“That way you’re not alone when I’m gone,” he whispered. “I’m tired, Daddy.”
I touched the palm of my hand to his soft, bald head. “I know, buddy. I know.”
I felt like throwing up. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
I could just break down and cry, like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted—which in my case was my son to be healthy.
I hated, absolutely loathed, seeing my son so sick.
Hated it with so much passion that sometimes I felt consumed by it.
It’d been so long since I’d laughed, since I’d even cracked a smile.
And that was because the little boy resting his head on my thigh was being taken away from me, one smile and laugh at a time. How could I find joy in this world when something so innocent and beautiful was being taken away from it?
If there was a way, I’d trade places with him. If there was a way, I’d give him every single cell in my body to make him healthy again.
But I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that there was only a matter of time left.
Matias wasn’t going to be on this earth much longer.
I’d gotten a call from the doctor, who’d tried to get Tara to come in over a week ago, saying that he’d wanted to talk to me in person before Matias’ next treatment.
And I knew what he was going to say.
Doctors didn’t call at eight in the evening on a Sunday if they didn’t have something bad to say.
What I didn’t know, and couldn’t figure out, was why they’d want me to wait until then to hear what they had to say.
I knew without them saying it that it was going to be bad news.
“Did you text Izzy to come over tomorrow and watch me?” Matias asked.
I cleared my throat. “No. Uncle Tyler’s coming, remember?”
“Oh.” He paused. “Can you call her and tell her to come, too?”
I felt like I’d taken a sledgehammer to the sternum.
He was forgetting lately. A lot.
There were times that he’d say something, like just then, where I’d have to remind him of what we’d just talked about five minutes before.
And this wasn’t just a kid being a kid, asking the same question over and over again. Matias hadn’t done that in so long. He was highly intelligent, and there were times when I felt like he was wiser than me.
“I could ask her,” I finally said through a lump in my throat.
“That way,” Matias continued. “You can ask Uncle Tyler to go with you, and then Izzy and Reagan can be friends. I don’t think that Izzy has many friends. She told me I was one of her only ones once.”
I couldn’t even muster up the courage to care if Matias was one of Izzy’s only friends or not. I was just happy that she was there for my boy when he needed her, unlike a certain other woman.
I hadn’t even bothered calling Tara.
What would be the point?
The first ten times I’d tried to get into contact with her, my calls went right to voicemail. After leaving messages after each call, the next time I tried to reach her, her phone had been disconnected entirely.
It was at that point that I truly understood that Tara wasn’t coming back. At least not in time…and I’d never, ever forgive her for that.
“I’ll try calling her,” I murmured.
Then I did just that, remaining on the couch exactly where I was.
She answered on the third ring, sounding breathless. “Hello?”
I swallowed. “Hi. This is Rome Pierce. I’m…”
“I know who you are,” Izzy interrupted me. “What’s wrong?”
I’d already called her yesterday and explained what days I would need her again, and then reconfirmed with her that she’d be able to take them. After hearing that she could, I’d told her I’d call her the day before to remind her and then had hung up even though I’d longed to continue talking to her.
I cleared my throat. “I have a few errands to run tomorrow. I had my best friend and his wife coming over, but Matias asked if you’d come too so that Tyler could come with me.”
Matias likely didn’t know that he was inconveniencing anybody, but I’d rob a convenient store just to see him smile. Calling this cleaning lady that he loved, that gave him cookies and told him stories just to see him smile, was the easiest thing in the world for me to do.
“I can’t,” she sounded stricken. “I have a big cleaning job that I’ve had scheduled for a month at a department store downtown.”
I felt my stomach drop.
Shit.
“It’s okay,” I immediately assured her. “I know that you’re busy. He knows that you’re busy. It was just an idea.”
She breathed out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry.”
I smiled, letting my fingers trail along the line of Matias’ jaw. “I promise it’s okay.”
She groaned in frustration. “If I can get it moved, I will…but it probably won’t happen. Tell Matias hi for me, though, okay?”
After we hung up, I looked down at Matias, who looked resigned. “Izzy’s a busy woman. Did you know that she works three jobs?”
I blinked. “She does?”
He nodded. “She works for her parents doing cleaning and owns her own cleaning business, too. And she also works at her grandma’s bakery three times a week, too. With her watching me, that’ll make four jobs!”
