Love Unrehearsed
Page 118
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“And the girls? How old are they?”
“Abby is fourteen and Eli is eleven. They sound like great kids.”
With that Ryan seemed to relax a bit, but still he said, “Listen. I know that you’ve been dealing with this . . . this shock. And I’m going to continue to be patient and supportive, but I will not allow someone you barely know to upset you. Before you opened that box, things were fine. Well, as fine as they could be considering, but now this has tossed you for a loop and I don’t give a shit if he’s the king of Siam. If he doesn’t bring goodness and happiness to you, then he’s going to be cut off very quickly. Mark my words, Taryn. I won’t let this eat at you. If he doesn’t want to own up to his shit and be a man about it, then he can go back to being unknown to us.
You’ve had enough hurt for one lifetime and I won’t stand for someone bringing more sadness on you. I won’t.”
“I know,” I grumbled quietly.
“No, I don’t think you do. Your entire life you’ve been obliviously happy. Now you question everything more than you did before. But what you need to focus on are the things that are right and true in your life.
Me. My family. We are constants. I’m not going anywhere and you know that. But some guy you don’t know who donated some sperm is not worth the head space he’s taking up. Dan and Jennifer were your parents and I know they were taken way too early from you but you need a mom or a dad; my parents are all too willing to step up and give you what you need.
“This guy . . . this Joe person, he makes no difference to our lives. You and me—that’s all we’ve got. And if your friends want to make choices that don’t include a future with us, I’ve got no problem with that, either. None.
Cut that shit clean off and we’ll make new friends. We surround ourselves with people who care and love us. That’s how we roll.” He was right. So freaking right, as usual.
I’d recognized my fears of abandonment when I thought Ryan’s parents were moving him out of the apartment right before we got engaged. Everyone I loved eventually left me.
Everyone. And now some guy I didn’t even know was tugging on my emotions and twisting my thoughts just because I needed to get something back; needed to validate why this information about me being adopted was even dropped on me.
Still through all of that, I almost wanted to laugh at him. “That’s how we roll?”
“That’s how we roll,” he said, serious at first until the edge of his mouth tipped up.
“You have no relationship with him. He doesn’t want to make one with you, no problem. One less person fucking with our happiness, as far as I’m concerned.”
I smiled at that thought; how he was able to make me love him more and more every day.
His eyes dropped down to my lips, his head tilted in the opposite direction, and he murmured, “C’m’ere” as he leaned down to kiss me. I wrapped my arm over his shoulder so I could pull my body even closer while my other hand found those soft curls of hair by his neck. He groaned in my mouth as I tugged on his hair.
“I need to spend an entire day kissing you,” I breathed out on his lips.
He pulled on the tips of my hair hanging right next to my breast. “Tomorrow. All morning. No phones, no computers. Your mouth and your body are mine.” Someone banged on our trailer door. “Ten minutes, Ryan.”
His shoulders slumped, as did mine. His eyes skittered over to my laptop screen.
“What you got there?”
I’d forgotten about my Internet searching.
“The totally awesome front door for our new house. You like?”
“Yeah, let me see it.” His lips curled just a bit and he sat up, moving the computer closer to get a better look. “Nice. Add it to the list.”
Well, that was easy.
“You want to see more?”
“Why? You design the whole house?”
“No, but Marie sent some pictures. She said this is where we should get married.” I opened the email and made the attachments full size on the screen.
Ryan’s eyes scrunched together before going wide. “Wow. No, scroll back. Back. Stop.
Holy shit, that’s cool. Where is that?”
“Italy. A place called the Grotta Palazzese.
What do you think?”
Ryan’s smile widened, taking in the restaurant. It was located inside the opening of a cave and had breathtaking views of the vast
Mediterranean Sea. “That’s wild. Italy? Is that what you want? Something like that?” I shrugged, not firmly decided on anything. “I don’t know. But that definitely looks like a cool place to have dinner.” He gave me his look, the one that said he’d fly me anywhere I wanted and give me the wedding of my dreams as long as I said yes along the way.
