It felt as though all the air had been squeezed out of my lungs. My chest grew tight and the room swayed a bit as I took in the meaning of his words.
I lowered my head, embarrassed as I spoke. “I had no idea guys. I didn’t realize that we were bought onto this tour. “
Justin stepped forward and lifted my chin. “Bullshit, blondie. Don’t think that for one minute. He may have opened the door for you, but there is no way in hell that we would have brought anyone on who we didn’t think was good enough. You ladies kick ass, and that’s why you are here.”
I attempted a smile and shook my head to placate Justin. He was sweet for trying to make me feel better. I just needed to be alone and process what it all meant.
I reached out and hugged Justin. “Thank you, Justin. You are sweet. I think I just need to get some rest and think about it with a clear head.”
Justin nodded and the guys took the cue to leave. We agreed to meet in the lobby at 10am to board the busses in the morning. Once they were gone, I told Sienna that I had a headache and didn’t want to talk, but promised we could talk about it in the morning,
I don’t know how long I lay in bed thinking, but the sun was coming up before I shut my eyes. My head was spinning. How could Jack stand in the background of my life acting like my puppeteer when he knew very well that I left Michael because I wanted to be my own person? Why did he want me 3,000 miles away?
Chapter 4
Not surprisingly, the next morning I was exhausted when Sienna woke me up with the smell of coffee and a breakfast spread large enough for eight. One of the reasons that she had been my best friend all of these years is that she never gave up on me. She’d given me my space the night before when I feigned a headache, but was not going to allow me to put her off much longer, when she knew I needed to talk about what we had learned the night before.
By the time breakfast was over, Sienna had convinced me that however the opportunity may have been gotten, no one could succeed or fail for us. We should take it as a gift and show the world that we deserved the job we had been graciously given. I knew she was right, but it didn’t make the pain I felt from Jack’s betrayal hurt any less. I also knew what we were starting that day was no longer just about me, it was Sienna’s dream too, and had been unwaveringly since she had learned to talk. So, regardless of my hurt toward Jack, I was going to work as hard as I could with Sienna to make the tour a success.
***
The three tour busses were enormous. The living arrangements for the tour used to have Kyle and Justin sharing a bus with two of the band members from the group who were dropping out, but now that Sienna and I were joining, the arrangements had been reworked so there were now separate busses for the guys and for the girls. I had wondered if we would be sharing a bus with Kyle and Justin, and I was secretly relieved that we weren’t. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach I sensed that Justin still had some feelings for me, and it would have made me uncomfortable sleeping so close to him. But after what I had learned last night, I wondered if the separate bus situation had actually been arranged by Jack.
We loaded our luggage into our bus and Justin gave us a tour of all three. The first two held the talent, the last one held the equipment, and Justin told us that occasionally some people from the tour company or road crew would join. Justin asked us to ride along in their bus for the day so that we could finish up our playlist and talk about the next few shows.
The back of the bus was separated by a door and held four cubbies and a private bedroom. The cubbies were each separated by a curtain and had two bunk-beds. The back bedroom was small, but it held a queen size bed without any room for walking around it.
The front of the bus had seating arranged that made it feel like a small living room. On the right side a long leather couch faced a TV. On the left side were individual seats that could be swiveled and locked into place.
It was nearly noon by the time we were loaded and ready. I wasn’t surprised when my phone rang just as the bus started to roll out of the hotel parking lot. It was early evening back home, and Jack usually called me after work. I looked at the phone and saw Jack’s picture. I hesitated for a minute, then pushed the button to send the call to voicemail. When I looked up I found Justin watching me, a flirty cocky smile on his face.
***
By the time we arrived at our destination in Berlin, I had pushed the button to send Jack’s call to voicemail at least a half dozen times. I couldn’t explain why I was avoiding his calls, I just knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I wasn’t sure if I was afraid to find out that he wanted me somewhere else, or if I was more afraid that I had no intention of leaving him even if he was controlling my life. Whenever I thought about it, the one thing I couldn’t even let myself consider was letting him go. I was completely and utterly in love with the man and scared to death of what I would do to keep him.
Sienna and I were both up at the crack of dawn the next morning, even though we had only fallen asleep a few hours earlier. There was an excitement in the air between us, knowing that we would be on stage in front of thousands of people for the first time in just a matter of hours.
The bus was parked at the stadium where we would perform later that evening, and we were told that there was a car available to shuttle us locally to anyplace we needed. Sienna and I decided to go out for breakfast; it was both of our favorite meal of the day. Many of our best memories came from breakfasts we’d had in diners while still being up from the night before.
In the car on the way to the diner, Sienna squeezed my hand as I looked around, seeing Berlin for the first time.
“He called me last night when you didn’t answer.”
“What?” I was confused at first. “Jack?”
“Yes, Jack, you birdbrain. Who else would I be talking to you about with kid gloves on?”
“Did you answer?”
“Yes.” My head snapped to Sienna, glaring at her like she had just committed the ultimate girl crime.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because someone needed to grow a pair.”
I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open, speechless for a full moment. “What did you tell him?”
“I told the truth — that you were upset because you found out that Heston was the tour sponsor,” Sienna said very matter-of-factly.
“And what did he say?”
“He sort of didn’t say anything. He kinda growled at me and then his exact words were, and I quote, ‘What. The. Fuck.’ She punctuated each word in the same way that I knew Jack would have, actually pausing between words to get his point across.