Now I felt like shit for even asking her.
Goddammit.
“Hmmm,” I murmured. “Well, we’ll have to make it worth her while, now won’t we?”
Matias’ eyes lit up. “Can we order something off of Amazon?”
I grinned. “Of course,” I agreed easily. “But I think it’ll mean more to her if you make her something.”
Other than the fat paycheck I’d be giving her, I really did want her to know what it meant to me that she was doing this, even though it was more than obvious that she did what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it.
Hell, it’d probably take an act of God for her to accept anything we bought for her…but I knew a little boy who was damn good at getting anyone to do anything.
Chapter 4
Do twins ever think about the fact that one of them was unplanned?
-Rome’s secret thoughts
Rome
I opened the door to find Izzy standing there looking frazzled.
“Hey.” I paused, feeling a sense of excitement pour through me at knowing that she’d gotten here. “I thought you were working?”
She shrugged and pushed inside. “I was…but I finished early.”
I frowned. “How did you accomplish that?”
I heard her answer as she pushed through me and then started walking into my house like she owned the place.
“I got up at three and did it, making me available to get here now.” She looked at me over her shoulder. “Where’s Matias at?”
I gestured in the direction of the living room with a jut of my chin. “Couch. Watching his favorite show again with Reagan.”
Izzy stepped through the door, pulling out a bag of cookies as she moved, and I found myself smiling despite feeling like I wanted to cry.
“You ready to go, man?” Tyler asked.
I looked over at my best friend.
It was still a start to see him anywhere in the vicinity of me without him wearing a “go fuck yourself” expression aimed toward me. Honestly, our reconciliation couldn’t have come at a better time than now.
I knew without a doubt that I’d need him after this meeting that we were about to walk into.
Thirty minutes later, we arrived at Matias’ doctor’s office where there was no wait.
Instead, we were ushered straight back to his office and showed inside.
It wasn’t the sad looks from the office staff that gave away what we were walking into, nor was it the expression on the doctor’s face. They were all trained professionals, and they gave nothing away.
Thankfully, the doctor didn’t beat around the bush when we entered his office. He made no attempts at small talk nor did he ask how I was doing.
He got right to the point—that is, after he asked where Tara was.
I touched the palm of my hand to his soft, bald head. “I know, buddy. I know.”
I felt like throwing up. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
I could just break down and cry, like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted—which in my case was my son to be healthy.
I hated, absolutely loathed, seeing my son so sick.
Hated it with so much passion that sometimes I felt consumed by it.
It’d been so long since I’d laughed, since I’d even cracked a smile.
And that was because the little boy resting his head on my thigh was being taken away from me, one smile and laugh at a time. How could I find joy in this world when something so innocent and beautiful was being taken away from it?
If there was a way, I’d trade places with him. If there was a way, I’d give him every single cell in my body to make him healthy again.
But I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that there was only a matter of time left.
Matias wasn’t going to be on this earth much longer.
I’d gotten a call from the doctor, who’d tried to get Tara to come in over a week ago, saying that he’d wanted to talk to me in person before Matias’ next treatment.
And I knew what he was going to say.
Doctors didn’t call at eight in the evening on a Sunday if they didn’t have something bad to say.
What I didn’t know, and couldn’t figure out, was why they’d want me to wait until then to hear what they had to say.
I knew without them saying it that it was going to be bad news.
“Did you text Izzy to come over tomorrow and watch me?” Matias asked.
I cleared my throat. “No. Uncle Tyler’s coming, remember?”
“Oh.” He paused. “Can you call her and tell her to come, too?”
I felt like I’d taken a sledgehammer to the sternum.
He was forgetting lately. A lot.
There were times that he’d say something, like just then, where I’d have to remind him of what we’d just talked about five minutes before.
And this wasn’t just a kid being a kid, asking the same question over and over again. Matias hadn’t done that in so long. He was highly intelligent, and there were times when I felt like he was wiser than me.
“I could ask her,” I finally said through a lump in my throat.
“That way,” Matias continued. “You can ask Uncle Tyler to go with you, and then Izzy and Reagan can be friends. I don’t think that Izzy has many friends. She told me I was one of her only ones once.”
I couldn’t even muster up the courage to care if Matias was one of Izzy’s only friends or not. I was just happy that she was there for my boy when he needed her, unlike a certain other woman.
