Amanda.
Shit!
As we headed back to my car I pulled out my phone. It was 3:15.
There was a text from her.
Amanda: ??
My fingers became anxious. I had to type the text over and over.
Logan: I'm so sorry! Something came up. I really want to see you though. I have a stupid thing I have to do tonight. Can I see you tomorrow? Please?
***
I ended up getting Julie from her friend's house, which happened to be the street down from mine. I dropped by the house to pick up my gear bag. I was meeting Jake at the cages after.
When we pulled up in the driveway, Jake's truck was already there. I saw him step out, and I knew instantly what he was thinking. Because I would, too.
I turned to Micky, her eyes were wide, questioning. "I didn't say a word. Swear it."
We both looked back to Jake.
His fists were balled at his sides.
Jaw tense.
Eyes filled with rage.
He was pissed.
Beyond pissed.
"You girls stay here, okay?" Micky nodded before I stepped out of the car.
***
The second I'm out of the car he was on me, pushing and shoving and yelling and I was two seconds from fucking punching him. But then I remembered that Julie was there.
I got why he was pissed, he loved Micky and he thought we were fucking around, but he wouldn't give me a chance to tell him what was going on, and I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't quit getting in my face. He was acting like an asshole, and I was about to shove him back when I heard Julie scream. I turned to see her in the middle of the road, standing inches away from a car that had almost hit her. I looked back to Jake and he was yelling at both of them. What the fuck was wrong with him? I'd never seen that side of Jake before and if I ever saw it again, we'd be done.
***
I spent the rest of the afternoon subconsciously glancing at my phone, waiting for a text from Amanda.
Jake called and wanted to know what happened. I told him to ask Micky. It wasn't my place to say, and if she wanted him to know, she had to be the one to tell him.
There was function on that night with some pharmaceutical company that Dad was involved with. I normally didn't have to go to those things, but he went on a few dates with one of the women from the company, and it didn't turn out so well. I was his buffer. If I didn't have to go with him, I'd definitely be going to see her, I was sure of it.
***
The dinner seemed to go forever, and I was constantly checking my phone. I hadn't heard from her since her text earlier. By the time we got home, it was nearing ten.
Still nothing.
I changed out of my suit and got into bed, but I was restless as fuck and I knew it was because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I picked up the phone from my nightstand and found her number. Then stared at it. I don't know how long I looked at it before I finally jumped out of bed and started pacing the room.
I took a few calming breaths and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I dialed her number.
My palms were sweaty. My heart pounded in my ears. It dialed for so long I was about to give up. I pulled the phone from my ear, and that's when I heard her voice, "Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey!" I said, too loud. Too fast. "How...uh...how are you? Did you get my text?"
Silence.
Eventually I looked at my phone to see if she'd hung up, but she hadn't. "Amanda?"
"Yeah, Logan. I got it," she sighed out loud.
"Is something wrong? I mean...fuck. Are you pissed at me?" She had no right to be. I mean, I don't think she did. "Did I do something?"
"Uh, no," she said, but it came out as a question.
I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, thinking about my next words. "Amanda, I'm new to all of this, so if I've done something you need to tell me. Should I have called instead of texted? I mean, something really did come up. I'm not lying."
Silence. Again.
Followed by more silence.
Then finally she spoke, "Can I be honest with you, Logan?"
"No, I want you to lie to me." I tried to joke, but I don't think she got it.
The silence was unbearable.
"I feel like maybe you feel sorry for me or something," she started. "No, not sorry. I don't know what the right word is. Let me start again..." She was mumbling. "If last night was just that, just one night, then that's all good. I get it. For a second I thought that maybe it wasn't, but it's fine. Really. If you don't want to see me again, you don't have to-"
"I told you that I wanted to. I said in the text I wanted to see you tomorrow. What the hell?" I was being louder than I should be, but I couldn't help it. If this was what dealing with girls was like, I don't know how the fuck Dylan and Cam did it.
"You're right, I'm sorry," she said quietly.
And now I felt like a dick for kind of yelling.
"I guess I'm just a little wigged out by this. I mean you. By you. You scare me."
"I scare you? How?" I spat out.
"Because..." she said, her voice softening. "I'm just scared that I might like you..." I heard her sigh loudly. "Pick me up from work at five?" she finally asked.
"Yes!" I was a little too excited. I calmed down and softened my voice. "I mean yes, if that's good for you, yes. I want to. I mean I'd like to take you out again."
She giggled a little.
"Amanda?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm trying really hard not to be the me you think I am. I'm not that person. At least not with you."
Truth.
THIRTEEN
-Past-
The visit.
I spent the next day moping around the house like a loser trying to find something that would make time go faster until I picked her up from work. I went to the store earlier and bought the gummy bears. I even opened them and sorted the red ones from the rest. The smug asshole in me was pretty impressed. The general asshole in me heard the sound of whips in my head.
I kept looking at the clock, waiting for a good time to leave. I didn't want to show up early and seem too eager. At four forty-five I rushed out the front door and ran straight into a body.
"Holy shit," she yelped.
I held onto her and tried to regain my balance, and when I finally did, I took a step back. "Micky."
She stood with bags of groceries in both hands and an awkward smile on her face. "I thought that, maybe...but I see you're on your way out. Never mind." She turned around and started to walk away, bags still in hands.
"Wait."
She spun to face me, her eyes glazed with wetness. She did that thing chicks do when their eyes go big so that the tears don't fall. "Hey, are you okay? What's going on?"
