Light My Fire
Page 52
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“You’re sure this ward is going to be enough to protect me against a mass attack?” I asked a short while later as we tromped over a partially wooded field on Hampstead Heath and headed for a culvert that led to an underground lair. I stood in front of the opening, which was about four feet high, and fretted. A lot was riding on this—not just an end to the imp attacks, but I needed to prove that I could handle myself in a situation where Nora would not be available to back me up.
She shook her head at me. “Aisling, Aisling, Aisling ... I’ve told you—it’s your belief in the ward that creates the magic, not mine. You must believe in your power to protect yourself.”
Well, that I had no trouble with. I was a relatively tough chick. I’d kissed a wyvern and lived to tell the tale. I’d breathed fire. And I’d been skewered and still managed to carry on as usual. It was just all the other things out of my control I worried about.
“OK. I can do this.” I drew the protection ward across my chest, satisfied when it glowed silver in the air for a few seconds before melting away.
“Are you sure you do not want us with you?” Rene asked, squatting on his heels to peer into the culvert. Dirt and debris had been washed out of it, but it looked relatively clear. An occasional flicker of movement indicated rodents, but those didn’t cause me any grief. “I will watch your back. As you said, I am the sidekick extraordinaire.”
“I’d love for you to come along, but Nora says it would never work. The imps are bound to be touchy about this whole thing, and they won’t negotiate if anyone else is there. So wish me luck, and if I’m not out in an hour, send in a whole platoon of Drakes, please.”
Nora gave me a thumbs-up as I stepped into the culvert. Rene wished me bonne chance. Jim peed in three different spots, tried to convince me it was going to throw up a hairball, and finally, reluctantly, shambled after me as I hunched over and crab walked my way into the belly of the imp kingdom.
The last bit of daylight winked out as the big drainage pipe turned a corner. Before I could switch on the flashlight Nora had thoughtfully provided, a small herd of imps bearing tiny, little torches descended upon us.
“Stop!” I yelled in my most forceful voice, putting my belief of my power behind it as Nora had warned. The imps swarmed around me, some of their torches coming dangerously close to my clothing. The ward glowed brightly in the air for a moment, though, causing the tiny little beasties to pause in their attack. “I am Aisling Grey! I am here to negotiate with your monarch. I bring to him the true slayer of”—I had to stop to take a quick glance at the name I’d written on my hand so I wouldn’t forget it—”Mehigenous the Fourth. Behold, the imp-killing demon Effrijim!”
“You’re loving every minute of this, aren’t you?” Jim muttered as the imps held their collective breaths for a moment, then with a bunch of high-pitched squeaks, ran over to surround Jim. It bared its teeth and snapped at a couple who got too close.
“Do not touch the demon!” I bellowed in the same pushy voice. “I am here to negotiate the sacrifice of it with your monarch. Take us to him!”
Jim rolled its eyes as the imps gathered together in a clutch for a moment, their squeaky yip-yips making my teeth itch. “You couldn’t think up a more original version of ‘take me to your leader’ ?”
“No. And hush. You’re supposed to be repentant, remember?”
“Yeah, right, and imps could fly out my ass. Hey! There’s an idea!”
“I’ll make it a command if you can’t keep your lips zipped,” I whispered.
Evidently I had done the demanding bit right, because the imps turned en masse and escorted us deeper into the culvert. It took another five minutes of crab walking, sometimes almost crawling, to get through to their main living area, but with the imps on one side pulling, and me behind shoving, we managed to get Jim’s bulky body through a very narrow opening and into a large, open area.
“Welcome to imp central,” Jim said, licking a patch of dirt off its shoulder.
I don’t know what I was expecting—some sort of cavern with grubs and rats—but the imps’ main headquarters wasn’t anything like my expectations. The walls were curved, like a tunnel, but tiled. The floor was cement and relatively clean, although awash in imps. Forerunners from our escort had warned the main assembly that we were coming, for they had a path cleared for us to walk up to a small pedestal with a stone garden bench, upon which sat a blue imp slightly larger than the others.
It held up two of its four hands, and the yip-yips that had broken out at our appearance silenced.
Mindful of Nora’s advice, I made a show of bowing before the monarch. Do not show weakness, she had said, but be respectful. I decided a little buttering up wouldn’t hurt, either. “Greetings, oh mighty imp king. I am Aisling Grey, Guardian, wyvern’s mate, and demon lord. I come to you in the spirit of cooperation to make amends for the death of Mehigenous the Fourth.”
The imp king’s eyes narrowed. It squeaked something at me.
“Urn. I didn’t quite catch that.” Oh, great. Why had none of us thought about the fact that I didn’t speak imp?
The imp king gestured, and from behind his stone throne a small green being emerged. It was the size of a small child, but horribly malformed. “His Majestic Majesty, Mehigenous the Fifth, sovereign of all imps, bids you to explain why you insult him by bringing the slayer Effrijim into his presence.”
“I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities between the imps and myself. I am no enemy to imps.”
The king stood up and shouted at me—at least I assume the aggressive noises it made were shouts. I know it shook three fists at me in a menacing fashion. The imps surrounding us leaped up and down and yipped their opinions as well.
“You are demon lord to the slayer! You must be destroyed as well as it.”
“I am no enemy to imps,” I said firmly, looking the king in the eyes. “I have much power. I could wage a war the likes of which you have not seen for many millennia. Instead, I come in peace to bring the demon, and offer to sacrifice it myself to appease the heinous crime it has committed.”
“You should be on a soap opera; you really should,” Jim said almost inaudibly over the noise of a couple of thousand yipping imps.
