“Asshole.” God, why do I let him make me so angry. He’s such a—
My thoughts are interrupted by a string of pings from my tablet. Great, what the f**k did he say now? I grab the tablet and check the Dirty Heaven list.
MovieStar @VaughnAsher – 1m
@FilthyBlueBird my deepest apologies. A hacker took over my feed but it’s in control now. Sorry to interrupt your fun.
Oh, so now I get the passive-aggressive bullshit? I don’t think so.
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – the party just started, don’t be too quick to leave. #FantasyOrReality
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird I figured you’d be embarrassed by all the dirty tweets coming out of your #FilthyBlueMouth.
A slew of tweets flood the stream, all dirty. Hashtags start appearing that would make a p**n star blush. #TakeMyButtVirginity #SOHFSlipNSlide There are even some I coined that play off his movie roles like #ThatsNotMyHand #ItsTheInvisibleMan and #IManUltimateStalker #WatchMeSquirt #OnYourInvisibleTongue
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – #MrsInvisbleOnline and that’s the way I like it.
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird Do it any way you like, Blue Bird. Sing for me, I’m waiting to be wowed.
Shit. I giggle a little at this. OK, maybe I’m not so good with phone sex, but I’m the filthy Twitter goddess. I can be dirty and spontaneous with the best of them. And besides, he invited me in front of the entire world. It’s like a challenge.
I bite my lip as I think up a good tweet.
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – This blue bird can sing #WithYourCockInMyBeak
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird Hmmm, I recently had that pleasure. #Fantastic #BackToNatureFucking #MissingSomething #You
I stare at that last tweet. Me.
A flood of tweets follow that message, but I close my tablet and sit on the bed. He did that on purpose. He took away the suspicion and rebuilt it on a whole new level.
My phone buzzes. I stare at the message flashing unknown number at me and then even though I know I shouldn’t answer that call—that giving in to him is the worst idea possible, that he will take over my life, probably in every bad way imaginable—there’s no way I can deny him.
“Yes,” I say softly into the phone.
“I liked that. It was fun. We are now @mrinvsman and @mrsinvsman. Private profiles who only follow each other. Log in tomorrow night at eight your time using ‘bluebird’ as your password.”
And then I get the three beeps.
My phone vibrates a message a few seconds later. I look down and this time the number comes up.
I will ignore you as FilthyBlueBird from now on. But you’re still mine, #MrsInvisibleMan.
What if I don’t want to play? I text back.
Then don’t. A pause from him. Then—Do you want to play?
I like being asked.
That’s not an answer.
Yes.
Are you still naked?
Yes.
I get a smiley face in return. Be naked tomorrow at eight your time, #MrsInvisibleMan.
Chapter Three
SisterSecrets
GOD, that girl, I think as I press the end tab on my phone. She’s got me. Somehow, she’s grabbed my attention like no other woman I’ve ever met. She’s naughty and mouthy and I love it. And I realize I’ve got a stupid grin on my face.
I snap out of it when my phone rings and Sam’s face lights up the screen. I smile a very different kind of smile and press accept. “Why are you calling me on your honeymoon, princess? Are you ready to divorce Tray already?”
“Do you think I should?”
“What?” Fuck.
“I mean, it could be an annulment, right? Do they still let you do those things?”
“Sam, what’s going on? What happened?”
“Nothing happened, Vaughn. I’m just so unsure of this. I mean, I’ve never been so unsure of anything in my life. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can’t…” She stops and huffs out a breath. “I can’t sleep with him, Vaughn. I just can’t do it.”
“Wait, you’ve never slept with him before?”
“Of course not!”
“Oh my God, you’re a virgin?”
“I’m insulted that you’re surprised!”
“Sorry, it’s just…” I guess it all makes sense. My sister has always been a prissy thing, but I’ve always assumed it was an act. “It wasn’t an act?”
“Why would I lie about this?”
Shit, I can think of like a billion reasons, but I keep that to myself. “I wonder if Felicity is still a virgin. Dare I hope she’s been as frigid as you?”
“Is that supposed to be funny?”
“Sorry. OK, well, look, sis, it’s pretty normal to be… ah… Jesus, can’t you find a girlfriend to talk to about this shit?”
“I already talked to them! They’re on his side!”
“What side is his? He did something, didn’t he? I’ll kill that ass**le.”
“He didn’t do anything, he’s just… Vaughn, he’s just not the prince I’ve been waiting for. And I know, I just feel it to be true, that if I sleep with him as his wife, I will be making the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger than marrying him. Because I’ve been saving myself for the perfect guy. And I’m sorry, I know Mom and Dad paid a fortune for this wedding, but I can’t do it. He’s not my guy. He’s not.”
She lets out a long breath and waits for my reaction. I know whatever I tell her, she will take it very seriously. So I really need to tread carefully here.
“Sam, first of all, your happiness is the only thing we care about, OK? Mom and Dad do not give two f**ks about the cost of the wedding. So don’t let that be a determining factor. But before you make up your mind, I just think you should stop comparing Tray to some fictional guy who doesn’t exist. Because, honey, he’s not out there. We’re all ass**les. We’re all the same. We don’t think the way you ladies do. We’re not perfect. And I’m going to tell you the truth, I don’t like Tray. I don’t think he’s good enough for you, so if you want to ditch the guy, by all means call the plane, pack your shit, and leave his ass on Saint Thomas. But before you do anything, Samantha, I want you to make sure. Because this really isn’t something you can undo. A man’s not going to forget that you had these second thoughts on the honeymoon. So if you walk away, be sure.”
