"Maybe," I answered.
"I mean it, Logan, it's really good to see you." His tone was serious. He looked over at Amanda, who was still on the sofa. "You too, Amanda. I'm glad you're both safe."
***
"I should get home," she said.
I sat down next to her. "Why? You don't have to leave." I lay down and pulled her body on top of mine.
"I just need to. Ethan will start to get worried."
Stroking her back, I let out a sigh. "You should just tell him you're here."
She was quiet for a moment, and then said, "You're not the only one that has things to overcome, Logan."
I don't know what she meant, but whatever it was, I wasn't going to push her. She got off me and walked away. A second later, I heard the shower running.
I waited, watching the trembling in my hand slowly steady itself, and then I got up and made my way to the bathroom, too.
"I think I should talk to Ethan," I said, loud enough so that she could hear me over the sound of the shower.
The pipes made a clanking sound as the water turned off. "Towel." Her hand was out, waiting.
I handed her one. "Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe you're exaggerating it—I don't know—maybe if I talk to him it'd be okay."
She stepped out with her hair tied up messily, the towel around her, and an annoyed look on her face. "A. I'm not exaggerating. B. It won't be okay. C. Trust me. I know Ethan."
"Fine." I looked down at the floor. It felt like a rejection.
I heard her sigh. Her feet invaded my vision. She stood inches in front of me. "Are you mad that we're lying to Ethan, or are you sad that I'm leaving?"
"Both," I answered quietly, still staring at the floor.
"Which one more?"
"The second," I sulked.
She laughed quietly before wrapping her arms around me. She brought my head down to her chest. "I'm going to miss you," she admitted.
"Then don't go yet."
"You're going to get sick of me quick."
"Not possible."
She made a humming sound when I hugged her tight.
And that's how we stayed.
Seconds turned into minutes.
"I was so scared, Logan."
I wanted to assure her that it would be okay. I even opened my mouth to let the words out, but they died in my throat, along with my pride. Instead, I looked her in the eyes—truth time. "So was I."
21
Amanda
I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't want us to suffocate each other, either. We'd spent so much time together already, and it'd only been days since we were back in each other's lives.
It wasn't just about spending too much time with him. It was also about Ethan. The fact that I was lying to him was bad enough; I didn't want to give him more reason to worry. And he did. He worried way more than he should.
Which is probably why he was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at his phone when I got home.
"Hey," I said quietly, taking a seat next to him.
He sucked in a breath and let it out in a huff. "Hey," he responded, lifting his head to face me. "Where have you been?"
I shrugged and faked a calmness to my tone. Deep down, I was wrecked with guilt. "Just out with friends."
He nodded.
"I'm sorry. Were you worried?"
"A little."
"You could've called. I would have told you where I was."
He sighed, and looked back down at his phone. "Yeah, I know. I just feel like I need to give you some space, you know?"
I didn't respond, I just let the silence fill the space between us.
"Actually," he said, "I wanted to talk to you about something real quick." He flung his body back on the bed and covered his face with his hands. Classic nervous Ethan. He did that to hide the redness in his face when he said or did something that embarrassed him.
"This'll be good," I teased, and then copied his position on the bed. "Out with it."
He removed his hands from his face, but continued to stare up at the ceiling. "I want to ask Alexis to move in."
"What!" I sat up, paying full attention.
He laughed once. "So I take it she hasn't brought it up with you?"
I shook my head, a disbelieving laugh bubbling out of me. "No, not at all."
He cursed under his breath. "It's probably too soon, huh?" He almost looked sad.
"No," I said, truthfully. "I don't know. Maybe it is too soon, but who gives a shit, right?" I smiled, remembering how I’d felt the first time I said those words to Logan.
He faced me now. He was so serious. "You think she'd say yes?" His knee started bouncing. He was stupidly nervous.
"I think she'd—"
"I've looked around for jobs and stuff for her," he cut in. A grin slowly developed on my face. "She doesn't want to go to college, so she'd just have to work. I mean—I can probably take up a few more shifts and support her, but I don't think she'd be into that. Do you think she'd be into that?" he mumbled, his words coming out all at once.
