Loving Cara
Page 70
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“What?”
“If I move home, I’m gonna hafta see him all the time.” She squishes up her nose. “That’ll be ’barrassing.”
“Nah, you’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see, I guess.” She stares at me through glassy eyes. “Don’t be mad at me tomorrow, okay?”
“Why would I be mad?” I ask with a frown.
“You just might. So don’t. Because I love you.”
“I love you too.” I hug her close and then stand and pause to get my balance as the room spins around me. “I’m going to bed.”
“Me too.”
“Good night, Jillybean.”
“Good night, Carebear.”
* * *
Dear God, it’s too bright in here. I throw my arm over my face and groan as I turn over onto my side and pray that I won’t throw up.
Jill fed me way too much wine last night.
I scrub my hand over my face and down my body, frowning when I discover that I’m naked.
Damn, I didn’t even pull on my pajamas before I fell into bed last night.
My mouth is dry and my head hurts, so I sit up, still not opening my eyes, and try to boost my energy up enough to get out of bed and hunt down some Advil and a glass of water.
The covers fall around my waist and my nipples pucker in the air-conditioned air. I take a deep breath and open my eyes and squeal in alarm.
“Holy shit!”
“Good morning.”
Josh is sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. He’s leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His fingers are threaded together and dangling between his knees.
He’s in jeans and a rumpled button-down, and his hair is a mess from pushing his hands through it over and over.
Despite his casual appearance, his face is hard, and his brown eyes are the angriest that I’ve ever seen them.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper, my hangover instantly forgotten.
“There’s water and Advil on the table next to you.” His voice is calm.
Too calm.
With my eyes still on his, I take a long drink of water and toss back the Advil.
“What are you doing here?”
He doesn’t answer, he just watches me, unblinking, until I frown and cover my nakedness.
“If you’re not speaking to me, why did you come?” I ask, my voice rising. “And how did you get in?”
“Jill let me in. Watch yourself with me, Carolina. It took me a very long time to get here.”
“Why are you here?”
“Because I told you once before, if you run, I’ll find you. I meant it. Why did you run, Cara?”
God, I hate his voice right now. It’s cold, and he’s way across the room, and he hasn’t made a move to touch me.
I so want him to touch me.
“Do you want the long or the short list?” I ask sarcastically, and hate myself when I see a flash of hurt cross his face before he schools his features.
“I want the truth.”
“I left because I overheard you tell Zack that you regretted asking me to move in with you, and I left because you made me feel like a piece of shit about what happened to Seth.”
“I am so fucking pissed at you right now,” he mutters, his voice low.
“Yeah? Well, I’m fucking pissed too, Joshua.” I push my hair off my face and glare at him.
“First of all”—he leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, watching me intently—“that conversation you heard wasn’t about you at all. If you’d come by a few seconds earlier, you would have heard that we were talking about Zack’s ex-wife.”
My jaw drops and eyes widen. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Oh, I’m pretty serious right now, Cara. Let me finish.”
I frown and close my mouth, waiting for him to continue.
“I apologize for the way I acted when Seth was hurt. I was worried about both of you, and when I saw that you were safe, I was just worried about getting help for Seth. I don’t even remember what I said, but Zack filled me in and busted my ass for it.”
“How can you say you were worried about me? You didn’t spare me a glance. You didn’t even ask me if I was okay! You just made it perfectly clear that I fucked up!”
“I’m sorry! I was panicked.”
“And you think I wasn’t? I had your nephew’s broken ankle in my hand and I was standing in ice-cold water!” My adrenaline has kicked in now, and if he thinks he’s going to get off easy with a simple I’m sorry, he’s sorely wrong.
“Fucking A,” he spits out, and scratches his scalp vigorously in agitation.
I sit and glare at him, wanting nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and soothe us both.
“What I’m most fucking pissed about,” he continues, noticeably calming his voice, making me meet his gaze again, “is the fact that you didn’t trust me. You assumed that I would betray you, even after everything I’ve said and done with you.”
My eyes widen.
“You doubted my love for you, Carolina, and that cut me deeper than anything else you could have ever done.”
“You weren’t showing me love—” I begin, but he cuts me off.
He sighs and rests his face in his hands. “You shredded me.”
“Back at you.” I fling the covers off me and jerk the dress I was wearing last night over my head in quick, angry movements.
