"Because I wanted to. And because you needed to know. So that when I asked you—no—told you—that I couldn't not be with her—then at least you'd know the truth."
"Fine," he muttered.
And that was that.
Amanda
He drove to a strip of stores near campus and parked on the side of the road. I got out and made it two steps before I felt his hand on mine, linking our fingers.
"So, have you checked out this area much? The stores and stuff?" he asked, his hand squeezing a little tighter.
I shook my head. "Not really. It's kind of hard with the one car."
"Good." He stopped in the middle of the footpath, and then moved us to the side so we were out of people’s way. "I want to show you something. If that's okay?"
I nodded.
His grip on my hand got tighter as he led me down a few streets and into a sketchy alleyway. It was a dead end with no signs and barely any stores.
"Are you going to murder me?" I asked, only half joking.
He chuckled, pulling me to the end of the alley, and into a doorway.
When we walked inside, I froze.
I looked up at Logan who was smiling at me.
"Smell it," he deadpanned.
So I did.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.
It's that familiar smell of books that I loved so much.
"How did you find this place?"
I wanted to ask him how he remembered, but he's made it clear he remembers a lot from that night.
"I'll tell you later," he said. But I'd already tuned him out as I looked around. It was shelves upon shelves of books, magazines, comics, everything. He squeezed my hand to get my attention. "There's a coffee spot hidden in the corner there," he pointed, but all I could see were shelves of books. "Go play." He smiled at me. "I'll be waiting."
So I did.
Like a frickin kid in a candy store I walked down the aisles, as slow as I could, taking everything in.
I had a handful of books before I got to where he was sitting, drinking a coffee, head in a biology textbook.
I dropped the books on the table, causing him to look up. He saw my pile and smiled up at me. "That was quick."
"That was two aisles, Logan. I'll be back."
No shit—two hours later—I ordered a drink and sat at the table with him, with a basket full of books I couldn’t afford and a huge goofy grin on my face.
He stared at me, smiling.
"What?" I asked, staring back.
"Nothing." He shook his head, licking his lips. We couldn't take our eyes off each other.
The barista brought over my drink, smiling like the Cheshire cat. I didn't know why. Then she looked over at Logan. "So this is her?" she said.
Logan smiled and nodded once.
"Hi Amanda," she said to me, her hand out waiting.
I shook it, confused. I looked from her to Logan and back again.
"I've waited a long time to meet you." She giggled to herself before walking away.
"What was that about?" I looked at Logan, bug eyed. "How does she know me? What does she mean about waiting?"
He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it almost instantly.
"What?" I asked again.
"You're going to think I'm the worlds biggest creeper." He laughed to himself, shaking his head.
I laughed, too. "I won't. Promise. Tell me."
"Okay," he said, leaning forward in his chair a little. He blew out a breath. "I hadn't forgotten you, Amanda. Some stuff happened after our date, but I never forgot you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to speak to you. To apologize or whatever. But then I saw you at that bonfire party, and you were with that guy and I just couldn't. I figured that you'd moved on, or didn't care—"
I wanted to interrupt him but he put his hand up to stop me. "Just let me finish, please. I need to get this out."
"Okay,"
"I knew you were coming here, well, I thought you were. So I looked up all the places where I thought I might run into you. I went to all the cafes and diners you might be working. Basically, anywhere I thought you might be." He paused. "See? I told you you'd think I was a creeper."
I stayed silent, afraid of what he might be saying. For the year and I half I tried to forget him, he did everything he could to try not to remember.
"Finally," he continued, "I started scoping out book stores, because I knew how much you loved them. It wasn't so bad, there are only four around this area, but when I came into this one. I just—I don't know. I just felt like it was you. I just felt this connection with you the minute I walked in. And I know it sounds stupid, like one night together could give me that feeling—that pull feeling—but it did. And so every chance I got, I came here. Eventually, Chantal—the owner," he nodded his head to the woman behind the coffee machine, who was still smiling at me, "she asked me to leave. She said that if I wasn't buying anything and was just coming in for the coffee, then I should go sit at a coffee shop. Honestly though, I think I just creeped her out—the way my head would whip up every time I heard someone walk in. Or the way I'd just sit here for hours. Hours, Amanda. I'd sit here for fucking hours and just think about you."
I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. I knew I was two seconds away from crying and when I did, it would be worth every single fucking tear.
"So I told her," he said. "I told her everything. I told her all about you. About our date. And about how I fucked it up. I told her that I came here all the time because I was just hoping that one day, the girl of my dreams was going to walk through those doors and forgive me for being an asshole. That you we're going to come in and tell me that it was okay. That you'd give me another chance to make it right. Because I needed that. I needed you. And I sat here, in this exact chair, for hours, and poured my heart out to her. Because no one else would get it, Amanda. No one else would understand how one fucking night with a virtual stranger changed me. How I never wanted to be close to anybody my entire life. Not until I met you."
I knew the tears were flowing, I could feel the wetness on my face but I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe through the ache in my heart. And I still couldn't tear my eyes away from his.
"How long?" I asked him.
"What?"
"How long were you coming in here, waiting for me to show up?"
"Every day until the day I saw you at the library."
TWENTY SEVEN
Logan
She didn't speak to me the rest of the day, or night. She hadn’t even spoken to me at all since we left the bookstore. Chantal—the owner of the store, gave me this sad, pathetic smile when we left. That was yesterday.
The team doc said that I had to rest my hand for a few days, so when Nathan called to tell me he was back from whatever business he had to attend out of town—I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to go and see him.
