The doors closed with an expensive, muted clunk and suddenly there was silence. The car smelt of leather, and there was nothing in it apart from me and Mrs Traynor. No sweet wrappers, mud, lost toys or perfumed dangly things to disguise the smell of the carton of milk that had been dropped in there three months earlier.
‘I thought you and Will got on well.’ She spoke as if addressing someone straight ahead of her. When I didn’t speak, she said, ‘Is there a problem with the money?’
‘No.’
‘Do you need a longer lunch break? I am conscious that it’s rather short. I could ask Nathan if he would –’
‘It’s not the hours. Or the money.’
‘Then –’
‘I don’t really want to –’
‘Look, you cannot hand in your notice with immediate effect and expect me not even to ask what on earth’s the matter.’
I took a deep breath. ‘I overheard you. You and your daughter. Last night. And I don’t want to … I don’t want to be part of it.’
‘Ah.’
We sat in silence. Mr Grisham was now trying to bash his way in through the front door, and Mrs Grisham was busy hurling anything she could locate through the window down on to his head. The choice of projectile missiles – loo roll, tampon boxes, toilet brush, shampoo bottles – suggested she was now in the bathroom.
‘Please, don’t leave,’ Mrs Traynor said, quietly. ‘Will is comfortable with you. More so than he’s been for some time. I … it would be very hard for us to replicate that with someone else.’
‘But you’re … you’re going to take him to that place where people commit suicide. Dignitas.’
‘No. I am going to do everything I can to ensure he doesn’t do that.’
‘Like what – praying?’
She gave me what my mother would have termed an ‘old-fashioned’ look. ‘You must know by now that if Will decides to make himself unreachable, there is little anybody can do about it.’
‘I worked it all out,’ I said. ‘I’m basically there just to make sure he doesn’t cheat and do it before his six months are up. That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘No. That’s not it.’
‘Which is why you didn’t care about my qualifications.’
‘I thought you were bright and cheerful and different. You didn’t look like a nurse. You didn’t behave … like any of the others. I thought … I thought you might cheer him up. And you do – you do cheer him up, Louisa. Seeing him without that awful beard yesterday … you seem to be one of the few people who are able to get through to him.’
The bedding came out of the window. It came down in a ball, the sheets extending themselves briefly and gracefully before they hit the ground. Two children picked one up and began running around the little garden with it over their heads.
‘Don’t you think it would have been fair to mention that I was basically on suicide watch?’
The sigh Camilla Traynor gave was the sound of someone forced to explain something politely to an imbecile. I wondered if she knew that everything she said made the other person feel like an idiot. I wondered if it was something she’d actually cultivated deliberately. I didn’t think I could ever manage to make someone feel inferior.
‘That might have been the case when we first met you … but I’m confident Will is going to stick to his word. He has promised me six months, and that’s what I’ll get. We need this time, Louisa. We need this time to give him the idea of there being some possibility. I was hoping it might plant the idea that there is a life he could enjoy, even if it wasn’t the life he had planned.’
‘But it’s all lies. You’ve lied to me and you’re all lying to each other.’
She didn’t seem to hear me. She turned to face me, pulling a chequebook from her handbag, a pen ready in her hand.
‘Look, what do you want? I will double your money. Tell me how much you want.’
‘I don’t want your money.’
‘A car. Some benefits. Bonuses –’
‘No –’
‘Then … what can I do that might change your mind?’
‘I’m sorry. I just don’t –’
I made to get out of the car. Her hand shot out. It sat there on my arm, strange and radioactive. We both stared at it.
‘You signed a contract, Miss Clark,’ she said. ‘You signed a contract where you promised to work for us for six months. By my calculations you have only done two. I am simply requiring you to fulfil your contractual obligations.’
Her voice had become brittle. I looked down at Mrs Traynor’s hand and saw that it was trembling.
She swallowed. ‘Please.’
My parents were watching from the porch. I could see them, mugs poised in their hands, the only two people facing away from the theatre next door. They turned away awkwardly when they saw that I had noticed them. Dad, I realized, was wearing the tartan slippers with the paint splodges.
I pushed the handle of the door. ‘Mrs Traynor, I really can’t sit by and watch … it’s too weird. I don’t want to be part of this.’