“Abby is fourteen and Eli is eleven. They sound like great kids.”
With that Ryan seemed to relax a bit, but still he said, “Listen. I know that you’ve been dealing with this . . . this shock. And I’m going to continue to be patient and supportive, but I will not allow someone you barely know to upset you. Before you opened that box, things were fine. Well, as fine as they could be considering, but now this has tossed you for a loop and I don’t give a shit if he’s the king of Siam. If he doesn’t bring goodness and happiness to you, then he’s going to be cut off very quickly. Mark my words, Taryn. I won’t let this eat at you. If he doesn’t want to own up to his shit and be a man about it, then he can go back to being unknown to us.
You’ve had enough hurt for one lifetime and I won’t stand for someone bringing more sadness on you. I won’t.”
“I know,” I grumbled quietly.
“No, I don’t think you do. Your entire life you’ve been obliviously happy. Now you question everything more than you did before. But what you need to focus on are the things that are right and true in your life.
Me. My family. We are constants. I’m not going anywhere and you know that. But some guy you don’t know who donated some sperm is not worth the head space he’s taking up. Dan and Jennifer were your parents and I know they were taken way too early from you but you need a mom or a dad; my parents are all too willing to step up and give you what you need.
“This guy . . . this Joe person, he makes no difference to our lives. You and me—that’s all we’ve got. And if your friends want to make choices that don’t include a future with us, I’ve got no problem with that, either. None.
Cut that shit clean off and we’ll make new friends. We surround ourselves with people who care and love us. That’s how we roll.” He was right. So freaking right, as usual.
I’d recognized my fears of abandonment when I thought Ryan’s parents were moving him out of the apartment right before we got engaged. Everyone I loved eventually left me.
Everyone. And now some guy I didn’t even know was tugging on my emotions and twisting my thoughts just because I needed to get something back; needed to validate why this information about me being adopted was even dropped on me.
Still through all of that, I almost wanted to laugh at him. “That’s how we roll?”
“That’s how we roll,” he said, serious at first until the edge of his mouth tipped up.
“You have no relationship with him. He doesn’t want to make one with you, no problem. One less person fucking with our happiness, as far as I’m concerned.”
I smiled at that thought; how he was able to make me love him more and more every day.
His eyes dropped down to my lips, his head tilted in the opposite direction, and he murmured, “C’m’ere” as he leaned down to kiss me. I wrapped my arm over his shoulder so I could pull my body even closer while my other hand found those soft curls of hair by his neck. He groaned in my mouth as I tugged on his hair.
“I need to spend an entire day kissing you,” I breathed out on his lips.
He pulled on the tips of my hair hanging right next to my breast. “Tomorrow. All morning. No phones, no computers. Your mouth and your body are mine.” Someone banged on our trailer door. “Ten minutes, Ryan.”
His shoulders slumped, as did mine. His eyes skittered over to my laptop screen.
“What you got there?”
I’d forgotten about my Internet searching.
“The totally awesome front door for our new house. You like?”
“Yeah, let me see it.” His lips curled just a bit and he sat up, moving the computer closer to get a better look. “Nice. Add it to the list.”
Well, that was easy.
“You want to see more?”
“Why? You design the whole house?”
“No, but Marie sent some pictures. She said this is where we should get married.” I opened the email and made the attachments full size on the screen.
Ryan’s eyes scrunched together before going wide. “Wow. No, scroll back. Back. Stop.
Holy shit, that’s cool. Where is that?”
“Italy. A place called the Grotta Palazzese.
What do you think?”
Ryan’s smile widened, taking in the restaurant. It was located inside the opening of a cave and had breathtaking views of the vast
Mediterranean Sea. “That’s wild. Italy? Is that what you want? Something like that?” I shrugged, not firmly decided on anything. “I don’t know. But that definitely looks like a cool place to have dinner.” He gave me his look, the one that said he’d fly me anywhere I wanted and give me the wedding of my dreams as long as I said yes along the way.
