Love Unrehearsed
Page 19
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“No. Fuck that.”
I studied the design in the lace of my dress for a moment before begging his eyes for some clarity. “Just answer one question.
Why did you do it? If you don’t want to acknowledge that we’re engaged, if it’s supposed to be some well-guarded secret, why did you make your proposal public?”
“You don’t understand.” With a short huff, Ryan stood and stepped around me to head toward the door.
Wonderful. Just like every other guy I’ve ever been with. Bail when the topic gets a little uncomfortable. That’s it. Walk away.
“You’re right. I don’t.”
Ryan stopped on the threshold and gripped the door frame with both hands, completely surprising me. His head hung low for a moment. “I didn’t say anything on Jimmy Collins because all that asshole wanted was a confession to up his ratings.” He turned around and then paced the length of the bath, from the cavernous sandstone-tiled shower to the doorway and back again. “The intimate details of our personal life are not for public discussion, Tar.
Nor am I going to allow it to be used to make other people rich. That’s our life—our business.”
I drew in a quick breath when he moved to stand directly in front of me.
“I make movies. That’s what I do for a living. If I go on a talk show, it’s to talk about my job, drum up more hype for the movie. Not to spill secrets about our personal life.”
“But there’s so much of your life that’s public. I always thought it was happy news when people got engaged.”
His hard glare softened as he took my left hand in his. “It is happy news. You’re my everything, Taryn, not my secret.” Ryan’s right hand drifted down my cheek, touching much more than just skin. “I just don’t want to share what is most sacred to me with the entire world on a talk show. You’re my world, babe. Mine. Not theirs. They can have me, but they can’t have you, too.” His brow creased, frowning as though he was torn. “I was going to sing a different song to you when I proposed. I had it all planned. Everything was supposed to be private. But then everything got so screwed up and I ran out of time.” He rubbed his hand over his head. “Hell, everyone thought I’d been unfaithful to you, Taryn. Even you.
At that time, considering . . . well, I felt a grand gesture was necessary.” I took a deep breath, strewn with personal regret, knowing I was one of those who doubted.
Ryan dipped his head to recapture my eyes. “I was mad and hurt and then I thought . . .” His hand cradled my cheek.
“God, I was so scared of losing you.” Repentant tears pooled in my eyes as memories of that planted love letter and dis-astrous trip to Florida flooded back into my thoughts. “I thought I had lost you.” His head swayed, forming a silent no.
I wiped the moisture from under my eye.
“That song, the one you sang to me, I loved it. It was beautiful. Perfect. I’d really love to hear it again sometime.”
He smiled. “I wrote that song on the airplane. I wanted you to know how serious I am about us. How much I want you in my life, Taryn. I meant it when I said forever.
That’s why. You are it for me. But the me that knelt in front of you that night and the me that is standing in front of you right now is not the same me that’s out there in the spotlight.” He thumped his hand over his heart. “They only get the outside, not the inside. That’s for you.”
God, the way he looked directly into my soul, I knew he was sincere. I rested my hand on his heart. “You know I love you, Ryan. All sides of you. Sometimes I—”
“Sweetheart, we’ve been through so much together.” His voice cracked. His thumb brushed over my lower abdomen. “There are things that I just don’t want to openly talk about, especially on national television. You bring me peace. That’s mine to cherish, not theirs.”
“And I hope you know that I’m trying to understand how all this works. That’s why I didn’t even want to start this conversation. I was trying to sort it out on my own. I guess I just don’t understand Marla’s reasoning sometimes.”
“I don’t understand sometimes, either, but I’m trying to trust what she says I should do.
She has her reasons for protecting me—I mean us. She didn’t want me to sensational-ize it on national television, although the story is out there already.” He shrugged.
Ryan tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Besides, in less than an hour, millions will know. As much as I want to protect you from the total craziness that is my life, I know I can’t do that forever. So everything changes tonight, but it changes on my terms.” He gently smiled at me, rubbing his thumb over my lips.
