I don't know what came first, the fist to my jaw or the bat to my stomach.
Amanda
"Logan!!" I banged on the door harder. I turned the knob. It kept slipping from my hands. "Logan!!"
There was shouting.
Glass breaking.
He told me to do something.
"Logan!" I was crying. My heart pounded against my chest. It hurt so fucking much.
He told me to do something.
I moved to the window and tried to pry it open.
"Logan!!" I looked around. "Help me!! Somebody! Help me!" I yelled into the pitch-black night.
Then I felt his phone in my hand.
Call the cops, he'd said.
"You have to hurry!" I yelled into the phone. I gave them the address. I gave them what they asked for. "Logan! Please!" I banged on the window. There was so much shouting. It felt like hours. I cried harder. My body shook. I needed to break the window. "Oh my God, oh my God." I couldn't see. It was too fucking dark. "Logan!!"
The spare key. In a magnetic holder in the wheel well of Ethan's car. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I walked with my hands out in front of me. Feeling for his car. Fuck. "Help!" I shouted again. I hit something solid and dropped to the ground. I felt for his wheel and where the key was supposed to be. Even if there were light, my tears would stop me from seeing clearly. "Come on, come on!" I felt around. It wasn't there. "Fuck!" I yelled. Then I felt it. I pulled it off and pried it open. The keys fell with a clanking sound onto the concrete. "Fuck!" I felt around blindly, until my fingers hit the cold metal. I don't even know how I got to the door.
And then I opened it.
And he was there.
"Logan!" I shouted. But he didn't respond.
He was being held up by two of them, while the other held a bat in his hands. His head drooped in front of him. There was blood everywhere.
"Logan!" I shouted again, running towards him.
This time he heard me.
"Amanda," he croaked out. His entire face was swollen and bloody. "Go!"
I grabbed onto the arm of one the guys holding him. "Let him go!" I shouted, trying to pry his hold of Logan. "Let him go!"
Logan
"Get off me you little bitch," I heard.
Then a loud thump. I tried to raise my head. But I couldn't. It all hurt too much. It took all my effort to open my eyes. And she was there.
And something in my snapped. "Amanda," I screamed.
Her body was on the floor; she was trying to get up. Then I saw footsteps in my blurred vision, getting closer and closer to her. "Don't you fucking touch her!" I tried to break free but I couldn't. I couldn't fucking get to her. "Amanda!" In my head I was yelling. But outside, I didn't hear a sound. It was static. White noise. Monster's voices.
"Fuck you!" she spat out, her eyes trying to focus on him. He bent down, and then raised his hand.
"Don't you lay a fucking hand on her!" The words were only in my head. My eyes were heavy. I felt nothing everywhere else.
And then he slapped her.
That's the sound that broke the static.
Something came over me. Adrenaline strength I'd only ever read about. I pulled from their holds but I fell to the floor. They'd been holding me up. I was too weak to stand. I started to crawl.
"You take away my girl," the asshole on Amanda said to me. "Now I take yours."
Then he kneeled between her legs and undid his belt.
I crawled as fast as I could. It all happened so slowly.
She tried to fight him off. She raised her arm to hit him. But he blocked it and roughly pinned it onto the floor. She cried out in pain. Tears falling faster. I crawled as fast as I could to save her.
He pushed his pants down to his knees.
"Logan," she cried out. Tears falling down the side of her face. She was helpless. Her body broken. Her eyes focused on me as I crawled pathetically to her.
But I couldn't. I couldn't get to her fast enough. "Logan," she sobbed. She'd given up.
Amanda.
This time, I saw it before I felt it. A boot towards my head.
And then darkness.
But only for a second.
They say your life flashes before your eyes.
It doesn't. Not for me.
All I saw was her.
Her smiling.
Because it was all I ever wanted.
THIRTY NINE
Logan
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It sounded so familiar.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I tried to open my eyes.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I coughed.
Then I heard footsteps.
