I threw my head back with laughter.
"So I have my two truths for fifteen question, are you ready for it?" he asked.
I nodded, still smiling.
"I don't know why I didn't ask you this earlier—but why the hell does Ethan call you Dimmy?"
Shit. I didn't want to answer. "Pass."
"You can't pass." He had that shit eating grin on his face. "This story must be good." He moved closer again, until his hands were on my knees. We were face to face, sitting cross-legged on my bed.
"I pass. There has to be a 'pass' rule. You can't answer every question truthfully."
"Yes, there is a pass rule, it's that you're not allowed to pass."
"What? You have to answer every question? So if I asked you; 'How many girls have you had sex with?' you'd have to answer?"
He nodded, but he was unsure, "Is that your question?"
Did I want to know? I think I made a gagging face because he chuckled.
"No. That's not my question."
"So why does he call you Dimmy?"
I pursed my lips tight and shook my head.
"I'll find out," he said, eyebrows raised in a challenge.
I continued shaking my head.
He sighed out loud, slumping his shoulders, like he'd given up. He dropped his head forward, causing his hair to fall into his face.
My hand shifted to move it out of the way. I didn't know I was doing it until it was done. But when I go to pull back, his hand held it in place, linking our fingers together.
Then he looked up at me, and slowly, a smirk pulled at his lips. He took in a deep breath, and then it hit me, what he was about to do. "Yo, Ethan!" he yelled, before I got a chance to cover his mouth.
Ethan walked into my room, and took in our position, before leaning on the dresser, "What's up?" He looked at us suspiciously.
I didn't care.
"Why do you call her Dimmy?"
"Don't you dare tell him!" I narrowed my eyes at him.
He crossed his arms over his chest with a smug grin on his face. The exact same one Logan wore. I looked between the two of them.
"Amanda the Demander," Ethan sang.
"Shut up!" I ground out.
"She was a little brat when we were kids. You know that girl from Willie Wonka?"
Logan thought for a beat, "The 'I want it now' girl?" he said through a laugh.
Ethan joined him, "That's the one. She was exactly like that. Mom, Dad and I used to call her Amanda the Demander; eventually it just got shortened to Dimmy. It stuck." I threw a pillow at his head. He blocked it, chuckling to himself.
"Is that all?" he asked. Smug asshole.
"That's all," I said through gritted teeth.
He walked out laughing to himself.
"Amanda the Demander." Logan repeated Ethan's annoying tone. "I like it."
"Shut up."
He laughed.
"You’re lucky you don't have any brothers or sisters so I can dig up dirt on you."
The moment the words were out of my mouth, his features straightened and he tensed slightly, looking away from me. "Yeah, lucky me," he deadpanned.
I don't know why, or what'd changed, but he stood up and started to walk out of the room.
I stood and pulled him back down to the bed.
"Did I say something?"
He avoided making eye contact.
"Logan?"
He looked at me.
I pouted.
He smiled.
And it's all I ever wanted.
"You got your question?" he asked.
I thought for a second, while he got more comfortable sitting in front of me. He took my hands in his and kissed the inside of each wrist, the whole time, smiling up at me.
I bit my lip to stop myself from leaning in and kissing him. Because I wanted to. So damn bad. "When was the last time you had a moment? Like the ones you told me about. Remember?"
He nodded.
I continued, "What was the last thing worth remembering like that?"
He looked at me for so long, I didn't know if he was going to answer. Then he took a breath, "That day I saw you at the library, after we talked at the bus stop. That was the moment, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to believe in second chances."
NINETEEN
Logan
When I woke up the next morning, she wasn't in her bed.
She was sitting in the living room, coffee in hand. I sat next to her, but her eyes didn't move from staring down at the floor.
I put my arm around her and brought her into me. She didn't resist. "When do you have to leave?"
She removed my arm and stood up. "Tomorrow."
"What?" I followed her as she walked to the kitchen. She put her mug in the sink then turned to face me.
My forearm landed on her shoulders. "I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go, Logan." Her voice broke.
"So what do we do?" I put both my arms around her neck and pulled her into me.
Her arms went around my waist. We held each other tight.
"We do nothing. You stay here and go to college and I go home and work."
"But I don't want you to go," I repeated. Maybe if I said it enough, she wouldn't. I pulled back and rest my forehead on hers.
"So you've said," she whispered.
I licked my lips.
I saw her lick hers.
"So I've said," I breathed out.
I felt her fingers tighten, gripping the back of my shirt. Her eyes fall shut and she moved her head to the side so her nose rubbed against mine.
"Amanda?"
"Mm?"
"I really, really want you to stay."
I brought her in closer again so her body was flush with mine.
She moaned.
"In fact," I started. "I really, really need you to stay."
And then I kissed her, softy. Just enough that our lips touched.
And that's how we stayed, for seconds, minutes, hours, who knows.
Our arms around each other, holding on. Mouths touching, but not moving. Eyes closed. Breaths heavy.
And then I moved.
I pushed her slowly until her back was to the counter, and my mouth moved on hers, slowly kissing her.
But she didn't kiss back. And it fucking hurt. Because as much as I wanted her, I think I needed her more. I've never needed anything more than her.
When I pulled away, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "We can't, Logan." Her voice broke again. She straightened up.
"Why not?" I whispered, still holding onto her tightly.
"Because." She pulled back and moved her head to my shoulder. "Because you'll be here and I'll be there."
