Love Unscripted
Page 57
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“Local police were called to the scene after several individuals breached the closed movie set and charged onto the beach. Police officers from at least two local municipalities were assisted by officers from the State Police to manage the crowd and at this time two women have reportedly been taken into police custody.
“The women were stopped by on-set security and members of the production team as they attempted to reach Mr. Christensen and Ms.
Strass while they were filming. Reports from eye witnesses who were at the scene indicated that at least one of the women allegedly yelled obscenities and death threats at Ms. Strass, although it is unknown at this time the content of those threats.”
The camera cut to four police officers who had two women in custody and were escorting them into the police station.
In an instant I was concerned for Ryan and his safety, but I fought back the urge to call him. Even though I had his number from all the text messages he sent, I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. I wasn’t going to chase after any man. I made a pledge to myself at that moment that I wouldn’t commit his phone number to my cell phone memory.
The fact that I cared and wanted to know how he was doing meant that I was already too attached to him. When he finally does leave Seaport, it will be even that much harder for me to cope.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket several times throughout the night just to make sure I didn’t miss a call, but he never called like he said he would. I wondered what had happened to keep him from calling me. Maybe I’m just misreading our connections or making them out to be more than what they really are. I truly hoped he wasn’t busy making new connections with some other girl. What am I doing? I chastised myself. I can’t let my guard down. I need to stop this.
I thought about the boyfriends that I had in the past and reviewed why none of those relationships ever lasted. I realized that I had made some typical girl mistakes with some of them… being too needy or too clingy or just trying too damn hard to be what I thought they wanted me to be. I was too young at the time to truly understand what healthy relationships were all about.
Some of my relationships ended because after the sex we realized that we had nothing else in common. There were no other threads to hold us in place.
I broke up with Tim when I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted for my future. He was the type of guy who only cared about himself and his needs. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me, but I did want someone to love me enough to try.
When I was with Dean, his broken heart became my mission to fix. He was a few years older than me and had already been married once and on his way through a divorce. He also had a three-year-old son caught in the mix.
I really cared for his little boy. When I was around him I tried to be a good stand-in mother, until Dean reminded me one day that I wasn’t his son’s mother and that he had no intentions to ever have another child with anyone. That was when he stopped touching me.
My engagement with Thomas ended harshly, with bitter words and horrible accusations. I remembered all too clearly walking into his apartment to find him in bed with someone else. I’m pretty sure he planned it that way. He let me be the one to end the relationship so he wouldn’t have to. Me barging in on him gave him one more reason to think his affairs were justified.
Even though I thought I was in love with these men at one time or another, I don’t think I truly ever was. There was always something missing - that cosmic, soul mate connection; the feeling that the two parts make a whole.
I didn’t want someone who would have to force himself to love me or for me to pretend that I loved him back. I had always hoped that love would be mutually instinctual and natural – as easy as breathing.
I turned the light out on my nightstand when I had enough of thinking about my past failures.
One thing was for sure: Ryan had resurrected that one part of my heart that still clung to the hope of love’s possibilities.
I was dreaming about my father and wondered why he wasn’t answering the phone. The telephone was on the table right next to his favorite chair in the living room where he was sitting. Was he sleeping in his chair? Dad, answer the phone!
I opened my eyes to realize that it was my cell phone that was ringing.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice sounded rough from just waking.
“Were you still sleeping?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. What time is it?” I looked to my nightstand for the clock. It was 8:42.
“Quarter to nine,” he muttered. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”
“No, that’s okay. How are you?” I hoped he was safe.
“The women were stopped by on-set security and members of the production team as they attempted to reach Mr. Christensen and Ms.
Strass while they were filming. Reports from eye witnesses who were at the scene indicated that at least one of the women allegedly yelled obscenities and death threats at Ms. Strass, although it is unknown at this time the content of those threats.”
The camera cut to four police officers who had two women in custody and were escorting them into the police station.
In an instant I was concerned for Ryan and his safety, but I fought back the urge to call him. Even though I had his number from all the text messages he sent, I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. I wasn’t going to chase after any man. I made a pledge to myself at that moment that I wouldn’t commit his phone number to my cell phone memory.
The fact that I cared and wanted to know how he was doing meant that I was already too attached to him. When he finally does leave Seaport, it will be even that much harder for me to cope.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket several times throughout the night just to make sure I didn’t miss a call, but he never called like he said he would. I wondered what had happened to keep him from calling me. Maybe I’m just misreading our connections or making them out to be more than what they really are. I truly hoped he wasn’t busy making new connections with some other girl. What am I doing? I chastised myself. I can’t let my guard down. I need to stop this.
I thought about the boyfriends that I had in the past and reviewed why none of those relationships ever lasted. I realized that I had made some typical girl mistakes with some of them… being too needy or too clingy or just trying too damn hard to be what I thought they wanted me to be. I was too young at the time to truly understand what healthy relationships were all about.
Some of my relationships ended because after the sex we realized that we had nothing else in common. There were no other threads to hold us in place.
I broke up with Tim when I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted for my future. He was the type of guy who only cared about himself and his needs. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me, but I did want someone to love me enough to try.
When I was with Dean, his broken heart became my mission to fix. He was a few years older than me and had already been married once and on his way through a divorce. He also had a three-year-old son caught in the mix.
I really cared for his little boy. When I was around him I tried to be a good stand-in mother, until Dean reminded me one day that I wasn’t his son’s mother and that he had no intentions to ever have another child with anyone. That was when he stopped touching me.
My engagement with Thomas ended harshly, with bitter words and horrible accusations. I remembered all too clearly walking into his apartment to find him in bed with someone else. I’m pretty sure he planned it that way. He let me be the one to end the relationship so he wouldn’t have to. Me barging in on him gave him one more reason to think his affairs were justified.
Even though I thought I was in love with these men at one time or another, I don’t think I truly ever was. There was always something missing - that cosmic, soul mate connection; the feeling that the two parts make a whole.
I didn’t want someone who would have to force himself to love me or for me to pretend that I loved him back. I had always hoped that love would be mutually instinctual and natural – as easy as breathing.
I turned the light out on my nightstand when I had enough of thinking about my past failures.
One thing was for sure: Ryan had resurrected that one part of my heart that still clung to the hope of love’s possibilities.
I was dreaming about my father and wondered why he wasn’t answering the phone. The telephone was on the table right next to his favorite chair in the living room where he was sitting. Was he sleeping in his chair? Dad, answer the phone!
I opened my eyes to realize that it was my cell phone that was ringing.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice sounded rough from just waking.
“Were you still sleeping?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. What time is it?” I looked to my nightstand for the clock. It was 8:42.
“Quarter to nine,” he muttered. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”
“No, that’s okay. How are you?” I hoped he was safe.