I lowered my head, embarrassed as I spoke. “I had no idea guys. I didn’t realize that we were bought onto this tour. “
Justin stepped forward and lifted my chin. “Bullshit, blondie. Don’t think that for one minute. He may have opened the door for you, but there is no way in hell that we would have brought anyone on who we didn’t think was good enough. You ladies kick ass, and that’s why you are here.”
I attempted a smile and shook my head to placate Justin. He was sweet for trying to make me feel better. I just needed to be alone and process what it all meant.
I reached out and hugged Justin. “Thank you, Justin. You are sweet. I think I just need to get some rest and think about it with a clear head.”
Justin nodded and the guys took the cue to leave. We agreed to meet in the lobby at 10am to board the busses in the morning. Once they were gone, I told Sienna that I had a headache and didn’t want to talk, but promised we could talk about it in the morning,
I don’t know how long I lay in bed thinking, but the sun was coming up before I shut my eyes. My head was spinning. How could Jack stand in the background of my life acting like my puppeteer when he knew very well that I left Michael because I wanted to be my own person? Why did he want me 3,000 miles away?
Chapter 4
Not surprisingly, the next morning I was exhausted when Sienna woke me up with the smell of coffee and a breakfast spread large enough for eight. One of the reasons that she had been my best friend all of these years is that she never gave up on me. She’d given me my space the night before when I feigned a headache, but was not going to allow me to put her off much longer, when she knew I needed to talk about what we had learned the night before.
By the time breakfast was over, Sienna had convinced me that however the opportunity may have been gotten, no one could succeed or fail for us. We should take it as a gift and show the world that we deserved the job we had been graciously given. I knew she was right, but it didn’t make the pain I felt from Jack’s betrayal hurt any less. I also knew what we were starting that day was no longer just about me, it was Sienna’s dream too, and had been unwaveringly since she had learned to talk. So, regardless of my hurt toward Jack, I was going to work as hard as I could with Sienna to make the tour a success.
***
The three tour busses were enormous. The living arrangements for the tour used to have Kyle and Justin sharing a bus with two of the band members from the group who were dropping out, but now that Sienna and I were joining, the arrangements had been reworked so there were now separate busses for the guys and for the girls. I had wondered if we would be sharing a bus with Kyle and Justin, and I was secretly relieved that we weren’t. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach I sensed that Justin still had some feelings for me, and it would have made me uncomfortable sleeping so close to him. But after what I had learned last night, I wondered if the separate bus situation had actually been arranged by Jack.
We loaded our luggage into our bus and Justin gave us a tour of all three. The first two held the talent, the last one held the equipment, and Justin told us that occasionally some people from the tour company or road crew would join. Justin asked us to ride along in their bus for the day so that we could finish up our playlist and talk about the next few shows.
The back of the bus was separated by a door and held four cubbies and a private bedroom. The cubbies were each separated by a curtain and had two bunk-beds. The back bedroom was small, but it held a queen size bed without any room for walking around it.
The front of the bus had seating arranged that made it feel like a small living room. On the right side a long leather couch faced a TV. On the left side were individual seats that could be swiveled and locked into place.
It was nearly noon by the time we were loaded and ready. I wasn’t surprised when my phone rang just as the bus started to roll out of the hotel parking lot. It was early evening back home, and Jack usually called me after work. I looked at the phone and saw Jack’s picture. I hesitated for a minute, then pushed the button to send the call to voicemail. When I looked up I found Justin watching me, a flirty cocky smile on his face.
***
By the time we arrived at our destination in Berlin, I had pushed the button to send Jack’s call to voicemail at least a half dozen times. I couldn’t explain why I was avoiding his calls, I just knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I wasn’t sure if I was afraid to find out that he wanted me somewhere else, or if I was more afraid that I had no intention of leaving him even if he was controlling my life. Whenever I thought about it, the one thing I couldn’t even let myself consider was letting him go. I was completely and utterly in love with the man and scared to death of what I would do to keep him.
Sienna and I were both up at the crack of dawn the next morning, even though we had only fallen asleep a few hours earlier. There was an excitement in the air between us, knowing that we would be on stage in front of thousands of people for the first time in just a matter of hours.
The bus was parked at the stadium where we would perform later that evening, and we were told that there was a car available to shuttle us locally to anyplace we needed. Sienna and I decided to go out for breakfast; it was both of our favorite meal of the day. Many of our best memories came from breakfasts we’d had in diners while still being up from the night before.
In the car on the way to the diner, Sienna squeezed my hand as I looked around, seeing Berlin for the first time.
“He called me last night when you didn’t answer.”
“What?” I was confused at first. “Jack?”
“Yes, Jack, you birdbrain. Who else would I be talking to you about with kid gloves on?”
“Did you answer?”
“Yes.” My head snapped to Sienna, glaring at her like she had just committed the ultimate girl crime.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because someone needed to grow a pair.”
I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open, speechless for a full moment. “What did you tell him?”
“I told the truth — that you were upset because you found out that Heston was the tour sponsor,” Sienna said very matter-of-factly.
“And what did he say?”
“He sort of didn’t say anything. He kinda growled at me and then his exact words were, and I quote, ‘What. The. Fuck.’ She punctuated each word in the same way that I knew Jack would have, actually pausing between words to get his point across.
