Like a Memory
Page 11

There must have been oodles of girls since me. I blended in with all those women. I was just another name in a journal. I winced. I hoped he didn’t have a journal of women.
“Hasn’t changed much I’d guess. What was your favorite dish when you came in here before?”
To have a favorite I would’ve had to try several things. He was assuming I had been more than once. Or was I reading too much into this?
“I never came enough to have a favorite.”
He smirked then shifted his eyes to the bar where I knew his grandfather was studying. Maybe he’d clued Nate in with a little memory jolt?
“You’re right. I assumed that once you’d eaten here you’d want to come back repeatedly. My mistake. Forgive me. Sorry.”
My heart sank a little. That was it. All he was going to say. Every time I was faced with Nate forgetting me it hurt. I wished it didn’t, but the pain was overwhelming. If I’d had more experience with guys it probably wouldn’t sting as bad. The few I’d dated hadn’t been anything memorable. They weren’t enough compared to Nate. They never clicked, because they couldn’t be him, which was my own personal dilemma. I just wished he thought the same about me.
Now it seemed like those guys, though few in number, may have been a good thing nevertheless. This entire time I’d been fixated on a fantasy that obviously wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t important enough to remember.
“Octavia won’t eat here. It’s below her. Grandpop says that I should take note. A girl who will walk through those doors is a keeper, according to the old man over there.”
I didn’t respond to that. It wasn’t my business, although I did agree, you had to accept one’s family. This was his grandfather’s restaurant. Octavia should want to come here. But then of course I’d met Octavia. She wasn’t the type to be considerate of others unless it benefitted her. She did what she wanted to do.
“When will Octavia be back? She didn’t say anything on the phone.”
Nate shrugged. “Hell if I know. She comes and goes on a whim. You’ll see soon enough.”
That didn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Was that what Nate desired? Wanted to be married to forever? A wealthy socialite that lived a life of leisure and ran a business as entertainment? No, that wasn’t fair. Octavia was working hard to make this a successful business. Sure her father was there if she needed him with unlimited money but she wasn’t to blame for that.
“In high school where did you and your friends hang out?”
Nate’s question came from out of the blue. I didn’t want to answer it. My life in high school wasn’t what he thought. Telling the truth would give away too much. Yet I wasn’t going to lie, so I chose a vague reply. “Here and there. Not too much to choose from around here if you want to stay away from the tourist.”
He chuckled. “Here and there? Really? That’s all I get?”
I shrugged and turned the question on him. “Where did you and your friends hang out?”
“The Kerrington Country Club. The beach and clubs in Destin.” He then paused and finished with a wink. “That’s the way you answer a question.”
I sighed. He was right.
“I didn’t go out a lot. I stayed home mostly. Eli was my only close friend.”
There, that was the truth. All he was getting from me.
“Why?” He frowned, but it wasn’t a frown of confusion, he was pressing me for more information. He was curious. I’d have to answer.
“Because I was an introvert. I liked my house and the safety there. I wasn’t good with people and Eli understood me. It worked because it had to. There was no other choice for me.”
“You don’t seem introverted.”
He didn’t know the girl who’d fought cancer. He knew the survivor. The outcome. My before and during cancer were something else entirely. “People change. Circumstances change you.”
His grandfather appeared at the table with two beers and sat them down. “Y’all decided on something to eat?”
I hated beer. But I kept my mouth shut. I could sip it to wash down my food.
“Two shrimp poboys with the chips you make. Extra salt. My blood pressure’s low.”
His grandfather nodded then smiled at me when I met his gaze with mine. “Good to have you back,” he said. Then he walked away.
I became a block of ice. Unsure if I should look at Nate.
“You must’ve made an impression on grandpop when you did come in before.” He leaned back and took a drink of his beer. “Do you even drink beer?” he asked.
I shook my head. He waved over a waitress. “Joyce, can Bliss have a . . .” he looked at me for an answer to his question.
“Sweet tea,” I replied. “Thank you.”
Joyce nodded. “Sure thing,” then she walked away, switching her hips for Nate.
“The old man thinks the world drinks beer.” He muttered, actually he whispered it. Then he added in a normal tone “did you have a favorite subject? In high school or anything after?”
The questions went on like that. Each query made me think harder about how I answered his questions. Keeping my secret was difficult, but somehow I managed it.
Nate Finlay
IT WAS ALL I could think about Sunday. That damn lunch. All the answers she avoided. Asking her had been unfair. She obviously was trying her hardest to keep it a secret from me. Along with who she was. That was my fault. She thought I didn’t remember and after spending time with her I realized her not reminding me was for my own benefit. Not hers.
The Bliss I’d fallen for that summer was the same. She was tougher now and had seen how ugly life can get. The girl became a woman, facing fear and winning, but her heart hadn’t changed. There was a kindness inside her that you couldn’t manufacture. It made you question your relationships. Had they been Bliss would it have worked?
Why the hell am I focused on this? That was a recipe for disaster. I had a good thing. The easy drama free kind of relationship all men look for. I wasn’t going to mess that up with Bliss. Even if she made me feel something I hadn’t in a long time. Seeing her smile reminded me there were women out there that weren’t solely concerned with their needs and simply pleasing their selfish desires.
I didn’t want to ever be as vulnerable as my father. Although my momma would never hurt my father . . . what if, I mean, if he lost her. If she died he wouldn’t live. He’d follow my mother in death. Sure he loved his children and had a good life, but mom was his number one. His center. A fucking necessity. That shit was scary as hell.
Octavia would never be my center. I was safe from that kind of heartbreak. I could continue on breathing and living if something happened to her. Sure I’d be sad, but I wouldn’t die from it, which was healthy and normal. That was all I wanted in life. Shallow? Yes. But shallow is safe. I’d convinced myself of that.
I was jerked from my thoughts when someone bumped me and dropped a box at my feet. Books went everywhere. “Sorry man, I didn’t see you. My bad. Wasn’t paying attention.” It was Eli. Standing in front of me.
His eyes locked on me and he straightened. There was recognition there and he wasn’t hiding it like Bliss. Had she talked to him about me? Did he think I remembered what she thought I’d forgotten? My God, this was confusing.
“Please tell me you don’t have a place here,” were the words that came from his mouth. If it had been anyone else I’d have considered that to be rude. But I understood and respected his concern. Bliss meant a lot to him. I wondered if she meant more than that? I couldn’t imagine them just being friends. I thought that would be fucking impossible. But then, of course, that was me. Eli may be different.