I studied the design in the lace of my dress for a moment before begging his eyes for some clarity. “Just answer one question.
Why did you do it? If you don’t want to acknowledge that we’re engaged, if it’s supposed to be some well-guarded secret, why did you make your proposal public?”
“You don’t understand.” With a short huff, Ryan stood and stepped around me to head toward the door.
Wonderful. Just like every other guy I’ve ever been with. Bail when the topic gets a little uncomfortable. That’s it. Walk away.
“You’re right. I don’t.”
Ryan stopped on the threshold and gripped the door frame with both hands, completely surprising me. His head hung low for a moment. “I didn’t say anything on Jimmy Collins because all that asshole wanted was a confession to up his ratings.” He turned around and then paced the length of the bath, from the cavernous sandstone-tiled shower to the doorway and back again. “The intimate details of our personal life are not for public discussion, Tar.
Nor am I going to allow it to be used to make other people rich. That’s our life—our business.”
I drew in a quick breath when he moved to stand directly in front of me.
“I make movies. That’s what I do for a living. If I go on a talk show, it’s to talk about my job, drum up more hype for the movie. Not to spill secrets about our personal life.”
“But there’s so much of your life that’s public. I always thought it was happy news when people got engaged.”
His hard glare softened as he took my left hand in his. “It is happy news. You’re my everything, Taryn, not my secret.” Ryan’s right hand drifted down my cheek, touching much more than just skin. “I just don’t want to share what is most sacred to me with the entire world on a talk show. You’re my world, babe. Mine. Not theirs. They can have me, but they can’t have you, too.” His brow creased, frowning as though he was torn. “I was going to sing a different song to you when I proposed. I had it all planned. Everything was supposed to be private. But then everything got so screwed up and I ran out of time.” He rubbed his hand over his head. “Hell, everyone thought I’d been unfaithful to you, Taryn. Even you.
At that time, considering . . . well, I felt a grand gesture was necessary.” I took a deep breath, strewn with personal regret, knowing I was one of those who doubted.
Ryan dipped his head to recapture my eyes. “I was mad and hurt and then I thought . . .” His hand cradled my cheek.
“God, I was so scared of losing you.” Repentant tears pooled in my eyes as memories of that planted love letter and dis-astrous trip to Florida flooded back into my thoughts. “I thought I had lost you.” His head swayed, forming a silent no.
I wiped the moisture from under my eye.
“That song, the one you sang to me, I loved it. It was beautiful. Perfect. I’d really love to hear it again sometime.”
He smiled. “I wrote that song on the airplane. I wanted you to know how serious I am about us. How much I want you in my life, Taryn. I meant it when I said forever.
That’s why. You are it for me. But the me that knelt in front of you that night and the me that is standing in front of you right now is not the same me that’s out there in the spotlight.” He thumped his hand over his heart. “They only get the outside, not the inside. That’s for you.”
God, the way he looked directly into my soul, I knew he was sincere. I rested my hand on his heart. “You know I love you, Ryan. All sides of you. Sometimes I—”
“Sweetheart, we’ve been through so much together.” His voice cracked. His thumb brushed over my lower abdomen. “There are things that I just don’t want to openly talk about, especially on national television. You bring me peace. That’s mine to cherish, not theirs.”
“And I hope you know that I’m trying to understand how all this works. That’s why I didn’t even want to start this conversation. I was trying to sort it out on my own. I guess I just don’t understand Marla’s reasoning sometimes.”
“I don’t understand sometimes, either, but I’m trying to trust what she says I should do.
She has her reasons for protecting me—I mean us. She didn’t want me to sensational-ize it on national television, although the story is out there already.” He shrugged.
Ryan tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “Besides, in less than an hour, millions will know. As much as I want to protect you from the total craziness that is my life, I know I can’t do that forever. So everything changes tonight, but it changes on my terms.” He gently smiled at me, rubbing his thumb over my lips.
