Nathan rang at seven. He seemed relieved that I was staying over.
‘I couldn’t raise Mr Traynor. I even rang their landline number, but it went straight through to answerphone.’
‘Yeah. Well. He’ll be gone.’
‘Gone?’
I felt a sudden instinctive panic at the idea that it would be just Will and me in the house all night. I was afraid of getting something fundamental wrong again, of jeopardizing Will’s health. ‘Should I call Mrs Traynor, then?’
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone. ‘No. Best not.’
‘But –’
‘Look, Lou, he often … he often goes somewhere else when Mrs T stays over in town.’
It took me a minute or two to grasp what he was saying.
‘Oh.’
‘It’s just good that you’re there, that’s all. If you’re sure Will’s looking better, I’ll be back first thing in the morning.’
There are normal hours, and then there are invalid hours, where time stalls and slips, where life – real life – seems to exist at one remove. I watched some television, ate, and cleared up the kitchen, drifting around the annexe in silence. Finally, I let myself back into Will’s room.
He stirred as I closed the door, half lifting his head. ‘What time is it, Clark?’ His voice was slightly muffled by the pillow.
‘Quarter past eight.’
He let his head drop, and digested this. ‘Can I have a drink?’
There was no sharpness to him now, no edge. It was as if being ill had finally made him vulnerable. I gave him a drink, and turned on the bedside light. I perched on the side of his bed, and felt his forehead, as my mother might have done when I was a child. He was still a little warm, but nothing like he had been.
‘Cool hands.’
‘You complained about them earlier.’
‘Did I?’ He sounded genuinely surprised.
‘Would you like some soup?’
‘No.’
‘Are you comfortable?’
I never knew how much discomfort he was in, but I suspected it was more than he let on.
‘The other side would be good. Just roll me. I don’t need to sit up.’
I climbed across the bed and moved him over, as gently as I could. He no longer radiated a sinister heat, just the ordinary warmth of a body that had spent time under a duvet.
‘Can I do anything else?’
‘Shouldn’t you be heading home?’
‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘I’m staying over.’
Outside, the last of the light had long been extinguished. The snow was still falling. Where it caught the porch glow through the window it was bathed in a pale-gold, melancholy light. We sat there in peaceful silence, watching its hypnotic fall.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I said, finally. I could see his hands on top of the sheet. It seemed so strange that they should look so ordinary, so strong, and yet be so useless.
‘I suspect you’re going to.’
‘What happened?’ I kept wondering about the marks on his wrists. It was the one question I couldn’t ask directly.
He opened one eye. ‘How did I get like this?’
When I nodded, he closed his eyes again. ‘Motorbike accident. Not mine. I was an innocent pedestrian.’
‘I thought it would be skiing or bungee jumping or something.’
‘Everyone does. God’s little joke. I was crossing the road outside my home. Not this place,’ he said. ‘My London home.’
I stared at the books in his bookshelf. Among the novels, the well-thumbed Penguin paperbacks, were business titles: Corporate Law, TakeOver, directories of names I did not recognize.
‘And there was no way you could carry on with your job?’
‘No. Nor the apartment, the holidays, the life … I believe you met my ex-girlfriend.’ The break in his voice couldn’t disguise the bitterness. ‘But I should apparently be grateful, as for some time they didn’t think I was going to live at all.’
‘Do you hate it? Living here, I mean?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is there any way you might be able to live in London again?’
‘Not like this, no.’
‘But you might improve. I mean, Nathan said there are loads of advances in this kind of injury.’
Will closed his eyes again.
I waited, and then I adjusted the pillow behind his head, and the duvet around his chest. ‘Sorry,’ I said, sitting upright. ‘If I ask too many questions. Do you want me to leave?’
‘No. Stay for a bit. Talk to me.’ He swallowed. His eyes opened again and his gaze slid up to mine. He looked unbearably tired. ‘Tell me something good.’
I hesitated a moment, then I leant back against the pillows beside him. We sat there in the near dark, watching the briefly illuminated flakes of snow disappear into the black night.
‘You know … I used to say that to my Dad,’ I said, finally. ‘But if I told you what he used to say back, you’d think I was insane.’
‘More than I do?’
‘When I had a nightmare or was sad or frightened about something, he used to sing me … ’ I started to laugh. ‘Oh … I can’t.’
‘Go on.’
‘He used to sing me the “Molahonkey Song”.’
‘The what?’
‘The “Molahonkey Song”. I used to think everyone knew it.’
