More Than Forever
Page 59
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My head slowly shakes from side to side, because I know what this is. And I don't want it to happen. "Don't say that," I almost shout. "Don't, Lucy. Please. You're talking like we're done. That it's over." I stop to take a breath. "We promised each other forever. Don't you remember? Forever, Luce. You promised me."
"We both did," she says, her voice calm now. "We promised each other our forever. But maybe our forever is over."
My fingers curl into the back of her dress. I don't want to hear any of it. I don't want to believe it. "Don't say that," I beg. I plead. "I don't know how to fix this."
She pulls back, reaching behind her to unclasp my hands. I grip tighter.
"Cam, please," she sobs. "I have to go. This hurts too much."
And at her words, I release her. Because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her.
She leans up on her toes, the saltiness from both our tears combine with our kiss.
One kiss.
One final goodbye.
"I loved you so much," she whispers.
And then she's gone.
I drop my head in my hands and sit on the floor, too exhausted to stay standing.
And then I cry. Get angry. Cry. Get angry.
And then I do it all over again.
Because she said loved.
She loved me.
CHAPTER THIRTY
-LUCY- Lucas meets me at the airport in New Jersey. He was the one that answered when I called last night to speak to Dad about Cameron staying at the cabin. He knew instantly that something was wrong. I told him what had happened, and I told him not to tell anyone. He let me cry for I don't even know how long. And when he knew I was done he said, "Luce, I'm sorry. Shit happens. You don't deserve it. Let's get fucked up." I laughed, and twenty minutes later we had flights booked to New Jersey.
We wait outside the airport for my friend Claudia and her brother Jason to show up. We all grew up together. Jason and Lucas were inseparable when they were kids, and even now, years later, it's like time hasn't passed at all.
"So my parents are away for a few weeks, somewhere in the Bahamas. We have the house to ourselves," Claudia informs, winking at me in the rear view mirror.
I try to smile, but the ache in my heart stops it from showing.
"How small is your fucking car?" Lucas says from next to me. He's crouched over in the tiny space of Claudia's two door. "My nose is itchy but I don't—" He starts to wiggle around, making a show of not being able to move.
I scratch his nose for him as a joke. He sighs when I do. "You're just lucky you got Mom's height," he tells me.
I laugh. A genuine laugh. He smiles when he hears it. And it hits me, how much things have changed. I miss my family. I miss my friend.
"Hey guys," Jason says, turning in his seat to look at us. "Your mom was what? Five-one? Five-two max. And your dad's what? Six-five?"
Lucas and I glance at each other quickly, and then nod at Jason.
His nose scrunches. "How did they have sex? A lot of doggy style I'd think."
"DUDE!" Lucas yells.
"That's sick," I tell him.
Claudia pipes up. "What are you doing thinking about their parents having sex?"
Lucas makes a gagging sound.
I lean back in the seat and look out the window, promising myself to try. Try to live without my forever.
*
"He hasn't called?" Claudia sits on the lounge chair next to mine.
"He has no phone, so no. But I don't know that he would. And I don't know that I'd answer. I think I need time, you know?
She smiles. "Are you sad?"
I lift my sunglasses on top of my head and face her. "No, Claud. I'm devastated."
***
The next day Jason and Lucas spend a good three hours reminiscing about their high school days together. They enjoyed it so much that the day after that, five of their friends showed up from home to hang out with them.
Now there are seven boys in the house. The pool is always in use, music is always up and alcohol is always flowing. And that's the way it's been for the last two weeks.
Sometimes Claudia tries to get me to talk about Cameron. I don't really have much to say, so I stay quiet. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about him. All the time.
"You think it was about time?" she said once. I asked her what she meant. She just shrugged and said, "He's always been so great, what you've always needed and wanted. You always made him out to be so perfect, and I didn't really ever believe you. Five years you guys have been together and this is the first time you can say anything bad about him? So he has flaws, so what? Maybe that's what makes him perfect."