"Fine," he muttered.
And that was that.
Amanda
He drove to a strip of stores near campus and parked on the side of the road. I got out and made it two steps before I felt his hand on mine, linking our fingers.
"So, have you checked out this area much? The stores and stuff?" he asked, his hand squeezing a little tighter.
I shook my head. "Not really. It's kind of hard with the one car."
"Good." He stopped in the middle of the footpath, and then moved us to the side so we were out of people’s way. "I want to show you something. If that's okay?"
I nodded.
His grip on my hand got tighter as he led me down a few streets and into a sketchy alleyway. It was a dead end with no signs and barely any stores.
"Are you going to murder me?" I asked, only half joking.
He chuckled, pulling me to the end of the alley, and into a doorway.
When we walked inside, I froze.
I looked up at Logan who was smiling at me.
"Smell it," he deadpanned.
So I did.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.
It's that familiar smell of books that I loved so much.
"How did you find this place?"
I wanted to ask him how he remembered, but he's made it clear he remembers a lot from that night.
"I'll tell you later," he said. But I'd already tuned him out as I looked around. It was shelves upon shelves of books, magazines, comics, everything. He squeezed my hand to get my attention. "There's a coffee spot hidden in the corner there," he pointed, but all I could see were shelves of books. "Go play." He smiled at me. "I'll be waiting."
So I did.
Like a frickin kid in a candy store I walked down the aisles, as slow as I could, taking everything in.
I had a handful of books before I got to where he was sitting, drinking a coffee, head in a biology textbook.
I dropped the books on the table, causing him to look up. He saw my pile and smiled up at me. "That was quick."
"That was two aisles, Logan. I'll be back."
No shit—two hours later—I ordered a drink and sat at the table with him, with a basket full of books I couldn’t afford and a huge goofy grin on my face.
He stared at me, smiling.
"What?" I asked, staring back.
"Nothing." He shook his head, licking his lips. We couldn't take our eyes off each other.
The barista brought over my drink, smiling like the Cheshire cat. I didn't know why. Then she looked over at Logan. "So this is her?" she said.
Logan smiled and nodded once.
"Hi Amanda," she said to me, her hand out waiting.
I shook it, confused. I looked from her to Logan and back again.
"I've waited a long time to meet you." She giggled to herself before walking away.
"What was that about?" I looked at Logan, bug eyed. "How does she know me? What does she mean about waiting?"
He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it almost instantly.
"What?" I asked again.
"You're going to think I'm the worlds biggest creeper." He laughed to himself, shaking his head.
I laughed, too. "I won't. Promise. Tell me."
"Okay," he said, leaning forward in his chair a little. He blew out a breath. "I hadn't forgotten you, Amanda. Some stuff happened after our date, but I never forgot you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to speak to you. To apologize or whatever. But then I saw you at that bonfire party, and you were with that guy and I just couldn't. I figured that you'd moved on, or didn't care—"
I wanted to interrupt him but he put his hand up to stop me. "Just let me finish, please. I need to get this out."
"Okay,"
"I knew you were coming here, well, I thought you were. So I looked up all the places where I thought I might run into you. I went to all the cafes and diners you might be working. Basically, anywhere I thought you might be." He paused. "See? I told you you'd think I was a creeper."
I stayed silent, afraid of what he might be saying. For the year and I half I tried to forget him, he did everything he could to try not to remember.
"Finally," he continued, "I started scoping out book stores, because I knew how much you loved them. It wasn't so bad, there are only four around this area, but when I came into this one. I just—I don't know. I just felt like it was you. I just felt this connection with you the minute I walked in. And I know it sounds stupid, like one night together could give me that feeling—that pull feeling—but it did. And so every chance I got, I came here. Eventually, Chantal—the owner," he nodded his head to the woman behind the coffee machine, who was still smiling at me, "she asked me to leave. She said that if I wasn't buying anything and was just coming in for the coffee, then I should go sit at a coffee shop. Honestly though, I think I just creeped her out—the way my head would whip up every time I heard someone walk in. Or the way I'd just sit here for hours. Hours, Amanda. I'd sit here for fucking hours and just think about you."
I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. I knew I was two seconds away from crying and when I did, it would be worth every single fucking tear.
"So I told her," he said. "I told her everything. I told her all about you. About our date. And about how I fucked it up. I told her that I came here all the time because I was just hoping that one day, the girl of my dreams was going to walk through those doors and forgive me for being an asshole. That you we're going to come in and tell me that it was okay. That you'd give me another chance to make it right. Because I needed that. I needed you. And I sat here, in this exact chair, for hours, and poured my heart out to her. Because no one else would get it, Amanda. No one else would understand how one fucking night with a virtual stranger changed me. How I never wanted to be close to anybody my entire life. Not until I met you."
I knew the tears were flowing, I could feel the wetness on my face but I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe through the ache in my heart. And I still couldn't tear my eyes away from his.
"How long?" I asked him.
"What?"
"How long were you coming in here, waiting for me to show up?"
"Every day until the day I saw you at the library."
TWENTY SEVEN
Logan
She didn't speak to me the rest of the day, or night. She hadn’t even spoken to me at all since we left the bookstore. Chantal—the owner of the store, gave me this sad, pathetic smile when we left. That was yesterday.
The team doc said that I had to rest my hand for a few days, so when Nathan called to tell me he was back from whatever business he had to attend out of town—I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to go and see him.