‘I couldn’t raise Mr Traynor. I even rang their landline number, but it went straight through to answerphone.’
‘Yeah. Well. He’ll be gone.’
‘Gone?’
I felt a sudden instinctive panic at the idea that it would be just Will and me in the house all night. I was afraid of getting something fundamental wrong again, of jeopardizing Will’s health. ‘Should I call Mrs Traynor, then?’
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone. ‘No. Best not.’
‘But –’
‘Look, Lou, he often … he often goes somewhere else when Mrs T stays over in town.’
It took me a minute or two to grasp what he was saying.
‘Oh.’
‘It’s just good that you’re there, that’s all. If you’re sure Will’s looking better, I’ll be back first thing in the morning.’
There are normal hours, and then there are invalid hours, where time stalls and slips, where life – real life – seems to exist at one remove. I watched some television, ate, and cleared up the kitchen, drifting around the annexe in silence. Finally, I let myself back into Will’s room.
He stirred as I closed the door, half lifting his head. ‘What time is it, Clark?’ His voice was slightly muffled by the pillow.
‘Quarter past eight.’
He let his head drop, and digested this. ‘Can I have a drink?’
There was no sharpness to him now, no edge. It was as if being ill had finally made him vulnerable. I gave him a drink, and turned on the bedside light. I perched on the side of his bed, and felt his forehead, as my mother might have done when I was a child. He was still a little warm, but nothing like he had been.
‘Cool hands.’
‘You complained about them earlier.’
‘Did I?’ He sounded genuinely surprised.
‘Would you like some soup?’
‘No.’
‘Are you comfortable?’
I never knew how much discomfort he was in, but I suspected it was more than he let on.
‘The other side would be good. Just roll me. I don’t need to sit up.’
I climbed across the bed and moved him over, as gently as I could. He no longer radiated a sinister heat, just the ordinary warmth of a body that had spent time under a duvet.
‘Can I do anything else?’
‘Shouldn’t you be heading home?’
‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘I’m staying over.’
Outside, the last of the light had long been extinguished. The snow was still falling. Where it caught the porch glow through the window it was bathed in a pale-gold, melancholy light. We sat there in peaceful silence, watching its hypnotic fall.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I said, finally. I could see his hands on top of the sheet. It seemed so strange that they should look so ordinary, so strong, and yet be so useless.
‘I suspect you’re going to.’
‘What happened?’ I kept wondering about the marks on his wrists. It was the one question I couldn’t ask directly.
He opened one eye. ‘How did I get like this?’
When I nodded, he closed his eyes again. ‘Motorbike accident. Not mine. I was an innocent pedestrian.’
‘I thought it would be skiing or bungee jumping or something.’
‘Everyone does. God’s little joke. I was crossing the road outside my home. Not this place,’ he said. ‘My London home.’
I stared at the books in his bookshelf. Among the novels, the well-thumbed Penguin paperbacks, were business titles: Corporate Law, TakeOver, directories of names I did not recognize.
‘And there was no way you could carry on with your job?’
‘No. Nor the apartment, the holidays, the life … I believe you met my ex-girlfriend.’ The break in his voice couldn’t disguise the bitterness. ‘But I should apparently be grateful, as for some time they didn’t think I was going to live at all.’
‘Do you hate it? Living here, I mean?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is there any way you might be able to live in London again?’
‘Not like this, no.’
‘But you might improve. I mean, Nathan said there are loads of advances in this kind of injury.’
Will closed his eyes again.
I waited, and then I adjusted the pillow behind his head, and the duvet around his chest. ‘Sorry,’ I said, sitting upright. ‘If I ask too many questions. Do you want me to leave?’
‘No. Stay for a bit. Talk to me.’ He swallowed. His eyes opened again and his gaze slid up to mine. He looked unbearably tired. ‘Tell me something good.’
I hesitated a moment, then I leant back against the pillows beside him. We sat there in the near dark, watching the briefly illuminated flakes of snow disappear into the black night.
‘You know … I used to say that to my Dad,’ I said, finally. ‘But if I told you what he used to say back, you’d think I was insane.’
‘More than I do?’
‘When I had a nightmare or was sad or frightened about something, he used to sing me … ’ I started to laugh. ‘Oh … I can’t.’
‘Go on.’
‘He used to sing me the “Molahonkey Song”.’
‘The what?’
‘The “Molahonkey Song”. I used to think everyone knew it.’
