Love After All
Page 86

Either way, it was too late, because suddenly Bash was there in front of her looking taller than she remembered. He had on a pair of dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt that fit him better than any shirt had the right to fit a man. Even his hair looked good, and he smelled great, and why did she even care? He wasn’t hers anymore.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Megan said, slipping away.
“Thanks, Megan,” Bash said, never taking his eyes off Chelsea.
“Can I talk to you?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Chelsea.”
He reached for her, but she stepped away. “Don’t.”
She turned around and slipped out through the back door, knowing he was going to follow her. But she couldn’t have all her friends bear witness to this.
She wrapped her arms around herself and stood on the patio, staring out at the moonless night. The stars were everywhere. She wished the blackness of the night would swallow her up and take her anywhere but here.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
She let out a short laugh. “Such an insincere statement, spoken by every guy who ever dumped a woman.”
“I didn’t dump you.” He came around and stood in front of her, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I never meant for us to end.”
“Really. You telling me that someday I’d find some perfect guy—a guy who wasn’t you—wasn’t an end to us?”
He dragged his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. It was a stupid thing to say. When you told me you loved me, it scared the shit out of me.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. It’s what every woman wants to hear when she declares her love.”
“Dammit, Chelsea. Please let me try and explain.”
She took a seat in the nearby chair. “Go ahead.”
He pulled up a chair right across from her, their knees a fraction of an inch from touching. She wanted nothing more than to fall into his lap and beg him to love her. But she wasn’t going to get that, was she? So she’d settle at least for an explanation. That closure thing that Megan mentioned. She didn’t think it would help, but maybe he’d leave after that and she could start healing.
“What I did was unforgivable. The really sad, awful thing was I had already realized I loved you. You were the brave one, though. You said the words when I couldn’t.”
“Why couldn’t you?”
“I don’t know. My past relationship, I guess. My first marriage. God, that was such a disaster. Cathy had this idea of what I was supposed to be, and I … wasn’t. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. Not the right job. I didn’t make enough money. She wanted a house and we couldn’t afford one. She wanted a new car and we could only afford used cars. It’s like no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I could never be the man she wanted me to be.”
Despite her discomfort, she felt that pain coming from him. “Bash, that’s on her, not on you. You have to know that.”
“Logically, I know that. But there’s your list. And all those things on your list that I’m not. I couldn’t live with myself if I disappointed another woman. Especially you.”
Tears pricked her eyes. “And that’s on me. You have to know by now that I never expected you to be anything other than who you are. I long ago gave up on that list. Maybe I should have told you that.”
He shrugged. “It’s really not about the list, but more about who I am. Or maybe who I can never be.”
She sighed, realizing her part in what had happened to mess things up for them. “We’ve both made mistakes. I tried to develop this image of a perfect man, when there is no such thing. I’m sorry if by doing that I set you up—I set us up—for failure. But Bash, when I told you I loved you, I meant I loved you. The you that you are now, not some other you. I would never try to change you.”
He grasped her hand. “I know that now. And God, Chelsea. I’m so damn sorry I hurt you. You’re the very last person I ever want to hurt. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved another woman. I haven’t slept since that night. You’re in my head every waking moment, because you’re in my heart. It’s where you’ve been for the past few months, and that’s where you’re going to stay, no matter how things end up between us. But I hope you can forgive me for hurting you and tell me you’ll give me another chance to show you I deserve your love.”
She hesitated, trying to push away the hurt, the things he’d said to her, because she knew now where they’d come from. She looked into his eyes and saw only clear love.
She had to take the chance, because Bash was worth it. And looking at him, and seeing the way he looked at her, the genuine caring in his eyes, and the deep pain she saw there, she knew.
He was it for her. He was the one.
She pushed off the chair and climbed into his lap. “I love you, too. I could never stop loving you.”
He kissed her, tunneling his fingers into her hair as they poured out passion, desire, and love in their kiss. She grabbed hold of his shirt, needing that lifeline, smoothing her hands over his chest to feel the beat of his heart, to know that this was real.
It was perfect.
Until she heard whoops and hollers from inside and realized they had an audience.
She looked up to see everyone looking out at them, wide grins on their faces.
Chelsea laughed. “Okay, so maybe we need a more private venue for this reconciliation.”