Shit!
As we headed back to my car I pulled out my phone. It was 3:15.
There was a text from her.
Amanda: ??
My fingers became anxious. I had to type the text over and over.
Logan: I'm so sorry! Something came up. I really want to see you though. I have a stupid thing I have to do tonight. Can I see you tomorrow? Please?
***
I ended up getting Julie from her friend's house, which happened to be the street down from mine. I dropped by the house to pick up my gear bag. I was meeting Jake at the cages after.
When we pulled up in the driveway, Jake's truck was already there. I saw him step out, and I knew instantly what he was thinking. Because I would, too.
I turned to Micky, her eyes were wide, questioning. "I didn't say a word. Swear it."
We both looked back to Jake.
His fists were balled at his sides.
Jaw tense.
Eyes filled with rage.
He was pissed.
Beyond pissed.
"You girls stay here, okay?" Micky nodded before I stepped out of the car.
***
The second I'm out of the car he was on me, pushing and shoving and yelling and I was two seconds from fucking punching him. But then I remembered that Julie was there.
I got why he was pissed, he loved Micky and he thought we were fucking around, but he wouldn't give me a chance to tell him what was going on, and I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't quit getting in my face. He was acting like an asshole, and I was about to shove him back when I heard Julie scream. I turned to see her in the middle of the road, standing inches away from a car that had almost hit her. I looked back to Jake and he was yelling at both of them. What the fuck was wrong with him? I'd never seen that side of Jake before and if I ever saw it again, we'd be done.
***
I spent the rest of the afternoon subconsciously glancing at my phone, waiting for a text from Amanda.
Jake called and wanted to know what happened. I told him to ask Micky. It wasn't my place to say, and if she wanted him to know, she had to be the one to tell him.
There was function on that night with some pharmaceutical company that Dad was involved with. I normally didn't have to go to those things, but he went on a few dates with one of the women from the company, and it didn't turn out so well. I was his buffer. If I didn't have to go with him, I'd definitely be going to see her, I was sure of it.
***
The dinner seemed to go forever, and I was constantly checking my phone. I hadn't heard from her since her text earlier. By the time we got home, it was nearing ten.
Still nothing.
I changed out of my suit and got into bed, but I was restless as fuck and I knew it was because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I picked up the phone from my nightstand and found her number. Then stared at it. I don't know how long I looked at it before I finally jumped out of bed and started pacing the room.
I took a few calming breaths and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I dialed her number.
My palms were sweaty. My heart pounded in my ears. It dialed for so long I was about to give up. I pulled the phone from my ear, and that's when I heard her voice, "Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey!" I said, too loud. Too fast. "How...uh...how are you? Did you get my text?"
Silence.
Eventually I looked at my phone to see if she'd hung up, but she hadn't. "Amanda?"
"Yeah, Logan. I got it," she sighed out loud.
"Is something wrong? I mean...fuck. Are you pissed at me?" She had no right to be. I mean, I don't think she did. "Did I do something?"
"Uh, no," she said, but it came out as a question.
I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, thinking about my next words. "Amanda, I'm new to all of this, so if I've done something you need to tell me. Should I have called instead of texted? I mean, something really did come up. I'm not lying."
Silence. Again.
Followed by more silence.
Then finally she spoke, "Can I be honest with you, Logan?"
"No, I want you to lie to me." I tried to joke, but I don't think she got it.
The silence was unbearable.
"I feel like maybe you feel sorry for me or something," she started. "No, not sorry. I don't know what the right word is. Let me start again..." She was mumbling. "If last night was just that, just one night, then that's all good. I get it. For a second I thought that maybe it wasn't, but it's fine. Really. If you don't want to see me again, you don't have to-"
"I told you that I wanted to. I said in the text I wanted to see you tomorrow. What the hell?" I was being louder than I should be, but I couldn't help it. If this was what dealing with girls was like, I don't know how the fuck Dylan and Cam did it.
"You're right, I'm sorry," she said quietly.
And now I felt like a dick for kind of yelling.
"I guess I'm just a little wigged out by this. I mean you. By you. You scare me."
"I scare you? How?" I spat out.
"Because..." she said, her voice softening. "I'm just scared that I might like you..." I heard her sigh loudly. "Pick me up from work at five?" she finally asked.
"Yes!" I was a little too excited. I calmed down and softened my voice. "I mean yes, if that's good for you, yes. I want to. I mean I'd like to take you out again."
She giggled a little.
"Amanda?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm trying really hard not to be the me you think I am. I'm not that person. At least not with you."
Truth.
THIRTEEN
-Past-
The visit.
I spent the next day moping around the house like a loser trying to find something that would make time go faster until I picked her up from work. I went to the store earlier and bought the gummy bears. I even opened them and sorted the red ones from the rest. The smug asshole in me was pretty impressed. The general asshole in me heard the sound of whips in my head.
I kept looking at the clock, waiting for a good time to leave. I didn't want to show up early and seem too eager. At four forty-five I rushed out the front door and ran straight into a body.
"Holy shit," she yelped.
I held onto her and tried to regain my balance, and when I finally did, I took a step back. "Micky."
She stood with bags of groceries in both hands and an awkward smile on her face. "I thought that, maybe...but I see you're on your way out. Never mind." She turned around and started to walk away, bags still in hands.
"Wait."
She spun to face me, her eyes glazed with wetness. She did that thing chicks do when their eyes go big so that the tears don't fall. "Hey, are you okay? What's going on?"
