Mary Rawlinson muttered, ‘Dear God,’ several times. She glanced over at me. Her language had got fruitier with every drink. ‘You don’t want to go and strut your stuff, Louisa?’
‘God, no.’
‘Jolly sensible of you. I’ve seen better dancing at a bloody Young Farmers Club disco.’
At nine, I got a text from Nathan.
All okay?
Yes. Lovely, believe it or not. Will having great time.
And he was. I watched him laughing hard at something Mary had said, and something in me grew strange and tight. This had shown me it could work. He could be happy, if surrounded by the right people, if allowed to be Will, instead of The Man in the Wheelchair, the list of symptoms, the object of pity.
And then, at 10pm, the slow dances began. We watched Rupert wheel Alicia around the dance floor, applauded politely by onlookers. Her hair had begun to droop, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as if she needed the support. Rupert’s arms linked around her, resting on the small of her back. Beautiful and wealthy as she was, I felt a little sorry for her. I thought she probably wouldn’t realize what she had lost until it was much too late.
Halfway through the song, other couples joined them so that they were partially obscured from view, and I got distracted by Mary talking about carers’ allowances, until suddenly I looked up and there she was, standing right in front of us, the supermodel in her white silk dress. My heart lodged in my throat.
Alicia nodded a greeting to Mary, and dipped a little from her waist so that Will could hear her over the music. Her face was a little tense, as if she had had to prime herself to come over.
‘Thank you for coming, Will. Really.’ She glanced sideways at me but said nothing.
‘Pleasure,’ Will said, smoothly. ‘You look lovely, Alicia. It was a great day.’
A flicker of surprise passed across her face. And then a faint wistfulness. ‘Really? You really think so? I do think … I mean, there’s so much I want to say –’
‘Really,’ Will said. ‘There’s no need. You remember Louisa?’
‘I do.’
There was a brief silence.
I could see Rupert hovering in the background, eyeing us all warily. She glanced back at him, and then held out a hand in a half-wave. ‘Well, thank you anyway, Will. You are a superstar for coming. And thank you for the … ’
‘Mirror.’
‘Of course. I absolutely loved the mirror.’ She stood up and walked back to her husband, who turned away, already clasping her arm.
We watched them cross the dance floor.
‘You didn’t buy her a mirror.’
‘I know.’
They were still talking, Rupert’s gaze flickering back to us. It was as if he couldn’t believe Will had simply been nice. Mind you, neither could I.
‘Does it … did it bother you?’ I said to him.
He looked away from them. ‘No,’ he said, and he smiled at me. His smile had gone a bit lopsided with drink and his eyes were sad and contemplative at the same time.
And then, as the dance floor briefly emptied for the next dance, I found myself saying, ‘What do you say, Will? Going to give me a whirl?’
‘What?’
‘Come on. Let’s give these f**kers something to talk about.’
‘Oh good,’ Mary said, raising a glass. ‘Fucking marvellous.’
‘Come on. While the music is slow. Because I don’t think you can pogo in that thing.’
I didn’t give him any choice. I sat down carefully on Will’s lap, draped my arms around his neck to hold myself in place. He looked into my eyes for a minute, as if working out whether he could refuse me. Then, astonishingly, Will wheeled us out on to the dance floor, and began moving in small circles under the sparkling lights of the mirrorballs.
I felt simultaneously acutely self-conscious and mildly hysterical. I was sitting at an angle that meant my dress had risen halfway up my thighs.
‘Leave it,’ Will murmured into my ear.
‘This is … ’
‘Come on, Clark. Don’t let me down now.’
I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting my cheek rest against his, breathing in the citrus smell of his aftershave. I could feel him humming along with the music.
‘Are they all appalled yet?’ he said. I opened one eye, and glanced out into the dim light.
A couple of people were smiling encouragingly, but most seemed not to know what to make of it. Mary saluted me with her drink. And then I saw Alicia staring at us, her face briefly falling. When she saw me looking, she turned away and muttered something to Rupert. He shook his head, as if we were doing something disgraceful.
I felt a mischievous smile creeping across my face. ‘Oh yes,’ I said.
‘Hah. Move in closer. You smell fantastic.’
‘So do you. Although, if you keep turning in left-hand circles I may throw up.’
Will changed direction. My arms looped around his neck, I pulled back a little to look at him, no longer self-conscious. He glanced down at my chest. To be fair, with me positioned where I was, there wasn’t anywhere else he could really look. He lifted his gaze from my cle**age and raised an eyebrow. ‘You know, you would never have let those br**sts so close to me if I weren’t in a wheelchair,’ he murmured.