Then it hit me. "Ethan, calm down. You're just in love for the first time. Don't question it. Just let it be. She loves you, too. She'll say yes." I stood up to use the bathroom, but his grip on my arm stopped me.
"Honestly, Dimmy. Do you think she would? Because I'm not going to ask her and get rejected. I don't know that I could take it."
I turned around and laughed at him. I couldn't help it. "You're so desperate and cute."
He reared back in surprise. "Shut up! Only Lexi gets to call me cute." I started to walk away but he caught me again. "Promise me she'll say yes," he demanded.
I rolled my eyes. "I promise she'll say yes."
"Spit-swear on it."
"What? No! Gross. What's wrong with you?"
I tried to get to the bathroom but he swiftly blocked my path. "Spit-swear," he said again, trying to contain his laugh. He spat on his palm and held it out.
"Yuck, Ethan. That's disgusting."
I tried to get past, but he blocked me again. "Do it!" He waved his spit-filled hand in front of my face. I started dry-retching. Pushing him out of the way, I tried again to get past. He continued to block my path. His shoulders lifted with his laugh.
Then he did it.
He smeared his hand across my face.
"You asshole!" I squealed, but you couldn't hear me over the sound of his laughter.
I squared my shoulders and narrowed my eyes at him. He understood. "Oh shit," he muttered, his features evening out.
I raised an eyebrow. "Game. On."
"Fuck." He bolted, jumping over the bed and running out of my bedroom.
I chased him, but somehow I'd started laughing, too. He ran down the hallway and straight into Tristan. "Whoa," Tris said, lifting his hands to block me. Ethan hid behind him. Coward.
I tried to pass him to get to Ethan but he, too, blocked me. "What the fuck is going on right now?" he scolded. "This is just like the Epic Missing Cookie Battle of 2003." He was laughing, too. We all were. "By the way," he continued. "I totally ate that cookie."
"I mean it, Logan, it's really good to see you." His tone was serious. He looked over at Amanda, who was still on the sofa. "You too, Amanda. I'm glad you're both safe."
***
"I should get home," she said.
I sat down next to her. "Why? You don't have to leave." I lay down and pulled her body on top of mine.
"I just need to. Ethan will start to get worried."
Stroking her back, I let out a sigh. "You should just tell him you're here."
She was quiet for a moment, and then said, "You're not the only one that has things to overcome, Logan."
I don't know what she meant, but whatever it was, I wasn't going to push her. She got off me and walked away. A second later, I heard the shower running.
I waited, watching the trembling in my hand slowly steady itself, and then I got up and made my way to the bathroom, too.
"I think I should talk to Ethan," I said, loud enough so that she could hear me over the sound of the shower.
The pipes made a clanking sound as the water turned off. "Towel." Her hand was out, waiting.
I handed her one. "Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe you're exaggerating it—I don't know—maybe if I talk to him it'd be okay."
She stepped out with her hair tied up messily, the towel around her, and an annoyed look on her face. "A. I'm not exaggerating. B. It won't be okay. C. Trust me. I know Ethan."
"Fine." I looked down at the floor. It felt like a rejection.
I heard her sigh. Her feet invaded my vision. She stood inches in front of me. "Are you mad that we're lying to Ethan, or are you sad that I'm leaving?"
"Both," I answered quietly, still staring at the floor.
"Which one more?"
"The second," I sulked.
She laughed quietly before wrapping her arms around me. She brought my head down to her chest. "I'm going to miss you," she admitted.
"Then don't go yet."
"You're going to get sick of me quick."
"Not possible."
She made a humming sound when I hugged her tight.
And that's how we stayed.
Seconds turned into minutes.
"I was so scared, Logan."
I wanted to assure her that it would be okay. I even opened my mouth to let the words out, but they died in my throat, along with my pride. Instead, I looked her in the eyes—truth time. "So was I."
