Moonlight on Nightingale Way
Page 59

“So you left?” Logan said.
I nodded. “Left it all behind. Them, the money, and my name. I came back to Edinburgh and moved in with Aidan and a few other friends. I thought my family didn’t have the power to hurt me anymore. Turns out they do.” I gave a huff of incredulous laughter. “How wrong is it that I’m not sure I want to go to my possibly dying mother, but I want her to want me to?”
“It’s not wrong.” Logan pulled me close again. “It’s not wrong at all.”
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held on for dear life as the old wounds were ripped open, bleeding more tears. “Why don’t they love me?” I whispered into his neck.
I felt Logan’s chest shudder against mine as his arms tightened around me. He gently tugged on my hair, pulling me back to look at me, and my heart stuttered at the sheen of emotion in his eyes. I found my tears slowing to halt at the blazing mix of anger, tenderness, and helplessness I saw in his gaze.
The whole world just disappeared.
Logan’s gaze dropped to my mouth and gently, slowly, he tugged my head to his and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss started soft, quiet, as though meant to comfort and soothe, but I was desperate to feel anything but the pain, and so I deepened the kiss, pushing for more.
Just like that we caught fire.
Our tongues stroked, our grips on each other grew desperate, bruising, and I was ready to tackle him to the floor.
And then my mother’s words penetrated.
Logan’s rejection after we had sex followed quickly on its heels.
Remembering it, I found myself hating him a little. I pulled out of his hold, abruptly standing up. He had to drop to a knee to stop himself from landing on his arse.
Staring down into his questioning eyes, I realized I didn’t hate him. I hated myself for allowing his sympathy to turn into more than he’d meant it to. “I never asked for that kind of pity.”
“Grace, it wasn’t pity. It was just a —”
“Mistake,” I finished for him. “You’re right. This was all a mistake.” I’d let another person into my heart and he couldn’t love me. He cared. I knew he cared. But it wasn’t love. It wasn’t what I needed.
My lip started to tremble, but I refused to give in to more tears. “Will you call me a cab?”
“I’ll take you home.”
I cut him a look that made the muscles in his jaw clench. “I don’t want to be around you right now.”
He reached for me, and I flinched back. Logan lowered his hand to his side in defeat. “I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“I’ll be fine. If you call me a cab.”
I stayed upstairs while he did as I asked. He returned a few minutes later to tell me one was on its way and was close by. “Will you tell Joss I’m just not feeling well?”
He nodded, watching me carefully.
I hurried down the stairs, letting my hair fall forward, hiding my face from the guests in the hallway. I moved past them without looking at them and darted outside. Logan was right behind me.
“You shouldn’t be alone, Grace,” he said as I strode down onto the pavement to wait for the cab I could see approaching up the hill.
I glanced over my shoulder at Logan, who looked surprisingly lost. “I’m not. I’m going to Aidan.”
His face darkened at my announcement. “Aidan?”
I didn’t answer. Instead the cab pulled over and I practically threw myself in it. “Raeburn Place,” I said quickly, thankful when the car pulled away from the curb.
The cab passed Logan as he stood on the pavement, his eyes filled with frustration and worry as they locked with mine. He mouthed my name.
I looked away and sank back against the seat.
“You all right?” the driver asked.
I realized I must look a fright with my tearstained cheeks and red eyes. I closed said eyes and said, “I will be.”
And despite what an utterly heartbreaking, shitty day it had been, in a weird, twisted way, the reminder of Logan’s rejection had put steel back in my spine. I had to remember that I didn’t need Logan. I’d been perfectly fine without him before he came into my life.
I didn’t need my family. I’d gotten on better without them these last few years.
I just had to keep reminding myself of that.
I opened my eyes, thinking of the three people who always helped with the reminder.
A feeling of calm started to settle over me as the cab carried me toward Aidan and Juno. Slipping my hand into my purse, I pulled out my phone and rang Chloe.
“What’s up, chick?” she said chirpily.
“Can you meet me at Aidan’s?”
She was silent a moment. “What’s going on? You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Just meet me there?”
“Why? What’s going on?”
I pressed my forehead against the cool glass of the back passenger window, watching the city pass me by. “I just really need you right now. I need my family, yeah.”
“I’ll be there in ten.”
CHAPTER 17
The only way I could avoid Logan completely was by camping out at Chloe’s flat. I’d dart home to get showered and changed when I knew he was working and then I’d go back to Chloe’s.
There were five missed calls on my phone from him, including a voice-mail message I couldn’t bring myself to listen to.
When Maia called, I picked up. I fed her some rubbish about Chloe having had an argument with Ed and I was keeping her company for a little bit, and I felt awful for lying. I think Maia knew. I tried to make up for my absence by chatting on the phone with her for ages, listening to her as she spun plans for her summer holidays, which were fast approaching.