"Makes you feel what, Rook? Used?"
I stop again. "Yeah, OK? You make me feel like he's using me. And he's not, you are! You're using me to mess things up between us and…"
"And what?"
I hold that in and keep walking.
"And keep you for myself? Is that what you think, Rook?"
"No, Ford. That's not what I think."
"Then your instincts are off, because that's exactly what I'm doing."
I stop again. "Holy shit! You are such an ass**le!"
And then he smiles. And it's not a smile I've ever seen on him before. It's like all his other smiles were fake and I'm just now seeing real happiness on his face for the first time.
It disarms me. Completely. And he knows it because he moves closer to me, not touching me, but very close. It makes me uncomfortable and I look around, feeling guilty. There's no one else in the parking lot. There are a lot of cars on the street, but we're still a good hundred yards from the street.
"I won't touch you, Rook, don't worry," he whispers. "I'm not a runner and I'm not a cheater, either. Life is long, you are young, and I'm very, very patient."
My expression hardens, all traces of insecurities disappear in an instant and I look him in the eyes. "I'm not worried, Ford. Because if you touch me, I'll knee you in the balls so hard it'll be weeks before you can run stadiums again."
Chapter Twenty-Two - ROOK
Ronin is waiting for me in the garden apartment when I get back. He's kicking back on the couch watching some news channel. "Hey," I say as I walk through the door.
He throws his hands wide. "Where the hell did you go?"
"I run stadiums with Ford in the mornings now, remember? It's a deal we made to get the cameras out of my bedroom."
"Stadiums." He thinks about this for a second. "Why?"
I huff out a breath. "I just told you to keep—"
"No, why running?"
"Well, I don't run," I snort. "I mope, shuffle practically. But Ford runs like a maniac. Like he's chasing—" I stop. Because Ronin has a weird look on his face. "Um, I'm not sure what's going on with you guys, you and Spencer and Ford, but you all could use a lesson in poker faces. That's all I'm saying. Because obviously there is something you three are not telling me and it's getting weird."
He turns away from me, hiding.
"Ronin," I say, sitting down next to him. "What's the deal? Is something wrong?"
He looks back to me and sighs. "No, nothing's wrong. It's just we have a very complicated history and—"
I wait a few seconds, but he turns away again, like he needs a moment to think of what to say. "And what?" I prod.
"This whole project is a bad idea. I don't know what Spencer was thinking."
"Because you and Ford don't get along?"
For a second I think he's about to tell me something really important. Like he's got words just aching to get out. But then his expression hardens. "What do you and Ford talk about? When you run together?"
Oh shit! Is he psychic or something? I suddenly feel guilty, even though I did nothing wrong. I'm not responsible for Ford's words. I walked away, threatened him even. "Nothing, really. He just said that I was too young to do this contract, it's probably a very big mistake, and he's not gonna be the one responsible if things turn out bad."
Ronin just stares at me.
"He says there's something wrong with me"—I leave out the part where he said Ronin only likes broken girls that he can try to save—"and exercise will help me cope or some shit like that."
Ronin is absolutely still and quiet, but I only have to watch his eyes to see that his mind is going crazy on the inside.
"Ronin?"
He lets out a long breath. "Stay away from him, Rook. No more running."
"Why?"
"Does it matter why?" He gives me a sideways glance. "If I tell you to stay away from him, isn't that good enough?"
I laugh. "No, it's not. I'm not your pet, Ronin. Maybe I'll run with him tomorrow and maybe I won't but either way, I won't be making that decision based on your orders."
"Since when is asking my girlfriend not to spend time with a guy I don't trust out of bounds?"
He's right, of course. Ford just made a move on me. Maybe not in a normal way, but that was definitely a move. "Ronin, I'm not a piece of property, OK? If you've got information about him that I should know, or you think he' s gonna hurt me—"
"Don't be dramatic, Rook. He's not going to hurt you."
"Oh! Me? I'm not the drama queen here, Ronin. That's you and Ford." I get up and walk outside, not really sure where I'm going, but f**k him. I knew it. I knew as soon as I let him have some control he'd start this caveman shit with me. And I've been there. I see the signs very clearly and right now they're flashing bright red just so I can't miss them. I walk over to the cherry tree swing and then the screen door slaps closed behind me and Ronin follows me over.
I settle in the seat and he's already apologizing as he walks.
"I'm sorry, Rook. OK? I don't mean to set you off like that—"
"Set me off like what? I walked out the door calmly, I'd hardly call that setting me off."
