‘Please. Georgina.’ Mrs Traynor’s voice lifted sharply. ‘This is not the time.’
Will, his face impassive, was staring straight ahead of him at some unseen point.
‘Um … Will? Do you need any help?’ I said, quietly.
‘Who are you?’ she said, whipping round. It was then that I saw her eyes were filled with tears.
‘Georgina,’ Will said. ‘Meet Louisa Clark, my paid companion and shockingly inventive hairdresser. Louisa, meet my sister, Georgina. She appears to have flown all the way from Australia to shriek at me.’
‘Don’t be facile,’ Georgina said. ‘Mummy told me. She’s told me everything.’
Nobody moved.
‘Shall I give you a minute?’ I said.
‘That would be a good idea.’ Mrs Traynor’s knuckles were white on the arm of the sofa.
I slid out of the room.
‘In fact, Louisa, perhaps now would be a good time to take your lunch break.’
It was going to be a bus shelter kind of a day. I grabbed my sandwiches from the kitchen, climbed into my coat and set off down the back path.
As I left, I could hear Georgina Traynor’s voice lifting inside the house. ‘Has it ever occurred to you, Will, that believe it or not, this might not be just about you?’
When I returned, exactly half an hour later, the house was silent. Nathan was washing up a mug in the kitchen sink.
He turned as he saw me. ‘How you doing?’
‘Has she gone?’
‘Who?’
‘The sister?’
He glanced behind him. ‘Ah. That who it was? Yeah, she’s gone. Just skidding off in her car when I got here. Some sort of family row, was it?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I was in the middle of cutting Will’s hair and this woman came in and just started having a go at him. I assumed it was another girlfriend.’
Nathan shrugged.
I realized he would not be interested in the personal minutiae of Will’s life, even if he knew.
‘He’s a bit quiet, though. Nice work with the shave, by the way. Good to get him out from behind all that shrubbery.’
I walked back into the living room. Will was sitting staring at the television, which was still paused at the exact moment I had left it.
‘Do you want me to turn this back on?’ I said.
He didn’t seem to hear me for a minute. His head was sunk in his shoulders, the earlier relaxed expression replaced by a veil. Will was closed off again, locked behind something I couldn’t penetrate.
He blinked, as if he had only just noticed me there. ‘Sure,’ he said.
I was carrying a basket of washing down the hall when I heard them. The annexe door was slightly ajar and the voices of Mrs Traynor and her daughter carried down the long corridor, the sound coming in muted waves. Will’s sister was sobbing quietly, all fury gone from her voice now. She sounded almost childlike.
‘There must be something they can do. Some medical advance. Can’t you take him to America? Things are always improving in America.’
‘Your father keeps a very close eye on all the developments. But no, darling, there is nothing … concrete.’
‘He’s so … different now. It’s like he’s determined not to see the good in anything.’
‘He’s been like that since the start, George. I think it’s just that you didn’t see him apart from when you flew home. Back then, I think he was still … determined. Back then, he was sure that something would change.’
I felt a little uncomfortable listening in on such a private conversation. But the odd tenor drew me closer. I found myself walking softly towards the door, my socked feet making no sound on the floor.
‘Look, Daddy and I didn’t tell you. We didn’t want to upset you. But he tried … ’ she struggled over the words. ‘Will tried to … he tried to kill himself.’
‘What?’
‘Daddy found him. Back in December. It was … it was terrible.’
Even though this only really confirmed what I had guessed, I felt all the blood drain from me. I heard a muffled cry, a whispered reassurance. There was another long silence. And then Georgina, her voice thick with grief, spoke again.
‘The girl … ?’
‘Yes. Louisa is here to make sure nothing like that happens again.’
I stopped. At the other end of the corridor, from the bathroom, I could hear Nathan and Will talking in a low murmur, comfortably oblivious to the conversation that was going on just a few feet away. I took a step closer to the door. I suppose I had known it since I caught sight of the scars on his wrists. It made sense of everything, after all – Mrs Traynor’s anxiety that I shouldn’t leave Will alone for very long, his antipathy to having me there, the fact that for large stretches of time I didn’t feel like I was doing anything useful at all. I had been babysitting. I hadn’t known it, but Will had, and he had hated me for it.
I reached for the handle of the door, preparing to close it gently. I wondered what Nathan knew. I wondered whether Will was happier now. I realized I felt, selfishly, a faint relief that it hadn’t been me Will objected to, just the fact that I – that anyone – had been employed to watch over him. My thoughts hummed so busily that I almost missed the next snatch of conversation.
‘You can’t let him do this, Mum. You have to stop him.’