My thoughts are interrupted by a string of pings from my tablet. Great, what the f**k did he say now? I grab the tablet and check the Dirty Heaven list.
MovieStar @VaughnAsher – 1m
@FilthyBlueBird my deepest apologies. A hacker took over my feed but it’s in control now. Sorry to interrupt your fun.
Oh, so now I get the passive-aggressive bullshit? I don’t think so.
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – the party just started, don’t be too quick to leave. #FantasyOrReality
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird I figured you’d be embarrassed by all the dirty tweets coming out of your #FilthyBlueMouth.
A slew of tweets flood the stream, all dirty. Hashtags start appearing that would make a p**n star blush. #TakeMyButtVirginity #SOHFSlipNSlide There are even some I coined that play off his movie roles like #ThatsNotMyHand #ItsTheInvisibleMan and #IManUltimateStalker #WatchMeSquirt #OnYourInvisibleTongue
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – #MrsInvisbleOnline and that’s the way I like it.
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird Do it any way you like, Blue Bird. Sing for me, I’m waiting to be wowed.
Shit. I giggle a little at this. OK, maybe I’m not so good with phone sex, but I’m the filthy Twitter goddess. I can be dirty and spontaneous with the best of them. And besides, he invited me in front of the entire world. It’s like a challenge.
I bite my lip as I think up a good tweet.
Grace @FilthyBlueBird
@VaughnAsher – This blue bird can sing #WithYourCockInMyBeak
MovieStar @VaughnAsher
@FilthyBlueBird Hmmm, I recently had that pleasure. #Fantastic #BackToNatureFucking #MissingSomething #You
I stare at that last tweet. Me.
A flood of tweets follow that message, but I close my tablet and sit on the bed. He did that on purpose. He took away the suspicion and rebuilt it on a whole new level.
My phone buzzes. I stare at the message flashing unknown number at me and then even though I know I shouldn’t answer that call—that giving in to him is the worst idea possible, that he will take over my life, probably in every bad way imaginable—there’s no way I can deny him.
“Yes,” I say softly into the phone.
“I liked that. It was fun. We are now @mrinvsman and @mrsinvsman. Private profiles who only follow each other. Log in tomorrow night at eight your time using ‘bluebird’ as your password.”
And then I get the three beeps.
My phone vibrates a message a few seconds later. I look down and this time the number comes up.
I will ignore you as FilthyBlueBird from now on. But you’re still mine, #MrsInvisibleMan.
What if I don’t want to play? I text back.
Then don’t. A pause from him. Then—Do you want to play?
I like being asked.
That’s not an answer.
Yes.
Are you still naked?
Yes.
I get a smiley face in return. Be naked tomorrow at eight your time, #MrsInvisibleMan.
Chapter Three
SisterSecrets
GOD, that girl, I think as I press the end tab on my phone. She’s got me. Somehow, she’s grabbed my attention like no other woman I’ve ever met. She’s naughty and mouthy and I love it. And I realize I’ve got a stupid grin on my face.
I snap out of it when my phone rings and Sam’s face lights up the screen. I smile a very different kind of smile and press accept. “Why are you calling me on your honeymoon, princess? Are you ready to divorce Tray already?”
“Do you think I should?”
“What?” Fuck.
“I mean, it could be an annulment, right? Do they still let you do those things?”
“Sam, what’s going on? What happened?”
“Nothing happened, Vaughn. I’m just so unsure of this. I mean, I’ve never been so unsure of anything in my life. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can’t…” She stops and huffs out a breath. “I can’t sleep with him, Vaughn. I just can’t do it.”
“Wait, you’ve never slept with him before?”
“Of course not!”
“Oh my God, you’re a virgin?”
“I’m insulted that you’re surprised!”
“Sorry, it’s just…” I guess it all makes sense. My sister has always been a prissy thing, but I’ve always assumed it was an act. “It wasn’t an act?”
“Why would I lie about this?”
Shit, I can think of like a billion reasons, but I keep that to myself. “I wonder if Felicity is still a virgin. Dare I hope she’s been as frigid as you?”
“Is that supposed to be funny?”
“Sorry. OK, well, look, sis, it’s pretty normal to be… ah… Jesus, can’t you find a girlfriend to talk to about this shit?”
“I already talked to them! They’re on his side!”
“What side is his? He did something, didn’t he? I’ll kill that ass**le.”
“He didn’t do anything, he’s just… Vaughn, he’s just not the prince I’ve been waiting for. And I know, I just feel it to be true, that if I sleep with him as his wife, I will be making the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger than marrying him. Because I’ve been saving myself for the perfect guy. And I’m sorry, I know Mom and Dad paid a fortune for this wedding, but I can’t do it. He’s not my guy. He’s not.”
She lets out a long breath and waits for my reaction. I know whatever I tell her, she will take it very seriously. So I really need to tread carefully here.
“Sam, first of all, your happiness is the only thing we care about, OK? Mom and Dad do not give two f**ks about the cost of the wedding. So don’t let that be a determining factor. But before you make up your mind, I just think you should stop comparing Tray to some fictional guy who doesn’t exist. Because, honey, he’s not out there. We’re all ass**les. We’re all the same. We don’t think the way you ladies do. We’re not perfect. And I’m going to tell you the truth, I don’t like Tray. I don’t think he’s good enough for you, so if you want to ditch the guy, by all means call the plane, pack your shit, and leave his ass on Saint Thomas. But before you do anything, Samantha, I want you to make sure. Because this really isn’t something you can undo. A man’s not going to forget that you had these second thoughts on the honeymoon. So if you walk away, be sure.”