"Hey, man. You awake?"
I didn't recognize the voice. I tried to open my eyes again. This time it worked. Barely.
Tristan. He was sporting what would soon be a black eye.
"Shit, okay." He started to panic. "I'll get your dad, just wait, okay?" He started to leave.
"Wait." My voice cracked. I tried to sit up. "Is she—did he?"
He slowly came back. "He didn't," he said. "We got there in time, just before the cops. He didn't—do that—to her."
I nodded and lay back down.
What the fuck was happening?
Dad walked in a minute later. I struggled to sit up.
"Broken arm and bruises, she'll be fine."
I breathed out, relieved.
"You on the other hand—"
"I don't care."
"Son, she's okay," he tried to soothe. But he shouldn't have. I'm not the one the deserved to be comforted. They were in that house because of me. They hurt her because of me.
My breathing got heavy. My body shook. My muscles tensed. The beeps got faster. My heart was breaking.
And then for the first time since I was in this same position, fourteen years ago, I cried. In the arms of a man that loved me more than blood. "Dad." I held on to him tighter. It was the first time I'd ever called him that to his face. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to.
Amanda
I was in hospital for two days. For two days Ethan never left my side. He never went home. He never showered. Mom brought us food. Logan never showed.
He's at home, I told myself. He's preparing our room. He's moving my stuff into his. Like he said I should do. And when I get home, it will be perfect. The girls came by. They didn't mention him. I didn't ask. He's at home, waiting for me.
Only he wasn't.
I got home to his empty room. "Baby?" I looked around the house. He wasn't there. Ethan was carrying all the flowers and balloons from hospital into the house. Mom had come and cleaned up the living room, so there was no more blood. No more broken furniture. No more bad memories. "Babe?" I yelled again. I went to my room first, and then his. I looked in his bathroom. He wasn't there. Was his car here? I didn't even bother to check. "Logan!" I started to panic. I walked to his desk, where he normally kept his keys. They weren't there. But there was a wad of cash, and a note.
Amanda
"Logan!!" I banged on the door harder. I turned the knob. It kept slipping from my hands. "Logan!!"
There was shouting.
Glass breaking.
He told me to do something.
"Logan!" I was crying. My heart pounded against my chest. It hurt so fucking much.
He told me to do something.
I moved to the window and tried to pry it open.
"Logan!!" I looked around. "Help me!! Somebody! Help me!" I yelled into the pitch-black night.
Then I felt his phone in my hand.
Call the cops, he'd said.
"You have to hurry!" I yelled into the phone. I gave them the address. I gave them what they asked for. "Logan! Please!" I banged on the window. There was so much shouting. It felt like hours. I cried harder. My body shook. I needed to break the window. "Oh my God, oh my God." I couldn't see. It was too fucking dark. "Logan!!"
The spare key. In a magnetic holder in the wheel well of Ethan's car. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I walked with my hands out in front of me. Feeling for his car. Fuck. "Help!" I shouted again. I hit something solid and dropped to the ground. I felt for his wheel and where the key was supposed to be. Even if there were light, my tears would stop me from seeing clearly. "Come on, come on!" I felt around. It wasn't there. "Fuck!" I yelled. Then I felt it. I pulled it off and pried it open. The keys fell with a clanking sound onto the concrete. "Fuck!" I felt around blindly, until my fingers hit the cold metal. I don't even know how I got to the door.
And then I opened it.
And he was there.
"Logan!" I shouted. But he didn't respond.
He was being held up by two of them, while the other held a bat in his hands. His head drooped in front of him. There was blood everywhere.
"Logan!" I shouted again, running towards him.
This time he heard me.
"Amanda," he croaked out. His entire face was swollen and bloody. "Go!"
I grabbed onto the arm of one the guys holding him. "Let him go!" I shouted, trying to pry his hold of Logan. "Let him go!"
Logan
"Get off me you little bitch," I heard.