“If I move home, I’m gonna hafta see him all the time.” She squishes up her nose. “That’ll be ’barrassing.”
“Nah, you’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see, I guess.” She stares at me through glassy eyes. “Don’t be mad at me tomorrow, okay?”
“Why would I be mad?” I ask with a frown.
“You just might. So don’t. Because I love you.”
“I love you too.” I hug her close and then stand and pause to get my balance as the room spins around me. “I’m going to bed.”
“Me too.”
“Good night, Jillybean.”
“Good night, Carebear.”
* * *
Dear God, it’s too bright in here. I throw my arm over my face and groan as I turn over onto my side and pray that I won’t throw up.
Jill fed me way too much wine last night.
I scrub my hand over my face and down my body, frowning when I discover that I’m naked.
Damn, I didn’t even pull on my pajamas before I fell into bed last night.
My mouth is dry and my head hurts, so I sit up, still not opening my eyes, and try to boost my energy up enough to get out of bed and hunt down some Advil and a glass of water.
The covers fall around my waist and my nipples pucker in the air-conditioned air. I take a deep breath and open my eyes and squeal in alarm.
“Holy shit!”
“Good morning.”
Josh is sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. He’s leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His fingers are threaded together and dangling between his knees.
He’s in jeans and a rumpled button-down, and his hair is a mess from pushing his hands through it over and over.
Despite his casual appearance, his face is hard, and his brown eyes are the angriest that I’ve ever seen them.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper, my hangover instantly forgotten.
“There’s water and Advil on the table next to you.” His voice is calm.
Too calm.
With my eyes still on his, I take a long drink of water and toss back the Advil.
“What are you doing here?”
He doesn’t answer, he just watches me, unblinking, until I frown and cover my nakedness.
“If you’re not speaking to me, why did you come?” I ask, my voice rising. “And how did you get in?”
“Jill let me in. Watch yourself with me, Carolina. It took me a very long time to get here.”
“Why are you here?”
“Because I told you once before, if you run, I’ll find you. I meant it. Why did you run, Cara?”
God, I hate his voice right now. It’s cold, and he’s way across the room, and he hasn’t made a move to touch me.
I so want him to touch me.
“Do you want the long or the short list?” I ask sarcastically, and hate myself when I see a flash of hurt cross his face before he schools his features.
“I want the truth.”
“I left because I overheard you tell Zack that you regretted asking me to move in with you, and I left because you made me feel like a piece of shit about what happened to Seth.”
“I am so fucking pissed at you right now,” he mutters, his voice low.
“Yeah? Well, I’m fucking pissed too, Joshua.” I push my hair off my face and glare at him.
“First of all”—he leans back and crosses his arms over his chest, watching me intently—“that conversation you heard wasn’t about you at all. If you’d come by a few seconds earlier, you would have heard that we were talking about Zack’s ex-wife.”
My jaw drops and eyes widen. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Oh, I’m pretty serious right now, Cara. Let me finish.”
I frown and close my mouth, waiting for him to continue.
“I apologize for the way I acted when Seth was hurt. I was worried about both of you, and when I saw that you were safe, I was just worried about getting help for Seth. I don’t even remember what I said, but Zack filled me in and busted my ass for it.”
“How can you say you were worried about me? You didn’t spare me a glance. You didn’t even ask me if I was okay! You just made it perfectly clear that I fucked up!”
“I’m sorry! I was panicked.”
“And you think I wasn’t? I had your nephew’s broken ankle in my hand and I was standing in ice-cold water!” My adrenaline has kicked in now, and if he thinks he’s going to get off easy with a simple I’m sorry, he’s sorely wrong.
“Fucking A,” he spits out, and scratches his scalp vigorously in agitation.
I sit and glare at him, wanting nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and soothe us both.
“What I’m most fucking pissed about,” he continues, noticeably calming his voice, making me meet his gaze again, “is the fact that you didn’t trust me. You assumed that I would betray you, even after everything I’ve said and done with you.”
My eyes widen.
“You doubted my love for you, Carolina, and that cut me deeper than anything else you could have ever done.”
“You weren’t showing me love—” I begin, but he cuts me off.
He sighs and rests his face in his hands. “You shredded me.”
“Back at you.” I fling the covers off me and jerk the dress I was wearing last night over my head in quick, angry movements.