‘Just think about it. Tomorrow is Good Friday – I’ll tell Will you have a family commitment if you really just need some time. Take the Bank Holiday weekend to think about it. But please. Come back. Come back and help him.’
‘I thought you and Will got on well.’ She spoke as if addressing someone straight ahead of her. When I didn’t speak, she said, ‘Is there a problem with the money?’
‘No.’
‘Do you need a longer lunch break? I am conscious that it’s rather short. I could ask Nathan if he would –’
‘It’s not the hours. Or the money.’
‘Then –’
‘I don’t really want to –’
‘Look, you cannot hand in your notice with immediate effect and expect me not even to ask what on earth’s the matter.’
I took a deep breath. ‘I overheard you. You and your daughter. Last night. And I don’t want to … I don’t want to be part of it.’
‘Ah.’
We sat in silence. Mr Grisham was now trying to bash his way in through the front door, and Mrs Grisham was busy hurling anything she could locate through the window down on to his head. The choice of projectile missiles – loo roll, tampon boxes, toilet brush, shampoo bottles – suggested she was now in the bathroom.
‘Please, don’t leave,’ Mrs Traynor said, quietly. ‘Will is comfortable with you. More so than he’s been for some time. I … it would be very hard for us to replicate that with someone else.’
‘But you’re … you’re going to take him to that place where people commit suicide. Dignitas.’
‘No. I am going to do everything I can to ensure he doesn’t do that.’
‘Like what – praying?’
She gave me what my mother would have termed an ‘old-fashioned’ look. ‘You must know by now that if Will decides to make himself unreachable, there is little anybody can do about it.’
‘I worked it all out,’ I said. ‘I’m basically there just to make sure he doesn’t cheat and do it before his six months are up. That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘No. That’s not it.’
‘Which is why you didn’t care about my qualifications.’
‘I thought you were bright and cheerful and different. You didn’t look like a nurse. You didn’t behave … like any of the others. I thought … I thought you might cheer him up. And you do – you do cheer him up, Louisa. Seeing him without that awful beard yesterday … you seem to be one of the few people who are able to get through to him.’
The bedding came out of the window. It came down in a ball, the sheets extending themselves briefly and gracefully before they hit the ground. Two children picked one up and began running around the little garden with it over their heads.
‘Don’t you think it would have been fair to mention that I was basically on suicide watch?’
The sigh Camilla Traynor gave was the sound of someone forced to explain something politely to an imbecile. I wondered if she knew that everything she said made the other person feel like an idiot. I wondered if it was something she’d actually cultivated deliberately. I didn’t think I could ever manage to make someone feel inferior.
‘That might have been the case when we first met you … but I’m confident Will is going to stick to his word. He has promised me six months, and that’s what I’ll get. We need this time, Louisa. We need this time to give him the idea of there being some possibility. I was hoping it might plant the idea that there is a life he could enjoy, even if it wasn’t the life he had planned.’
‘But it’s all lies. You’ve lied to me and you’re all lying to each other.’
She didn’t seem to hear me. She turned to face me, pulling a chequebook from her handbag, a pen ready in her hand.
‘Look, what do you want? I will double your money. Tell me how much you want.’
‘I don’t want your money.’
‘A car. Some benefits. Bonuses –’
‘No –’
‘Then … what can I do that might change your mind?’
‘I’m sorry. I just don’t –’
I made to get out of the car. Her hand shot out. It sat there on my arm, strange and radioactive. We both stared at it.
‘You signed a contract, Miss Clark,’ she said. ‘You signed a contract where you promised to work for us for six months. By my calculations you have only done two. I am simply requiring you to fulfil your contractual obligations.’
Her voice had become brittle. I looked down at Mrs Traynor’s hand and saw that it was trembling.
She swallowed. ‘Please.’
My parents were watching from the porch. I could see them, mugs poised in their hands, the only two people facing away from the theatre next door. They turned away awkwardly when they saw that I had noticed them. Dad, I realized, was wearing the tartan slippers with the paint splodges.
I pushed the handle of the door. ‘Mrs Traynor, I really can’t sit by and watch … it’s too weird. I don’t want to be part of this.’
‘Just think about it. Tomorrow is Good Friday – I’ll tell Will you have a family commitment if you really just need some time. Take the Bank Holiday weekend to think about it. But please. Come back. Come back and help him.’