Then a loud thump. I tried to raise my head. But I couldn't. It all hurt too much. It took all my effort to open my eyes. And she was there.
And something in my snapped. "Amanda," I screamed.
Her body was on the floor; she was trying to get up. Then I saw footsteps in my blurred vision, getting closer and closer to her. "Don't you fucking touch her!" I tried to break free but I couldn't. I couldn't fucking get to her. "Amanda!" In my head I was yelling. But outside, I didn't hear a sound. It was static. White noise. Monster's voices.
"Fuck you!" she spat out, her eyes trying to focus on him. He bent down, and then raised his hand.
"Don't you lay a fucking hand on her!" The words were only in my head. My eyes were heavy. I felt nothing everywhere else.
And then he slapped her.
That's the sound that broke the static.
Something came over me. Adrenaline strength I'd only ever read about. I pulled from their holds but I fell to the floor. They'd been holding me up. I was too weak to stand. I started to crawl.
"You take away my girl," the asshole on Amanda said to me. "Now I take yours."
Then he kneeled between her legs and undid his belt.
I crawled as fast as I could. It all happened so slowly.
She tried to fight him off. She raised her arm to hit him. But he blocked it and roughly pinned it onto the floor. She cried out in pain. Tears falling faster. I crawled as fast as I could to save her.
He pushed his pants down to his knees.
"Logan," she cried out. Tears falling down the side of her face. She was helpless. Her body broken. Her eyes focused on me as I crawled pathetically to her.
But I couldn't. I couldn't get to her fast enough. "Logan," she sobbed. She'd given up.
Amanda.
This time, I saw it before I felt it. A boot towards my head.
And then darkness.
But only for a second.
They say your life flashes before your eyes.
It doesn't. Not for me.
All I saw was her.
Her smiling.
Because it was all I ever wanted.
THIRTY NINE
Logan
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It sounded so familiar.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I tried to open my eyes.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I coughed.
Then I heard footsteps.
"Hey, man. You awake?"
I didn't recognize the voice. I tried to open my eyes again. This time it worked. Barely.
Tristan. He was sporting what would soon be a black eye.
"Shit, okay." He started to panic. "I'll get your dad, just wait, okay?" He started to leave.
"Wait." My voice cracked. I tried to sit up. "Is she—did he?"
He slowly came back. "He didn't," he said. "We got there in time, just before the cops. He didn't—do that—to her."
I nodded and lay back down.
What the fuck was happening?
Dad walked in a minute later. I struggled to sit up.
"Broken arm and bruises, she'll be fine."
I breathed out, relieved.
"You on the other hand—"
"I don't care."
"Son, she's okay," he tried to soothe. But he shouldn't have. I'm not the one the deserved to be comforted. They were in that house because of me. They hurt her because of me.
My breathing got heavy. My body shook. My muscles tensed. The beeps got faster. My heart was breaking.
And then for the first time since I was in this same position, fourteen years ago, I cried. In the arms of a man that loved me more than blood. "Dad." I held on to him tighter. It was the first time I'd ever called him that to his face. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to.
Amanda
I was in hospital for two days. For two days Ethan never left my side. He never went home. He never showered. Mom brought us food. Logan never showed.
He's at home, I told myself. He's preparing our room. He's moving my stuff into his. Like he said I should do. And when I get home, it will be perfect. The girls came by. They didn't mention him. I didn't ask. He's at home, waiting for me.
Only he wasn't.
I got home to his empty room. "Baby?" I looked around the house. He wasn't there. Ethan was carrying all the flowers and balloons from hospital into the house. Mom had come and cleaned up the living room, so there was no more blood. No more broken furniture. No more bad memories. "Babe?" I yelled again. I went to my room first, and then his. I looked in his bathroom. He wasn't there. Was his car here? I didn't even bother to check. "Logan!" I started to panic. I walked to his desk, where he normally kept his keys. They weren't there. But there was a wad of cash, and a note.