-CAMERON-
Jake: Kayla just told me she went by the cabin but Lucy wasn't there.
I throw my phone on Jake and Micky's coffee table and slump back on their couch. I've been staying here since the day after Lucy left. I didn't bother to go home. I didn't want to stay at our—I mean her—cabin. And Mom and Mark... I can't even deal with hearing the disappointment in their voices let alone seeing it in their faces.
Slowly, I stand up and stumble to the fridge for another beer. This has been my life for the past two weeks—sitting around feeling sorry for myself and drinking until I can't think anymore. Thinking hurts way too fucking much. So does feeling.
There's a knock on the door. "Lucy," I whisper. My heart thumps as I try to gather my thoughts—try to remember the last time I showered. I sniff my armpits, and then my shirt. I think I'm good.
Another knock.
"Hang on!"
I take a look around the living room, there's nothing but empty packets of junk food and beer cans.
Knock knock.
Fuck it.
Taking long strides to get to the door faster, I place my hand on the handle and take a few calming breaths. "You got this."
I open the door.
"C-Money."
My shoulders slump—along with my entire fucking body.
"That's not happiness to see me," she coos.
"Roxy." I nod, leaving the door open and sitting back on the couch. She closes the door behind her and follows, sitting down next to me.
"How the hell did you even know where I was?"
"I ran into your roommate at a party last night, he told me."
Fucking Minge.
She adds, "So, I probably don't need to ask how you are... going by the state of your appearance I take it you and Lucy are done?"
I shuffle further away from her and lean my elbows on my knees. "I don't know."
"Cameron," she says, scooting closer and running a hand down my arm. I try not to flinch at her touch. She sighs. "Do you want to get your mind off her?"
I laugh once. "You give me a way to stop thinking about her and I'll do it."
"Cameron," she says again. And it's kind of settling—familiar in a way that I can't explain.
"What?"
The warmth of her hand on my leg makes me look at her for the first time since she got here. She smiles at me and my guard drops a little. She's the first person that's treated me like I actually have feelings. "We're friends, right?" she asks.
"We both did," she says, her voice calm now. "We promised each other our forever. But maybe our forever is over."
My fingers curl into the back of her dress. I don't want to hear any of it. I don't want to believe it. "Don't say that," I beg. I plead. "I don't know how to fix this."
She pulls back, reaching behind her to unclasp my hands. I grip tighter.
"Cam, please," she sobs. "I have to go. This hurts too much."
And at her words, I release her. Because the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her.
She leans up on her toes, the saltiness from both our tears combine with our kiss.
One kiss.
One final goodbye.
"I loved you so much," she whispers.
And then she's gone.
I drop my head in my hands and sit on the floor, too exhausted to stay standing.
And then I cry. Get angry. Cry. Get angry.
And then I do it all over again.
Because she said loved.
She loved me.
CHAPTER THIRTY
-LUCY- Lucas meets me at the airport in New Jersey. He was the one that answered when I called last night to speak to Dad about Cameron staying at the cabin. He knew instantly that something was wrong. I told him what had happened, and I told him not to tell anyone. He let me cry for I don't even know how long. And when he knew I was done he said, "Luce, I'm sorry. Shit happens. You don't deserve it. Let's get fucked up." I laughed, and twenty minutes later we had flights booked to New Jersey.
We wait outside the airport for my friend Claudia and her brother Jason to show up. We all grew up together. Jason and Lucas were inseparable when they were kids, and even now, years later, it's like time hasn't passed at all.
"So my parents are away for a few weeks, somewhere in the Bahamas. We have the house to ourselves," Claudia informs, winking at me in the rear view mirror.
I try to smile, but the ache in my heart stops it from showing.
"How small is your fucking car?" Lucas says from next to me. He's crouched over in the tiny space of Claudia's two door. "My nose is itchy but I don't—" He starts to wiggle around, making a show of not being able to move.