I looked back at him steadily. ‘You would never have looked at my br**sts if you hadn’t been in a wheelchair.’
‘What? Of course I would.’
‘God, no.’
‘Jolly sensible of you. I’ve seen better dancing at a bloody Young Farmers Club disco.’
At nine, I got a text from Nathan.
All okay?
Yes. Lovely, believe it or not. Will having great time.
And he was. I watched him laughing hard at something Mary had said, and something in me grew strange and tight. This had shown me it could work. He could be happy, if surrounded by the right people, if allowed to be Will, instead of The Man in the Wheelchair, the list of symptoms, the object of pity.
And then, at 10pm, the slow dances began. We watched Rupert wheel Alicia around the dance floor, applauded politely by onlookers. Her hair had begun to droop, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as if she needed the support. Rupert’s arms linked around her, resting on the small of her back. Beautiful and wealthy as she was, I felt a little sorry for her. I thought she probably wouldn’t realize what she had lost until it was much too late.
Halfway through the song, other couples joined them so that they were partially obscured from view, and I got distracted by Mary talking about carers’ allowances, until suddenly I looked up and there she was, standing right in front of us, the supermodel in her white silk dress. My heart lodged in my throat.
Alicia nodded a greeting to Mary, and dipped a little from her waist so that Will could hear her over the music. Her face was a little tense, as if she had had to prime herself to come over.
‘Thank you for coming, Will. Really.’ She glanced sideways at me but said nothing.
‘Pleasure,’ Will said, smoothly. ‘You look lovely, Alicia. It was a great day.’
A flicker of surprise passed across her face. And then a faint wistfulness. ‘Really? You really think so? I do think … I mean, there’s so much I want to say –’
‘Really,’ Will said. ‘There’s no need. You remember Louisa?’
‘I do.’
There was a brief silence.
I could see Rupert hovering in the background, eyeing us all warily. She glanced back at him, and then held out a hand in a half-wave. ‘Well, thank you anyway, Will. You are a superstar for coming. And thank you for the … ’
‘Mirror.’
‘Of course. I absolutely loved the mirror.’ She stood up and walked back to her husband, who turned away, already clasping her arm.
We watched them cross the dance floor.
‘You didn’t buy her a mirror.’
‘I know.’
They were still talking, Rupert’s gaze flickering back to us. It was as if he couldn’t believe Will had simply been nice. Mind you, neither could I.
‘Does it … did it bother you?’ I said to him.
He looked away from them. ‘No,’ he said, and he smiled at me. His smile had gone a bit lopsided with drink and his eyes were sad and contemplative at the same time.
And then, as the dance floor briefly emptied for the next dance, I found myself saying, ‘What do you say, Will? Going to give me a whirl?’
‘What?’
‘Come on. Let’s give these f**kers something to talk about.’
‘Oh good,’ Mary said, raising a glass. ‘Fucking marvellous.’
‘Come on. While the music is slow. Because I don’t think you can pogo in that thing.’
I didn’t give him any choice. I sat down carefully on Will’s lap, draped my arms around his neck to hold myself in place. He looked into my eyes for a minute, as if working out whether he could refuse me. Then, astonishingly, Will wheeled us out on to the dance floor, and began moving in small circles under the sparkling lights of the mirrorballs.
I felt simultaneously acutely self-conscious and mildly hysterical. I was sitting at an angle that meant my dress had risen halfway up my thighs.
‘Leave it,’ Will murmured into my ear.
‘This is … ’
‘Come on, Clark. Don’t let me down now.’
I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting my cheek rest against his, breathing in the citrus smell of his aftershave. I could feel him humming along with the music.
‘Are they all appalled yet?’ he said. I opened one eye, and glanced out into the dim light.
A couple of people were smiling encouragingly, but most seemed not to know what to make of it. Mary saluted me with her drink. And then I saw Alicia staring at us, her face briefly falling. When she saw me looking, she turned away and muttered something to Rupert. He shook his head, as if we were doing something disgraceful.
I felt a mischievous smile creeping across my face. ‘Oh yes,’ I said.
‘Hah. Move in closer. You smell fantastic.’
‘So do you. Although, if you keep turning in left-hand circles I may throw up.’
Will changed direction. My arms looped around his neck, I pulled back a little to look at him, no longer self-conscious. He glanced down at my chest. To be fair, with me positioned where I was, there wasn’t anywhere else he could really look. He lifted his gaze from my cle**age and raised an eyebrow. ‘You know, you would never have let those br**sts so close to me if I weren’t in a wheelchair,’ he murmured.
I looked back at him steadily. ‘You would never have looked at my br**sts if you hadn’t been in a wheelchair.’
‘What? Of course I would.’
