Monster Prick
Page 7

Logically though, I know he doesn’t feel that way about me. He's just trying to save me from the awkward experience of doing it with some stranger I met on the Internet. I guess this is just another way he’s looking out for me. It’s just so freaking strange, I can still barely wrap my head around it, even twenty-four hours later.
“What are you doing to that poor breadstick?” Melanie chuckles, eyeing my plate.
I look down at the crumbled remnants on the plate and push it away. “I have something kind of crazy to tell you.”
Her chin perks up in interest, her third slice of pizza forgotten. “Do tell.”
“Well...you know how I registered on that dating site?”
She nods. She was totally on board with my plan—practically pushed me to do it, in fact.
“I mentioned it to my brother and Hudson, and they both kind of freaked out. Hudson insisted on walking me home, and I invited him in so we could talk a little more.”
“What do you mean he freaked out? Did he pull that bossy prick shit with you again?” She huffs out a sigh.
“Kind of. I admitted to him that I wanted one of the guys I met online to be my first, and finally lose my virginity once and for all.”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s not his business who you sleep with, Gracie.”
“It might be,” I say, taking a sip of my wine to fortify myself. “He, um … offered to be my first.”
Red wine comes spewing out of Melanie’s nose and mouth before she covers her face, coughing loudly into her cloth napkin. The nearby customers glance over at us until she gets her coughing fit under control. “He what?!” she barks across the table at me.
I thought Melanie would be happy for me. Excited, even. She knows how I feel about him; I figured she'd squeal and help pick out my outfit and give me advice. I never thought she’d get pissed about his offer. I rush to explain more.
“After we talked for a while, he offered to help me out. He said my first time shouldn’t be with a random guy, and that we could, um … you know.” My cheeks flush with heat and I look down at the table. How will I have the courage to actually seduce a man if I can’t even say the words? Maybe it is better if Hudson and I just get it over with. I’d die of mortification if I tried to seduce one of my online dates and he turned me down.
Melanie is shaking her head, her plucked eyebrows drawn together. “A guy doesn’t just offer to help you out by taking your virginity. That’s weird. Really freaking weird.” She scratches her chin. “Unless he actually likes you, too. And even then...”
I shake my head firmly. “No, he doesn’t, Mel. You and I both know that.”
She nods, agreeing. Hudson had his chance with me. He’s never acted on it. Never even given me a hint he was interested. It’s time to stop believing in foolish possibilities.
“Well, I’m against it,” Melanie says finally. “The whole thing is just begging to go wrong. Like...what would your brother say?”
Hot shame burns through me. Hayden could never find out. Not only would he be super mad at me, but his relationship with Hudson would become very difficult. And they aren’t just best friends—they’re business partners, managing almost twenty million dollars’ worth of real estate together. I would not want to be the reason for breaking any of that up. All I can say is, “Uh …”
Melanie interrupts my floundering. “Exactly. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Your feelings for Hudson have always run deeper than they should have. After sex—and you have to trust me on this one—women can feel more connected by the experience than men. Aren't you worried about falling even harder for him?”
For some reason, her sympathetic expression annoys the crap out of me. “It’d just be sex, Mel. I know that.” But her comment has already seeped down inside me, exposing a worry that I didn't want to consider. I can't shake it off now. “Besides, I told him I had to think it over. I still haven’t decided.”
She nods. “If you do it, my advice is to be careful. Don’t involve your heart. Remember it’s just physical.”
I nod back, like I have this all under control. But the truth is, now I’m even more confused and unsure about what to do.
“Come on, let’s go get one more drink. There’s a new club that just opened a few blocks over.”
I open my mouth to refuse. These shoes aren’t great for walking in, and Mel never stops at one drink. But I realize it’s the practical, level-headed Gracie that’s gotten me into this mess in the first place. I need to be a little more reckless. And there's no time like the present. “Sure. Sounds great.” I plaster on a smile.
After a short walk to the club, Melanie tugs the front of her shirt down, showing off generous amounts of cleavage, and we’re awarded with immediate entry. No waiting in line for us.
One drink turns into two and then three. I’m sweaty from dancing, but I’m having fun.  I’m glad I loosened up and went with the flow for once. But the flow hasn't given me any answers. I’m still totally and utterly confused about what to do with Hudson’s offer. If I say no, will things get weird between us? Will we still be friends? And if I say yes … I shudder with excitement and fear. I can’t imagine the possibility of saying yes. I know it will change things between us, but my mind won’t even let me explore that. Maybe it’s because I know, deep down, that I’ll chicken out and say no.