I hadn’t even bothered calling Tara.
What would be the point?
The first ten times I’d tried to get into contact with her, my calls went right to voicemail. After leaving messages after each call, the next time I tried to reach her, her phone had been disconnected entirely.
It was at that point that I truly understood that Tara wasn’t coming back. At least not in time…and I’d never, ever forgive her for that.
“I’ll try calling her,” I murmured.
Then I did just that, remaining on the couch exactly where I was.
She answered on the third ring, sounding breathless. “Hello?”
I swallowed. “Hi. This is Rome Pierce. I’m…”
“I know who you are,” Izzy interrupted me. “What’s wrong?”
I’d already called her yesterday and explained what days I would need her again, and then reconfirmed with her that she’d be able to take them. After hearing that she could, I’d told her I’d call her the day before to remind her and then had hung up even though I’d longed to continue talking to her.
I cleared my throat. “I have a few errands to run tomorrow. I had my best friend and his wife coming over, but Matias asked if you’d come too so that Tyler could come with me.”
Matias likely didn’t know that he was inconveniencing anybody, but I’d rob a convenient store just to see him smile. Calling this cleaning lady that he loved, that gave him cookies and told him stories just to see him smile, was the easiest thing in the world for me to do.
“I can’t,” she sounded stricken. “I have a big cleaning job that I’ve had scheduled for a month at a department store downtown.”
I felt my stomach drop.
Shit.
“It’s okay,” I immediately assured her. “I know that you’re busy. He knows that you’re busy. It was just an idea.”
She breathed out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry.”
I smiled, letting my fingers trail along the line of Matias’ jaw. “I promise it’s okay.”
She groaned in frustration. “If I can get it moved, I will…but it probably won’t happen. Tell Matias hi for me, though, okay?”
After we hung up, I looked down at Matias, who looked resigned. “Izzy’s a busy woman. Did you know that she works three jobs?”
I blinked. “She does?”
He nodded. “She works for her parents doing cleaning and owns her own cleaning business, too. And she also works at her grandma’s bakery three times a week, too. With her watching me, that’ll make four jobs!”
Now I felt like shit for even asking her.
Goddammit.
“Hmmm,” I murmured. “Well, we’ll have to make it worth her while, now won’t we?”
Matias’ eyes lit up. “Can we order something off of Amazon?”
I grinned. “Of course,” I agreed easily. “But I think it’ll mean more to her if you make her something.”
Other than the fat paycheck I’d be giving her, I really did want her to know what it meant to me that she was doing this, even though it was more than obvious that she did what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it.
Hell, it’d probably take an act of God for her to accept anything we bought for her…but I knew a little boy who was damn good at getting anyone to do anything.
Chapter 4
Do twins ever think about the fact that one of them was unplanned?
-Rome’s secret thoughts
Rome
I opened the door to find Izzy standing there looking frazzled.
“Hey.” I paused, feeling a sense of excitement pour through me at knowing that she’d gotten here. “I thought you were working?”
She shrugged and pushed inside. “I was…but I finished early.”
I frowned. “How did you accomplish that?”
I heard her answer as she pushed through me and then started walking into my house like she owned the place.
“I got up at three and did it, making me available to get here now.” She looked at me over her shoulder. “Where’s Matias at?”
I gestured in the direction of the living room with a jut of my chin. “Couch. Watching his favorite show again with Reagan.”
Izzy stepped through the door, pulling out a bag of cookies as she moved, and I found myself smiling despite feeling like I wanted to cry.
“You ready to go, man?” Tyler asked.
I looked over at my best friend.
It was still a start to see him anywhere in the vicinity of me without him wearing a “go fuck yourself” expression aimed toward me. Honestly, our reconciliation couldn’t have come at a better time than now.
I knew without a doubt that I’d need him after this meeting that we were about to walk into.
Thirty minutes later, we arrived at Matias’ doctor’s office where there was no wait.
Instead, we were ushered straight back to his office and showed inside.
It wasn’t the sad looks from the office staff that gave away what we were walking into, nor was it the expression on the doctor’s face. They were all trained professionals, and they gave nothing away.
Thankfully, the doctor didn’t beat around the bush when we entered his office. He made no attempts at small talk nor did he ask how I was doing.
He got right to the point—that is, after he asked where Tara was.
