,” I told her sternly and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling.
“Jeesh, Clay, you’re not my parent. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be giving a shit about anything I do.” Maria tried to hide the tears in her eyes by looking away.
“We really are a f**ked up pair, you and me. Way too many Mommy and Daddy issues and way too much self-loathing. You’re heading into a bad place. I can see it; I’ve been there enough times myself,” I hated to see my friend like this and it was unfortunately triggering something else in me.
A reminder of how much I had screwed up in my own life. Of the person I still was deep down. And I felt the all too familiar pain in my gut. Maria didn’t respond. I don’t know if it was because I had made her think about her behavior or whether she had just shut down.
“I’m tired, I’m going to bed. I have to get up and leave early. So I’ll see you in the morning,” Maria said abruptly, getting to her feet.
And I was left in the wake of it all, feeling like I had come face to face with a person who was more like me than I wanted to admit.
Chapter Twenty-Two
-Clay-
Maria left the following morning without saying goodbye. There wasn’t a phone call, a note, nothing. I sent her a text, just to make sure she had gotten back to Alexandria safely, but she had never responded. A week later and I still hadn’t heard from her. I thought about reaching out but had decided not to.
Shaemus agreed that I needed to leave it alone. When I brought up Maria’s whacked out visit during our next session he said it was best to let it go. We had processed how I had been triggered by Maria’s erratic behavior and it had called into question my own mental stability. The truth was I had seen way too much of myself in Maria Cruz. It was like looking into one of those messed up mirrors in a fun house. This warped distorted view of who I was.
School started to ramp up toward graduation and I felt like I was hurtling through space toward some unknown destination. I was no closer to knowing what the f**k I was going to do with my life than I ever was. Maggie and her friends were excited about college. Daniel had gotten accept to VCU and Rachel would be going to the University of Richmond. They’d be less than fifteen minutes apart.