"So what?"
"So I have my two truths for fifteen question, are you ready for it?" he asked.
I nodded, still smiling.
"I don't know why I didn't ask you this earlier—but why the hell does Ethan call you Dimmy?"
Shit. I didn't want to answer. "Pass."
"You can't pass." He had that shit eating grin on his face. "This story must be good." He moved closer again, until his hands were on my knees. We were face to face, sitting cross-legged on my bed.
"I pass. There has to be a 'pass' rule. You can't answer every question truthfully."
"Yes, there is a pass rule, it's that you're not allowed to pass."
"What? You have to answer every question? So if I asked you; 'How many girls have you had sex with?' you'd have to answer?"
He nodded, but he was unsure, "Is that your question?"
Did I want to know? I think I made a gagging face because he chuckled.
"No. That's not my question."
"So why does he call you Dimmy?"
I pursed my lips tight and shook my head.
"I'll find out," he said, eyebrows raised in a challenge.
I continued shaking my head.
He sighed out loud, slumping his shoulders, like he'd given up. He dropped his head forward, causing his hair to fall into his face.
My hand shifted to move it out of the way. I didn't know I was doing it until it was done. But when I go to pull back, his hand held it in place, linking our fingers together.
Then he looked up at me, and slowly, a smirk pulled at his lips. He took in a deep breath, and then it hit me, what he was about to do. "Yo, Ethan!" he yelled, before I got a chance to cover his mouth.
Ethan walked into my room, and took in our position, before leaning on the dresser, "What's up?" He looked at us suspiciously.
I didn't care.
"Why do you call her Dimmy?"
"Don't you dare tell him!" I narrowed my eyes at him.
He crossed his arms over his chest with a smug grin on his face. The exact same one Logan wore. I looked between the two of them.
"Amanda the Demander," Ethan sang.
"Shut up!" I ground out.
"She was a little brat when we were kids. You know that girl from Willie Wonka?"
Logan thought for a beat, "The 'I want it now' girl?" he said through a laugh.
Ethan joined him, "That's the one. She was exactly like that. Mom, Dad and I used to call her Amanda the Demander; eventually it just got shortened to Dimmy. It stuck." I threw a pillow at his head. He blocked it, chuckling to himself.
"Is that all?" he asked. Smug asshole.
"That's all," I said through gritted teeth.
He walked out laughing to himself.
"Amanda the Demander." Logan repeated Ethan's annoying tone. "I like it."
"Shut up."
He laughed.
"You’re lucky you don't have any brothers or sisters so I can dig up dirt on you."
The moment the words were out of my mouth, his features straightened and he tensed slightly, looking away from me. "Yeah, lucky me," he deadpanned.
I don't know why, or what'd changed, but he stood up and started to walk out of the room.
I stood and pulled him back down to the bed.
"Did I say something?"
He avoided making eye contact.
"Logan?"
He looked at me.
I pouted.
He smiled.
And it's all I ever wanted.
"You got your question?" he asked.
I thought for a second, while he got more comfortable sitting in front of me. He took my hands in his and kissed the inside of each wrist, the whole time, smiling up at me.
I bit my lip to stop myself from leaning in and kissing him. Because I wanted to. So damn bad. "When was the last time you had a moment? Like the ones you told me about. Remember?"
He nodded.
I continued, "What was the last thing worth remembering like that?"
He looked at me for so long, I didn't know if he was going to answer. Then he took a breath, "That day I saw you at the library, after we talked at the bus stop. That was the moment, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to believe in second chances."
NINETEEN
Logan
When I woke up the next morning, she wasn't in her bed.
She was sitting in the living room, coffee in hand. I sat next to her, but her eyes didn't move from staring down at the floor.
I put my arm around her and brought her into me. She didn't resist. "When do you have to leave?"
She removed my arm and stood up. "Tomorrow."
"What?" I followed her as she walked to the kitchen. She put her mug in the sink then turned to face me.
My forearm landed on her shoulders. "I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go, Logan." Her voice broke.
"So what do we do?" I put both my arms around her neck and pulled her into me.
Her arms went around my waist. We held each other tight.
"We do nothing. You stay here and go to college and I go home and work."
"But I don't want you to go," I repeated. Maybe if I said it enough, she wouldn't. I pulled back and rest my forehead on hers.
"So you've said," she whispered.
I licked my lips.
I saw her lick hers.
"So I've said," I breathed out.
I felt her fingers tighten, gripping the back of my shirt. Her eyes fall shut and she moved her head to the side so her nose rubbed against mine.
"Amanda?"
"Mm?"
"I really, really want you to stay."
I brought her in closer again so her body was flush with mine.
She moaned.
"In fact," I started. "I really, really need you to stay."
And then I kissed her, softy. Just enough that our lips touched.
And that's how we stayed, for seconds, minutes, hours, who knows.
Our arms around each other, holding on. Mouths touching, but not moving. Eyes closed. Breaths heavy.
And then I moved.
I pushed her slowly until her back was to the counter, and my mouth moved on hers, slowly kissing her.
But she didn't kiss back. And it fucking hurt. Because as much as I wanted her, I think I needed her more. I've never needed anything more than her.
When I pulled away, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "We can't, Logan." Her voice broke again. She straightened up.
"Why not?" I whispered, still holding onto her tightly.
"Because." She pulled back and moved her head to my shoulder. "Because you'll be here and I'll be there."
"So what?"