“Silence,” I roared, startling Jim as well as the imps. I lifted my hand in a dramatic manner and pinned back the imp king with a firm gaze. “See within my hand the silver dagger of death? I will destroy this demon once and for all before your very eyes. With its death, there will be peace between your kingdom and me. Is that agreed?”
She shook her head at me. “Aisling, Aisling, Aisling ... I’ve told you—it’s your belief in the ward that creates the magic, not mine. You must believe in your power to protect yourself.”
Well, that I had no trouble with. I was a relatively tough chick. I’d kissed a wyvern and lived to tell the tale. I’d breathed fire. And I’d been skewered and still managed to carry on as usual. It was just all the other things out of my control I worried about.
“OK. I can do this.” I drew the protection ward across my chest, satisfied when it glowed silver in the air for a few seconds before melting away.
“Are you sure you do not want us with you?” Rene asked, squatting on his heels to peer into the culvert. Dirt and debris had been washed out of it, but it looked relatively clear. An occasional flicker of movement indicated rodents, but those didn’t cause me any grief. “I will watch your back. As you said, I am the sidekick extraordinaire.”
“I’d love for you to come along, but Nora says it would never work. The imps are bound to be touchy about this whole thing, and they won’t negotiate if anyone else is there. So wish me luck, and if I’m not out in an hour, send in a whole platoon of Drakes, please.”
Nora gave me a thumbs-up as I stepped into the culvert. Rene wished me bonne chance. Jim peed in three different spots, tried to convince me it was going to throw up a hairball, and finally, reluctantly, shambled after me as I hunched over and crab walked my way into the belly of the imp kingdom.
The last bit of daylight winked out as the big drainage pipe turned a corner. Before I could switch on the flashlight Nora had thoughtfully provided, a small herd of imps bearing tiny, little torches descended upon us.
“Stop!” I yelled in my most forceful voice, putting my belief of my power behind it as Nora had warned. The imps swarmed around me, some of their torches coming dangerously close to my clothing. The ward glowed brightly in the air for a moment, though, causing the tiny little beasties to pause in their attack. “I am Aisling Grey! I am here to negotiate with your monarch. I bring to him the true slayer of”—I had to stop to take a quick glance at the name I’d written on my hand so I wouldn’t forget it—”Mehigenous the Fourth. Behold, the imp-killing demon Effrijim!”
“You’re loving every minute of this, aren’t you?” Jim muttered as the imps held their collective breaths for a moment, then with a bunch of high-pitched squeaks, ran over to surround Jim. It bared its teeth and snapped at a couple who got too close.
“Do not touch the demon!” I bellowed in the same pushy voice. “I am here to negotiate the sacrifice of it with your monarch. Take us to him!”
Jim rolled its eyes as the imps gathered together in a clutch for a moment, their squeaky yip-yips making my teeth itch. “You couldn’t think up a more original version of ‘take me to your leader’ ?”
“No. And hush. You’re supposed to be repentant, remember?”
“Yeah, right, and imps could fly out my ass. Hey! There’s an idea!”
“I’ll make it a command if you can’t keep your lips zipped,” I whispered.
Evidently I had done the demanding bit right, because the imps turned en masse and escorted us deeper into the culvert. It took another five minutes of crab walking, sometimes almost crawling, to get through to their main living area, but with the imps on one side pulling, and me behind shoving, we managed to get Jim’s bulky body through a very narrow opening and into a large, open area.
“Welcome to imp central,” Jim said, licking a patch of dirt off its shoulder.
I don’t know what I was expecting—some sort of cavern with grubs and rats—but the imps’ main headquarters wasn’t anything like my expectations. The walls were curved, like a tunnel, but tiled. The floor was cement and relatively clean, although awash in imps. Forerunners from our escort had warned the main assembly that we were coming, for they had a path cleared for us to walk up to a small pedestal with a stone garden bench, upon which sat a blue imp slightly larger than the others.
It held up two of its four hands, and the yip-yips that had broken out at our appearance silenced.
Mindful of Nora’s advice, I made a show of bowing before the monarch. Do not show weakness, she had said, but be respectful. I decided a little buttering up wouldn’t hurt, either. “Greetings, oh mighty imp king. I am Aisling Grey, Guardian, wyvern’s mate, and demon lord. I come to you in the spirit of cooperation to make amends for the death of Mehigenous the Fourth.”
The imp king’s eyes narrowed. It squeaked something at me.
“Urn. I didn’t quite catch that.” Oh, great. Why had none of us thought about the fact that I didn’t speak imp?
The imp king gestured, and from behind his stone throne a small green being emerged. It was the size of a small child, but horribly malformed. “His Majestic Majesty, Mehigenous the Fifth, sovereign of all imps, bids you to explain why you insult him by bringing the slayer Effrijim into his presence.”
“I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities between the imps and myself. I am no enemy to imps.”
The king stood up and shouted at me—at least I assume the aggressive noises it made were shouts. I know it shook three fists at me in a menacing fashion. The imps surrounding us leaped up and down and yipped their opinions as well.
“You are demon lord to the slayer! You must be destroyed as well as it.”
“I am no enemy to imps,” I said firmly, looking the king in the eyes. “I have much power. I could wage a war the likes of which you have not seen for many millennia. Instead, I come in peace to bring the demon, and offer to sacrifice it myself to appease the heinous crime it has committed.”
“You should be on a soap opera; you really should,” Jim said almost inaudibly over the noise of a couple of thousand yipping imps.
“Silence,” I roared, startling Jim as well as the imps. I lifted my hand in a dramatic manner and pinned back the imp king with a firm gaze. “See within my hand the silver dagger of death? I will destroy this demon once and for all before your very eyes. With its death, there will be peace between your kingdom and me. Is that agreed?”