‘It’s not our choice, darling.’
Will, his face impassive, was staring straight ahead of him at some unseen point.
‘Um … Will? Do you need any help?’ I said, quietly.
‘Who are you?’ she said, whipping round. It was then that I saw her eyes were filled with tears.
‘Georgina,’ Will said. ‘Meet Louisa Clark, my paid companion and shockingly inventive hairdresser. Louisa, meet my sister, Georgina. She appears to have flown all the way from Australia to shriek at me.’
‘Don’t be facile,’ Georgina said. ‘Mummy told me. She’s told me everything.’
Nobody moved.
‘Shall I give you a minute?’ I said.
‘That would be a good idea.’ Mrs Traynor’s knuckles were white on the arm of the sofa.
I slid out of the room.
‘In fact, Louisa, perhaps now would be a good time to take your lunch break.’
It was going to be a bus shelter kind of a day. I grabbed my sandwiches from the kitchen, climbed into my coat and set off down the back path.
As I left, I could hear Georgina Traynor’s voice lifting inside the house. ‘Has it ever occurred to you, Will, that believe it or not, this might not be just about you?’
When I returned, exactly half an hour later, the house was silent. Nathan was washing up a mug in the kitchen sink.
He turned as he saw me. ‘How you doing?’
‘Has she gone?’
‘Who?’
‘The sister?’
He glanced behind him. ‘Ah. That who it was? Yeah, she’s gone. Just skidding off in her car when I got here. Some sort of family row, was it?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I was in the middle of cutting Will’s hair and this woman came in and just started having a go at him. I assumed it was another girlfriend.’
Nathan shrugged.
I realized he would not be interested in the personal minutiae of Will’s life, even if he knew.
‘He’s a bit quiet, though. Nice work with the shave, by the way. Good to get him out from behind all that shrubbery.’
I walked back into the living room. Will was sitting staring at the television, which was still paused at the exact moment I had left it.
‘Do you want me to turn this back on?’ I said.
He didn’t seem to hear me for a minute. His head was sunk in his shoulders, the earlier relaxed expression replaced by a veil. Will was closed off again, locked behind something I couldn’t penetrate.
He blinked, as if he had only just noticed me there. ‘Sure,’ he said.
I was carrying a basket of washing down the hall when I heard them. The annexe door was slightly ajar and the voices of Mrs Traynor and her daughter carried down the long corridor, the sound coming in muted waves. Will’s sister was sobbing quietly, all fury gone from her voice now. She sounded almost childlike.
‘There must be something they can do. Some medical advance. Can’t you take him to America? Things are always improving in America.’
‘Your father keeps a very close eye on all the developments. But no, darling, there is nothing … concrete.’
‘He’s so … different now. It’s like he’s determined not to see the good in anything.’
‘He’s been like that since the start, George. I think it’s just that you didn’t see him apart from when you flew home. Back then, I think he was still … determined. Back then, he was sure that something would change.’
I felt a little uncomfortable listening in on such a private conversation. But the odd tenor drew me closer. I found myself walking softly towards the door, my socked feet making no sound on the floor.
‘Look, Daddy and I didn’t tell you. We didn’t want to upset you. But he tried … ’ she struggled over the words. ‘Will tried to … he tried to kill himself.’
‘What?’
‘Daddy found him. Back in December. It was … it was terrible.’
Even though this only really confirmed what I had guessed, I felt all the blood drain from me. I heard a muffled cry, a whispered reassurance. There was another long silence. And then Georgina, her voice thick with grief, spoke again.
‘The girl … ?’
‘Yes. Louisa is here to make sure nothing like that happens again.’
I stopped. At the other end of the corridor, from the bathroom, I could hear Nathan and Will talking in a low murmur, comfortably oblivious to the conversation that was going on just a few feet away. I took a step closer to the door. I suppose I had known it since I caught sight of the scars on his wrists. It made sense of everything, after all – Mrs Traynor’s anxiety that I shouldn’t leave Will alone for very long, his antipathy to having me there, the fact that for large stretches of time I didn’t feel like I was doing anything useful at all. I had been babysitting. I hadn’t known it, but Will had, and he had hated me for it.
I reached for the handle of the door, preparing to close it gently. I wondered what Nathan knew. I wondered whether Will was happier now. I realized I felt, selfishly, a faint relief that it hadn’t been me Will objected to, just the fact that I – that anyone – had been employed to watch over him. My thoughts hummed so busily that I almost missed the next snatch of conversation.
‘You can’t let him do this, Mum. You have to stop him.’
‘It’s not our choice, darling.’