21
Amanda
I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't want us to suffocate each other, either. We'd spent so much time together already, and it'd only been days since we were back in each other's lives.
It wasn't just about spending too much time with him. It was also about Ethan. The fact that I was lying to him was bad enough; I didn't want to give him more reason to worry. And he did. He worried way more than he should.
Which is probably why he was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at his phone when I got home.
"Hey," I said quietly, taking a seat next to him.
He sucked in a breath and let it out in a huff. "Hey," he responded, lifting his head to face me. "Where have you been?"
I shrugged and faked a calmness to my tone. Deep down, I was wrecked with guilt. "Just out with friends."
He nodded.
"I'm sorry. Were you worried?"
"A little."
"You could've called. I would have told you where I was."
He sighed, and looked back down at his phone. "Yeah, I know. I just feel like I need to give you some space, you know?"
I didn't respond, I just let the silence fill the space between us.
"Actually," he said, "I wanted to talk to you about something real quick." He flung his body back on the bed and covered his face with his hands. Classic nervous Ethan. He did that to hide the redness in his face when he said or did something that embarrassed him.
"This'll be good," I teased, and then copied his position on the bed. "Out with it."
He removed his hands from his face, but continued to stare up at the ceiling. "I want to ask Alexis to move in."
"What!" I sat up, paying full attention.
He laughed once. "So I take it she hasn't brought it up with you?"
I shook my head, a disbelieving laugh bubbling out of me. "No, not at all."
He cursed under his breath. "It's probably too soon, huh?" He almost looked sad.
"No," I said, truthfully. "I don't know. Maybe it is too soon, but who gives a shit, right?" I smiled, remembering how I’d felt the first time I said those words to Logan.
He faced me now. He was so serious. "You think she'd say yes?" His knee started bouncing. He was stupidly nervous.
"I think she'd—"
"I've looked around for jobs and stuff for her," he cut in. A grin slowly developed on my face. "She doesn't want to go to college, so she'd just have to work. I mean—I can probably take up a few more shifts and support her, but I don't think she'd be into that. Do you think she'd be into that?" he mumbled, his words coming out all at once.
Then it hit me. "Ethan, calm down. You're just in love for the first time. Don't question it. Just let it be. She loves you, too. She'll say yes." I stood up to use the bathroom, but his grip on my arm stopped me.
"Honestly, Dimmy. Do you think she would? Because I'm not going to ask her and get rejected. I don't know that I could take it."
I turned around and laughed at him. I couldn't help it. "You're so desperate and cute."
He reared back in surprise. "Shut up! Only Lexi gets to call me cute." I started to walk away but he caught me again. "Promise me she'll say yes," he demanded.
I rolled my eyes. "I promise she'll say yes."
"Spit-swear on it."
"What? No! Gross. What's wrong with you?"
I tried to get to the bathroom but he swiftly blocked my path. "Spit-swear," he said again, trying to contain his laugh. He spat on his palm and held it out.
"Yuck, Ethan. That's disgusting."
I tried to get past, but he blocked me again. "Do it!" He waved his spit-filled hand in front of my face. I started dry-retching. Pushing him out of the way, I tried again to get past. He continued to block my path. His shoulders lifted with his laugh.
Then he did it.
He smeared his hand across my face.
"You asshole!" I squealed, but you couldn't hear me over the sound of his laughter.
I squared my shoulders and narrowed my eyes at him. He understood. "Oh shit," he muttered, his features evening out.
I raised an eyebrow. "Game. On."
"Fuck." He bolted, jumping over the bed and running out of my bedroom.
I chased him, but somehow I'd started laughing, too. He ran down the hallway and straight into Tristan. "Whoa," Tris said, lifting his hands to block me. Ethan hid behind him. Coward.
I tried to pass him to get to Ethan but he, too, blocked me. "What the fuck is going on right now?" he scolded. "This is just like the Epic Missing Cookie Battle of 2003." He was laughing, too. We all were. "By the way," he continued. "I totally ate that cookie."