I stop again. "Yeah, OK? You make me feel like he's using me. And he's not, you are! You're using me to mess things up between us and…"
"And what?"
I hold that in and keep walking.
"And keep you for myself? Is that what you think, Rook?"
"No, Ford. That's not what I think."
"Then your instincts are off, because that's exactly what I'm doing."
I stop again. "Holy shit! You are such an ass**le!"
And then he smiles. And it's not a smile I've ever seen on him before. It's like all his other smiles were fake and I'm just now seeing real happiness on his face for the first time.
It disarms me. Completely. And he knows it because he moves closer to me, not touching me, but very close. It makes me uncomfortable and I look around, feeling guilty. There's no one else in the parking lot. There are a lot of cars on the street, but we're still a good hundred yards from the street.
"I won't touch you, Rook, don't worry," he whispers. "I'm not a runner and I'm not a cheater, either. Life is long, you are young, and I'm very, very patient."
My expression hardens, all traces of insecurities disappear in an instant and I look him in the eyes. "I'm not worried, Ford. Because if you touch me, I'll knee you in the balls so hard it'll be weeks before you can run stadiums again."
Chapter Twenty-Two - ROOK
Ronin is waiting for me in the garden apartment when I get back. He's kicking back on the couch watching some news channel. "Hey," I say as I walk through the door.
He throws his hands wide. "Where the hell did you go?"
"I run stadiums with Ford in the mornings now, remember? It's a deal we made to get the cameras out of my bedroom."
"Stadiums." He thinks about this for a second. "Why?"
I huff out a breath. "I just told you to keep—"
"No, why running?"
"Well, I don't run," I snort. "I mope, shuffle practically. But Ford runs like a maniac. Like he's chasing—" I stop. Because Ronin has a weird look on his face. "Um, I'm not sure what's going on with you guys, you and Spencer and Ford, but you all could use a lesson in poker faces. That's all I'm saying. Because obviously there is something you three are not telling me and it's getting weird."
He turns away from me, hiding.
"Ronin," I say, sitting down next to him. "What's the deal? Is something wrong?"
He looks back to me and sighs. "No, nothing's wrong. It's just we have a very complicated history and—"
I wait a few seconds, but he turns away again, like he needs a moment to think of what to say. "And what?" I prod.
"This whole project is a bad idea. I don't know what Spencer was thinking."
"Because you and Ford don't get along?"
For a second I think he's about to tell me something really important. Like he's got words just aching to get out. But then his expression hardens. "What do you and Ford talk about? When you run together?"
Oh shit! Is he psychic or something? I suddenly feel guilty, even though I did nothing wrong. I'm not responsible for Ford's words. I walked away, threatened him even. "Nothing, really. He just said that I was too young to do this contract, it's probably a very big mistake, and he's not gonna be the one responsible if things turn out bad."
Ronin just stares at me.
"He says there's something wrong with me"—I leave out the part where he said Ronin only likes broken girls that he can try to save—"and exercise will help me cope or some shit like that."
Ronin is absolutely still and quiet, but I only have to watch his eyes to see that his mind is going crazy on the inside.
"Ronin?"
He lets out a long breath. "Stay away from him, Rook. No more running."
"Why?"
"Does it matter why?" He gives me a sideways glance. "If I tell you to stay away from him, isn't that good enough?"
I laugh. "No, it's not. I'm not your pet, Ronin. Maybe I'll run with him tomorrow and maybe I won't but either way, I won't be making that decision based on your orders."
"Since when is asking my girlfriend not to spend time with a guy I don't trust out of bounds?"
He's right, of course. Ford just made a move on me. Maybe not in a normal way, but that was definitely a move. "Ronin, I'm not a piece of property, OK? If you've got information about him that I should know, or you think he' s gonna hurt me—"
"Don't be dramatic, Rook. He's not going to hurt you."
"Oh! Me? I'm not the drama queen here, Ronin. That's you and Ford." I get up and walk outside, not really sure where I'm going, but f**k him. I knew it. I knew as soon as I let him have some control he'd start this caveman shit with me. And I've been there. I see the signs very clearly and right now they're flashing bright red just so I can't miss them. I walk over to the cherry tree swing and then the screen door slaps closed behind me and Ronin follows me over.
I settle in the seat and he's already apologizing as he walks.
"I'm sorry, Rook. OK? I don't mean to set you off like that—"
"Set me off like what? I walked out the door calmly, I'd hardly call that setting me off."