I scratch his nose for him as a joke. He sighs when I do. "You're just lucky you got Mom's height," he tells me.
I laugh. A genuine laugh. He smiles when he hears it. And it hits me, how much things have changed. I miss my family. I miss my friend.
"Hey guys," Jason says, turning in his seat to look at us. "Your mom was what? Five-one? Five-two max. And your dad's what? Six-five?"
Lucas and I glance at each other quickly, and then nod at Jason.
His nose scrunches. "How did they have sex? A lot of doggy style I'd think."
"DUDE!" Lucas yells.
"That's sick," I tell him.
Claudia pipes up. "What are you doing thinking about their parents having sex?"
Lucas makes a gagging sound.
I lean back in the seat and look out the window, promising myself to try. Try to live without my forever.
*
"He hasn't called?" Claudia sits on the lounge chair next to mine.
"He has no phone, so no. But I don't know that he would. And I don't know that I'd answer. I think I need time, you know?
She smiles. "Are you sad?"
I lift my sunglasses on top of my head and face her. "No, Claud. I'm devastated."
***
The next day Jason and Lucas spend a good three hours reminiscing about their high school days together. They enjoyed it so much that the day after that, five of their friends showed up from home to hang out with them.
Now there are seven boys in the house. The pool is always in use, music is always up and alcohol is always flowing. And that's the way it's been for the last two weeks.
Sometimes Claudia tries to get me to talk about Cameron. I don't really have much to say, so I stay quiet. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about him. All the time.
"You think it was about time?" she said once. I asked her what she meant. She just shrugged and said, "He's always been so great, what you've always needed and wanted. You always made him out to be so perfect, and I didn't really ever believe you. Five years you guys have been together and this is the first time you can say anything bad about him? So he has flaws, so what? Maybe that's what makes him perfect."
-CAMERON-
Jake: Kayla just told me she went by the cabin but Lucy wasn't there.
I throw my phone on Jake and Micky's coffee table and slump back on their couch. I've been staying here since the day after Lucy left. I didn't bother to go home. I didn't want to stay at our—I mean her—cabin. And Mom and Mark... I can't even deal with hearing the disappointment in their voices let alone seeing it in their faces.
Slowly, I stand up and stumble to the fridge for another beer. This has been my life for the past two weeks—sitting around feeling sorry for myself and drinking until I can't think anymore. Thinking hurts way too fucking much. So does feeling.
There's a knock on the door. "Lucy," I whisper. My heart thumps as I try to gather my thoughts—try to remember the last time I showered. I sniff my armpits, and then my shirt. I think I'm good.
Another knock.
"Hang on!"
I take a look around the living room, there's nothing but empty packets of junk food and beer cans.
Knock knock.
Fuck it.
Taking long strides to get to the door faster, I place my hand on the handle and take a few calming breaths. "You got this."
I open the door.
"C-Money."
My shoulders slump—along with my entire fucking body.
"That's not happiness to see me," she coos.
"Roxy." I nod, leaving the door open and sitting back on the couch. She closes the door behind her and follows, sitting down next to me.
"How the hell did you even know where I was?"
"I ran into your roommate at a party last night, he told me."
Fucking Minge.
She adds, "So, I probably don't need to ask how you are... going by the state of your appearance I take it you and Lucy are done?"
I shuffle further away from her and lean my elbows on my knees. "I don't know."
"Cameron," she says, scooting closer and running a hand down my arm. I try not to flinch at her touch. She sighs. "Do you want to get your mind off her?"
I laugh once. "You give me a way to stop thinking about her and I'll do it."
"Cameron," she says again. And it's kind of settling—familiar in a way that I can't explain.
"What?"
The warmth of her hand on my leg makes me look at her for the first time since she got here. She smiles at me and my guard drops a little. She's the first person that's treated me like I actually have feelings. "We're friends, right?" she asks.
